Category Archives: Featured

Discover endless possibilities of creativity with Connetix Tiles UK 62-Piece Set

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There are no words for how much I love the Connetix Tiles UK 62-Piece Set. This is one of the best toys you can buy a child. It keeps them entertained for hours and fosters their creativity. My two-year-old spends hours making the most beautiful creations. They are the best antidote to screen time.

These award-winning magnetic building tiles are designed to inspire young minds and encourage open-ended play. With 62 vibrant, translucent tiles in various shapes and sizes, your child can build and construct anything they can dream of. From towering castles to futuristic spaceships, the possibilities are truly limitless. The unique magnetic design allows for easy connection, ensuring that every creation stays strong and sturdy.

Not only do Connetix Tiles foster creativity, but they also promote important cognitive skills, including problem-solving, spatial awareness, and hand-eye coordination. Whether your child is a budding architect, engineer, or artist, these tiles provide the perfect platform for their growth and development.

Crafted from high-quality materials, Connetix Tiles guarantee durability and longevity. The smooth edges and strong magnets ensure a safe and enjoyable play experience for children aged 3 and above. Plus, the convenient storage box keeps all the tiles organized, so cleanup is a breeze.

 

But don’t just take my word for it—experience the magic of Connetix Tiles for yourself.

Unleash their imagination, fuel their curiosity, and watch their creativity soar with Connetix Tiles UK 62-Piece Set £65 from Connetixtiles.com

 

The Best Toys To Get Your Child Away From a Screen

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fishing game, wooden, toyCatch A Bug Wooden Fishing Game, £25 from Kikkerland – Magnetic fishing game with 2 rods and 11 pieces

This is one of my children’s favourite games. It had them entertained for hours. Can’t recommend it enough. 

Stack & Mix Wooden Building Blocks, £25 from Kikkerland – Stack, mix and build your own cool funny characters. The combinations are endless.

Children love to build blocks and these are bright, fun and excellent quality. 

Geomag Glow Eco Recycled 25 Piece Magnetic Building Set. You can’t beat Geomag for fun, extra excitement because it glows in the dark.

The Geomag Classic 100% Recycled line dedicated to everyone who wants to play with an explosion of colors delights even the most demanding of creative spirits. With Glow you can watch as your Geomag models light up in the dark thanks to the GLOW effect. What’s more, the practical storage boxes to keep the rods and spheres in neatly, as well as always with you, are also made of recycled plastic. The Glow 25-piece set includes 12 spheres, 12 magnetic rods and 1 plastic base.

A Water Pistol is a classic. My oldest child said playing with water pistols is ‘more fun than Nintendo.’ High praise indeed. 


A Bubble Gun. You can’t go wrong with one. It gives hours of fun to children. 

Quitting Smoking: 3 Ways to Cope with Withdrawal

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Although more people know about the harm of smoking, many people continue to smoke across the world. As estimated in the Journal of Smoking Cessation, around 40% of smokers in England make at least one quit attempt in any given year, with most being unaided. However, in many cases, smoking cessation fails– with some quit attempts lasting less than a day. This high failure rate is primarily due to the addictive nature of smoking, inducing withdrawal when a smoker stops their habits.

Quit smoking Very few smokers can quit without having the urge to smoke. Common withdrawal symptoms include cravings, irritability, appetite changes, constipation, and difficulty concentrating— all of which can negatively affect daily life and make smoking cessation more difficult. However, even if staying smoke-free is hard, it’s not impossible with the right tools and methods. Below are four ways to cope with withdrawal and quit cigarettes for good.

Nicotine replacement therapy


Overcoming your cravings is one of the biggest challenges of a quitting smoker, so there’s nothing wrong with using nicotine cessation products. Nicotine replacement therapy (NRT) uses products like nasal inhalers, nicotine patches, and nicotine pouches that contain lower dosages of nicotine than cigarettes, allowing you to ease cravings. Nicotine pouches are becoming increasingly popular around the world, with global tobacco companies British American Tobacco and Philip Morris International heavily investing in pouch brands. Online retailer Prilla showcases the different nicotine pouches from ZYN, VELO, On!, and Rogue, with each brand targeting a slightly different market that allows smokers to easily match their nicotine habit to specific pouches. For example, you can choose various flavours and strengths according to your preferences, from the popular cool mint to tobacco-flavoured options.

