WOMEN’S TENNIS NO.1 CAROLINE WOZNIACKI REVEALS HER SECRET TO BEING UPSTOPPABLE

The ‘Princess of Tennis’ announces partnership with COMPEED® to maintain ultimate performance on and off the court

12th April 2011, Monte Carlo: Caroline Wozniacki showcased her unstoppable skills in an exhibition match at the ATP Monte-Carlo Rolex Masters yesterday, before a whirlwind wardrobe change into her favourite heels to announce her role as ambassador for COMPEED®, leaders in innovative blister remedy products.

One of the most common athletic injuries, a blister can have a significant impact on the performance of an athlete. With two WTA titles to her name already this year, and a growing profile as a global fashion icon, Caroline has made blister prevention and foot care a priority for the 2011 season in order to ensure she can continue to be unstoppable both on and off the court.

“As a professional athlete I’ll always be prone to blisters, particularly during the hot summer weather. But I don’t let blisters hold me back,” Caroline explained in Monte Carlo. “I’m dedicated to my career and this season, am focused on working hard to hold onto my number 1 position. But that hard work shouldn’t stop me having fun too. I’m going to be working with COMPEED® to show women around the world that with the right foot care, blisters don’t need to stop you doing what you love.”

Through her partnership with COMPEED® Wozniacki will be launching the new Extreme Blister Patch. Designed to support busy, active lifestyles and fit seamlessly into sport, professional and fashion footwear, the new COMPEED® Extreme Blister Patch provides 20% more cushioning* thanks to the unique quilted design in the central zone of the patch. This new product, alongside with the rest of the COMPEED® blister range stays in place whilst doing intense sports activities and is resistant to water to help ensure that Caroline and active young women stay unstoppable at the moment of truth.

Neil Dickenson, Franchise Director, Compeed said: We’re excited to introduce the World’s best female tennis player Caroline Wozniacki as our new COMPEED® ambassador. Caroline has established herself at the top of the game of tennis by achieving excellence, whatever the circumstances. We like to think that in its own way, COMPEED® strives to achieve excellence in product performance, enabling people to ignore blisters and go on to achieve their goals both on and off the playing field – be it in the gym, the boardroom or even the dance floor! We feel that Caroline is the perfect person for us to work with to showcase this.”

For more information on COMPEED® Blister Patch, Blister Extreme, the partnership with Caroline Wozniacki and find out how you can be unstoppable visit www.compeed.com

King Of….. Coming To C4 in Summer 2011

Head of Entertainment, Justin Gorman confirmed today that Claudia Winkleman’s King Of…. will be on Channel 4 this summer. The new 6x30minute series is commissioned by C4’s Commissioning Editor for Entertainment, Darren Smith and produced by Big Talk/Salt Beef Productions.

King of… is a fresh and feisty Channel 4 comedy talk show hosted by Claudia Winkleman.

From musicals to newsreaders, from supermodels to household pets, from artists to takeaways, King of… will take a witty, informative and passionate look at our favourite things, and Claudia will be shining a unique light on the passions and peculiarities of her celebrity guests.

The aim is that each week, Claudia, her celebrity guests and a studio audience will deliberate and debate to find the definitive, the top, the crème de la crème – in short, the king of just about everything.

Claudia Winkleman said: “I have been playing King Of with friends and family forever. I am completely over the moon I’m now being allowed to do it on the telly. What’s the king of condiments? No. It’s not ketchup”

C4’s Commissioning Editor for Entertainment, Darren Smith said: “Seeing Claudia in a comedy entertainment context is a real treat. Everyone knows how charming and brainy she is, and now you can see how incredibly funny she can be. We’re hugely excited.”

King Of…is executive produced by Kenton Allen for Big Talk and Jeremy Salsby for Salt Beef. The series producer is Ruth Wallace (Mock The Week) and the Producers are Chris Little (League of Their Own) and Kate Staples (Would I Lie To You.)

Motorstorm Apocalypse – Gaming Review

Imagine a post apocalyptic cityscape, perhaps akin to that seen in ‘Fist of the North Star’ or ‘2012’ and as desolate as that seen in ‘I am Legend’. You get the idea – broken glass, skyscrapers leaning vehemently on edge, a feeling of total dread, the lingering question ‘what on earth happened here’ filling your thoughts. Suddenly an earth shattering roar of engines fill the air, first one, then two, then you in your vehicle enter into sight. Hearing the rumble of another earth tremor on the way you hammer home your pedal to the floor and hit the nitrous oxide switch so you can enter onto a ramp that will leap you over a chasm of destruction.

