We Have To Stop Telling Parents To Enjoy Every Moment

parenting I am over thirteen months into being a mother of two and there are no words for how hard it is. Since using words is my entire job description that is serious indeed. In those thirteen months I have not had one good nights sleep and my bones feel like they are eighty. Yet I am constantly told by people to ‘enjoy every moment’. As if I am some kind of monster if every moment with my children is not complete joy. Now I love my children more than anything else in this world, (Well, tied with my husband), but pretending parenting is nothing but sweetness and light does no one any favours.

At the moment my daughter is making it hard to write this post because she is doing an adorable peek a boo game and smiling at me, but earlier today she screamed for hours and I could do nothing to comfort her. She is teething and it is one of the hardest things ever. In truth, an unbelievable amount of pressure is put on parents, and on mothers in particular. The standard to be a good mother is one so high you would need a seat on a spacecraft just to reach it. So I write this piece in defiance of the standards that are impossible high, and for all of the people who tell me to ‘just enjoy it’ when I am having a bad day. I mean, when they are doing something they hate, going to the dentist for example, do I tell them to enjoy it because life is short? No, I don’t. Telling sleep-deprived, exhausted parents that they are lucky and to just be happy does no one any favours. Especially as some of them might have post-natal depression. Putting pressure on people to be happy, instead of acknowledging how hard parenting is, just creates unhappiness and pressure for people who are already under a huge amount of pressure.

To be fair I do remind myself that my childrens littleness will go in a flash and I should enjoy it as much as I can. But I am a human being for FFS. Not a robot that can take every crappy moment with a smile. I do not enjoy it when my children are in pain and I cannot comfort them. I do not enjoy the endless sleepless nights and the SAS-like torture of it. I do to like it when my children squabble. I also do not love wiping bottoms, cleaning, tidying or all of the accidental head-butts and scratches. Nor do I enjoy dealing with tantrums, or even a myriad of other domestic crap. And that is okay. It really is.

A clutch of books to think of parcelling up and giving for Christmas. by Milly Adams

 

Murder in the Caribbean by Robert Thorogood

This is to buy with the  book token you could buy your nearest and dearest for Chrimbo as it isn’t out til 27th December.

A bit of sunshine, and why not as the glorious golden leaves of this autumn are biting the dust as DI Richard Poole and his team set about cracking another murder after a boat explodes in the harbour. Who did it, and why leave a ruby behind at the scene of the crime? As events unfold it becomes clear that one can’t outrun the past. I love a good sunny romp, but there is enough of a dark side not to be cloying. A treat, quite frankly.

Published by HQ £7.99/ebook £2.99/audio £12.99

A Daughter’s Gift by Maggie Hope.

When Elizabeth and her four siblings are orphaned, she and her brother are sent to a children’s home; their younger sisters into foster care. Maggie is determined to make a better life for her and her brother and all seems to be more or less on track,e even when she starts work as a nurse, but does she jeopardise it all when she falls for a wounded officer? Marriage to one so far above her is out of the question and her behaviour must be above reproach if she is to retain her job. Even more stress awaits as her sister is adopted by an abusive farmer. How is Maggie to solve all these dilemmas?

A page turner of a novel set in Catherine Cookson country. Give it a try.

Ebury Press £6.99

The Christmas Sisters by the ever popular Sarah Morgan

This is one of those warm  optimistic novels which is just right for Christmas, with a cracking jacket, though there are problems in abundance as Suzanne McBride’s three daughters return for the festivities in the Scottish Highlands.  But as so often at these reunions things from the past bubble to the surface…

A warm rich story to read by the fireside, with a box of chocolates and a glass or two of wine. Enjoy.

HQ Harper Collins   £7.99

Forget my Name by J.S. Monroe

On quite a different pathway, this thriller from the bestselling author of Find Me-  which Frost also enjoyed – sometimes from behind the sofa it must be said.

Munroe cranks up the tension as ‘she’ arrives in Heathrow after a difficult week at work. All her ID has been stolen. OK, report the theft then, but  how, when she can’t remember her own name? Ah, but she can summon up her address.

But when she arrives, Tony and Laura, a young couple live there. She says it’s her home. They say they have never met her before. Who is lying?

