Monthly Archives: April 2010

James Yardley on The Elusive Peace – An examination into the future of the Arab-Israeli conflict.

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The Elusive Peace – An examination into the future of the Arab-Israeli conflict.

Part 1 – What are Israel’s Options Regarding the Occupied Territories of the West Bank and Gazza?

Its now almost 75 years since the first attempt was made to divide Palestine into separate Jewish and Arabic states. Back then the British Peel commission recommended that 80% of the land in Palestine should make up part of a new Arab state. Today it’s hard to imagine such a proposal was ever considered. Since the Peel proposal a Jewish state has been created and gone on to prosper but the Palestinians remain without the state they have been seeking for so long. But Israel’s options over what to do with the occupied territories are limited and diminishing. Has the time finally come for the creation of the elusive Palestinian state?

In 1988 King Hussein of Jordan renounced all claims and ties with the occupied territories (Gazza and the West Bank). This ruled out one of Israel’s major options for the territories which they had been occupying since the 1967 war. Many Israeli’s had hoped that the Palestinian problem could be solved with a peace agreement with Jordan. The West Bank would be divided between Israel and Jordan. Jordan would then take on the difficult responsibility of governing the Palestinians.

After Jordan pulled out of the West Bank calls for a Palestinian state became increasingly vocal. It was much harder for Israel to ignore the Palestinians and the Palestinian Liberation Organisation (PLO) since Jordan stated, ‘the PLO is the sole legitimate representative of the Palestinian people’. Prior to the withdrawal Israel had always been able to avoid dealing with the Palestinians directly, dealing instead with Jordan. After 1988 this was no longer an option.

Jordan’s decision left Israel with only 2 options over what to do with the occupied territories. The first is a one state solution, whereby the Israel annexes the West Bank and the Gaza strip, thereby assimilating them with the rest of Israel. However this is never considered a realistic option by the Israeli government or Israeli Jews. To assimilate the millions of Palestinians would defeat the purpose of a Jewish state and many fear it would threaten its existence.

This leaves Israel with the only one viable option, a two state solution. The creation of a separate Palestinian state encompassing both the West Bank and the Gazza strip, alongside the existing Israeli state. This is what the Palestinians want and given we know a one state solution is not an option, this is surely what Israel wants as well. A poll in 2007 showed that 70% of Israeli Jews were in favour of a two state solution. So why is it so hard to implement if both sides want the same thing? Why are negotiations always at a permanent stalemate?

Despite that lack of options remaining most Israeli’s are certainly in no rush to create a Palestinian state. It has been 22 years since Jordan renounced it ties with the West Bank and it still appears as if a Palestinian state is a long way off.

There is also a third option for Israel which we have not yet considered. That is a policy of maintaining the status quo or consolidation. A number of the right wing parties openly endorse this policy some of whom are part of Benjamin Netanyahu’s (prime minister of Israel) fragile coalition government. Likud itself (the right wing party Netanyahu leads) does not believe in a fully sovereign independent Palestinian state.

The Palestinian situation is also much more complicated. Many still refuse to recognise Israel’s right to exist. Some will settle for nothing less than the complete replacement of Israel with a Palestinian state.

The situation has been severely complicated by large divisions within both sides. The next article will take a closer look into these internal divisions. Why do some Israelis fear a Palestinian state and should they? Why is Israel still building new settlements in East Jerusalem? Will Hamas moderate? What is the future for Fatah? Is there any hope for a settlement in the near future?

Dear DONOVAN: The Price of Shame

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Oh fer-… ; DONOVAN. The unforgiving, cynical, potty mouthed agony uncle. How he knows so much about reality TV is anyones guess, well I s’pose they say it IS a breeding ground for hate.

** Disclaimer: The views, colourful language and opinions expressed in this article are those of the authors and do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of Frostmagazine.com **

DEAR DONOVAN

What ever happened to Fame Academy one hit wonder David Sneddon?

Karen, Colchester

Urrm we all realised he was utter shit? I actually bought a copy of his (one and only single) for each of my sisters. I have one sister. And I hate her!

The TRUTH of the matter is that he was aborted from the womb of showbusiness faster than you can say Leon Jackson….I am now smirking at the thought of you googling Leon Jackson:

You voted for them both to WIN, people!!!!!… unless we want to blame it on phone scams? Really?

