Category Archives: Relationships & Love

Wendy's baby diary – baby scans

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Wendy’s baby diary – 26 weeks (5 months 3 weeks)

Pregnant memories

So much happens when you’re pregnant and I felt like I’d
remember everything but once you’ve given birth all you think about is the baby
and you start to forget cravings, indigestion, swollen feet, back ache and baby’s internal movements. So while I’m thinking about it I’ll record some pregnancy memories in this baby
diary.

Scans

Standard scan times are 12 weeks pregnant, then 20 weeks.
A lot of mums will only have these two
scans. We had more scans for personal reasons – I first saw Dillon at 6 weeks
old and he was just a heartbeat then.  Another
scan at 8 weeks and he looked like a little piglet, at 13 weeks like Skeletor
from He-Man, at 20 weeks like a normal baby and at 23 weeks we paid for a
private 4D scan at www.future-babies.co.uk  It was a great experience In some ways as his
grandmother-to-be attended and was able to see Dillon’s muscles and face as
well as his internal organs. We had a DVD made which was not very good – it was
recorded at double speed not real time so all his movements were too fast. They
also put music over his heartbeat recording so it’s not audible. And they got his
sex wrong.

A final scan at 32 weeks to find out if Dillon was breech
and by now he was so big you could only see half of his body on the screen at
any one time.

Off meat

For about 10 weeks of my pregnancy I didn’t eat meat –
red or white. The look, smell and taste of meat made me feel sick. There was
something about the dead flesh that repulsed me.  That was a short lived veggie experience.

Baby Swimming

Dillon had cried in the last two sessions but his 30
minute swimming lesson went much better this week and he was dunked underwater
3 times. We booked his lessons through www.babyswimming.co.uk
and my husband does the class. Quite a lot of dads have been ‘nominated’ to do
the lesson – for us it is a good opportunity for some father son bonding as the
swimming lesson is on a Saturday. Dillon is so tired afterwards he sleeps for a
good hour and we get to eat out while he has his nap.

BBQ

Speaking of eating out we went to a friend’s bbq at the
weekend and saw some friends for the first time since I gave birth . Even
though you know having children will change your life I don’t think you
appreciate how much, and when friends organise get togethers in the daytime you
say a silent prayer of thanks, as it gives both parents the opportunity to
attend.  Evening activities mean that one
or the other or usually neither of us get to go. There’s a big lifestyle shift
from being single to being in a relationship, to moving in / getting married to
having children – you get more familiar with four particular walls.

Clothes

Buying a size larger for the baby has backfired, he’s now wearing outfits that are falling off him. Babies are tricky!

© Wendy Thomson 2011

Wendy Thomson is the editor of www.femalearts.com an online publication
which promotes women in the arts and in business.

SILVER FOXES ARE SEXIEST: What Turns Women On

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It’s official – men with grey hair are sexy.

A new study has found that over half of
women over the age of 40 prefer their man
to have greying locks like George Clooney
or Philip Schofield.

Dyed hair, however, is a big turn off, with one in three women
giving it the thumbs down. And the beard, though making
something of a comeback, still tends to rub women up the
wrong way.

The survey of 2,000 women by mature dating website
Footloose Dating aimed to discover the most, and least,
attractive physical qualities in a potential partner.
The poll reveals that for 54 per cent of women the “silver fox”
look is the number one turn-on.

Being clean shaven came second, with 22 per cent of
women preferring a smooth face to kiss, while having
“sparkling” eyes was voted third, with 15 per cent.

Other key physical qualities included well-manicured nails,
trim figure and strong – as opposed to double – chin.
A pot belly was the biggest turn-off, with 44 per cent
prepared to cut short a dinner date if greeted with a
bulging stomach.

Men with dyed hair left a further 32 per cent of women
unimpressed while almost a quarter found bushy beards or
eyebrows off-putting.

Foul breath, comb-overs and bad teeth also sent shivers
down women’s spines.

Top 10 Turn-Ons

1. Grey hair
2. Clean shaven
3. Sparkling eyes
4. Manicured nails
5. Trim figure
6. Strong chin
7. Hairy chest
8. Deep voice
9. Tall
10. Soft lips

Top 10 Turn-Offs

1. Pot belly
2. Dyed hair
3. Bushy beard or eyebrows
4. Bad breath
5. Comb-over
6. Bad teeth
7. Body odour
8. Excessive body hair
9. Tattoos
10. Thick glasses

Eleanor Selley, co-founder of www.footloosedating.co.uk,
said: “Though many men recoil at the idea of going grey,
this survey shows what I’ve believed for a long time: that
grey hair is sexy.