Scenes like this are pretty common in Motorstorm Apocalypse; the newest edition to the Motorstorm franchise. From the moment you get past the somewhat lengthy installation and see the first introduction you realise that developer Evolution Studios wanted to bring something new and dynamic to the table. It is clear that they had had enough of the deserts, mud tracks and palm trees of their first two titles and now just wanted to mix things up a little which basically equates to just ‘destroying things’ because that is exactly what happens, oh and by ‘destroy things’ I mean a little thing by the name of earth…well a city…but can you blame me for capitalising on the dramatic moment?

If imitation is the sincerest form of flattery then the makers of Split Second should be well pleased; after all this is the very style of genre that they created therefore is the only other title that this can be compared to. However as great as Split Second is, it has been out for a quite a while now, players have been round the block a few times with it and are looking for something new. Thank the heavens Motorstorm is still a PS3 exclusive franchise. As the saying goes – Ha-ha-hee-hee Xbox owners.

Whereas Split Second allowed players to initiate the explosions that tear apart rivals, Motorstorm flings you into cataclysmic events where in every track the world is literally pulling itself apart. Hence tracks change from dramatically from lap to lap, buildings fall from the sky, earthquakes will rip open gaping chasms, and in a world where an ever more erratic population create civil unrest, the police are pushed into controlling the crowds with ever more questionable methods. Sounds a tad familiar? Well Sony thought so, enough to push back the release date significantly after the recent world catastrophes of late. Is this game art imitating life or life imitating art? You decide. In reality it is a tragedy and one’s thoughts can only go out to the families affected – some of which were Sony’s own developers.

The story behind Motorstorm is told this time through a series of gritty motion comics. In it we join the ‘Stormers’. These are a group of nutcases who have a lot in common with ‘Storm chasers’ but rather than chasing storms for perhaps scientific purposes this group are have actually heard about the impending disasters and are actually hoping that the unpredictable and inhospitable conditions will create the ultimate racing experience.

Enter then three lunatics…erm…I mean racers taking part in the Motorstorm festival: Mash; a rookie racer who managed to stow away on the festival’s ship. Tyler; a hard edged racer who likes to gamble on his races and is also member of a racing fraternity called the ‘Brotherhood’. Finally there is Big Dog; a veteran racer who just doesn’t give a damn.

In festival mode these three characters represent the game’s three difficulty levels; first you will play as Mash, then Tyler and finally Big Dog. Their cut scenes will show you how their stories intertwine. In festival mode you can’t choose which vehicle to use for each race, which is a shame but what this does mean is that you’re given a great introduction to the various types of vehicles on offer, and the different handling that each provides. Each character too has their own racing style; for example Mash who is an amateur racer has vehicles with a lower top speed but a higher grip, whereas Tyler tends to opt for Muscle cars with a higher power range and a lower grip meaning that you really have to squeeze that break to power-slide around corners in order to make it through.

There are a larger number of vehicles to play with in this title compared to previous offerings ranging from small dirt bikes and ATVs, right through to big rigs and monster trucks. New additions include super bikes, hot hatches, super cars and rally cars all of which have their own strengths and weaknesses. Bikes are quick and light and so can reach areas that larger vehicles can’t, but they can’t take much punishment from other opponents and are easily wrecked, while the trucks are slow but resistant to damage. As typical of Motorstorm there are multiple routes to the finish line and which route you take will depend largely on what you are driving and whom you are facing off against.

Sad to say but the handling in this game is nowhere near as good as that seen in Split-Second with the bike being especially twitchy; so twitchy in fact, that at slow speeds you will almost want to throw the joypad at the screen in disgust. However games players shouldn’t be deterred, for this title more than makes up it in terms of pure destructive mayhem.

There are nine different race environments, on which there is a base of 33 tracks featuring different disasters. These all feature a number of critical disaster moments that really do give each race a thrilling adrenaline rush, or will make your jaw drop; one out of the two. The ‘Skyline’ track is especially worthy of note as it sees you racing on top of skyscrapers in the middle of an earthquake and as some buildings fall they actually form or change the layout of track and may I impart a word or two of caution: don’t you dare miss that jump. Nevertheless, for all of its credit it does come at a price in terms of graphical finesse; this title is just a whole lot weaker graphically than that seen in Pacific Rift where there was shadows and realistic convulsive lighting effects.