Anyway, I digress, but just one example of the problems with David Sneddon was that he pretended to be Scottish to win the Celtic vote! In hindsight and with the right guys behind him (unintentional gay reference) he could have used it as a gimmick for marketing and advertising … just like fellow “Scott” Michelle Mcmanus who sponsored Angus burgers!

Even series 1 X Factor winner Steve (feeble Will Young impressionist) Brookstien is now touring in a musical written by Madness! He’s not silly he had his career plan sewn up from his first audition!

And Shane (I did my falsetto in Swansea and ended up in a hospital ward!) Is now touring in the Adult Theatre adaptation of classic fairy tales playing the role of Crumpled Foreskin.

The only thing David Sneddon had in common with Pop Idols such as Robbie Williams, Ronan Keating and dare I say Ricky Martin around that time was HE HAD FUCKING EYEBROWS on his face!! that’s not strictly true, he had other qualities such as 2 arms 2 legs and a mouth etc! but still a complete and utter Wank seed.

You get a Donovan mug and my sister’s copy of “Living a Lie” David Sneddon’s shitty single.

God have mercy on your soul!

Not so Hidden Gems part Deux: The Fattening {Ceri's Column}

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Please don’t kill me with sticks but I have to say…AMERICAN CANDY KICKS ASS!

There I said it. Happy? No? Don’t believe me? NO? Well, first off, how frigging dare you. Second off, it bloody is. The chocolate bar most associated with US confectionary is Hershey’s. Now I will admit, a plain, as you are, milk chocolate, regular, no fries Hershey bar tastes like sub-Aldi own brand. Almost gone off. Most Dairy Milk competitors from the States just taste like balls…as in, not nice. K? Right…

But when it comes to other bars and chocs, sadly for all you Union Jack wavers, they rule. Compare a Peanut Butter Twix to a lunch box friendly British one-finger. No contest. I’ll be singing the Star Spangled Banner next! Peanut butter M&M’s rock my mouth off too! How do I know this?

CYBERCANDY.

Next door to Snog Frozen Yogurt (the wondrous place I wrote about in “Not so Hidden Gems”) in Covent Garden, there is a sweet shop like no other. Or rather, a sweet shop like they must have in other countries whose chocolates they stock…so, what I want to tell you is Cybercandy stocks and sells sweets from around the globe. Sorry, I’ll learn to write some day.

American chocs are mainly peanut or peanut butter based, Canadian stuff is usually bigger version of British stuff, Japan has a real taste for Apple, New Zealand is crazy for marshmallow, Sweden loves liquorice and Mexico can fuck right off with its crappy salty offerings. Bleurgh!

It isn’t just chocolates they have, Oooooh no sir! Gums, Chews, Taffy, Root beers, giant Japanese Mountain Dew, other American sodas, Quagmire from Family Guy themed Energy Drink (I shit you not!),pop tarts, American cereals like Lucky Charms, Dairy milk bars from other countries, Japanese Ramune Soda and all sorts of edible bugs, astronaut foods and flavoured toothpicks and TWINKIES!

This place is like Heaven. Proper no-foolin’ Heaven!

You shop with heart-shaped buckets that fill-up waaaay too easily. The shop itself is tiny and always jammed with people going “Aaaaah! I saw this on The Sopranos!” or “Duuude! I used to get this all the time at home, man…yee haaa!” (An American ex-pat, y’see!)

My highlights are:

–          Japanese Kit Kats; They are tiny and come in a variety of crazy flavours like Bubblegum, Ginger ale (lush) and Sweet Potato!

–          Butterfinger bars from the USA: Peanut butter flavoured brittle encased in chocolate. Devine.

–          Brown Sugar Cinnamon Pop Tarts – Droooooooool.

The only note I’d give this place is: GET SOME AMERICAN POTATO CHIPS! American Doritos, Fritos, Cheetos and any other crisps not necessarily ending in “os”!

Apart from that. Go there. Now. Get diabetes, I don’t care! It’s worth it. Mmmmmmmmmmmmm.

