The Christmas period is a time of mixed emotions for single people; Christmas parties give us lots of opportunities for meeting new people and securing a kiss under the mistletoe, but the elated party mood can fade quickly when we’re back home with family and being relentlessly quizzed about our single status.
An eHarmony.co.uk study (2009) found that 47% of singles cited loneliness as the reason they feel a sense of trepidation about going home for Christmas. Additionally, the unmarried men we surveyed said they found Christmas a more stressful time than Valentine’s Day.
We‘re not saying it’s easy, but if you try to approach being single from a positive perspective, there are a lot of good points about being single at this time of year – from evenings out at German Christmas markets to office parties and mince pie gatherings, there are so many added opportunities to socialize and get into the Christmas spirit. Here are a few tips on tackling December with confidence.
Top tips to avoid feeling left out if you’re not coupled-up this festive season, from Dr Gian Gonzaga, Senior Director of Research at online match-making website eharmony.co.uk
Fill your time
If you’ve been single for a while, you’ll probably be a dab hand at planning and filling your time. And that’s no bad thing – how often do you hear coupled friends moaning they can’t go out because ‘Rachel has promised to cook me dinner this evening’? Whereas, you have no one else’s calendar to worry about. Grab the festive season with both hands; attend parties, see old friends, visit Christmas markets and invite other single friends round for dinner.
Feel good about yourself
So, you’ve got some spare time on your hands. Why not volunteer for a charity such as Crisis, over Christmas. Amazingly, some charities get over subscribed for volunteers on Christmas Day and Boxing Day but there’ll always be someone in need at some point over the festive season.
Don’t wallow
This is the cardinal rule of being single at Christmas – and in fact the whole year round. If you wallow in your feelings of sadness, you’ll enter into a downward spiral. Misery breeds misery, and it pushes people away. How often have you walked into a party and thought, ‘Ooh, I’ll talk to that miserable person over there’? We’re guessing never.
We know that it’s often easier said than done to banish those feelings of sadness – especially if you find yourself remembering last Christmas when things were better for you – but do try. As soon as you feel your mind wandering, distract yourself. Volunteer to do some cooking, call up a friend: just get your mind off that subject.
Gather round, one and all
The Christmas holidays are about all the relationships you have, and you have a lot! Revel in these relationships because you probably don’t get to see them that often. After all, what’s funnier than Aunt Margaret after a few too many sherries? If you really can’t face it, coerce a friend into going with you – but take care, if you think all your attention will be spent making sure they’re ok rather than socialising, it’s a pointless exercise.
Don’t be the only single person at the party
Whilst you should stay social, try to avoid being the only single person at a party if you think it will bother you. Take a friend, or arrange to do something else. Of course, if you’re happy to be around just couples then party away.
Come up with a good comeback for nosy relatives
If there’s one thing to guarantee you regressing to being a sulky child, it’s a nosy relative inquiring about your love life. Yes it’s petty, but the fact is that when your smug distant cousin and his new wife are bearing down on you at a family gathering you’ll do well to have some stock answers to their potentially prying questions. This can range from the genuine (I just haven’t found the right person yet) to the flippant (I didn’t fancy buying so many presents this year) – whatever you’re comfortable with, just be prepared. And remember your relationships come and go on your terms and no one else’s.
Look on the bright side
There are actually lots of bonuses to being single at Christmas – no agonizing over presents for your partner, no stress over whose house to eat Christmas dinner at, being able to go to any party you want…the list goes on. Still feeling miserable? Remember that Christmas puts huge pressure on couples too, with 1.8million considering divorce over the period, according to Family Mediation Helpline. Also remember that there is life after Christmas – after all, it is just a week and it’ll soon be January. (And if the prospect of a cold and grey January doesn’t persuade you to enjoy the moment, nothing will)
Get away from it all
And, if you honestly can’t face Christmas at home, take the chance to be completely selfish and have a winter break. Relish your lack of responsibilities and spend a week lying on a beach, not sparing a thought for overeating and enforced jollity.