Jan 02

Confidence Coach Vivienne Goldstein Tells All

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Tell us exactly what you do?

With a background of NLP as a Master Practitioner and qualified as a Personal Performance Coach, I support my clients to deal with a range of personal challenges. I specialise in improving the communication and impact my clients make in their work and home life.

My role is that of a thinking partner. I give a balance of support and challenge. I provide a safe and confidential environment without any outside distractions where my clients can concentrate on themselves without any interruptions. It’s important to be allowed time to think, time to reflect. By speaking out loud, it enables your thoughts to come into your consciousness and you lower some of the filters that have been stopping you seeing the options and opportunities that are there for you. You get your “juices flowing” so that one thought can easily lead to another … or not … and then we can find out what’s stopping the flow.

In the recent Olympics, all the Veteran Medal winners and the Coaches were saying how very important the mindset of an athlete is to their success. It’s the same for you and me in our everyday lives. We need to find out what motivates us, what our best qualities and skills are, understand how to hone them and how to get the negative thoughts under control and pushed to the side so that we can be our best.

To do my job well, I have to be completely in the moment. I listen carefully not only to the words that my clients speak but also the way in which they say them, the tone of voice, the intonation and their body language eg lots of fidgeting, screwing up their face, rolling their eyes, sitting very still, not showing emotion.

Everyone is an individual so my success lies in how quickly I can establish rapport and get my clients to feel comfortable to open up and dig deep into themselves.

The most difficult thing for me is when someone comes to me knowing they have a block and yet they keep hanging on to a belief that means this block is impenetrable. … they won’t let go of it to see what could happen if they did let go.

It takes time for new ideas to settle into the consciousness. Some people take longer than others. And it’s down to the individual themselves. I’m the catalyst. Ultimately, it’s their responsibility.

How did you get into coaching?

I was brought up in Brazil as a child and returned to London to finish my education.
I have many years’ experience in retail, photography, recruitment, teaching and charity work. And then someone suggested I’d make a great Coach. I’d never even heard of such a thing! I studied a lot and I love it! I combine my professional coaching expertise with life experience.

What kind of people do you coach?

My clients are mostly professionals who come to see me privately on a one-to-one basis. I sometimes run workshops which give a group of people a foundation in becoming more self-aware of the impact they make on those around them.

The typical client is the one who knows they have an issue they want to address. They’ve been thinking about it for a while and not getting any clearer on how to improve things. They then realise that working with me will get them to a better place quicker.

One lady came to me because her boss is a bully and she was struggling to cope with various situations at work.

A man came because he was anxious about his wedding day speech.

One lady was up for Partner in a very large law firm. She had to be interviewed by all 150 Partners. After 30 interviews she was given the feedback that she lacked gravitas. She came to me to understand how to change the message she was sending out.

Some people are struggling to come to terms with their situation which they know they can’t change but want to see it in a different light.

A mother came to see me because she wasn’t getting on very well with her teenage son.

Successful women in business who take maternity leave and on returning to work, they feel a sudden loss of confidence. It’s a whole different world once you’re a parent as well as a business person.

Are people born confident?

Of course. We are all born perfect. It’s what we experience that shapes our lives and the choices we make.

How do you fix a lack of confidence?

Firstly, you have to recognise when you are feeling a lack of confidence. Then work your way backwards in your life experiences as to when this feeling first started. Then understand how you are behaving when this feeling starts. Then change your behaviour. It’s starts with faking confidence and eventually you become confident.

Can someone who has no confidence be completely cured?

Nobody is 100% confident 100% of the time. We all experience moments on uncertainty – whatever anyone may tell you otherwise!

Top tips for confidence?

What is happening inside your head is reflected outside by your body language. So an easy tip is to make sure you wear clothes you are comfortable in, fit you well, make you feel good. Good grooming is always helpful.

If you’re unsure of something, do some research, find out as much as you can before doing whatever it is that is causing you to feel unconfident. The more prepared you are for something, the better and more comfortable you will feel going into the situation.

Be aware of your mindset. Don’t walk into a room in a bad mood. The results will not be satisfactory for you. As Abraham Lincoln said:

“Most folk are about as happy as they make up their minds to be”.

Who mostly has a lack of confidence: men or women?

I think that it’s pretty evenly distributed but the situations in which there is a lack of confidence may differ.

How do you relax?

I always feel better after an exercise workout. That gets rid of my toxins both physically and emotionally!

I love the cinema and theatre …. and laughing. Laughing is the best relaxation!