Another alternative is nicotine gum. NRT maker FertinPharma has a wide selection of products, including chewing gums and tablets. In 2020, the company produced nearly three billion NRT doses that have helped more than 3.2 million people reduce and quit smoking— showcasing the effectiveness of these smoking cessation products.

Seek counselling


Connecting with loved ones can be a great way to get through the struggles of tobacco cravings. But in some cases where a smoker is struggling, it may be more effective to have a counselling specialist. A study from BMC Primary Care compared the effectiveness of counselling between a general practitioner and an intensive counselling group programme. Final results showed that the latter was more effective in boosting quit rates by 5.8 %, especially when done in lieu of pharmacotherapy.

If you struggle with relapse, it’s best to seek counselling on behavioural therapy. Professionals can aid you with strategies to better control your environment and reduce the severity of your withdrawal symptoms. At the same time, they can also offer encouragement and guidance on challenging days, allowing you to better navigate tempting triggers and address them in healthy ways.

Pick up a new hobby


Many people habitually smoke to relax from the hustle and bustle of daily life. But when quitting, withdrawal can easily ruin the mood. It’s necessary to cope with these negative feelings to avoid going into relapse, so it’s important to invest time into new things that replace cigarette use.

One way to replace this bad habit is to take up a healthier and more productive one. Be careful to avoid idle activities that you used to associate with smoking, such as watching television or drinking. Instead, it’s best to take your mind off cravings by being active, such as gardening, solving puzzles, or engaging in exercise. These activities can also help you ease any stress, lessening the temptation to smoke.

All smokers who stop smoking will inevitably face withdrawal symptoms. But by taking the right and healthy methods to overcome these tobacco cravings, smokers are more likely to successfully quit for good. For more lifestyle advice, we have plenty more articles to read at Frost Magazine.

Article written by Corey Holland.

Fresh Vegan Skincare Brand RINGANA Launch Baby Skincare Products

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In keeping with the RINGANA philosophy, the range consists of four fresh, natural vegan care products, developed with the greatest care and of the highest certified organic and pharmaceutical quality. I have tried these products on my own children and they are amazing. I love them. They work well and you don’t need to worry about toxins. 

vegan, skincare, baby, children

FRESH baby body & wash, FRESH baby bum cream, FRESH baby bum foam and FRESH baby oil. 

Naturally, just like all of the other RINGANA products, the entire product range is vegan, free of synthetic colours, perfumes and preservatives, mineral oils, parabens, PEG emulsifiers, etc. All of the products are dermatologically tested and are very well tolerated by the skin.

The RINGANA story began in Austria in 1996 out of the deep convictions, deeply rooted values and unstoppable energy of two people who wanted to make the world a better place. The ultimate impetus was provided by a toothpaste that their son brought home with him from kindergarten. Ulla Wannemacher and Andreas Wilfinger were so shocked by the questionable ingredient triclosan, that they resolved to launch better alternatives on the market.

Now, 26 years later, they are returning to the starting point of their story, presenting a new product range for babies and young children.

No fluff – no fillers: RINGANA FRESH baby 

FRESH baby body & hair wash: clean from head to toe 

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This mild washing gel cleans delicate skin and hair ultra gently. The pH-friendly formulation is very kind, and won’t make their eyes sting. Skin-soothing extracts of oat, cotton and witch hazel prevent irritation. Ectoin, as a stress protection molecule, supports the skin barrier. Almond and sesame oil have a grooming, lipid-restoring effect, and help to untangle hair. The sensitive skin is supplied with moisture, protecting it from drying out.

RRP 50 ml, £6.70

FRESH baby bum cream: gently soothes and protects 

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This nurturing formulation effectively soothes irritation in the nappy area with witch hazel extract and cotton extract. It strengthens the skin barrier and forms a breathable protective film on the skin. Natural almond, sesame and jojoba oil from controlled organic cultivation promote skin regeneration.

FRESH baby bum cream can be used after every nappy change to prevent nappy rash.

