Londoner’s Life 29 – by Phil Ryan

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Londoner’s Life 29 – By Phil Ryan

Boris won. Ken lost. So that’s the Mayoral nonsense out of the way. I popped into my local church and put my cross in the boxes. Curious really, a kind of religious voting experience. But it was probably a futile gesture as nothing much will change. Everything will stay expensive. Nothing will get cheaper. And the weirdo fringe candidates like the BNP and Liberal Democrats attracted hardly any support in the end. So what was the point of them all? It was Boris vs Ken. And think of all the money they both wasted. But hey that’s democracy so I guess I shouldn’t complain. In London we seem to lead the way in fairness and openness. That is unless of course you’re trying to get into the country via Heathrow. Yes London’s premier airport is leading the world now in queues. It’s our Olympic year and London is saying welcome and come on in. You’ve flown for a few hours and now as a welcoming exercise we’d like you to stand in line for three more tedious hours and shuffle along like drugged penguins. Our staff have all been employed only if they are miserable and intolerant. Make any kind of fuss – even slightly raise your voice and miraculously we have loads of staff to escort you to an interrogation room. Hm. And I love our chip and pin type passports with their hi tec machines plus their human components. Last month I flew back from France. Confidently headed for the chipped passport gates but before I got there a very kind lady stopped me and explained how to use them. Hm.

Isn’t the point being that it’s a machine with clear instructions. So I listened to her briefly and her two colleagues who came across to assist her! I didn’t want to seem rude so instead of putting my passport on the reader I politely let them waste five minutes of my time and then I did what I was intending all along. I put my passport on the reader and looked at the camera thing. The gates opened and I ran for the Heathrow Express. Over manning or what? Meanwhile the other queue snaked back out of the corridor. Welcome to London.

My favourite new bit of over hyping Olympic nonsense was the pure London moment when the army went to Bow to put missiles onto the roofs of tower blocks to find many already had them. Just kidding! But seriously the kids are more armed than the army round that way. Pity the terrorist who wanders into Bow, he’s done for. Personally I think it’s a scam by Barratt’s Homes or even the Government. I mean imagine if they do shoot down a plane. Where does it crash exactly? Bow or Canning Town somewhere. It’s a regeneration project essentially dressed up as security. But we lurch closer to the joy of the Olympics with each passing week. My most chilling moment was watching some bland nerk from Transport for London (TFL) colloquially known as Totally ********* London. He stood in front of the front of a station and calmly asserted that there would be 3 million more tube passengers using the system EVERY DAY during the Olympics. What? Have any of them actually been on the tube? It is going to be a nightmare. But then only a London official could make the following statement. He went on to say that today they were launching a poster campaign and get this ‘encouraging Londoner’s to find different ways to get to work’. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaagh. Different ways? What Hot Air balloons, jet packs, levitation. How about roller skates? It’s like they’ve collectively all dropped some acid. They have abandoned any grasp on reality. But hey ho! This is London and TFL and anything is possible apparently. Come the games it’s essentially going to be the world’s largest and sweatiest mobile game of Twister!

But it’s not all bad news. It’s the Queens Diamond Jubilee celebration soon (god bless her). A procession of golden boats and pageantry and an opportunity for street parties. So here in London it’s a chance for another holiday as remember its bank holiday season. Every other week seems to be a holiday. Which on the one hand is great. On the other the train companies calmly make every weekend a train free zone. And from what I see on some of the weekend jubilee celebrations the train companies will do their level best to stop you getting there. No wonder Londoners get so resigned to their travelling fate. However at my local London Overground station when I head for the platform the staff now excitedly tell me we have trains honestly lots of them look go and see! It’s quite touching in a way.

Finally trend news moment. It’s now the complete rise of the east with the Sushi places I’ve mentioned before. But now I see a blossoming undercurrent of new British themed gastro pubs or ‘eating rooms’ as they trendily call themselves. It’s suddenly organic sausages and Kent potatoes and gravy. And whilst I cautiously welcome this type of place (all very 50’s in decor but British 50’s mind you so coooool) again the prices are very scary. I went to a new one plugged in the Evening Standard and paid eighteen pounds for some chops. Not very recession friendly. Conversely I notice most of them are signed up to that Taste Card company (as am I) Discount food seems the only way they can get people in at the start of the week. Remember folks it’s a double dip recession so watch those pennies. And choose carefully. Although is it stopping us going out to these places? Are people baulking at the prices? No not really. It’s a London thing.

Boris Johnson’s Workout Secrets. (Yes, Really)

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THE WINNERS WORKOUT


Boris Johnson’s personal trainer, Jon Denoris reveals the secrets behind Boris’s workout routine

After a month working with his new personal trainer, Jon Denoris, the new Mayor of London Boris Johnson can do 100 push up’s p/session, has lost 8kg and three inches of his waistband, as well as making significant life changes.

