Dear DONOVAN; Well…that wasn't predictable at all

He won’t go away; DONOVAN. The unforgiving, cynical, potty mouthed “agony uncle”. We tried to sack him in the wake of the D*nny Dy*r Zoo Column scandal but when we brought the matter up with DONOVAN he threated to break our hearts. Apparently he got the idea from a certain advice column.

** Disclaimer: The views, colourful language and opinions expressed in this article are those of the author’s and do not reflect the opinion policy or position of Frostmagazine.com **


Dear DONOVAN

What’s the meaning of life?

Dan, Swansea

Oh hahaha…that was funny wasn’t it boys and girls?

You probably assumed it was most likely gonna be a one line answer both witty and blunt, or that it would have made me roll my eyes and ignore it but no! As I have a fairly good idea who this “Dan” is from my home town Swansea I shall treat you the same as every Frost reader… with a slightly personal and spitefully childish sting!

You aren’t entitled to that knowledge as God (or any denomination-specific deity – Ed) and everyone else think your a complete and utter waste of sperm. You stink of beef and have not only patronising eyebrows, but arrogant skin!

Possibly the kind of person who I assume Picasso was; dyslexic and painted by numbers! To say you had the social skills of an Aardvark adopted buy a family of dung beetles would be disrespectful to both the Aardvark, dung beetle’s mother and woodlice stepfather!

The meaning of life is a circle…you have no proof to prove me wrong.

Get a grip on life and let the realisation kick in that I don’t want your friendship. If you have to pester someone to be friends and stalk them, buy them gifts etc…it’s only fine if your a Blond 19 year old girl with huge breasts! You’re not.

So to just to clarify and sum up.

(For you) the meaning of life mean….

A broken condom.

oooooh I went there.

Film; Streetfighter Legacy – Short Trailer

Indulge in some nostalgia for three minutes while watching this “fan made” short. But if you think it’s going to be as bad as the two feature length films made under the Streetfighter name then think again. This three minutes is better, more accurate and more entertaining. Make sure you click on full screen HD and plug in your surround sound speakers.

Legacy (officially endorsed by Capcom) was the brainchild of actor Joey Ansah (Bourne Ultimatum); who says on the films facebook page:
“As an actor, film maker and a fan, I have been repeatedly disappointed by the many diluted, un faithful and outright butchered movie adaptations of fighting video games. It was clear to me, that given the way the movie industry worked, we would never see a super faithful, darker toned and more adult themed (or just plain good!) incarnation of Street fighter unless a die-hard fan director or film-making team with the game canon knowledge, film making know how and connections stepped up to the plate to helm such a project.”
“My Team and I have strived to make a beautiful lil’ film that hopefully non fans will really appreciate, but ultimately this is a love letter to the Fans and the brilliance of the game. As a result I’ve gone to every length to be as faithful as possible down to the smallest details of the costume, the choreography, the narrative, the original music themes and of course the special moves!”

I hope they find someone to fund a full length version. With lots of pretty effects, interesting eyebrows, special moves and combos please!!

Joey Ansah’s Website

Carole Stone on how she made The Stone Club a success.

People who meet me now find it hard to believe that as a teenager I was very shy. I remember that in my first job at the BBC as a secretary I used to loiter outside the newsroom waiting for someone else to go in so that I could slip in behind them, unnoticed. Today I must seem very confident, not to say loud, and I’m happy to speak in public to different audiences. But it’s taken quite a bit of effort to get there, for if I was shy when I was young, my brother Roger was even shyer – pathologically so. To try to get him to communicate at all with other people I just had to make contact with them myself. I think that’s where my interest in other people began and why today I can’t pass up a chance to put people together who I think might benefit in all sorts of ways from getting to know each other. At the last count I have over 40,000 people on my database and two books to my name on what I call the art of networking.

I first got a chance to bring very different people together in a big way when I became the Producer of BBC Radio 4’s Any Questions?, every week trying to get the right mix of politicians, business people, and leading figures from the arts and sciences and the media to make an interesting programme. And when I left the BBC I started a business along the same lines, putting together people who wanted to meet but might not have done so without a helping hand.

Recently I have been working as managing director of YouGovStone, a joint venture company which I set up with the online opinion polling organisation YouGov. I have a panel of about four thousand people which I consult on behalf of clients who want to know what opinion leaders – what I call the ‘Influentials’ – are thinking on a host of different topics.

