Category Archives: Relationships & Love

Wendy’s Baby Diary: 20 Weeks – Posset and Celebrity Babies

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Bedtimes

We failed to install consistent bedtimes. We put the baby to bed at 7pm – he didn’t sleep. Then 8pm, then 9pm… Now, we just take the baby to bed when we go up at 11pm! If it’s this hard at four months, how are we going to cope when he’s older?  He’ll fall asleep on the sofa, but as soon as you move him, he’s awake and crying. It can take up to an hour to get the baby to sleep. And sometimes he just won’t go to sleep at all.

When we’ve worked out a routine, I’ll let you know.

Deposits of posset

Yesterday, Dillon threw up three times but waited between each bout for me to change my top, so I got sick on three different outfits . It really is horrible having a load of churned-up milk down your front. At least it’s mainly milk, with a bit of baby rice and doesn’t really smell. Baby vomit is called posset and Dillon made his deposits.

Head scratch on Cosatto cot

On Tuesday morning, Dillon got a long scratch on his head from the Cosatto ‘Close to me’ bedside cot. There’s nothing wrong with the wooden frame of the cot itself, it’s the plastic clips inside it that are rough and sharp and unfortunately we didn’t notice this until Dillon’s head was bleeding.  Since babies are growing beings with cells multiplying like crazy, it scabbed up quickly and has nearly healed in a week.  We filed down the plastic clips and covered them in bubble wrap while one angry customer email to the manufacturer is on its way.

Just wait until he starts crawling, then I’ve got a lot more to worry about!

 First tooth

The first tooth is coming up. He’s been crying with teething pain for a few weeks now, gnawing on his fist, on toys, on material, on teething rings and recently we tried a dummy which really helped. And now we can feel the first tooth which has broken through the bottom gum and is slightly protruding. How exciting!

 Nicknames

It’s so tempting to give nicknames to the baby as he changes so quickly and looks so cute. Recently, we’re calling him The Tooth, The Overlip, The OverLord, Churchill, and since he got the scratch on his head, Gorbachev, Harry Potter and Zorro.

 Celebrity babies  

Dillon was born days apart from David Tennant’s daughter Olivia (born 31st March 2011 – on Dillon’s due date) and James Corden’s baby son Max (22nd March). He’ll also be growing up at the same time as the Beckham’s daughter, Harper Seven – what a name! When I see celebrity children in papers and magazines, it is odd to think my son is growing up at the same time and in some ways their lives will be running in parallel.

Swear Words

We tried to stop swearing when I was pregnant, but habits are hard to change. Now I’m worried every time a four letter word slips out of our mouths, our friends or someone on TV, that Dillon has heard it and one day will repeat it. We’ve set the parent locks on the TV and threatened to fine each other. I think a swear box will have to be started.

Until next time – my new four letter word is FLIP!

 

© Wendy Thomson 2011

Wendy Thomson is the editor of www.femalearts.com an online publication which promotes women in the arts and in business.

Wendy's Baby Diary: 19 Weeks – Who's Holding The Baby?

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Childcare

This week, I’d like to discuss the emotive issue of childcare – who to leave your baby with, from what age and what your options are.

Parents

There is an argument for mums to look after their children full time until they go to school and I think that is what my mum did for me. You could even home school if you wanted to continue being with your children full-time and believed that was in their best interest.

I’m finding the childcare situation hard. I love being with my son and he is my responsibility. At the same time, childcare is so demanding that, occasionally, I want a break to be ‘me’ again and not the constant food source / entertainment / companion. We’re in a fortunate situation that Dillon’s grandparents want to babysit for us when they can, but we are also looking into a nursery place for when I go back to my studies and to work.

Nursery

The advantages of a nursery are that your child learns to socialise with other children from a young age, to share, to interact and be stimulated, even educated. I think the main disadvantages are going to be if it’s not a good nursery. There is also the cost (up to £60 a day), which is hopefully outweighed by you being able to earn a salary.

Another consideration is the waiting list. I had no idea how long it can take to get a place. It can take up to months, especially for popular nurseries.  Some mums even sign up for a nursery place while they are pregnant! I was told the best start date for a baby is September / October, because a bunch of kids leave in September when they start school and all the younger age ranges move up a class. By January, most nurseries are full again.

Relatives

Relatives may have no charge attached but it’s important to not take them for granted. Some grandparents almost want to be a parent again and they may offer full time childcare, and in some situations this is the only viable financial solution for a family.

Nanny

Other options are a childminder or a nanny or au pair but I’m not looking for full time childcare and I don’t want someone looking after Dillon in our home. I think the main disadvantage of an individual is if they wanted to be abusive or neglectful there is no-one around to notice. At a nursery, there are a lot of staff and more controls are in place over professional standards of care and competence.