However, This could be seen as a minor criticism as it does deliver and does so without a hint of slow down or motion blurring in order to achieve its aim of making you say ‘Wow’ and ‘Did you just see that?’

As typical of Motorstorm, this game is about how and when to use your boost. Rather than other titles where you are rewarded with it by driving into oncoming traffic for example, in this game you have it from the start. However, it overheats quite quickly and too much boost in one go will cause your vehicle to explode into a rolling ball of flames. Taking your finger off the boost button allows it to cool down as does driving through water. Boost can also be used to ram opponents off the road, but compared to other takedown systems such as Need for Speed Hot Pursuit this is a rather disappointing effort with little, if any thought gone into creating cut-scenes of your opponents spinning out of control.

I was pleased to see an enhanced game system and improved AI opponents. In previous Motorstorm games they would just be plain unfair and some would say that in a sense the whole franchise has been built on the whole ‘love to hate’ nature of the game. You could be in 1st place one moment, crash and end up in 15th all on the final lap. Those moments are gone, or are at least few and far between and I say that this is a good thing especially as owing to the nature of the game the likelihood is that you will crash and crash often, thus they wisely have made the re-spawn rate very quick and brought the AI level down a notch or two. This doesn’t mean your opponents are stupid, far from it, using shortcuts and boosts to keep you on your toes and the different characters give you a great introduction to the game and its mechanics.

What really provides strength in this title is the wealth of options for both online and offline play. In addition to Festival mode you later unlock Hardcore Festival in Wreakreation mode, which lets you replay the race against super-aggressive opponents. There are also Time Attack modes, with results which appear on global leaderboards; allowing you to compete for the best time with others online. Wreakreation also has the now standard Quick Race mode, letting you race a circuit with the vehicle of your choice. You can also select from three different racing types: standard races; and elimination; where the racer in the last position is periodically destroyed. There is also Chase, where you must maintain a certain distance between yourself and the race leader. Other options include managing the AI difficulty, number of laps, and whether disaster incidents take place. But honestly – would you really want to turn it off?

Quick races can be played locally with up to three other players via split-screen which makes a welcome return in this title and is something I think developers of late have long forgotten. So what if there is slightly less detail when you play split-screen? What I want is to be able to get my mates round crack open a beer and beat them in person rather than arranging to meet them online or having to play against some unknown individual who may even try and get to know me. This brings back the social element to gaming.

Online there is a really nice Perks system that lets you choose from a selection of three power-ups to use in a race. These include Swift Return, which gives you a quicker respawn to the track; Critical, which allows you to hold your boost for longer; and Cheap Shot, which lets you ram people using less of your boost. Each race awards you with chips, a form of experience points, which increases your driver level which in turn unlocks new perks. You can also unlock new player icons, driver avatars, and parts for cars, which you can use to customise your favourite ride for online races. I found that any customisation was purely visual, so no matter what I added, my vehicle performed the same. This is a bit of a let down especially when potentially it could offer the gamer so much and would have brought something new to the table.

If you’re one of those people lucky enough to own a 3D screen, well let me tell you that you’re in for a treat. As many of you may well know, I have had an issue with so called 3D games for quite some time now; and my argument has been that there is nowhere near enough content to warrant buying one. This is one of those games that could very nearly change my mind. I was lucky enough to play this on a 3D screen and although there was a marked drop in the resolution I was totally stunned by what I saw. Driving on the skyline track now literally brings an explosion of rubble down around you, water and mud which before would land on the screen and trickle down now appears to whiz past your face. This all creates a rare experience of fear and dread that I haven’t experienced in quite sometime. To be honest I had to play the game again because I felt sad when I completed it and the roller-coaster ride came to an end.

This is one of those rare instances where I would say 3D really enhances the experience, making each race even more that intense than it already is. Perhaps it is little wonder really, as this game was designed in 3D the same way a 3D movie is made for 3D; not like a 2D movie which has the 3D makeover bits added afterwards. If you check the history books, Sony did this same feat years back when they introduced Gran Turismo to the world at a time when many gamers thought racing games had had their day and thought the PS One was done for. Not so said Sony. I am as awestruck now as I was back then.