“It suggests maturity and dignity, a sense of being
comfortable with getting older, whereas dyed hair screams
the complete opposite. A pot belly, on the other hand, just
says ‘I don’t care about myself at all’.

“Looks aren’t everything to the mature woman –
companionship is just as important – but they do still count.
Thankfully for men, a little grooming will go a long way.”

For more information on Footloose Dating
visit www.footloosedating.co.uk

Wendy’s Baby Diary – 25 weeks (or 5 months 2 weeks). Nevermind.

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There’s been a break from the baby diary after a long holiday with no internet, and when I got home I continued to abstain for a while.  But like all pleasurable things it was difficult to give it up for long.

Baby Swimming

The latest event for the baby is swimming lessons. He’s
been twice now and each time cried and been quite upset. We’re puzzled because
he enjoys his bath times, and he kicks in the bath, smiles, even laughs but swimming
is not a hit.  Maybe it’s because he gets dunked in the pool by the teacher, or because there are a lot of other babies crying, and it’s all a bit confusing. But apparently babies like swimming underwater.
Speaking of which (I’m reliably informed) the baby on the cover of Nirvana’s
Nevermind album is 20 years old now and was only paid $25 dollars. On the plus
side he’ll never be embarrassed by his parents getting out the family album.

Weaning

We’ve not tried many different foods yet, so far it’s
been purees of carrot & potato, apple & banana, Farley’s rusks and baby
rice. Dillon still prefers milk, formula or breastmilk. I’d like to get him off
‘the boob’ as night-times can be pretty tiring. But I’ll miss it when
breastfeeding stops. Not sure when but definitely before he can say “ham
sandwich”.

Eczema

Dillon gets a really bad rash on the back of his legs when he sits in his Bumbo chair – so he may have an allergy to latex. Or it may just be a baby thing. I’ve tried Sudocrem, then Diprobase, now hydrocortisone, which seems to be working.  Lots of baby have rashes and sensitive skin in general as they gradually get used to all the different things in the environment. Hopefully it will clear up by he’s 12, in time for teenage acne.

NCT

I’m a member of the National Childbirth Trust which provides antenatal classes for new parents-to-be, and is probably the best way to get to know people who are having children at the same time as you. We take it in turns to host monthly coffee mornings – or afternoons! It’s invaluable to
have other people going through something the same time you are and to share
your feelings of confusion, guilt, joy, and fatigue. The dads haven’t seen each
other since the mums were pregnant but I’m sure they’ll meet again.

NCT classes really push breastfeeding and there is a lot to say on the subject – I wrote an article about the pros and cons vs formula here http://www.femalearts.com/node/49 – I think it is
difficult to breastfeed exclusively and take my hat off to anyone who’s managed
it.

Highchair

Was assembled today and Dillon sat proudly in his new
throne, played with his toy and ate his puree. It’s a Cosatto Noodle Zuton if
that means anything to anyone. It’s got different heights and vertical
settings, a big tray with different shape compartments, is big enough to
prevent the baby from knocking stuff off the table which he was doing before whenever
we had dinner. I’ve purchased a load of plastic glasses for me and hubbie, in
an attempt to avoid glass breakages.  I’m sure things will get worse the more mobile the baby gets and the house will slowly disintegrate (at the same time as my hair going grey and my husband’s
hair falling out). No one tells you how glamorous parenting is.

 

© Wendy Thomson 2011

Wendy Thomson is the editor of www.femalearts.com an online publication
which promotes women in the arts and in business.

Wendy's Baby Diary: 21 Weeks – On Holiday

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I write this at 8.40pm, missing the last day of the Edinburgh fringe festival, my bottom lip jutting out in disappointment – so near and yet so far. We are staying in Kippford in the Scottish borders, a good 2 hour drive from the land of the fringe.

But this is a lovely part of the world to be in – staying in a beautiful holiday home with a fantastic view of the estuary and rolling hills, with yachts, a kite buggy and waterskiing  in view and a shell beach accessible from the property’s front garden it is idyllic for Dillon’s first holiday.