RRP 50 ml, £9.48

FRESH baby bum foam: the eco-friendly alternative to baby wipes 

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Whether you’re at home or out and about: Our innovative FRESH baby bum foam cleanses sensitive baby skin in the nappy area gently yet thoroughly. Skin-soothing ingredients such as witch hazel extract and cotton extract effectively groom baby’s delicate skin. Applied to a soft, washable cloth, FRESH baby bum foam is an excellent alternative to baby wipes and can also be used on hands and face. It doesn’t need to be rinsed off.

RRP 50 ml, £8.61 

FRESH baby oil: a real all-rounder

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Whether used for daily skin care, relaxing baby massages or gentle cleaning, FRESH baby oil was developed for the special needs of baby skin which quickly dries out and loses moisture. The unique combination of pharmaceutical-grade sesame, jojoba, almond and evening primrose oil from controlled organic cultivation grooms and regenerates the skin. Organic extracts of oat and vanilla soothe the skin and have an antioxidant effect. Tip: also ideal for parents and other adults.

RRP 50 ml, £7.66 

Less is more – and it’s all top quality 

Only a few care products are required to look after the sensitive and delicate skin of babies and small children. At the same time, it’s extremely important to use only those products that have been developed specifically for those needs.

“Baby skin is around three to five times thinner than adult skin. On top of that, the protective function has not yet fully developed which means that it dries out faster, and toxins can penetrate easier,” explains Dr. Andrea Haidinger, MSc, Senior Product Developer for organic and fresh skin care at RINGANA.

“It was very important to us to keep the range as small as possible, and reduce it to the essentials. With these four products of the purest quality, with hand-picked, meticulously tested ingredients, we’ve covered all the real needs of sensitive baby and children’s skin,” says Andreas Wilfinger, RINGANA’s CEO.

There are countless baby care products available: powders, oils, creams, lotions & shampoos – all these and more in every conceivable format. But what does a child’s skin really need to make them feel good all over? It’s a question that RINGANA has explored in great depth.

Fresh, natural and pure 

Along with a high standard of sustainability and efficacy, these are attributes that have always been deeply enshrined at RINGANA, and which create the perfect basis for natural baby care. The new range was developed with the greatest care, to meet and exceed the needs of sensitive children’s skin:

a mix of high-end plant oils and valuable plant extracts of organic and pharmaceutical-grade quality is proof of these products’ superb quality.

Further plus points for the new RINGANA FRESH baby range: the products have been recognised with official COSMOS organicnatural-cosmetic certification, they are manufactured with no potential allergenic perfumes, and they contain a special ingredient – a specific cotton cell extract – to soothe the skin.

“Baby and child skin care is a particularly sensitive topic that we’ve approached with enormous attentiveness and respect. A mother only wants to give her children the very best – as I can confirm myself. That’s why we proceeded with the greatest possible care throughout the development of our FRESH baby range,” says Ulla Wannemacher, RINGANA’s General Manager.

As Ulla Wannemacher and Andreas Wilfinger proudly say: “26 years ago we started freeing men’s and women’s bathrooms from mineral oils, excessive emulsifiers, preservatives and metal soaps, replacing them with freshness, efficacy and sustainability. Now, 26 years later, it’s time to revolutionise children’s bathrooms in the same way.”

www.ringana.com

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/RINGANA

Insta: https://www.instagram.com/ringana/

You Tube: https://www.youtube.com/user/RINGANA2012

Teeth Talks: Dentist Helps Us Brush Up On Our Dental Health

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One in three adults in the UK suffers from some type of gum disease, says, Clinical Director and Lead Dentist at Paste Dental, Dr Alan Clarke.  Teeth play an important role throughout our life, so we asked him all the nitty gritty teeth grinding questions to help improve our overall oral health…

 

Aside from regular trips to the dentist, how can we best take care of our teeth at-home? 

“It is so important to have your own bespoke oral care plan. We are all different, at different stages of life and have specific oral health needs, also linked to our general health and if underlying conditions are present. I love creating a specific routine for my patients at Paste Dental in Belfast, it’s never a one size fits all, and it needs to be reviewed as needs change.

 

Flossing is key! Floss daily, honestly it’s a game changer. Interdental cleaning with floss or inter-dental brushes will reduce plaque loading, freshen your breath and prevent baseline inflammation which can progress to gum disease. Right now I am using CocoFloss products – from the US, a great tool.