My Final Verdict –
Motorstorm Apocalypse is a joy ride of epidemic proportions. It’s fun to play, has jaw-dropping visuals and provides perhaps some of the most intense racing experiences seen on the PlayStation 3 of late. It does have a number of shortcomings that let it down, but these negatives are far outweighed by positives that this title has to offer. With the plethora of content and great multiplayer options Motorstorm Apocalypse is an incredible game that just needs to be played. In short I think it will go down a storm.

9.2 / 10

How does this game compare to others in its genre?

This is really hard as the only other game in its genre is Split Second, so the only other comparable game genre are those with big jumps and big air –

Equal to: Split-second

Better than: Nail’d, Pure, Motorstorm and Motorstorm – Pacific Rift

Royal Bouquet Predictions from Celebrity Florist Nick Priestly

Kate Middleton will be guided by royal traditions in most areas of her wedding but she will want her flowers to say something personal about herself and her relationship with William but what will they say?

 

“Kate’s relationship with her florist will not be unlike the one she has with her dressmaker” says celebrity florist, Nick Priestly. “They will obviously discuss her preferences, but will also look for flowers that symbolise something of her life. Increasingly brides don’t make decisions purely on colour schemes but want their choice of flowers to mean something personal to them.”

 

Apparently Royal brides are ahead of the times in this respect as they have been saying something with their choice of flowers for generations. All since Queen Victoria have had trailing style bouquets with combinations of flowers often representing key references in their lives.

 

Nick says “Thoughout history, royal brides appear to have a duty to follow tradition, however it is clear that each had their own preferences considered when choosing their wedding bouquet. HM The Queen chose mainly whole sprays of orchids signifying her role as leader of the Commonwealth, while Queen Elizabeth, the Queen Mother, included white heather symbolising her native Scotland.

 

Nick’ Predictions

 

Nick, who has designed flowers for many stars including: Rihanna, Kylie Minogue and Keira Knightley, believes that Kate’s flowers will reflect her elegant, understated style. “It is unlikely that Kate will choose anything too far from the royal norm. As a contemporary princess she would suit a spring themed, hand-tied bouquet of white ranunculus and lily of the valley but will she and her florist be brave enough to make such a floral statement on the day?

 

“An alternative twist would to be to add a touch of sapphire blue colour to match her stunning engagement ring in the form of muscari, hyacinths or delphihiums. This would of course draw attention to the late Princess Diana’s ring and evoke her memory.”

“My prediction is that Kate will have a traditional shaped bouquet of trailing wired flowers to include calla lilies (her favourite flower), white daffodils to signify the fact William is one of the Princes of Wales and Fair Trade Kenyan roses to signify William’s charity work in Africa and the place of their engagement. Her bouquet is also likely to include royal staples such as jasmine, lily of the valley and a sprig of myrtle which has been included in all royal bouquets since Queen Alexandra’s back in 1863.”

 

“The other key factor to look out for will be the size of the bouquet. Personally, I think it would be good if the bouquet is relatively petite and elegant compared to some royal bouquets in the past, which would reflect Kate’s understated stle. I also think it’s unlikely that in times of a recession, Kate’s bouquet will be too ostentatious.  However it is a royal wedding and her flowers are sure to make a statement. “

 

Getting the Royal Look:

 

Whatever Kate chooses, her floral preferences will filter down to the wedding flowers of “commoners” over the coming months and years.

 

“Kate’s flowers will be as hotly coveted by future brides as much as the style of her wedding dress. Brides will be looking to their florists to get the royal feel without the royal budget.

 

The Royal Wedding flowers are likely to cost hundreds of thousands of pounds. Some “royal” favourites, such as lily of the valley, are already expensive blooms, however we can expect demand for Kate’s choice of flowers to soar at the Dutch auction houses in the coming months.”

 

“In the same way that royal brides do, brides will continue to choose flowers which have significant meaning in their lives.  A Scottish bride marrying an English groom will often choose a combination of roses and thistles, a couple who met in Australian will include elements of Australian flora such as eucalyptus into their wedding flowers, and a couple whose loved one has passed away may use flower symbolism to include them in their special day, for example including their loved one’s favourite flower in their bridal bouquet.