Bottom teeth

Dillon has a second tooth visible already and he’s not yet 5 months old. It is happening so quickly!

High pitched

Dillon has been babbling for a while but recently he has started high pitched squealing, sounds like he is practicing to be a choir boy or piglet.

 Car travel

It took us 7 ½ hours to get to Scotland including a stop at services, which was very close to how much time it should have taken. All this was thanks to Dillon being very well behaved on the drive. We seem to have learnt from our previous mistakes – we can’t leave him in the back seat unattended, he needs to have his mum there with milk, dummy, teething materials and anything else he may require to hand. Then we have a good journey.

Infacol

The baby has been crying a lot in the evenings and we think this had been caused by wind. Although it takes some getting used to, giving Infacol to Dillon before a feed seems to have helped his digestion and temper a great deal.

 Nose and Gums

I love the triangular shape of the underside of his nose and the top set of gums in his mouth. When he was smaller his chin quivered. The skin on his cheeks is so soft I’ve never felt anything like it. These traits are common to all babies, I never realised how adorable I would find them. His smile and laugh light up the room. Sometimes I want him to stop growing and just stay how he is – perfect. But then I’m so sentimental I cried at Abba’s Slipping Through My Fingers (Mamma Mia)before I had him. I can’t get over the thought that once I was his size, once his grandparents were, once everyone was a tiny helpless baby – even the biggest, toughest, wealthiest, tallest, most beautiful, oldest, powerful people were tiny, possibly breastfed and wet themselves.

There is no internet connection here so I don’t know how long it will be before I can get this online.

Until next time – cherish each moment.

 © Wendy Thomson 2011

Wendy Thomson is the editor of www.femalearts.com an online publication which promotes women in the arts and in business.

Can “Friends With Benefits” really be the start of something beautiful?

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Can “Friends With Benefits” really be the start of something beautiful?

In the eponymous Hollywood film, Mila Kunis and Justin Timberlake are FWB, ‘friends with benefits’ – they like each other, they definitely fancy each other, but they’re just not ready for a romantic relationship. But off screen, can two people really have a non-committed relationship without one person getting hurt?

According to relationship scientists from eHarmony.co.uk, studies show that people who choose to become ‘friends with benefits’ are not ready for a committed long-term relationship and find that sticking with this type of casual set-up works better for them than moving it on.

This is particularly true of men. A new study (2011)[1] found that men were more likely to desire casual sex without the need for a monogamous relationship whilst women were more likely to crave a deeper emotional connection, hoping for it to develop into a full blown relationship. So, if casual fling evolves into committed relationship, how likely is it to be a happy one?

A study by Paik (2010)[2] investigated how different sexual encounters could predict relationship satisfaction. By surveying married or cohabiting couples, Paik found that relationships that began as sexual encounters, such as casual dating or non-romantic (friends with benefits), were significantly less satisfied with their relationship than couples whose first sexual encounter was in a serious committed relationship.

So relationship science says “be warned”. Whilst an intimate encounter with an old buddy may seem like a good idea at the time – and makes a great Hollywood script – in reality there could be tears later on.

TEACHER’S PESTS, PETS AND PREFECTS: What your child's name means.

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Children called Aaron, Callum, Abbie and Courtney strike fear into the nation’s teachers, it has been revealed. Researchers found kids bearing these monikers are thought to be the naughtiest in class by over 1,000 British tutors.

In fact, one in five teachers polled claim they think they can tell how a child will behave just by looking at the new class register in September. And if names such as Connor, Aimee, Brandon and Chloe are on the list, school teachers think they are in for a difficult year.

Lisa Penney, spokesmum for www.bounty.com who compiled the report said: “Rightly or wrongly, it’s only natural to make some assumptions about what children may be like from hearing their names – whether you mean to or not – and teachers aren’t any different.

Whether it’s from previous experience with pupils, or people they’ve known from their own past, certain names seem to strike a nerve with teachers – although I’m sure they are all more than happy to be proved wrong!”

Other boys who are likely to be troublesome in the classroom are called Adam, Aiden and Jack.

Lads with the names Joshua, Kyle and Reece also command more of their teacher’s attention, as they fail to abide by the rules.

While lasses called Abigail, Bethany and Amy have been identified as some of the hardest to manage by tutors. And Alice, Amber and Charlotte are amongst other names which teachers dread seeing on the class register.