The 10 WORST lyrics in the Popesphere {Ceri's Column}

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In no particular order:

  • The Verve – Bittersweet Symphony – “But I’m here in my mode, no, no, no.” – Love the song with all my heart but my god! They did have a serious tendency to write utterly bizarre lyrics. Seriously…what do you mean by your “mode”?
  • Sam Sparro – Black and Gold – “And the apes climbed down from the trees
    and grew tall and they started talking” – Why the fuck would getting taller help them to start talking? Shut up Sparro, you penis.
  • Nizlopi – JCB – The whole bloody song – Also a contender for worst band name too, Nizlopi’s seriously crap lyrics could actually have been written by a six year old. If ANYONE retorts: “that’s the point”, I won’t be amused. Utter dross. I mean, “And we’re holding up the bypass, oh-oh, me and my dad having top-laughs”? Really? Lordy.
  • Keisha – P Diddy – “Wake up in the morning feeling like P Diddy” – What?
  • Louis Armstrong – Wonderful World – “I see friends shaking hands, saying “how do you do”, what their really saying, is I love you.” – Who doesn’t love this song? I mean, I do! However, the thought of two “friends” greeting each other while repressing feelings of adoration makes me think: “what a bastard fate can be”. All a bit Remains of the Day for my liking.
  • Elvis – All shook up – “Her lips are like a volcano that’s hot” – Huge? Spewing lava? Stopping all Europe’s flights for weeks? Elvis, why are you with this woman?
  • Snap – Rhythm is a Dancer – “I’m as serious as cancer when I say rhythm is a dancer” – WHAT? You are as serious as cancer (“serious” as in the gravity of having the illness, I think?) when you state that rhythm, “movement marked by fluctuating conditions” (thanks Wikipedia) is actually a dancer, and not the widely accepted definition? Well…you’re just a twat then really.
  • The Socialist Republic of Vietnam– Their national anthem, Doan Quan Viet – “Soldiers of Vietnam, we go forward, With the one will to save our Fatherland. Our hurried steps are sounding on the long and arduous road. Our flag, red with the blood of victory, bears the spirit of our country. The distant rumbling of the guns mingles with our marching song. The path to glory passes over the bodies of our foes. Overcoming all hardships, together we build our resistance bases. Ceaselessly for the people’s cause we struggle, Hastening to the battle field! Forward! All together advancing!” – Sheesh, chill out!
  • Elton John – Your song – “If I was a sculptor, but then again, no” – after you write a shit line, you can re-draft. “If I was a fisherman, no hang on, a scientist. No! Wait…if I was the Emperor of the World! Yeah, that would be cool” was the original opening line to Candle in the Wind.
  • Anything by Oasis. Trust me; those lyrics are all just tosh. What the fuck is a “Wonderwall”?

Next Weeks TV Picks: 26th Apr

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Monday 26 April 11:10pm Channel 4
Hello and good evening and welcome you lil’ ruffians, I feel as though a drastic change in my writin’ style is required to tell you about my marvellous decision of viewing on the tellybox on the 26thday of the month of April right, ten minutes passed the eleventh hour of the evening is a show entitled ‘Skinned’ where the cheeky northern monkey Frank Skinner has a lovely chin waggle with the beautifully faced Russell Brand. Things they talk about is Brands SachsGate debacle, his early career, his problems with his arm candy and showin’ him on stage andbehind it. (Note: as this is read, please flail arms about and switch speech patterns and accents between East London market trader and upper class Mayfair snob)

Tuesday 27 April 10:00pm More4
After Monday’s frivolities with Mr Brand, Tuesday’s selections are an altogether more sober and grown up affair. 22:00 on More4, True Stories: Vote Afghanistan. A documentary showing the read about but not often seen Afghan Presidential Elections of 2009, following the Campaign Trails of the challengers to President Karzai, and hearing from the people whose lives were put at risk for wanting a new Leader.

Wednesday 28 April 6:50pm Film4
Dunna dunna dunna dunna dunna dunna dunna dunna BATMAN…That’s right kids, Bat-time 18:50 Bat-channel Film4, see the original televised Batman Adam West (‘Family Guy’s’ Mayor of Quahog for our younger readers) in a feature length episode of the much loved, more parodied 1960’s show, expect more POW’S and KAZAAMS than you can chuck a Battarang at. And for those not feeling nostalgic, people kick a football about on ITV at 19:30.

Thursday 29th April 9.45pm Sky Movies Showcase
Last weeks ‘Picks’ told of Charlie Brookers ‘You Have Been Watching’ (ch4 22:00) and Psychoville (Dave 22:20) andI struggled to findsomething worth watching other than these again this week, but fortunately at 21:45 Sky Movies Showcase is showing Watchmen (18), the story of an outlawed Masked Adventurer group having to get back into their costumes and resume their world saving roles once again. Taken from the award winning comic book, Watchmen not only has the obligatory superhero action but also delves into the psyche of those who would want to dress in tights an fight crime (just watch out for the awful love-making scene to the tune of Leonard Cohen’s ‘Hallelujah’).