 

Nick’s experience:

 

Nick Priestly has been a wedding florist since 2003, managing a business that looks after over 200 weddings a year. From classic white weddings using peonies and roses to dreamlike winter wonderlands using iced flowers and exotic weddings using hundreds of stems of vibrant pink phalenopis orchids, Nick know that every bride has her own preferences and style.

 

“A good florist’s role is to work within any given budget and translate a bride’s ideas and wishes into beautiful wedding flowers. Brides have become much more knowledgeable about flowers in the past few years and often know exactly what they want and there are many brides who follow the tastes of brides in the public eye.

 

Over the years, brides have asked me to recreate the bridal bouquets of celebrities such as Hollywood actress Eva Longoria and style icon Colleen Rooney as well as Sarah Jessica Parker’s ficticious character Carrie Bradshaw from Sex and the City. I look forward to recreating Kate Middleton’s bouquet in the months and years to come.”

Kate Middleton Gets Her Own Doll.

A host of leading British designers have come together to fly the flag for British fashion with the creation of an exclusive and highly collectible toy, the Princess Catherine Doll.

Launching in Hamleys on Thursday April 7, 2011, from 4pm to 7pm, the Limited Edition Princess Catherine Engagement Doll uniquely celebrates Champions of British Style™ – and showcases the very best of authentic British fashion and design.

Fashioned to resemble Catherine “Kate”  Middleton, right down to the Eaton clutch bag, fascinator and shoes, the Princess Catherine Doll oozes British style and highlights a nation’s  intrinsic attention to detail.

And upholding a true British custom, a donation from sales of the toy will go to the charity, Help for heroes. For every Princess Catherine Doll sold, Champions of British Style™ will donate £1 to Help for Heroes.

Of course, some might say that the Princess Catherine Doll is a touch eccentric or even kitsch, but such quirkiness are also a great British tradition!

With only 10,000 dolls being produced, it’s predicted that the Princess Catherine Engagement Doll will be a must-buy for Royal Wedding collectors.

There is also little doubt that children will clamour for a toy doll that can be dressed up to look like a real-life princess.

The Princess Catherine Engagement Doll, which has won the respect of Hamleys, will be sold in leading toy stores after the launch on Thursday April 7, 2011, as well as online at www.arklu.com

Kate Middleton herself will be invited to the launch but it’s expected that she will be a little too busy with her wedding plans!

Lucie Follett, a spokesperson for Champions of British Style™, said: “Since being catapulted into the limelight and following the announcement of her engagement to Prince William, Kate’s every outfit have come under scrutiny in the fashion world.

“The catwalks this season show a feminine and elegant trend that is very much in keeping with that of Kate Middleton.

“Some commentators think we are seeing the beginnings of “The Kate Effect”, which could prove a huge bonus in promoting the best of British fashion and style to a global market.”

She added: “We have been thrilled by the enthusiasm and support of our designers and each in their own way has embodied the ethos of great British style in the creation of the Princess Catherine Doll.

“Now we also have the full support of Hamleys, which will offer the perfect showcase for the launch of the highly attractive collectors’ item and toy.”

Princess Catherine Doll: Attention to detail and a truly luxurious British style

Seven British fashion and design leaders have dressed and accessorised the Princess Catherine Doll, which will retail at £34.95, and sell at Hamleys, Harrods, The Entertainer, Amazon, Play.com and all major toy stores as well as online at www.arklu.com

For every Princess Catherine Doll sold, Champions of British Style™ will donate £1 to Help for Heroes.

Designers Pussy Willow, of London, have created The Catherine Dress in keeping with their design philosophy of simple and elegant cuts that are sculpted to the body.

The blue, dress has a cinched waist, ruched pleating at the shoulders, and a deep “V” at the front and back. The dress also boasts a bespoke Pussy Willow couture label in vivid pink.

The Bucklebury Fascinator is exclusively designed by award-winning Katherine Elizabeth Millinery and is named after the Berkshire village and home of Catherine “Kate” Middleton. With its bright fuchsia colour and intricate lattice-work effect, it reflects Kate’s well-documented passion for wearing fascinators at Society events.

The dazzling and fabulously blingy Princess Catherine Doll ring pays homage to Kate Middleton’s engagement ring, which was originally Princess Diana’s. The doll’s Io Ring boasts a purple Amethyst central stone and is made from sterling silver, plated with rose gold and set amongst 24 brilliant-cut diamante cubic zirconias. It has been created by award-winning British jewellery designer Babette Wasserman.