As part of Jon’s new ‘Pop Up Gym’ initiative to improve fitness and office diets in preparation for 2012 London Olympics, he has released a bespoke workout plan; similar to Boris Johnson’s to help readers get fit at work.

7AM – Power Smoothie

Blend two scoops of strawberry whey protein, two tablespoons of bio yoghurt, a handful of granola and a cup of skimmed milk. Add ice to finish. Drink one third immediately.

7.30AM – Clock-face drill

A simple ten-minute exercise routine. Begin in the starting position for a press-up, spin your body round like clock hands with your bellybutton as the axis. Randomly choose clock-face positions to spin to.

7.40AM – Power Smoothie

Finish the Power Smoothie made earlier.

8AM – Commute

In honour of our new mayor, take a Boris bike to work or walk at a brisk pace.

11AM – Desk based exercise

Break up your morning with a quick ten-minute stretch.

With your left hand, grip the underside of your chair. Slide to the right hand side of your chair and then pull down with your left arm. Whilst doing this, turn your head to the right and place your right hand on your head. Apply gentle pressure before swapping.

11.10AM – Snack

Elevenses are the highlight of most office workers’ mornings. Ensure that your meal contains a combination of protein and carbohydrates, such as peanut butter on wholegrain toast, orange segments and cottage cheese or nuts and an apple.

1PM – Lunchtime workout

If the office doesn’t subscribe to the Pop Up Gym classes, Denoris recommends a circuit based routine designed to be done in the office or in a nearby park. Do 20 reps for each exercise and then repeat as many times as possible in half anhour.

· Body weight squats. With your hands across your chest and your backside stickingout, lower your thighs so that they are parallel to the floor. Hold and then rise slowly.

· T-stand push-ups. When at the top of your push-up, rotate the body and stretch one arm out to the side and then up to the sky. Follow by switching sides.

· Lateral lunges. Begin by standing with both legs together and then lunge sideways, bending your knees. Follow by touching your feet with both hands, keeping the trailing leg straight. Return to a standing position before alternating legs.

· Single-arm rowing. Once squatting, lean forwards, sticking your bum out until it is 45degrees to the floor. Whilst using one arm to stabilise yourself, pick up your bag and lift it up and down ten times. Then alternate.

· Bicycle kicks. Lying on your back, cradle your head with your hands. Bring your shoulder blades off the ground whilst bending your knees. Alternate, touching each elbow to the opposite knee.

1.45PM –Lunch

Aim for a vegetable and protein-rich lunch. For example, two grilled mackerel fillets on a bed of spinach, with olive oil and lemon to taste.

4PM – Desk stretch

Place your left leg on a chair or staircase. Bend your knee, extend your right arm until vertical and pulse forwards until you feel a gentle stretch through the hip. Alternate sides.

4.10PM – Snack

Similar to the morning snack, mix up protein with carbohydrates. Denoris suggests pitta bread and tuna or a hard-boiled egg and a whole wheat bagel.

6.30PM – Commute home

Again on a bike or walking.

7.30PM – Dinner

Denoris recommends chicken stir-fried in peanut oil with garlic chilli soy sauce, sweet chilli sauce and basil leaves. Serve with brown rice.

00.00AM – Bedtime

Constantly restricting sleep is an easy way to gain weight. Keep your sleep and waking times consistent. Aim for between six to eight hours a night.

Alpines – new single released in June | Music News

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Following the releases of the ‘Night Drive’ EP, ‘Cocoon’ and their recent collaborations with Maya Jane Cole, Craze + Hoax and Darksky, Alpines announce the release of their new single ‘Empire’ on June 11th.

With support from Grimmy, Zane Lowe, Annie Mac and 6 music through to Pitchfork, Fader and Abeano among others, Alpines also found a fan in Florence Welch when she asked them to support Florence and The Machine on their recent sold out Alexandra Palace shows in March; “they sound like The xx crossed with Kate Bush”.

Listen to the new single below:

 

[soundcloud url=”http://api.soundcloud.com/tracks/44865175″ params=”auto_play=false&show_artwork=true&color=ff7700″ width=”100%” height=”166″ iframe=”true” /]

Free Cymbals download | Music News

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Following the recent release of their mini album, out now on Tough Love Records, Cymbals have released a free download via their soundcloud page. The song is a remix of their recent single ‘No Bad Decisions’ by US psychedelic pop maverick Lazy Hurricane.