But as the survey suggests, the class register isn’t the only way teachers judge how a child is likely to behave. A third of those polled admitted they often form an opinion on which children will be more difficult when meeting their parents.

And once the school year has started teachers go on to judge their pupils behaviour by how rude they are to both them and other children. More than half of those questioned can’t stand it if a child bullies their peers, while 36 per cent reprimand children who shout in class.

Teachers are also more likely to label a child as naughty if they refuse to do what they are asked, ignore requests to sit down quietly, and fail to listen.

And when asked why they think their more troublesome pupils play up in class, two out of three teachers said they’re looking for attention and three out of five believe it’s because they aren’t disciplined at home.

Making naughty children sit separately from others to think about what they’ve done was found to be the most effective method used to deal with naughty children.

But incredibly, more than a third of teachers say that it is often the naughty children who have the most friends at school. And two thirds say that while a child might appear naughty, they are just behaving that way to get attention from their peers.

Lisa Penney from Bounty continues: “We were really interested to find that some of the children who have been labelled as the naughtiest in the class have also been identified as the brightest in our poll – with Aaron, Adam, Abigail and Charlotte appearing on both lists.

These names also appear on the list of the most popular children in school, suggesting that whilst they’re disruptive in class the ‘naughtier’ children are actually better at learning with other members of the class looking up to them.”

Students named Jack, Ben, Emma and Emily are also highlighted as the children everyone wants to play with.

TOP 10 NAUGHTY BOYS

1. Aaron

2. Callum

3. Connor

4. Brandon

5. Adam

6. Aidan

7. Jack

8. Joshua

9. Kyle

10. Reece

TOP 10 NAUGHTY GIRLS

1. Abbie

2. Courtney

3. Aimee

4. Chloe

5. Abigail

6. Bethany

7. Amy

8. Alice

9. Amber

10. Charlotte

TOP 10 BRIGHTEST BOYS

1. Aaron

2. Adam

3. Alexander

4. William

5. Christopher

6. Thomas

7. Matthew

8. Ben

9. Alex

10. Edward

TOP 10 BRIGHTEST GIRLS

1. Abigail

2. Charlotte

3. Alice

4. Elizabeth

5. Abbie

6. Hannah

7. Amelia

8. Grace

9. Emily

10. Bethany

TOP 10 MOST POPULAR BOYS

1. Jack

2. Ben

3. Aaron

4. Adam

5. Alex

6. Callum

7. Daniel

8. Thomas

9. Alfie

10. Sam

TOP 10 MOST POPULAR GIRLS

1. Abbie

2. Charlotte

3. Alice

4. Aimee

5. Amy

6. Abigail

7. Chloe

8. Emily

9. Sophie

10. Emma

Recession Delays Women Having Babies

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The recession is having a direct effect on birth rates, with one in four women being forced to delay or reconsider having a baby, according to the 2011 Red National Fertility Report.

The results, published in Red’s October issue out on Tuesday 6th September 2011, shows the effect the recession has had on women trying for a baby – from how much they would be prepared to pay in order to conceive, to postponing motherhood due to redundancy and the rising costs of living. The report surveyed over 2,500 Red Magazine readers aged 30-45.

Key findings include:

· The recession has resulted in a 25% drop in babies tried for, with 10% of women saying the recession had made them postpone trying for a baby, and 15% saying they’d decided not to try at all.

· Baby prices have dropped more than house prices – with the average amount women would be prepared to spend to conceive dropping from £15,000 to £12,000 – a 20% drop in just 12 months. * The average house price is down 2.65% from July 2010 to £163.981 – Halifax House Price Index.

· The percentage of women who would be prepared to spend £50,000 to guarantee them a baby has dropped even more dramatically from 10% to 6% – a 40% drop over the same period.

· Following increased financial pressure on the NHS, when it comes to offering free IVF, 62% of women don’t think it should be available for anyone who wants it – up 17% from 2007 (45%). This suggests that when funds are tight, fewer women perceive having a baby as a right for all.

· Due to lack of IVF on the NHS, 61% have paid for IVF privately, with only one in five getting all their treatment for free.