The only way you can tell if a nursery is right for you is by visiting a nursery in person. I went to see two last week and both were well advertised, one was rated Good in an OFSTED report, the other OUTSTANDING and within the first ten minutes of being in each nursery I knew that one wasn’t right for my son and the other one was.

Babies’ age

In terms of age, I’m looking for Dillon to start at nursery two days a week from six months old.  Maternity leave in the UK is allowed for up to 12 months, so six months may seem very young, but some nurseries accept babies from six weeks old. I was told that the average age for babies starting at nursery is currently between nine and 12 months old. A benefit for starting childcare at six months or earlier is that the baby is not so attached to the parent that they get upset when you leave them.

Whether Dillon misses me or not at nursery, I know I will find it hard to leave him there. But I want to provide for him and I want to be a good role model. I hope it all works out.

What the baby has been doing this week

Dillon is a smiler. For the first few weeks of their life babies only smile when they pass wind! and they start to genuinely smile from between six and eight weeks old. I wish I had written down when Dillon first smiled or laughed, but it is genuinely delightful when he does and he has been doing so for a good six weeks, maybe longer. He responds very well to people smiling at him if they hold their faces close and he imitates other people’s laughter.  In the past couple of weeks he has noticed our dog fetching balls and toys and this makes him laugh.

Classes

We’ve recently signed Dillon up for baby sensory classes and also to swimming classes starting in September, so I’ll report on those when they start. I went to a free taster class for the baby sensory and it was very good for the children, a lot of songs, baby signing, toys, a puppet show, a light show (felt like an early introduction to children’s theatre!) and a chance to meet other mums and have a chat. Dillon spent the hour staring at everyone and everything and slept really well afterwards.

Until next time – if you work with children, please be good to them!

© Wendy Thomson

Wendy Thomson is the editor of www.femalearts.com an online publication which promotes women in the arts and in business.

What Do Women Want? The Ideal Man Revealed.

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Forget Tom Jones, meet – the latest over-40s pin-up.Hugeremy Claurie

The 6ft 3in bearded ‘hunk’ has been voted the ideal man in a survey of middle-aged women.

He is said to possess the most attractive features of all male celebrities including “piercing” blue eyes, “kissable” thin lips and “sexy stubble”.

But on closer inspection, the greying 51-year-old may appear rather familiar…

In fact, Hugeremy isn’t even a real man – he’s a digital mix of actor and comedian Hugh Laurie, 52, and Top Gear frontman Jeremy Clarkson, 51.

Experts combined the blue eyes, forehead, mouth and trademark designer stubble of Laurie, with the ears, nose, bushy eyebrows and greying hair of Clarkson.

The result is the ultimate virtual heartthrob, according to a poll of 1,000 single women by mature dating site www.footloosedating.co.uk.

Its members said Hugeremy would be a “dream date with good looks, a big personality – and plenty of cash under the bed”.

Site co-founder Eleanor Selley said: “Hugeremy has all the characteristics of the ideal man. He’s tall, handsome and clever, and has bags of sex appeal to boot.

“Both men are attractive in their own right, but the idea of rolling the two of them into one sexy package is more than enough to raise a pulse.”

Site members aged between 40 and 65 were given a list of 10 “charming but not necessarily beautiful” middle-aged male celebrities and asked to pick the two celebrities they would most like to date.

The list included BBC news anchor Huw Edwards, broadcasters Phillip Schofield and Chris Evans, racing pundit John McCririck, chef Antony Worrall Thompson, comedian Hugh Laurie, journalist Ian Hislop, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson, singer Mick Hucknall, and Dragon’s Den star Theo Paphitis.

Edwards and Schofield picked up six and seven per cent of the vote respectively, primarily for their “lovely personalities”. Radio 2 DJ Evans, and entrepreneur Paphitis, took nine and 10 per cent of the vote – primarily because of their “millions”.

Only four per cent picked Worrall Thompson for his skills in the kitchen.

Unsurprisingly, McCririck’s trademark side-burns put off virtually all members. Only two per cent picked him as their ideal man.

Simply Red frontman Hucknall fared little better. He was chosen by just eight per cent because of his “silly” red locks and diamond-encrusted front tooth.

Meanwhile, some five per cent were attracted to Hislop’s “cheeky smile” and “quick wit”.

But both Clarkson and Laurie were clear favourites, scooping 24 and 25 per cent of the votes respectively.

Respondents listed Clarkson’s height – he is 6ft 5ins – and Laurie’s “chiselled chin” among their best attributes.