Friday 30 April 10:35pm Channel 4
It is very difficult not say Army Of Darkness (TCM 21:00), Sam Raimi’s brilliant sequel to the equally brilliant Evil Dead films, but I know that Bruce Campbell as store clerk Ash running aroundthe 1300’s with a chainsaw for an arm an a sawn-off shotgun killing the undead is not everyone’s cup of tea, so instead I shall recommend tuning into channel 4 at 22:35 for The Ricky Gervais Show, an animated version of his podcasts featuring Stephan Merchant and Karl Pilkington, expect much hilarity to ensue. Straight after on the same channel is Heroes of Comedy detailing Ricky Gervias’ rise to fame. So basically….a night in with Ricky.

Saturday 01 May 6:25pm BBC1
Dave, the whole day, QI.
Who can resist spending a whole day awash with knowledge delivered via the dulcet tones of Mr Stephan Fry, until of course 18:25 when its over to BBC 1 for the second part of last weeks Doctor Who, will he be able to escape an army of The Weeping Angels? My guess is yes, I mean…he’s the Doctor.

Sunday 02 May 10:20pm Five
I think its safe to say that most of us have had it up to the jugular with Vampires, they are taking up too much screen time in their films and TV shows, I feel its time we gave some other monsters a chance, and that’s exactly what FIVE are doing at 22:20. The Highlands of Scotland are the setting for the movie Dog Soldiers, a gory comedic tale of a small squad of British army men on a training mission coming face to face with a pack of werewolves and are forced to fight when the full moon rises.

If Ceri had a band… {Ceri's Column}

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Well I’ll tell you one thing. My band would have a shitty name.

I’m just not the kind of person who can reel off a catchy group moniker. I just don’t seem to have the…knack. I mean, titles for stories, my lil’ TV scripts, character names, even bloody baby names for Christ’s sake (spell-check MADE me capitalize Christ…see, they did it again….). Band names? Nope.

So on the night of our 1st gig at some trendy bar in <insert name of wanky suburb of some in-vogue town/city>, we’d probably have the set list memorized, each of our costumes would be matching, I’d even have little inter-song audience banter bits sussed. But our name? Still missing, I’d imagine.

I’m rather partial to a bit of “extreme” music, (or metal to you norms), and I firmly believe that metal band names reign supreme. Some of the coolest are…

  • Agoraphobic Nosebleed – Cool
  • Pig Destroyer – COOL
  • Prong – simple yet COOL
  • Gay for Johnny Depp – Um… (*Author’s note* aren’t we all…a little…no? I’ll shut up then…)
  • Old Man Gloom – quirky and carries a sense of foreboding
  • Killing Joke – Just yes. Yes. Thank you. What a name. Icicle cool.

I wouldn’t stand a bloody chance! My band would limp on with a name like “The Jolly Rodgers” or “Wittgenstein’s Shame” or “We are on Stage!”…something ball-crunchingly crap or pretentious or nonsensical.

Probably why I don’t have a band, really…that and not being able to play an instrument. Or carry a tune. Or know anyone else who can do either who isn’t already in a band…

I’m a bit deflated now. I’ll just drink some beers and watch Edward Scissorhands. Oh, I mean…

Nah. Edward Scissorhands.

IBM Researchers create cute teenytiny 3D world map

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And it’s so small that 1,000 of them can fit on a salt crystal!

It measures 22 by 11 micrometers and is etched onto a polymer surface. Mount Everest is about 64 nanometers high.

They’re hoping the technology could be used for nano-scale electronics and medical devices.

IBM scientist Urs Duerig says in a company video that “It’s like the ancient Egyptians chiseled their stuff into stone plates. Here we have the analogue, but on the nano-scale,”

 httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mZ9J0EYUlhg

James Randi wants to give you $1,000,000

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…and all you need to do is prove that the paranormal exists under scientific conditions.

The challenge has been open since 1964 and no-one’s won yet.

Past claims have included ESP, dowsing, astrology, faith, healing etc. Infact, you’re allowed to prove most things unless you’re trying to harm someone.

Would you like more info? All the details of the challenge are located here.

Here’s a very interesting talk James Randi gave at the TED 2007 conference where he takes a fatal dose of homeopathic sleeping pills onstage.

For more info go to Randi.org