Sam Baker, Editor-in-chief of Red Magazine, said of the findings: “This report provides an incredible in-depth view on the effect the recession has had on women’s baby plans.
The comparable figures show that the last year has hit women and their families hard, with many having to postpone or reconsider trying for a baby.”

Brigid Moss, Red magazine’s Health Director added: “Fertility treatment can be expensive, and this report shows that fewer people have been able to afford it, while the NHS provision for fertility treatment remains a postcode lottery. The report shows that having problems trying to conceive and treatment is also stressful, too. Both of these factors only add to the stress of someone who’s having problems trying to conceive.”

THE REPORT IN FULL:

MONEY

· The recession has resulted in a 25% drop in babies tried for, with 10% of women saying the recession had made them postpone trying for a baby, and 15% saying they’d decided not to try at all.

· Baby prices have dropped more than house prices – with the average amount women would be prepared to conceive dropping from £15,000 to £12,000 – a 20% drop in just 12 months.

· The number of women prepared to spend over £50,000 to guarantee them a baby has dropped even more dramatically from 10% to 6 % – a 40% drop over the same period.

· Due to lack of IVF on the NHS, 61% have paid for IVF privately, with only one in five getting all their treatment for free.

· A staggering 100% of women surveyed would, or have, cut back on school fees to pay for fertility treatment. 94% of women say they would cut back on all aspects of their lives to pay for fertility treatment if they needed it (includes holidays, eating out, pensions, savings, health insurance, clothes and selling possessions).

· Most women paying for fertility treatment have said that the money came from savings (88%), but 17% received a gift or loan from their family, 13% took on extra work and 13% put fertility costs on their credit card.

· 23% would consider moving / down-grading their house to get free NHS IVF provision to help them conceive.

· 17% of women who need fertility treatment have been prevented because of the costs, and 12% said the recession has directly prevented them from having treatment or more treatment.

GOVERNMENT POLICY / NHS

· Following increased financial pressure on the NHS, when it comes to offering free IVF, 62% of women don’t think it should be available for anyone who wants it – this is up 17% from 2007 (45%). This suggests that when funds are tight, fewer women perceive having a baby as a right for all

· 74% of women believe the government should ensure women are provided with three free cycles of IVF on the NHS.

· 95% think it’s unfair that there are different NHS IVF provisions depending on where you live.

· Nearly 60% believe that women should be given IVF on the NHS even if they have a child with their current partner, rising to 90% if they have a child from a previous relationship.

· BUT 62% don’t think that IVF should be available on the NHS to anyone who wants it.

SUCCESS CONCEIVING

· 23% of the women asked have had problems conceiving.

· For those who have had IVF treatment, 38% have only had it once, and 10% have had it more than five times.

· When it comes to the success of IVF, 45% got pregnant and had a baby, 31% didn’t conceive and 5% conceived naturally.

· 18% would consider going abroad for treatment if provisions were not available at home.

STRESS

· Fertility treatment is more stressful than the recession – 59% found it more stressful than dealing with financial concerns.

· 40% find the process more distressing than the ending of a relationship.

· Three in four (71%) found it more stressful than moving house.

· Nearly two thirds (62%) found fertility treatment more stressful than being made redundant.

· A third of women (36%) said that fertility problems made them depressed with 2% even signing off work due to stress / mental health problems.

· Nearly half of women(47%) said their husbands found it hard to cope when they were not getting pregnant.

EGG FREEZING

· 27% of women have considered freezing their eggs for the future.

Must Have / Can’t Stand: What Singletons Look For In A Partner

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For those of us who watched Mel Gibson and Helen Hunt in ‘What Women Want’ and were left none the wiser by Hollywood’s take on understanding the sexes, a new survey released today should do the trick.

A study of 15,000 single British people (both men and women) by eHarmony.co.uk, the relationship site that introduced compatibility-based matching to the UK, has found that a sense of humour is the most important trait in a future partner.

The “Must Have” top four traits British singletons are seeking, according to eHarmony’s data, are:

1. Good sense of humour – 73%

2. Being affectionate – 60%

3. Loyalty – 52%

4. Good communication – 52%

But the study didn’t stop there. eHarmony.co.uk also asked the 15,000 singletons what traits they “Can’t Stand” in a potential partner. The top four were:

1. Lying – 71%

2. Cheating – 66%

3. Rudeness – 55%

4. Poor hygiene – 46%

So there we have it? What’s your must have/can’t stand?