 

Friends of mine have just released an unbelievable product from their company Parla (as featured on dragons den) which is 100% biodegradable floss, letting us as professionals continue to promote great oral care while being mindful of the impact single use plastic has on our planet!  Brushing twice daily, a balance diet and education about your own needs will serve your gums and teeth well.

 

Not all toothpaste is created equal, so make sure you’re using one that’s right for you. Whether you need fluoride, sensitivity relief, or whitening, there’s a toothpaste out there for everyone. Even better chat to your dentist and plan a bespoke regime, tailored specifically to you.

 

Two minutes may not seem like a long time, but it’s the recommended amount of time to brush your teeth.

 

Be careful with drinks you assume are super healthy! Acid attacks are very common from this sort of potion, leading to tooth translucency, enamel wear and dentine hypersensitivity.

 

Eating a balanced diet can help maintain healthy teeth and gums. Foods rich in calcium, such as dairy products, leafy greens, and almonds, can help maintain bone density. Additionally, eating crunchy fruits and vegetables, such as apples and carrots, can help stimulate saliva production and clean teeth naturally.

 

Drinking plenty of water can help alleviate dry mouth and prevent tooth decay. Carry a water bottle with you throughout the day and sip water regularly.

 

What are the dos and don’ts of brushing? 

Brush for 2 minutes when you wake up and 2 minutes before you go to sleep – that’s a great start. I recommend an electric brush (it can easily regulate the force – preventing over-brushing) and with AI now it can show you where you missed in real time.

 

Spit don’t rinse your paste! Leave that gritty texture and coating on your teeth, it will help remineralise, block dentinal tubules to reduce sensitivity and maintain a fresh breath for longer.

 

For a manual brushing fan, check the bristles and make sure they are not frayed or splayed – usually every 6 weeks we should swap to a new brush.

 

Store you brush away from the toilet, not in a closed container and firmness of bristles is really a personal preference. Also hopefully it goes without saying but don’t share your toothbrush! I love the Te-pe manual brushes because you can steep the toothbrush head in boiling water without damaging the bristles, no fear of bacterial contamination here.

 

What are the worst habits we should break for better dental hygiene? 

Not flossing enough! Honestly. It’s the one thing I tell my patients. I would prefer they floss over anything else. Once you personally get into a great interdental cleaning habit, bleeding gums are gone, fresh breath is back and a clean mouth reigns. It will also save you thousands in dental bills in the future, trust me!

 

How often should we floss? What are the signs of gum disease and how can we prevent it?

Daily!  Everyday! – twice if you can! Gum disease is multi-factorial. With genetic components, the presence of specific oral pathogenic bacteria, smoking and oral hygiene playing a role we as professional try to cut through the noise and find out objectively what is the root cause. A great tool we now use is salivary micro biome testing. This objective data will let patients see exactly what bacteria is present and if it is having a truely damaging affect on their oral health.

 

Signs such as chronic bleeding gums, bad breath, mobility of teeth and more seriously tooth loss are all linked to gum disease!

Interestingly we also find patients who have active gum disease present have significantly lower health outcomes in terms of heart disease, diabetes and COVID-19. Our body is a system and as a cosmetic dentist but primarily a dental health professional it’s important that we join the dots for patients and help foster holistic treatment planning. I believe we can help prevent gum disease through patient education on their own health, the causes and risk factors of gum disease, a bespoke oral care plan and patient understanding to self manage at home!

 

What are the benefits of interdental brushes? Should we use them alongside flossing? Can children use them?

As we get older, spaces can develop between our teeth as the jaw bone grows overtime. Tooth loss also creates odd spaces as teeth drift or change position. We don’t need to worry but certainly need to be aware of how to look after our mouth as this happens. Floss is great for small spaces but as the bone reduces in height and remodels larges spaces can appear which need a much larger tool for effective cleaning. Floss and interdental brushes are so necessary. You want to use the biggest brush that fits into the space comfortably, with bristles sweeping under the gum line and around each tooth margin. Revise and resize. Every 3 months it is vital you, or ideally in partnership with your dental/hygienist or dental therapist, revise and resize your brushes (spaces will increase as inflammation reduces), we want your cleaning to remain efficient and effective. Children don’t need this level of cleaning as their teeth are much more compactly placed together.

