Tag Archives: eating disorders

Four Bs – caring for someone with an Eating Disorder

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Squeaky wheel

There’s  a lot of information and advice out there for those caring for someone with an eating disorder, and in doing everything you can to take care of them, you may forget to be kind to yourself. But you are important too. If you don’t take look after yourself who is going to take care of them while you languish in a hospital bed?

But you are important too. If you don’t take look after yourself who is going to take care of them while you languish in a hospital bed?

Not taking care of myself when my child was ill had a knock-on effect on my own mental health. In the end, I needed counseling too – not only due to her illness but an accumulative effect – that I didn’t deal with things when I should have done. Bad, bad habit. Naughty mummy.

I like keeping things simple and caring for someone is both tiring and emotionally draining. I don’t want to end this week of articles with a long list of instructions, of dos and don’ts.

So here are a few things to remember as you get through your days in helping your child, partner, friend or sibling back to health.

Be aware

Remember that it’s a mental health issue. Once you grasp this it puts everything else into perspective. It’s no good telling someone with depression how lucky they are, how clever, how pretty. It doesn’t work. It’s the same with eating disorders. It’s no good saying ‘It’s simple, just eat‘. It’s not. It’s like climbing Everest. There is no rhyme or reason to their behaviour, because it’s a mental health issue.

Be quick

Get help fast. Statistics show that those who get early intervention recover more quickly. If you suspect someone has an eating disorder go to your GP. If you don’t get any joy check out the information on the B-eat website.

Be a squeaky wheel

There are so many great GPs out there – ours were spectacular in the way they supported my daughter throughout her illness. So many parents are not so fortunate. I have heard many stories of numerous trips to the doctors, paperwork going walkabout, no referrals. Stay on top of the situation. Don’t be quiet and passive – get active. There’s an old saying that it’s the squeaky wheel that gets attention. Be the squeaky wheel.

Be a mirror

You are important too. Don’t neglect yourself by taking care of your loved one. It’s easy to put all of your focus on getting them well – but you need to set an example. If you don’t care for yourself then why should they care for themselves either.

Above all, I wish you a speedy recovery – both your loved and yourself. Eating Disorders affect the whole family and it takes time to recover. Be kind to yourself. Be well

 

Tracy Baines has written a book about how her daughter’s eating disorder impacted on her family. The book It’s Not about the Food is part memoir part self-help guide. It contains resources she found helpful and quotes from many other parents she either interviewed or who responded to her questionnaire.

www.b-eat.co.uk

www.tracybaines.co.uk

 

Eating Disorders – Missing the Signs

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If you’ve been reading my previous articles I know what some of you are thinking. She’s a bit dim isn’t she? How could she not know her daughter had an eating disorder?

That’s what I thought too. How could I have not known? Mother’s should know everything; they are meant to care for and protect their child against all comers.

What a shock it was. I was ashamed. I was a bad mother. Yes, I should have known.

Of course, I knew there was something wrong, I just never dreamed that it was an eating disorder. She wasn’t the type, was she? She loved her food. How wrong I was to dismiss it. It cost us precious time.

The thing is, most people are under the impression that eating disorders are anorexia. End of. Unless they are skeletal they can’t possibly have a problem. Big mistake.

My daughter was hiding things well. If someone wants to keep a secret they will go to great lengths not to be discovered. And my daughter was 19. She went to work, she could drive, she was an adult. She’d been ill for a couple of years – not all the time, some times were worse than others but I knew something was wrong. I went with her to the doctors, got referred to consultants and none of them could find anything wrong. No one mentioned her mental health, no one mentioned eating disorders. They were looking at the physical – as was I.

I took her to numerous alternative practitioners, had a nutritionist come to the house. Again, not one mention of eating disorders. Did they guess and not tell me? I doubt it.

She had always been feisty and strong willed – which can work for you or against you. It was the latter on this occasion. You need huge willpower not to eat. You need lots of determination. A steely core.

She was a stroppy teenager – who isn’t. I had been a stroppy teenager – I’m quite sure my mother still bears the scars from the lacerations of my sharp tongue. My daughter didn’t do anything I hadn’t done, only she did it to extremes.

I knew something was wrong and I was right.

And it would be well to remember this: if you think something is wrong it usually is – so persevere, get help. Don’t dismiss your instincts – they are the most powerful thing you possess.

