One of my favourite daily mindful practices is to go out for a walk, just me & the dog, no phone, just us & nature. I absolutely relish it. It’s my happy place.
I had my first ever panic attack on a dog walk, I literally thought I was dying & didn’t know what on earth was going on. I thought I was having a heart attack. I was terrified. At the time I was cycling 20-30kms a week, doing yoga, I couldn’t have been fitter at 50. So I just couldn’t believe it was a heart attack.
I was beginning to realise that the chaos of the previous year or so wasn’t because I was going mad like I thought, but was more likely caused by the menopause. I thought I had sailed through the menopause because in my head I was Peter Pan. I was in denial. Big time.
So I started investigating my symptoms, talking to professionals, other women & friends & realised it wasn’t just me & I probably wasn’t going mad, it was probably menopause.
I briefly considered going holistic & investing in some flower petals to solve it…but I was so lost that I realised a few rose petals was just not going to cut it. In the end I resorted to HRT (that is another story).
But I also realised I couldn’t heal & get better in the environment I was living in which had become really toxic & unhealthy, so we moved again (for the 4th time in 3 years). And so began the recovery which has evolved into an amazing journey of self-discovery & spiritual growth. And now I feel better than ever.
But I digress. I was beginning to think what I had experienced on my dog walk had been a panic attack because I’d experienced more & talked to friends. One shared an article about the links between alcohol, caffeine, the menopause & anxiety. I barely drank anymore…one glass & my filter was right off & things were fragile enough. So I ditched the caffeine & had another ah ha moment: I had had a panic attack. And it was fuelled by the menopause.
So using my mindfulness training I started to recognise the physical signs my body was giving me when the anxiety started to rise. I was particularly mindful not to drink coffee to exacerbate it. I would ground myself, connecting my feet into the floor to centre & balance myself physically. Then I would gently challenge my thoughts & remind myself: this is just menopause, it’s not real, this is just anxiety, it’s not real, it’s not real – until I felt calm.
And I only had to do that a couple of times & my panic attacks were over.
And that is the power of a mindfulness practice. All those frustrated meditations at the beginning when I thought I was doing it wrong, and therefore I was failing, I was learning & when I really needed it I had the answers & could solve the problem.
Sadly, the menopause being what it is, the anxiety passed but now my happy place was being sabotaged by suicidal thoughts. I would stand by the farm gate onto the bypass that ran alongside the fields willing myself to step in front of a lorry. I felt a failure & didn’t know another way out.
Thankfully again a logical, mindful voice of reason would remind me: these are not the thoughts of a happy healthy mind, these are the thoughts of an unhappy, unhealthy mind, no need to act on them. I must not believe everything I think. And I would not only step away from those thoughts in my head & become more of an observer to them but I would also literally step backwards & walk away with those replacement mindful words reverberating in my head.
And again I repeated this process several times & I just stopped doing it or even thinking about it.
And all this was possible because as my practice developed, I learnt more & grew. What’s more, I kept practicing even if I didn’t think I needed to. And as my practice evolved so did a much more profound conscious awareness of how I was feeling, what I was thinking, how I was behaving & being.
I believe thoughts are energy. So it makes sense to me to be more mindful of my thoughts & the quality of them because only I can change the way I am thinking. And in changing the way I am thinking, this changes the things I am doing & how I am being. This has changed my life.
And yes 18 months or so ago I would have said I was at the end of my tether. But I have learnt so much, healed, transformed and now I feel better than ever. I am grateful for my meno journey for it broke me into a million pieces to allow the light in, to quote another Rumi favourite & make space for this growth & healing.
And you know it is possible for you to learn how to bring a more mindful approach into your life & to learn how to meditate & how these beautiful practices can literally change your life in the same way they have & continue to change my life.
If you would like to find out more about creating your own self-care practices check out Alex’s FB group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/mindfulnessyoga4selfcare
Or on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/alexbannard/
Incorporate short yoga sequences & meditations as part of your self-care toolkit with guided practices on Alex’s YouTube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCQlKZJ7MeyYc6lqkv6seISw
For more info check out www.alexbannard.com
Alex is based on the edge of the stunning Cotswolds & has been sharing her love for all things yoga & mindfulness for almost a decade, not just in the UK but also around the world. Having used her training & knowledge to navigate her own menopausal journey & create a life in which she is thriving, Alex is devoted in supporting other’s in this life changing transition.