Catherine Middleton’s love of the Eaton Clutch Bag is clear and she has been spotted many times with this delightfully artisan accessory, which is produced by the emerging new British luxury goods brand Aspinal of London. The Eaton Clutch Bag is an exact replica and with its distinctive gold mock snake leather effect, curvy, horseshoe clasp and gold chain adds to the Princess Catherine Doll’s authentic styling.

The intricate detailing, including the buckle, pale gold colour and glitter effect – on the Princess Catherine Doll high-heeled slingback shoes is evocative of leading British shoe designer Beatrix Ong’s signature style. Beatrix Ong shoes are recognised worldwide for being innovative yet elegant, versatile yet classic and always very wearable. The doll’s shoes boast a miniature Beatrix Ong label on the insole.

Louise Constad is the make-up artist of choice for many of the world’s most beautiful women and high-profile celebrities, so who better to add the finishing touches to the beautiful Princess Catherine Doll?

It was in Scotland that Prince William met his Princess. In recognition of this occasion, the inner print on the Princess Catherine Doll box is of Harris Tweed, a luxury Scottish cloth that boasts of a rich tradition of craftsmanship and has long been loved by royalty. Indeed, Kate Middleton has often been seen wearing Harris Tweed jackets, so it’s clearly a favourite of hers too.

Fair Game Review

As a Vanity Fair subscriber I came across this story a long time before the movie came out. When Valerie Plame was outed as a CIA officer by the White House in retaliation for her husband Joe Wilson stating that, actually he DIDN’T find any yellow cake urainium in Niger, despite what the president was saying. It’s a shocking true story, and also quite depressing that the White House went to such great lengths to find reason for their ilegal war in Iraq.

Naomi Watts play Plame and Sean Penn plays Wilson. They are both excellent. Totally on form. The film is that rare thing, something that educates and entertains. Even rarer, it is a film that shows the CIA in a (semi) good light. You get the feeling that Plame really wanted to help change the world for the better and so much was taken from her. Scooter Libby getting his comeuppance it worth the price of admission.

This is a film that is definitely worth seeing.

Goldfish: An immersive acting engagement for Timothy Spall

HD Video; Duration: 4’ 55”

After portraying Winston Churchill in the Oscar winning The King’s Speech
Timothy Spall has voiced the part of a Goldfish.

Finished April 2011

Last summer writer/director Peter Chipping had purchased some small sports
action HD video cameras for some re-enactment dramas he was shooting at
Pinewood studios. Capitalizing on their small size, strength and underwater
capabilities he wrote a story that played to their versatility. Something that could
go into and out of water in one shot, was small, and cost effective to shoot. The
obvious story was the life and times of a goldfish. Timothy Spall very kindly
came on board (so to speak) and his vocal talents immersed to new depths
playing a goldfish that is looking for a new home.

About Peter Chipping

Written, directed, produced and edited by Peter Chipping.

Peter started as an editor in ITV before producing and directing for ITV,
Channel 4 and BBC Worldwide. He has also directed numerous commercials and
corporate communications along with re-enactment dramas and shorts. Peter is
now actively seeking opportunities to concentrate on directing drama.

He also writes speculative drama for cinema, shorts and television.

http://www.showreel.peterchipping.co.uk/Goldfish.htm

Peter Chipping, Director

Robert Shacklady, DoP

Music: Motion Sound Production

www.peterchipping.co.uk
www.robertshacklady.com

http://motionsoundpro.com

Festival focus:

The short will hopefully have a selected run on some festivals, but the main
thrust will be on-line marketing to garner support for the filmmakers and their
future projects.

Location

Was shot in South East England and the music composed and pictures graded at
Pinewood Studios. The fish shop where the goldfish was purchased has recently
closed down.

Funnies

The director had to sign a declaration that HE had actually bought the goldfish,
as opposed to 12-year-old Ava as depicted in the film, as technically, you have to
be 16 to purchase goldfish.

Two goldfish were purchased (one was an identical stunt double). But both fish
survived and are very happily alive today and gracefully sharing a large tank
with other goldfish.

While filming, the crew had to prepare treated water 48 hours ahead of the
shoot. All water the actual goldfish swam in was the specially treated water.