 

Tracy Baines has written a book about how her daughter’s eating disorder impacted on her family. The book It’s Not about the Food is part memoir part self-help guide. It contains resources she found helpful and quotes from many other parents she either interviewed or who responded to her questionnaire.

www.b-eat.co.uk

www.tracybaines.co.uk

Eating Disorders – Are you asking the right questions

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Eating Disorders

Speaking up

My daughter was 19, almost 20 when I found out she had an eating disorder. A friend had told her that if she didn’t speak to me about it then he would. I will be forever grateful to that young man. How long would it have gone undiscovered otherwise?

She agreed to get help but didn’t feel able to make the call. So I called and got through to the doctor – who couldn’t speak to me because she was over 18. I handed over the phone.

I made other calls and appointments and drove her there and sat outside. And waited, and waited. I wasn’t invited over the threshold. She was an adult, wasn’t she – but she was a vulnerable adult.

She was referred to the eating disorders clinic quite quickly – thank goodness. I went with her to every appointment for weeks; months. I would ring the doorbell because she couldn’t summon up the courage to do that. A simple task, to ask for access. I didn’t know that I should have made her do it herself. I daren’t. I didn’t want to give her any opportunity not to get help.

That was her controlling me, and the eating disorder was controlling her. Fear takes hold and that’s when you lack clarity.

If only someone had told me earlier. If only I had asked.

I didn’t even ask.

I didn’t ask because I knew that NHS resources are overstretched. I didn’t want any professional wasting their time on me. I wanted them to spend their expertise on getting my daughter well because I had no idea what to do.

I should have asked.

I may very well have got the information I needed to help her get stronger. She came out of her appointments and came home with me and I had to deal with the fallout. I had no idea if what I was doing was right or wrong. Pure guess work. I didn’t know anyone else in the same situation and was too embarrassed to ask. I was her mother I should have spotted the signs.

I should have known my child.

Talking about it helps.

Parents need support too. It may very well help the child recover faster. It will certainly help you to speak to others in the same situation. I can’t tell you what a relief it was for me.

 

You can look on the B-eat website for how and what to do if you are concerned that someone you know or love has an eating disorder.

Tracy Baines has written a book about how her daughter’s eating disorder impacted on her family. The book It’s Not about the Food is part memoir part self-help guide. It contains resources she found helpful and quotes from many other parents she either interviewed or who responded to her questionnaire.

www.b-eat.co.uk

www.tracybaines.co.uk

 

Let’s Talk About Eating Disorders

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Please, let’s talk about eating disorders.

The more we talk about it the easier we make it for both those who suffer from one and the wider family who are also affected.

Let’s talk and dispel some of the myths that surround eating disorders – that it’s all about the food. It’s not.

February 27th to March 5th is Eating Disorders Awareness Week and the national charity B-eat will be campaigning to not only shed light on eating disorders but also provide information for parents and carers: how to spot the signs, how to help someone if you think they may have a problem. Early intervention leads to faster recovery.

The majority of people will think that eating disorders are all about food. I thought the same until I discovered my daughter’s eating disorder. I had an inkling that it was also to do with control issues but that was the sum of my knowledge. I was soon to learn otherwise.

Eating Disorders are a mental health issue, and it’s as well to bear that in mind at all times. As soon as I accepted that it wasn’t about getting my daughter to eat but to get her to feel good about herself I was more able to help her. Getting her to eat well came later.

Don’t think that only girls get eating disorders.

Boys get eating disorders too – and men and women of all ages. It can happen to anyone. The powerful image of an emaciated teenage girl sticks with us but you could miss the signs if you become blinkered because of stereotypes.

Don’t think that only extreme thinness denotes the presence of an eating disorder

Plenty of people with eating disorders (or disordered eating ) are a relatively normal body weight. Mental health problems are not so easy to detect. No one talks about it, they are more inclined to go to extreme lengths to keep it a secret. You don’t wear a cast, or a sling; no one wears a badge saying Help, I’m having trouble coping here. Sufferers can binge eat and stay relatively the same weight but still have a problem. As I said, it’s not about the food.

Getting help fast is crucial to recovery.

Our GPs were fantastically helpful, taking my daughter seriously and getting her into the system so that she received the very best of help – all through the NHS. I can never thank the doctors and medical staff enough who got her on the road to recovery. Not everyone is so fortunate.

You can look on the B-eat website for how and what to do if you are concerned that someone you know or love has an eating disorder.

Tracy Baines has written a book about how her daughter’s eating disorder impacted on her family. The book It’s Not about the Food is part memoir part self-help guide. It contains resources she found helpful and quotes from many other parents she either interviewed or who responded to her questionnaire.

www.b-eat.co.uk

www.tracybaines.co.uk