 

What are the benefits of a water flosser? Should we be using one daily?

I’m not a major fan of waterflossers as a tool on their own but some patients swear by them for removing food particles and debris. Certainly not a replacement for effective interdental cleaning but maybe a nice add on to help maintain a fresh breath!

 

How can women best look after their teeth during significant life milestones such as pregnancy and the menopause? Can HRT affect teeth & gums?

Menopause and pregnancy bring a variety of challenges to oral health. Blood flow levels in the oral mucosa and gingiva change, gingivitis and inflammation can increase and deficiencies in vitamins and minerals can cause ulcerative flare ups lasting several weeks. My advice is to try your best to maintain your oral health routine, don’t beat yourself up about missing some element, life is complicated and don’t let perfect be the enemy of simplicity and consistency.

If morning sickness is causing havoc, try to brush at a different time of the day, adapt your routine to suit you but try to aim for some sort of consistency that is achievable! Life is amazing, you are smashing it, remember that!

 

What are the most common dental mistakes / misconceptions you’ve heard about or seen with your patients?

1. People fear judgment from us firstly. At Paste Dental Belfast we cast that aside from the minute people walk into our clinic. As dentists we are here to give you information, to guide but to help you make informed choices for your own health! Don’t fear judgment.

2. Vaping is totally safe, actually not quite true! Also I am seeing an emerging trend towards Swedish tobacco pouches, again not safe (major oral cancer link).

3. Dentistry is expensive! Yes – but a good structured oral care plan will help avoid the need for expensive dentistry in the future.

4. Sugar is evil. Again, no!  A balanced diet is key, it’s all about the frequency of sugar exposures and length of time taken for oral bacterial acid levels to neutralise.”

Frost Loves Beautiful and Functional Yoga Mats From Yoga Design Lab

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I absolutely love Yoga Design Lab yoga mats. They’re stylish, beautiful and sustainable. They’re available for adults and children. They are great mats which are also eco-friendly. I also found them to be light and easy to travel with.

Whether you’re an experienced yogis or new to yoga practice, giving the gift of eco-friendly yoga gear is a great way to support health and wellness, express our appreciation, and deepen our bonds by contributing to a more sustainable future together.

Yoga Design Lab creates vibrant, high-performance yoga mats and accessories by using sustainable materials like recycled microfiber, renewable cork, natural rubber, and water-based inks, making them safe yet stylish options for adults and children alike.

The Combo Mat, voted by Vogue as one of the “18 Best Yoga Mats in 2022,” is an excellent choice for eco-conscious mothers, while the Combo Kids Mat encourages children to explore yoga in an engaging way with playful colors and designs.

Yoga promotes a wide array of physical and mental benefits — including increased strength and mobility, less stress and anxiety, and a greater sense of calm and peace — and can be practiced almost anywhere, with many different styles and flows to try, making it accessible to all ages and preferences.

“Practicing yoga with our mothers is a beautiful way to connect and strengthen our relationships with one another,” said Yoga Design Lab’s Bianca Fesenbeckh. “It’s a meaningful and deeply nurturing experience to share, and we believe using yoga products created with materials sourced from mother nature only elevates that.”

Yoga Design Lab offers a diverse selection of more than 20 unique designs, ensuring that you can easily find the perfect product that suits your mother’s or wife’s individual style. By gifting them with YDL’s eco-friendly yoga gear, you’re not only showing them how much you care, but also giving them the gift of “me time” to find peace and tranquility amidst the chaos of daily life.

 

About Yoga Design Lab

Yoga Design Lab creates yoga mats and accessories that balance sustainability with style and performance – without having to sacrifice one for another.  Founded in 2015 and based in Illinois, Yoga Design Lab is committed to using recycled, recyclable and renewable materials in all yoga products. The vision is to create a better world for the next generation by providing products that preserve the planet while helping people Live. Beautiful.® each and every day. For more information, go to yogadesignlab.com or follow at @yogadesignlab.

Spotlight on Priest and Poet Ian Tattum

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I have long been a fan of writer Ian Tattum. Ian is incredibly intelligent and a keen observer. Ian’s poems have been published in a number of magazines and it’s easy to see why. Ian’s talent is outstanding and his poems stay with you for a long time after you have read them. I cannot recommend his poems enough, nor insist enough that you keep an eye out for what he does in the future.