This is the sort of nightmare we are pleased to wake from, and find ourselves still in bed. But what do you do when it’s not that sort of a nightmare. Bite your nails and read Forget my Name, or give it to someone in plain brown wrapping paper (as we’re being told to do this year) and let them sweat it out, and tell you the end.

Head of Zeus pb  £18.99

Milly Adams latest series is The Waterway Girls  – pub: Arrow

 

 

 

Twist and Spritz: Just the job for a Christmas present, or – shhhh –  to keep for yourself: by Milly Adams

 

 

Gold

Here in the Frost Magazine office our handbags are in danger of weighting a ton, so any way to lighten the load appeals. Which is why we liked these, so take a look  – a fabulous idea for a Christmas gift, or any time, really, and reasonable enough to buy for yourself.

 

Twist and Spritz 8ml atomizers save carrying around your favourite 100 ml perfume bottle. Just fill, squirt, replace into your bag, and toddle along. It comes in a choice of 18 shades and at Frost we found it so easy to fill, and in an age where one wonders who actually has time to  stuff a tomato, let alone fiddle about putting perfume into a container, what’s not to like?

 

Pink Glitter

 

With this you simply remove the inner bottle from your chosen Twist & Spritz, before placing the valve over the exposed nozzle of the fragrance bottle.  Pump repeatedly until the inner bottle is full, and then replace the this back into the Twist & Spritz. You now have 8ml of fragrance, which equates to 100 sprays; guaranteed to last your whole holiday, wedding or festival.

Silver

Available in great choice of fashion-forward shades, some with a high-shine metallic finish, and slim, sleek design whilst for the fun-loving festival goer there are hero shades including purple, light pink, blue, green and red. For the discerning traveler, there are sophisticated precious metal inspired hues of polished silver, gold and trend led rose gold.

I filled mine with the relatively new perfume, Signature, which was launched in the spring.

I really like its complex scent of citrus, pepper and rhubarb, but also hints of rose, jasmine and ylang ylang add a floral flavour, with base notes of warm woods, dry amber, musk and vetiver adding an air of luxurious sophistication.

The eau de toilette, available from March in L.K.Bennett stores and lkbennett.com, is available in three sizes – 30ml (£35) 50ml (£49) and 100ml (£69); in a beautiful Art Deco-inspired glass bottle designed with iconic branding.

But do decant into your Twist and Spritz so you have some with you always.

As I said, good presents, and why not treat yourself.

Twist & Spritz RRP £10   www.thefragranceshop.co.uk

 

Leverage in Death By J.D Robb | Recommended Reads

J. D Robb Leverage in death

The latest book in the series.

What would you do to protect your family?

When Paul Rogan sets off a bomb at his office, killing eleven people, no one can understand why. He was a loving husband and father, with everything to live for. Then his wife and daughter are found chained up in the family home, and everything becomes clear. Rogan had been given a horrifying choice – set off the bomb, or see his loved ones suffer and die.

Lieutenant Eve Dallas knows the violence won’t end here. The men behind the attack are determined, organised and utterly ruthless. In this shocking and challenging case, both Eve and husband Roarke are heading into serious danger.

Available here.

The Christmas Dinner: Shopping the pain free way!

The Christmas Dinner 2018

Every year I wait for a message from my friend, Liz Fossu to say ‘ The List is up!’. Those four little words are the signal to go shopping. And I hate shopping!

Shopping as my contribution to The Christmas Dinner is the one exception – instead of misery it brings me joy. Someone else has done all the hard work creating the list and putting it up on Amazon. All I have to do is click. I chose four gifts this time – one on behalf of each of my grandchildren. Gifts range from colouring books for £4.99 to holdalls at £19.99. There are scarves, gloves, earphones and a whole host of other gifts to choose from; and the accumulated effect of choosing these gifts spreads joy and goodwill for a whole lot longer than a cup of expensive coffee that costs about the same price.

I have to admit that this is my favourite part of Christmas and I don’t even have to move from my desk to enjoy it. Who’d have thought it?

