The surprising Scandinavian approaches to child-rearing by Alex Dahl

alex dahl, author, writer, childrearing, playdate‘Playdate’ by Alex Dahl is published on 1st October by Head of Zeus 

 In the Scandinavian countries, children are raised quite differently than in the UK and most of the rest of the world, where fear culture feels more prevalent- fear of strangers, accidents, legal action, bad weather- the list goes on. The Scandi approach is rather less fussy and children are given an almost baffling level of freedom. They are expected to get to and from school alone, often from the age of six, sometimes walking a considerable distance, come rain or shine (or more likely, blizzards.) In the winter it is pitch-black dark when they leave home. 

When I was a child growing up in Norway, my mother’s policy was- spend most of your time outdoors, and if there’s a problem- fix it. I had a pocket full of band-aids and a bus pass, plus a few tried-and-tested recipes for afternoon snacks.

As an adult, and a domestic-noir/psychological thriller writer, I draw inspiration from the Scandinavian countries’ laissez-faire attitude, and will gladly admit that it’s rather convenient that certain plotlines, which may seem unlikely to happen in the UK are perfectly feasible in Norway. Like being asked to take a little boy home on a stormy evening, whose parents have failed to turn up- the very premise for my debut thriller, The Boy at the Door. It’s happened to me, more than once, and I’ve also turned up to pick up my kids from somewhere, only to be told that they’ve already been collected by ‘so-and-so’s dad’ or random uncle, whom I’ve never met. Or like sending your child on a sleepover when you’ve only briefly met the parents once, a decision that has disastrous consequences in my new thriller, Playdate.

I ended up doing some involuntary research when my own daughter went briefly missing during the edits of Playdate. I had recently returned to Norway and was adjusting to the Scandinavian style of parenting after a stint in London. I allowed my then nine-year-old daughter to take a bus alone home with a friend to the friend’s house after school. I was in my office, working on the book, when the mother of the friend called, several hours later. She asked whether the girls had gone to ours. Floored by panic, I explained they had definitely gone to theirs, and she said- well, they can’t have as the alarm was activated and the dog shut away in one room, and the first thing the girls would do when they get home is deactivate the alarm and let the dog out. 

The other mother immediately started to comb the neighborhood for them while I rushed over. We were about to phone the police, when she went into a local shop to ask whether the girls had been in, and another customer overheard, saying he’d seen two little girls in the nearby forest, trying to free a ride-on pink Barbie truck from thick mud. The girls had refused offers of help, having been drilled on the dangers of strangers… I got my girl home, but had never known such fear, and I went back over Playdate and infused it into the mother of the missing girl.

Playdate by Alex Dahl is available here