And then in May 2009 I did something I have wanted to do for ages, I opened a club – TheStoneClub. We don’t have a permanent home: instead, members meet for different events in one of several venues in central London. My motto for this virtual club is ‘A Meeting of Minds’, and I have two tiers of membership. Silver members come to what I call my ‘In Conversation’ evenings, to listen to and question speakers like Lord (Brian) Griffiths of Goldman Sachs, Jeremy Hunt, MP, the Tory shadow Secretary of State for Culture, Media and Sport, and Tom Bower, author of devastating blockbuster biographies about people like Richard Branson, Robert Maxwell, and Harrods owner Mohamed al-Fayed. Future guest speakers I’ve booked for these events include the Doug Richard, formerly of Dragon’s Den and entrepreneur.

Gold members tend to be more business-oriented, and for them, in addition to my ‘In Conversation’ events, I arrange breakfasts with speakers like Vicky Pryce, the Director-General, Economics, at the Department for Business, Innovation and Skills, and Adrian Monck, Managing Director, Communications, at Davos, the World Economic Forum. I’m much looking forward to welcoming Sly Bailey, the Chief Executive of Trinity Mirror, the UK’s largest newspaper publisher, to a breakfast soon.

Running a business that is all about people is really demanding, and of course there are times when I’m cross with myself for not having looked after one of my think tank or club members as well as I think should. But I’ll never give up trying, because to me people are a solace, the real joy of life.

The Stone Club is a fantastic private members club. For more info or to join, follow this link: http://www.yougovstone.com/content/the-stone-club.asp

Win; Organic Surge Eye Gel

Would you like a full sized Organic Surge Eye Gel (worth £7.99) absolutely free? Suitable for men or women; We’ve got one to give away and we want one of our lovely twitter followers to win it.* (No they’re not sponsoring us, we’re just being generous!)

“Organic Surge Eye Gel cools and refreshes the delicate skin around the eyes. The lightweight, quickly-absorbed gel formulation combines skin-calming chamomile with clarifying Green Tea and Eyebright extracts to reduce puffiness and rejuvenate the delicate skin around the eye area.”

We’ve got one up for grabs so for your chance to win it, all you need to do is follow @frostmag in twitter and retweet the following sentence:

RT  Frost are giving away an Organic Surge Eye Gel, follow @frostmag and retweet to enter. http://frostmagazine.com/2010/05/win-eye-gel/590

The winner will be picked at random on Thursday 13th May.

If you’re not a twitter user; don’t dispair, we’ll be running other competitions for you to get involved in.

*Small print (sorry) Entrant must be over 18, Open to UK and EU only (sorry lovelies) By entering, you’re agreeing that this is the case.

Hello Kitty…Sir {Ceri's Column}

Raaaaaaaaaawr!

Sorry…

Lions scare the crap out of me but I must admit they seem to have quite a lot of things going for them. They look pretty damn cool, they kick Wildebeest and Thompson’s Gazelle ass and most of all they are known as “King of the Beasts”…fair play.

However, they have HILARIOUS balls. Really the most comical testicles I’ve ever seen. They have slightly pale, furry and not hairy and perfectly spherical bollocks. It’s a real blow to their tough cat image. I suppose it’s like seeing a thuggish football hooligan with…perfectly spherical bollocks. I really had trouble with that analogy half way through…

As if this naturally occurring drag wasn’t enough, many live in captivity or on nature reserves. How does that add to their image crisis I hear you (or assume you will) say? Well it isn’t some embarrassment at being incarcerated or studied or “protected” without their say so…they’re animals, they do not have this capacity. It’s the names that some are given.  Bakele, Topi and Khali are all names that make me think “Yes. That’s the kind of name a lion should have”. Tin-tin, Scruffy and Mr. Tickle are pretty bad but animals all over the globe get them. It’s the normal names that really get me chuckling.

I have no problem with the name Jimmy. It’s a fine name. But the dominant male of a blood-thirsty and brutal Pride that prowls about the Serengeti?

King Jimmy? Jimmy the Springbok killer? Nah. I’d rather be called King Snuggles.

Plus Tigers are cooler anyway.

(Editor says “yes, tigers are cool, I’m not saying Lion bits arn’t serious but to give this article more gravitas here’s a link to a charity“)

BBC to project real time results onto 'Big Ben'

I say Big Ben, what I mean is St Stephen’s tower.
The BBC are projecting an unbranded bar chart of the results as they come in and it “will feature a “winning line”, representing the 326 seats that any party will need to win to be sure of an outright victory”
It’ll provide a count of the number of seats won by the main three parties as well as those won by smaller parties and independent candidates.
It’ll be up until around 0530am on the 7th.

Here’s more info on the BBC site.