The Christmas Dinner 2018 Leeds

A huge amount of work goes into making every Christmas Dinner a success. The project was founded by Lemn Sissay, MBE – a care leaver himself. Each year the project grows as more cities set up their own Christmas List and gather a team of volunteers to make Christmas Special for hundreds of young people leaving the care system. Until Liz began sending me her messages I had no idea. I took for granted my big family Christmases – don’t we all. How often I have longed for five minutes peace after all the wrapping that takes hours and is demolished in seconds. But spare a thought for those young people who leave the care system and would crave a boisterous family Christmas. Many of them live in B and Bs, bedsits, or sofa surf. In the same circumstances would you look forward to Christmas?

All the volunteers have busy lives, frenetic jobs, careers and families; they are teachers, lawyers, photographers, PAs – yet they give up their free time, limited as it is, to plan, organise and deliver a wonderful Christmas Day for young people aged 16-25.

It isn’t just Christmas Day that takes up their time but the hours and hours of planning that making each event a fabulous success. There are venues to be secured, food and drink supplies, decorations, transport, people prepared to cook, people to serve – and wash up – oh yes, and all that wrapping. Can you imagine! I live too far away to join in with the Leeds wrapping (sighs with relief) but I’m sure if I didn’t I would enjoy the camaraderie and infectious enthusiasm that is generated when people come together with good will and generous spirit. Because that’s what Christmas is all about after all, isn’t it?

Why not pop over and discover the Christmas List on Amazon. It’s my kind of stress free giving.

And if you want to see what a great time everyone had last year you can watch this great video below.

‘Agatha Raisin and the Dead Ringer’ by M.C. Beaton blasts onto the bookstands  Reviewed by Milly Adams

 

Yes, you’ve guessed it – another Agatha Raisin has hit the bookstands – temporarily because they’re already flying right off again.

 

So it is celebration time in the Frost office, and much unseemly elbowing to be the first to read it, and I WON.

 

Agatha Raisin and the Dead Ringer:  The team of bells at St. Ethelred church is the pride and glory of the idyllic Cotswold village of Thirk Magna, together with the most dedicated bell ringers in the whole of England: the twins Mavis and Millicent Dupin.

 

As the village gets ready for the Bishop’s visit, the twins get over-excited at the prospect of ringing the special peal of bells created for the occasion and start bullying the other bell ringers, forcing them to rehearse and rehearse… until Joseph Kennell, a retired lawyer does the inevitable – snaps and shrieks that he feels like killing them.

 

But does he? Well…

 

Someone broke into the twins home one night, and delivered a hammer blow onto Millicent’s bonce, so was it Joseph? Huh, do you really think I’m going to tell you.

 

Get yourself a glass of champagne, settle yourself down to the treat of the month, or year, and read the glorious happenings that always somehow whirl around the wonderfully politically incorrect Agatha Raisin as she digs, delves and trips over the truth. Agatha our hero, our star, our treat of the year is back. Yay, whoopee, hallelujah.

 

So has the fabulous M.C. Beaton pulled it off again? You darned well better believe it.

 

M.C. Beaton is the New York Times bestselling author of both the Agatha Raisin and the Hamish Macbeth series, as well as numerous Regency romances. Her Agatha Raisin books have been turned into a TV series on Sky, starring Ashley Jensen as Agatha. A second series will be filmed in Spring 2018. She lives in Paris and in a Cotswold village that is very much like Agatha’s beloved Carsely.

 

And… and… we can hardly breathe with excitement – Angela, are you listening, (she’s the latest devotee we have enrolled into the Frost’s Aggy Fan Club ). This winter 2018 the aforementioned second  series of three – yes three 90 minute episodes will be airing based on Agatha Raisin and the Fairies of Fryfam, Curious Curate and Wizard of Evesham, featuring the original cast with Ashley Jensen starring as Agatha.

 

What could be better? Well, we could have been in it, of course, tottering about on similar high heels couldn’t we? Is that really too much to ask? Nonetheless, we’ll be there in front of the TV, choc in one hand, champagne in the other, having a ball with our Agatha.

 

Agatha Raisin and the Dead Ringer by M.C. Beaton hb £17.99

 

(Milly Adams’  latest novel is the last in the Waterways Girls – Hope on the Waterways.’

 

 

A House of Ghosts by W.C. Ryan reviewed by Penny Deacon

 

This is fun.  A séance, aristocratic guests, ghosts, murder and secrets, all on an island cut off by a storm. In 1917. With winter approaching us in the twenty first century, what more could we possibly want? Curl up on the sofa with something warm, and enjoy.