It was hard to find just three poems to publish here. I loved them all. One such line ‘for a bruised heart will kill first what others love’ had a huge impact on me. Ian’s poems are full of truth and beauty. He is a fantastic nature writer and a wonderful person. May we may have more like him. Now. Thank you.

Ian Tattum, poet, priest, nature, writer

Nativity

I didn’t croak, I cried.
Long armed and long legged,
and long breathed.
It was not an amphibious belch,
but a human yell
as I left my pond for the world.
And my arrival wasn’t
a leap but a tumble.
I was not smooth and green,
but red and wrinkled.
My mother objected when my father said, ‘he looks like a frog’, but looking closer she saw his point, and kept her silence.

For my mother
JOAN TATTUM

Landlocked at Olney

The Ouse lives up to its name,
slowly winding through a gentle valley.
Overlooked by the modest high point of Clifton Reynes,
and windmills that march without moving.
It floods less now, hardly a boot covering but
wild swimming still provides the odd drowning.
A snaking mirror of the sky and trees,
of barely rippled blues, greys and greens.
Where a damselfly’s stained-glass wing or a sudden kingfisher
can arrest your attention without troubling it.
A place for a closer walk with God,
where the breeze curtains out the traffic
as it did for Cowper the noise of industry and cart.
But the river leads to the sea,
one hundred and forty-three miles east.
To a place where the water and the sands move,
footing is unsure, and the tides are wilful.

Attic Verses. Cowboys and Indians

I rarely felt the cold in those days before central heating,
when the coal fireplace in the front room was only lit
for necessity and the kitchen harboured the hypnotic
skin-searing paraffin stove.
When my bedroom was icy my mind was warmed by travel.
I knelt on the carpet moving my soldiers across prairies,
and over rivers and hiding them in clefts in the rock.
Some would take refuge in a cardboard stockade,
while others whooped from plastic horses,
in circling menace.
In TV Western Land even when it snowed
it was always temperate.
There were countless deaths, but no one ever died.
Until my brother, proving how wrong Wilde was,
instituted an irreparable massacre by beheading;
for a bruised heart will kill first what others love.

Ian Tattum is a priest in the Church of England, who writes mainly about nature, local history literature- including a recent essay for Little Toller’s ‘The Clearing’. His poetry has previously been published by Spelt Magazine , The Pilgrim and Black Bough Poetry. He is a Fellow of the Linnaean Society. https://stbarnabas-southfields.org.uk/essays-and-
reviews/
Follow Ian on Twitter at @ITattum.

What I Learned About Resilience After The Worst Year of My Life

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TW: baby loss.

We all have fears in life and if we are lucky enough we don’t experience them. Although I have experienced anxiety in my life I thought I was one of those lucky people. It was November 2019 and I lived my life in a cosy bubble. Bad things had happened in my life, and I had lost people I loved, but I felt happy and lucky.

Two months earlier my husband and I had decided to try for a third baby. I was thirty-five but I got pregnant immediately. I was over the moon and slightly smug. Geriatric pregnancy my arse. Later, I was exercising and I felt something weird happen in my body. Like a pop. I immediately stopped and put my hand to where the weird pain had happened. Then I brushed it away.  There was a weird uncomfortable pain in my entire body. It felt like a balloon was filling up. I couldn’t sit down properly. Then when I went to the bathroom there was blood. The blood was very dark and it freaked me out. I went to A&E. They didn’t even scan me and sent me home. Despite the fact I could barely walk and was in a lot of pain. I have a high pain threshold and I felt like they didn’t see that I was suffering enough.

The next day I went to the early pregnancy unit and they thought the pregnancy was an ecoptic pregnancy. I’m not going into detail about all of it in this piece because it is an entire article in it’s own. I started feeling the pain on Monday and it was Friday afternoon when I finally got my ’emergency’ surgery and one of the first things the surgeon said to me when I come to was that they caught it ‘just in time.’ My fallopian tube had ruptured and I was bleeding internally. I had been walking around bleeding internally for days while being told to ‘go home.’

