Londoner’s Life 30 – by Phil Ryan

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London is filling up – it’s official. Day by day it’s a combination of the vaguely improving weather and the tourists. All I can say is I’m seriously trying to avoid Central London most weeks now. I’ll stay out on the periphery. The tubes are becoming pretty unpleasant as well as curiously unreliable. And by that I mean it’s like they’re going to mess Londoners around until the Olympic weeks and then they’ll go for a breakdown free period by throwing our money at the problems in bucket loads. There was a great article in the Evening Standard where some TFL lackey mused about the ‘possibility’ that some customers (we’re not customers we are passengers!) MAY HAVE BEEN overcharged. So now they say they will allow us to check our journeys online and see where we’ve been ripped off. I wonder how many people will be able to backtrack their weekly travels with pinpoint accuracy plus how do you prove you were overcharged? And try to imagine how this will work during the Olympic cattle train period. Hm.

But London is full of other activity right now as to give one example – the foodie season slides into view. You know those events with chefs and foreign food suppliers creating dishes no-one ever cooks at home but wishes they could. And if you ever needed edible proof of a financial divide in our London communities you’ll note the explosion in ‘boutique’ foodie shops that sell only olive oil or cheese happily trading in Kensington and Hampstead whereas Cricklewood and Dalston get a new Lidl. Various food festivals are scheduled for parks and exhibition centres giving a slight lie to the ‘recession’ theory. By that I mean there is of course those who are ‘recession’ free. I think these are the same people who seem to be able to afford the ever insanely spiralling housing costs. Is it me but never a week goes by now where I don’t see huge demolition sites popping up across London all carrying artists drawings of ‘a new selection of fine apartments’. They are cramming these places into every nook and cranny they can. And the average prices all start from £850,000. I noted at least four in town where the starting prices were £1.5 million! Huh? I guess London isn’t doing a badly as I thought. But where is this kind of money coming from? It must be from the same folk who buy wind dried Bolivian Llama cheese with pistachios and vintage pear brandy.

The food styles as ever usher in the latest fads – and the new ‘hookah’ shisha cafes seem to be fitfully springing up everywhere but I get the sense they just won’t last. The food is secondary to the sitting there blowing bubbles out of a table lamp as far as I can see. A new one opened up recently in my area (we already have one) and it just looks tacky and slightly seedy. All the cafés interior lights are red for some odd reason giving the customers the appearance of sitting in the recreation of a womb or a nuclear submarine during an emergency dive. There’s a huge flickering TV that no-one seems to be looking at. And the music is that curious thudding Arabic meets disco style that screams how trendy and cosmopolitan our patrons are. This ignores the fact that they are killing themselves with a highly carcogenic substance as they puff away like beagles on acid. But they are clearly trend setters. On the Edgware Road I understand it as it is officially part of the Gulf States up there. But in most other places it just looks vaguely out of place. And they all seem to have a temporary air. There is something vaguely inevitable about it. I give my new local one about three months. Style eh?

Finally the papers are full of it. It really is strike season in London with a vengeance. Almost every Transport group is faced with demands for more money from its staff (the Olympic effect) plus other obscure groups are now getting in on the act. My favourite group being the Traffic Wardens. These guys (who I personally can’t stand) are I understand badly paid as they gleefully extort money with official sanction from all London councils.

I know they are people and they are only following orders and I know they have targets to hit. BUT. No-one likes them and it’s not just a London thing. And it would be ironic if they went on strike. Because people still wouldn’t like them! Even though, we might get some relief from the extortionate parking charges that are now a staple of every London Borough. The sad fact however is that when the strike ends the Council will just charge motorists even more to make up their losses (see Camden Council the biggest bunch of hypocrites on the planet) Like many London Councils they have a ‘green agenda’. This involves ripping off motorists, lying about it, er that’s it. But hey ho that’s how the cookie crumbles nowadays. And no matter how ludicrous the charges get (I personally pay more for my residents parking permit than I do for my car tax!!!) We have no choice. No car means tons of inconvenience and a loss of personal freedom for thousands of us. But do Londoners get upset. Yes they do. Will it ever change? No.It’s a London thing.