On one level this is a ‘cosy’ read because it has the characteristics of this genre. The claustrophobia of a house cut off by nature and populated with an assortment of guests who each has his or her own secrets and agenda is comfortingly familiar. Murder is to be expected. The background, however, is 1917 and the First World War is entering its most brutal phase.  The characters of Donovan, for whom memories of the Somme are far too vivid, and Kate Cartwright, who lost her brother there, ensure that the reader is never quite allowed to forget the very real horrors just across the Channel from Blackwater Abbey and its oddly assorted guests. The plot ties the two worlds together in a way that is sometimes uncomfortable.

Just as A House of Ghosts  is not quite a ‘cosy’, nor is it a ghost story in a conventional way. But you can’t ignore the ghosts. Nor can the house guests.  The links between the living and the dead may make you shiver occasionally on your comfortable sofa  and wonder where that draught came from.

You are in safe hands with this book. The author is clearly a natural story teller and draws you in to the twists and turns of a plot which is almost as complicated as the Abbey’s architecture.  All does become clear – but you may be surprised. I finished this book feeling that I’d had a good read with a story which wasn’t quite what I’d expected. And that I wouldn’t mind meeting its central characters again.

Review by Penny Deacon, author of A Kind of Puritan  and  A Thankless Child

A House of Ghosts by W.C. Ryan published in hardback 4th Oct, Zaffre, £12.99

The Life of Riley

Frost loves a pantomime (oh yes we do!) and so does Riley Clark, who returns to Bognor Regis this Christmas to slap his thigh in Cinderella as Dandini. We nipped off to the seaside for a cuppa and a chat with him.

Credit:youreventphotography.uk

Q: Cinderella is widely regarded as the best-loved panto of all time. Why do you think this is?
A: Because it is such a classic. It is funny and emotional, with a couple of nasty bits thrown in by those ugly sisters, and of course it is magical.

Q: What makes The Alexandra Theatre in Bognor Regis such a great venue for Panto?
A: It is big enough that you experience lots of audience participation and atmosphere, but small enough to still feel intimate. It is shaped perfectly that you will never miss a gag. But I think my favourite part about working there has to the staff. Everyone who works there is so friendly and helpful that you are sure to have a good experience from the moment you walk through the doors.

Q: As well as several other pantomimes over the years, you starred as the baddie in Beauty and the Beast in Bognor two years ago. We’re guessing that you love panto?
A: I love doing Panto because it’s the one time of year where both actors and audience can come together and be silly while telling a great story and feeling all Christmassy at the same time.

Q: How did you get into acting?
A: After seeing a panto at the age of 8 (I was in my first show aged 9!). I was in awe of the actors onstage, and how they got to tell a story and bring laughter and joy to all of these families – everyone had a couple of hours of pure enjoyment. I decided a couple of years later that I wanted to pursue acting as a career and here I am today. I also perform my own Swing and Rat Pack act.

What is your Christmas wish?
A: that everyone comes to see the show! I know for a fact it’s going to be a great one, and if you’re lucky you may get to see the mice do a little song as well! I wish all Frost readers a very Merry Christmas.

Q: When is it on and how can we book tickets?
A: Cinderella runs from 12 December 2018 – 2 January 2019. Box office on 01243 861010; www.regiscentre.co.uk

FASCINATING PANTO PEARLS

• The word pantomime comes from the Greek words ‘pan’ meaning all, and ‘mimos’ meaning imitator.

• Travelling entertainment in Italy and France, the traditions of the Italian Commedia dell’ Arte were also influences on modern panto, as were British Music Hall and of course traditional fairy stories.

• Cinderella, originally written by Charles Perrault in 1697, was based on a folk story. The slipper was probably made of squirrel fur, but the change to glass came about as a result of a translation mix up: the French word for glass is ‘verre’ and white squirrel fur is ‘vair’. But it was a change for the better. Cinders wearing footwear fashioned from a dead rodent isn’t really in keeping with the romance of the story!

• Fairy Dust was a hurried addition to the original story of Peter Pan. Originally Peter and the Lost Boys could fly independently, but after reports of children injuring themselves as they tried to fly from their beds JM Barrie added Fairy Dust as a requirement for taking flight.