 

[soundcloud url=”http://api.soundcloud.com/tracks/45277360″ params=”auto_play=false&show_artwork=true&color=ff7700″ width=”100%” height=”166″ iframe=”true” /]

 

 

Bullion: new EP released 7th May, listen in full here | Music News

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Acton “chillwave” artist Bullion his new EP ‘Love Me Oh Please Love Me’ on May 7th. The 6 track EP features 5 songs written by Bullion along with a cover of ‘The Age of Self’ by Robert Wyatt. The mini-album features Bullion only on drum machines, guitars, synths and vocals. The record is available to pre-order here and to listen to below:

 

[soundcloud url=”http://api.soundcloud.com/playlists/1946409″ params=”auto_play=false&show_artwork=true&color=ff7700″ width=”100%” height=”450″ iframe=”true” /]

 

Female & British | Friday Five

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A new feature and a simple one. It’s Friday. You should be working but you can’t be bothered. Frost will introduce you to five brilliant acts that if you’re not listening to already, then you ought to be. This week the brief is British and Female.

 

Es Muss Sein – a young female singer from Kent., first seen supporting Glasvegas at their recent London show. This track is a live version of ‘Sail’ from her recent ‘Es Muss Sein’ EP.

 

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tYcCqKiy98o&w=560&h=315]

 

She Makes War – in her own words she’s a “London-dwelling gloom-pop solo artist” and one who recently covered Madonna in collaboration with Hope and Social. Below is ‘Exit Strategy, the lead track from her recent ‘Little Battles’ LP. If you’re quick you can catch her on tour now.

 

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YkyPXSwHYB0&w=560&h=315]

 

Evans The Death – a slice of Babes in Toyland-esque speed-pop from a great new London band:

 

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cdk9x3CEca4&w=560&h=315]

 

Eliza Newman – ok so she wasn’t born here, or indeed born Newman. When I first saw her live, with previous outfit Bellatrix, she was under the name Eliza Geirsdóttir but let’s not split hairs over a voice this good. Originally from Iceland, now resident in London she writes beautifully complex pop songs. ‘Pie In The Sky’ is the title track to her 2nd solo album, released last year.

 

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0UsuT7oIzc0&w=560&h=315]

 

Scout Niblett – originally from Nottingham, now resident in Portland, Oregon, Ms Niblett has been rocking her minimalist sound for over a decade to critical acclaim. This track, ‘Your Beat Kicks Back Like Death’, is a superb mix of drums and vocals. Splendid!

 

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JtWDDq9h0F8&w=420&h=315]

 

 

 

 

THQ CONFIRMS DEVELOPMENT OF SAINTS ROW: THE THIRD – ENTER THE DOMINATRIX

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Thank heavens April Fools day jokes are long gone – otherwise one could be forgiven for thinking this latest announcement from THQ Inc was a prank but isn’t.  THQ and Volition, Inc have announced the development of Saints Row: The Third – Enter The Dominatrix, a standalone expansion to Saints Row: The Third.

Slated for an Augsty/ Septemberish release date on Xbox 360, PlayStation 3 and PC, Saints Row: The Third – Enter The Dominatrix looks to take the award-winning, over-the-top action of Saints Row: and mix it up a little by throwing in super powers.

Executive Vice President of THQ Danny Bilson, stated in a recent press release “Faster than a speeding cyber jet bike, more powerful than a chromed-out SUV, able to leap flying aircraft carriers in a single bound… That’s the power you’ll find inside the Dominatrix. Use it for good. Use it for evil. Use it for whatever you want. As always in Saints Row, it’s up to you,”

With a franchise of reportedly more than 11 million units shipped globally so far, it looks like an incredible amount of fun for Saints Row fans and most importantly as it’s a standalone expansion will give users good reason to hold on to their copies and not trade them in just yet.

Enter the Dominatrix picks up immediately following the events of Saints Row: The Third with a story just as wacky and fun. For those of you not up to date with Saints Row, it is kind of like a mix between Grand Theft Auto and…erm something very very different. Put it this way, it has long been regarded as the guilty pleasure of gaming. Very tongue in cheek and serious at the same time, wrestlers, gangsters, guns and hitting people over the head with a huge bright pink dildo. This expansion sounds like it will add something very Matrixy to the mix and increase its longetivity.

More details and a first look at Saints Row: The Third – Enter the Dominatrix will be available this summer stay tuned to Frost for more details.

She Makes War + Hope And Social cover Madonna in collaboration | Music News

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London-based singer She Makes War has taken time out from her UK tour with Chris TT to join Leeds rockers Hope And Social on their Crypt Covers project. The songstress joined the band to record a cover of Madonna’s ‘Dress You Up’ and you can watch the video below. The song is the 2nd installment of the project, which last month saw them team up with Ellen & The Escapades to record a cover of Robert Palmer’s “Addicted To Love”. A full album from the project is due later this

Catch SMW on tour now. Details here.

 

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p_1FgQuyx9Q&w=560&h=315]