After reading BFI advice on writing a review of your own film I thought why not!

Le Fear II: Le Sequel is a 90 minute 100% improvised feature film about the making of a film. Based in London U.K it follows the journey of hapless 22 times film director Carlos Revalos [Kyri Saphirs] who is about to embark on his biggest movie yet Le Fear II: Le Sequel a film noir horror love story. Carlos’s journey starts with a meeting with the shrewd movie executive Dirk Heinz [Andrew Tiernan] who agrees to back Carlos’s film as long as Revalos puts up some of his own cash as collateral, one other condition is that Carlos intertwines his movie with Nollywood  [Nigeria] the fastest growing film industry in the world. Dirks Secretary Helga [Shona McWilliams]does the paperwork and the deal is done commence the movie.

The world’s worst director Carlos Revalos meets the world’s worst film producer Efi womonbogo [Seye Adelekan] the clash of the titans or rather the clash of the tits, because these guys each are as clueless as the other about filmmaking. Efi has his entourage, Africa special effects [Roxy Sternberg], Femu [Schee Bell] the runner and Witch Dr Charles [Sean Earl McPherson] none of which really have a clue what to do. Carlos has his film crew Jacques the French cinema photographer, [Hadien Mekki], Jessie [Leila Reid], the production assistant Chafarafa the Script Supervisor [Jay Croot] Berwyn [Catherine Balavage] the stunt coordinator and Queenie [Victoria Hopkins] the Makeup artist. Hollywood meets Nollywood this is where the fun begins, and Conflict time! Everything Carlos wants, romance, film noir and horror is not delivered by Efi who has a different take on it with his motley crew. Africa the vibrant special effects girl, who apparently worked on big movies, Efi Tells Carlos “Avatar and Pride and plagiarist”. Africa brings Carlos nothing but cheap sci-fi effects which she believes is the best thing since sliced bread. That’s the problem with the Nollywood guys they believe their shit is good shit, and Carlos the man who has his own money on the line £500000, is in deep lumber. Bring on the Piece de résistance the actors within the film. We have the fiery French actress Racquel [Denise Moreno] and the green drama school first time film actor Oliver[Jack W. Carter] they cause poor Revalos’s pain to deepen not only is he combating of a motley crew from Nollywood he has disgruntled actors to please now can it get any worse? YES. The film set is not a beautiful purposed built location but a make shift set the input of Efi, “I wanted to make a film noir not a camping film” Jacques tells Carlos. The plot thickens and Carlos calls Dirk to sort out this rabble “Dirks going to have your arse” Carlos tells Efi who replies “My ass is he gay?” Dirk arrives and puts Carlos straight, the movie continues we now bring in two other actors within the movie these hired by Efi Vanessa [Vampire] Eleanor James Dr Strange [Julian Lamoral Roberts] Bmovie actor, Vanessa drives Berwyn the stunt coordinator barmy and proceeds to act more like a L’Oreal shampoo advert than scare people. We also have a student filmmaker Mickey [Warren Taylor] who is filming behind the scenes of the film within the film.

The night scenes have to be the most classic and funniest ones we have Witch doctors, Lesbian Vampires, Alien Explosions and a very angry actress “SUSHI DE MERDE Carlos you are a piece of shit little man! I’m going back to Paris right now” Carlos now one actress short of a picnic or rather of making his worst movie, and now without a location when disgruntled land owner Tom Dickinson[Ian Cullen] arrives and kicks them off “my land what are you doing in my land are you filming one of those pornographic films?” Efi replies “I swear on my father’s grave and my mother’s goat”

Le Fear II: Le Sequel will go down in history if Carlos can manage to complete it won’t be the classic he longed for but his worst yet. Bring on a new actress Racquel replacement Lucy Lou [Aiko Horiuchi] a Japanese actress brought in by Efi she joins the madness. “Can we use it?” Carlos asks Jacques about the new location, “Yes but I don’t want my name on that movie” Jacques replies “At this stage fuck your name” Carlos tells him the film gets more crazier and continues to deliver humour right until the end.

Summary Comedy is complex some people laugh at Dad’s Army, Fawlty Towers and Porridge all classic British Comedies others won’t get the humour of those classics! some will love Flight of the conchords and Curb your enthusiasm and others won’t, you can’t make everyone laugh no matter how good the comedy is, Le Fear II: Le Sequel has already made a few people smile and laugh and we hope to continue to do so, I’m not going to say we created the best film within film the world but we have made a film that me and the producers are very proud of we are proud of the cast and how hard they worked to create the humour the crew and how hard they worked to get the camera lighting and sound to be as good as it is the editor who has done a great job and the musicians who have supplied us with a great soundtrack.

I will leave you with some other funny lines from the film Le Fear II: Le Sequel

Cast Lines

Carlos Revalos [Kyri Saphiris]

“They Buy a bloody blow up doll, stick some sparklers up its arse, and call it special effects of a high budget production”

Dirk Heinz [Andrew Tiernan]

“You’ve got a fucking film to make, so pull it out of the bag”

Lucy Lou [Aiko Horiuchi]

“My English is very little”

Jacques [Hadrien Mekki]

“You’re just crazy fucking English people who want to drink tea; I just want to make a good film”

Racquel [Denise Moreno]

“If we die what happens? Because I don’t feel I’m going to come out this film alive”

Africa [Roxy Sternberg]

“It’s beyond Hollywood, Nollywood, Woody Allen my gosh we have it”

Dr Strange [Julian Lamoral Roberts]

“If Crossed I get cross if cross I need Blood”

Jessie [Leila Reid]

“Can you teach Carlos to keep the fire inside of him”

Vanessa [Eleanor James]

“I’m a professional actress I have been in god knows how many movies”

Queenie [Victoria Hopkins]

“Do you like it wet? I bet you do I bet you like it real moist Don’t you?”

Berwyn [Catherine Balavage]

“Oh I’m swishing my hair like I’m in a 1970’s fucking porn film”

Witch Dr. Charles [Sean McPherson]

“Ring Nigerian now £5, no problem”

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[Editorial note: Frost Magazine founder and owner Catherine Balavage played Berwyn in Le Fear, Le Sequel]