There are snapshots of this time that haunt me: the registrar stroking her very pregnant belly while asking what I wanted to do with the remains of my baby, the fear when they sent me home that I would die in my sleep. Waking up and not being pregnant anymore. Notably the fact that they kept sending me home and eventually, days later, I refused to go home and made them scan me again. On the day of my surgery I almost passed out numerous times and the nurse kept bringing my back with oxygen, refusing to let me faint on her watch.

Mostly I remember the grief. There is no pain like losing a baby. I always thought people who killed themselves before that were selfish, now I know they are just in so much pain that they want to leave their bodies. I was completely and utterly broken. The only thing that brought me through were my other children. I figured if I could just put my feet onto the floor every morning and then get out of bed, I could survive. I only had to put one foot in front of the other.

In the blur of everything I took care of my children and tried to make sure they couldn’t see my pain. I didn’t want them to suffer, and I refused to let them see their mother depressed or spending days in bed. I knew that I had to structure my days. I had to get out of bed and smile at my children. Play with them, read them books. I took up Spanish and started doing yoga. It helped that we were moving house and I had to pack up and deal with all of that.

Just as the surgery scars started to heal a little I got ill. really ill. I had this continuous cough that wouldn’t go away. I spent boxing day with my mother-in-law and my husband’s aunt, uncle and their children. I had to find an emergency doctor’s appointment and fainted at the pharmacy getting antibiotics. I somehow managed to walk home although I have no idea how.

A few days later I was going to take my children to bed when I felt a sharp pain in my chest. It took my breathe away and then I couldn’t breathe. I was on the floor crying, barely able to breathe, begging my husband to help me. He called an ambulance and long story short I had double pneumonia, just as rumours of a SARS like illness started in China. I was unable to eat anything or lie down flat. I spent the next six months recovering as the world went into lockdown.

It was now July and my world started to come together again just as I noticed my period was late. I took a test and I was pregnant again. The happiness I felt was like nothing else.  But then weeks later I started bleeding. I made my way to the hospital, desperate to hold onto this baby, only to lose another one.  A few of my amazing friends told me they were pregnant and I didn’t want to tell them about my miscarriage because I didn’t want to scare them, or take away their joy. I would see pregnant women on the street and feel a bitterness that made me not recognise myself. I was full of hate and pain. I found women who were pregnant with their third child, or who had one, especially triggering. The pain of a miscarriage is hard to describe. It wasn’t as tough as the ectopic pregnancy, but the emotional pain of waiting for your baby to pass through you is sharp and brutal. The loss is acute.

I got up, homeschooled my oldest until 2pm and then focused on my toddler for a few hours. Then I forced myself to write three thousand words a day. I started another novel which I finished in six weeks.Then one day I walked out into my garden and the world seemed so beautiful. I sat down to take it in and I saw dew on the blades of grass. I thought about how cruel it was that my baby never got to experience a moment of this world, and yet I knew the world was still beautiful and that life went on. Even if the pain never really goes away.

I started to hate who I was becoming so I stopped. I decided that I didn’t want anyone else to feel this pain that I was feeling. I wanted to put positivity and love out into the world. To spread nothing but kindness. In this I finally found myself again. There is nothing uglier than bitterness or hate and my refusal to let it consume me was a turning point. I donated to charity and did everything I could to spread community and love. I kept writing and I started submitting my novel to agents and publishers. I went after every dream I had and I worked hard.

It has been two years now since my grief threatened to swallow me whole and I look back at that time and it still hurts, but I’m proud of myself. My Spanish is still mediocre and my yoga is not great, but I got a book deal and my novel Ember published in March 2022 to great acclaim. Ember has a character in it who had a miscarriage in the past and the lead character is also an obstetrician. I almost abandoned the book after my ectopic as I found editing it so painful, I put all of my pain into it. It was like therapy. I persevered and I’m proud I did. More importantly, in June 2021 I had my gorgeous and beautiful rainbow baby who I am grateful for every day. A little boy who is sunshine personified.

I didn’t let my pain break me or change who I was. The worse things got the harder I reached for the best. The negativity made me search for the positive. Faith and love helped me reach the other side and I know that life is always beautiful and precious. I promised myself I would always live my life to the full and never take it for granted. I won’t break it.