There’s a reason why John Gray’s relationship book from 20 years ago, Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus has passed into folklore.
Whether you consider it cod psychology or insightful, it trades on the differences between the sexes. Sweeping generalisation coming up? Perhaps, but if you did a quick straw poll, you may find that men frequently consider women as over-emotional, while women think of men as being cold-hearted.
Case in point. My family was never demonstrative. It took a serious car crash to shake my emotions loose. Though both relatively uninjured, my friend went home and cried, therapeutically, like a baby. Not me. Instead of letting it all out, the shock of that decades-ago crash got pushed way down.
But psyche will out. The effects of that M1 impact have today manifested themselves in a potential blub-fest given any excuse – even Harry Judd’s perfect quick-step on Strictly Come Dancing a year or so back.
But what films generally get men choked up? The final scene of An Officer and a Gentlemen where a white navy-suited Richard Gere carries out Debra Winger from her factory and into a better life has reduced a number of women of my acquaintance to tears. Blokes just wonder where they can get a similar suit, believing it’ll turn their flabby, pasty bodies into 80’s Gere-magnet.
Instead, these are the movies that get men complaining that they have something in their eye.
10. Father of the Bride – 1991
One film that few men would admit to reaching for the tissues over. Charles Shyer’s remake of the 1951 Spencer Tracy film is likeable, occasionally funny and often over-sentimental. But when Steve Martin’s George Banks plays basketball with daughter Annie (Kimberley Paisley) for the final time on the evening before her wedding, fathers with daughters of every age are sniffling in sympathy imagining their own little princesses grown up and gone.
9.Steel Magnolias – 1989
A tear-jerker that crosses the sexes. The chances of getting a guy to sit in front of this one in the present days of Fast and Furious 27, The Expendables 19, and Explosions and Car Chases 462 may be remote, but in the late 80s many a man choked up at this heart-tugging, bittersweet film of a group of Louisiana women (an all-star cast including Sally Field, Olivia Dukakis, Julia Roberts and Shirley Maclaine). Detailing life, love, birth, death and the bonds of friendship, it’s a guilty pleasure and a snuffle-fest.
8. Forrest Gump – 1994
Tom Hanks’ titular character has men excusing themselves to make the tea when he talks to his late wife, and lifelong love, Jenny at her graveside. “You died on a Saturday morning. And I had you placed here under our tree. And I had that house of your father’s bulldozed to the ground. Momma always said dyin’ was a part of life. I sure wish it wasn’t.”
Hope you want your PG Tips flavoured with tears.
7. The Untouchables – 1987
Not a dry eye in the house when Sean Connery’s hardened Irish cop Malone gets gunned down in his own house by Al Capone’s crony Billy Drago. Connery crawls in his own blood to alert Kevin Costner’s Elliot Ness to a timetable vital to nailing Capone, before expiring – along with many a man’s self-control.
6. The Champ – 1979
Kudos to child actor Ricky Schroder for this one. Jon Voight’s ex-boxer Billy Flynn stages a comeback to give son TJ (Schroder) a better life, but sustains a fatal injury in the ring on his comeback trail. Schroder desperately asking his dad to ‘wake up, Champ’ had whole cinemas bawling into their popcorn.
5. Philadelphia – 1993
In a film topical when AIDS was newly-terrifying and still misunderstood, Tom Hanks as Andrew Beckett hires a homophobic lawyer (Denzel Washington) to fight his case against the conservative law firm who fired him. Beckett collapses during the trial, but wins the case. The scene with Washington as Beckett nears death is a tear-jerking scene of redemption.
4. Hidalgo – 2004
This dark horse of a film – pun intended – stars Viggo Mortensen as cowboy Frank Hopkins. Taking his horse Hidalgo to compete in a gruelling endurance race in the deserts of Arabia, man and beast are near death before drawing on their last reserves in a triumph against the odds. If that’s not enough to get men sniffing, wait until the end. Forget Turner & Hooch, this is the real animal/man heartbreaker.
3. Tombstone – 1993
Kurt Russell as Wyatt Earp and Val Kilmer as Doc Holliday were never better than in the scene where the TB-ridden Doc is living his last minutes.
When the dying Kilmer says to Russell: “Wyatt? If you ever were my friend, if you ever had even the slightest feelin’ for me, leave now. Leave now. Please?” before Russell walks away with a final “Thanks for always being there Doc.” The tears are streaming down both men’s battle-hardened faces – and ours.
2. Toy Story 3 – 2010
One again Tom Hanks makes the charts, but this time it’s a lament for lost childhood. After three films, college-bound Andy finally gives up Woody, Buzz et al. As Andy takes one last look at the toys, he says: “Thanks guys.” and drives away. Woody, watching Andy leave, replies with: “So long, partner.” And a whole host of guys are suddenly five years old again and missing their much-loved childhood toy.
Good job this film was 3D and us guys could be macho behind our glasses while our partners openly sobbed.
1. Gladiator – 2000
Considered by many as one of the greatest movie death scenes ever filmed, the top male crying game goes to Ridley Scott’s Oscar-winning Gladiator.
If anyone on the entire planet hasn’t seen this Oscar winner – and that can only be Amazon rainforest lost tribes – the whole final scene is gorgeously set up.
First, there’s General Quintus’ (Tomas Arana) respect for Russell Crowe’s Maximus Meridius by defying deranged emperor Commodus (Joacquin Pheoenix) as he begs for a sword. There are the quick cuts to the Elysium fields where the dying Maximus sees his family, Lucilla (Connie Neilsen) kneeling over Maximus in his last moments whispering: “Go to them,” and there’s Gracchus (Derek Jacobi) asking for people to bear his body from the arena before an arena full of people steps forward – all set to Lisa Gerrard’s brilliant evocative music.
No wonder the man-size tissues all get used up.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I have something in my eye.
Image courtesy of akeeris / FreeDigitalPhotos.net