Goldfish substitutes were lovingly handcrafted by the DoP’s wife Christine from
carrots. These were used for the “stunt” shots when the goldfish was transferred
from one jug to another.

The small sports camera was flushed down the toilet, but tethered with string
which allowed the director to retrieve it from the U bend, with marigold gloves.

Londoners Life 11 by Phil Ryan

Well the riots are over, the streets are full of tourists and London is getting back to Spring. And if there’s one thing that the London spring brings onto the streets it’s the Lycra brigade. Suddenly there’s someone looking like a Nike ad pounding along every pavement. My favourite recent sight being of two yummy mummies jogging along in Kensington pushing those ludicrously large buggies that look like they’ve been designed to withstand a bomb blast. But not only were they running in their designer sports outfits and chatting as they pushed their future investment banker along they had a Nanny in full running gear engaging with the little darlings. Poor thing looked a little like a dunkin donuts lover so was puffing and red faced as she staggered along. The children seemed delighted at the entertainment. Squeaking happily now and again. Both whippet thin, tanned women would yell encouraging things to her such as “do keep up Svetlana” and “No gain without pain darling”. I couldn’t quite see the point as both of them were smoking as they ran and one had a little Patisserie Valerie bag swinging from her buggy. Presumably not for wobbly Svetlana who really needed some kind of drugs or medical assistance. But the fitness bug hangs heavy on the breeze. It’s apparently time for Londoners to shed those winter pounds and don your trusty arm mounted ipod. Then hit the latest JD sports sale (sales still running continuously since 1668 – see Samuel Pepys Diary “Wednesday April fecond 1669 – Up at mid morning to the fplendid fprts fale at Master JD’s in the Ftrand- purchased fome kick ass trainers and a Flazenger trackfuit. Returned to my desk by afternoon to write. Wish I had a laptop) There’s no doubt running about is in – as coming hot on their heels is – wait for it – fun run marathon season. Support Endangered Lemurs in Putney etc – Never have two words been so mismatched. Fun and run. I should point out that I see these people mainly as I’m sat in the various cafes I frequent. I like to wave an éclair at them for encouragement. I exercise at home regularly and keep my tai chi routines going. It works for me plus I’ve never been a fan of sweating heavily in public or getting a rash in front of complete strangers.

But if you like sweating in public the new fitness programme from TFL kicks in with a vengeance this month. By cleverly closing Tottenham Court Road for 8 months and now regularly shutting down various lines at random every weekend they’re really getting Londoners out onto the streets walking. It’s a shame they have paid for tickets which they can’t use – but hey look at the health benefits. But it’s all necessary as the new Crossrail works are forging ahead. It could be just me. But as far as I can see we have to put up with a rubbish transport system where the prices go up year on year until 2018 or something. And then presumably the tickets will be so expensive no-one will be able to afford the eye watering prices to ride on the shiny new trains and lines to everywhere you’ve ever heard of in London. Crossrail. I’m just cross.

And talking of TFL and weight loss that brings me to our porcine Mayor. Soon we’ll get to see those Boris bike figures apparently. Turns out that as I said that the idea that it wouldn’t cost us a penny is half right. It hasn’t cost Londoners a penny to implement the bike scheme. It’s closer to 11 million pounds. As I said I kind of like the idea but I just don’t want to pay for it. Well certainly not if I never use it. So currently most of us are forking out for tourists to wobble dangerously around the streets. See London and get crushed by a lorry. Catchy tourist tagline huh? Finally whilst I’m in my fitness mode I notice that lots of gyms seem to be closing down – pour quoi? Maybe people are cutting back although presumably starvation will assist many in their desire to lose weight. The new recession diet.

So finally spring is with us. Which also heralds the tourist invasion. It’s started already. I was at Kew Gardens last weekend as coach loads of baffled Italians were being herded through the turnstiles. They seemed bemused. I heard one ask the tour guide “Is a big park no? Where are the rides?” Clearly they hadn’t quite given him the whole description. So look out for every museum and art gallery to be rammed every weekend. Forget about using the nearby cafes as they’ll be full too. The invasion has started and because the pound is so weak it’s going to be a big one this year. But do we mind sharing our space with the world. Do we mind our shops filling up with arm waving women? And do we mind our parks becoming al fresco dining rooms for every nation. No. It’s a London thing.