Doctor Who 'The Wedding of River Song' Review

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And so The Doctor goes to meet his fate by the lake in Utah, bringing Season 6 of Doctor Who full circle and wrapping things up in a satisfying and rewarding conclusion.

That would’ve been nice.

Sadly, that’s an entirely different episode to the one we got – and that got on my wick, I’m afraid.

Now don’t get me wrong, ‘The Wedding of River Song’ was a fun episode full of beautiful visuals, cracking dialogue, sweet in-jokes, and nice ideas; it was far from rubbish. Indeed, had it been placed mid-season I’d probably be lauding it as a classic.

It was just as barmy and lovable as we’ve all come to expect, with Pterodactyls chasing kids, Charles Dickens on the BBC Breakfast sofa and a pit full of carnivorous skulls. I was also pleased to see the return of Dorium Maldovar – a brilliant, brilliant character who I was heartbroken to have seen killed earlier in the season. There was even a poignant and touching tribute to the late, great Nicholas Courtney. Good stuff.

No, the problem lay in the basic DNA of its existence. The point of the episode, the whole reason for its being; to resolve the death of the Doctor,… and it is here that I felt it fall flat.

Firstly, while the alternative universe is fun and clever, it is essentially a massive distraction to the business at hand. We’ve had 12 episodes of “Doctor’s Death” foreshadowing so far this series. To me, the enjoyment of all that grandiose myth-building was guessing and wondering how the Doctor could possibly escape. This is, after all, Doctor Who; he was ALWAYS going to escape.

But Stephen Moffat wasn’t interested in telling that story. Indeed, so un-troubled was he by the resolution to this 13-episode jigsaw puzzle that he tossed it away in the final 5 minutes. He was more interested in telling us the tale of,… well I’m not actually sure. It certainly wasn’t “How Amy met Rory” – he’d already done that one in the finale to Series 5.

By creating an alternate reality with a giant re-set switch, and throwing the Doctor’s death away as a cheap and obvious trick, nothing that anyone does at any point in this episode makes a blind bit of difference to the place we end up when the credits roll.

Had River not cocked things up, the Doctor would still have survived his “death”, the Silence would still be patting their collective squidgy backs at a job well done and Amy would’ve continued her lucrative perfumery career.

In fact, the only difference that the alternate reality plot made to the conclusion of the season was that River and The Doctor got married, and blabber-mouth Melody Pond could tell all and sundry that the Doctor was still alive. And I really can’t help feeling that they didn’t need 45 minutes to tell that story – 10 would’ve done.

And that’s this episode’s biggest mistake; although it was exciting and pretty and whiz-bangy, it was, ultimately, pointless. Like a cheap fairground ride, I enjoyed it while it lasted but, having stood in the queue for an hour eating candy floss, I left the podium feeling a little dizzy and wondering whether it was worth all the fuss.

It didn’t help that the climatic reveal of how the Doctor survived his date with destiny turned out to be a rather dull and obvious get-out-jail-free card. From the very second the Tessalector popped back at the start of the episode, I knew how the Doctor was going to survive. It was so blindingly obvious that I convinced myself that it was actually some kind of cunning double bluff. Imagine my crushing disappointment when it turned out to be nothing of the sort.

As a resolution to the “final end” of the Doctor, it felt cheap and unworthy. Indeed, much like the rest of this episode, it felt like Stephen Moffat had written himself into a corner with his dazzling story-arc shenanigans,… only to bottle on the finishing straight.

This has been an outstanding series of Doctor Who, easily the best since the show returned in 2005 – and potentially one of the best single seasons of the show since it’s heyday in the 1970’s. The conclusion deserved to be as epic and clever and thoughtful as the rest of the run.

But sadly, despite the craziness, the adventure and the laughs, ‘The Wedding of River Song’ left me wanting more. And not in a good way.