Eleanor Selley, of FootlooseDating, said: “Hugeremy Claurie is the combination of these two men. To put it simply, men will want to be him, and women want to be with him.”

Fate on the London Fringe

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‘As Fate Would Have It’, produced by LittleBerry Productions, is the debut play of up and coming playwright Phoebe Hunt. It follows the two possible lives of a couple, Damien and Grace, who agree to toss a coin to decide whether they stay together or break up. The story unfolds with episodic scenes following both strands of possibility. In one strand, the couple stay together, continuing the increasingly unhealthy habit of making decisions by the flip of the coin. In the other strand, they break up, setting Grace free, while Damien continues to allow the coin to decide his fate.

As Grace, Phoebe Hunt made the most of the challenging transitions between depression (when with Damien) and glee (when set free from his ever increasing evil clutches). Her bright-eyed smile allowed the audience some breathing room, giving us a break from the relentless tension, and the pathos of her alternate situation. Jamie Hutchins, playing Damien, gave a very specific performance, in both vocal quality and physicality. The way he tossed a coin to make a decision for the very first time, uncertain and tentative, said a lot about his journey when contrasted with his eventual habitual attachment to the ten pence piece. Dinarte Gouveia (Michael) delivered his frequent comic lines from the heart, without force, and Jamila Jennings-Grant (Agatha) gave the audience a voice of reason, with her powerful portrayal of the best friend a girl in a bad relationship could have.

The entire play was accompanied by the composition and live performance of Matt Gaydon on the guitar. Whilst the music added a lot to the moments of heightened emotion, I personally found it occasionally contrasted the feelings expressed by the actors, and needed more variation in melody. Saying that, it served an important purpose when signifying to the audience that we were now changing episode from one strand of reality to its alternate, and back.

The script is cleverly written, though sometimes merging style between naturalism and poeticism, occasionally making believable delivery difficult. Though I admired the unrushed scene changes upstage, the activity downstage could have been more engaging in order to distract us from the movement of furniture. Otherwise, Cat Robey’s direction encouraged high stakes, and a gradual build towards a thoroughly gripping climax.

“As Fate Would Have It’ plays at The Space, Isle of Dogs on the 10th and 11th August, and at The Lion and Unicorn on 14th and 15th August. It is definitely worth a watch, but if you can’t make it, keep an eye out for future productions by LittleBerry Productions.

Wendy's Baby Diary: 18 Weeks – I Nearly Gave Up David Tennant

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Babies come with sacrifices – social, financial, habitual – and I’ve got used to giving up / reducing alcohol, caffeine & sleep amongst others. But this week called for the sacrifice of Much Ado About Nothing tickets, starring David Tennant and Catherine Tate, as it was becoming a logistical and babysitting nightmare.

I’m happy to report it all worked out at the last minute, and we had our first evening out without Dillon in the four months since he was born. Great show too.

What the baby has been doing this week
If I place Dillon on his back, he will usually roll onto his front, then holds his head and bottom in the air and proudly rocks in that place – his knees push forwards but he hasn’t worked out what to do with his hands. Eventually he cries in frustration and I change his position.

Teething – Dillon started to teeth a couple of weeks ago. Symptoms are lots of saliva, pushing his fists in his mouth, trying to bite down on any passing piece of fabric or toy and the ubiquitous crying. I’ve had some good advice from a friend who recommended Calpol and a gum gel which relieves soreness. We got Dentinox, but there are other brands. We have teething rings for him which also work. Apparently babies can start to feel their teeth coming through up to two months before they appear, and will continue to teeth up to 2 ½ years old.

Goods
Dillon was given a great toy from M&S called My First Magic Mirror Laptop which plays songs at the touch of a button. It’s marketed for one-year-olds but Dillon likes the music, lights and mirror and bashes away at the buttons indiscriminately with his fist and usually manages to press something. I’m sure the batteries will wear out soon.

Pushchair – if you are choosing a pram this one item will take a lot of thought, as well as being one of the most expensive purchases. We settled on a Quinny Buzz travel system which has a three wheel base and is compatible with a car seat, a cot and a chair. It suits our lifestyle, which includes lots of trips in the car and outdoor walks with the dog. Its downsides are size (width) and weight (quite heavy) but then so is the car seat.

Pets
We have a five-year-old chocolate Labrador and we had concerns about how the dog would get on with the baby. The dog is quite boisterous and strong, although he is good with other people’s children. It has been a gradual integration helped by separating parts of the house with baby gates and the dog instructed to keep away from toys, mats and chairs which belong to the baby. However, this did not stop the brand new Bumbo chair from being chewed (wrecked). We are now onto a second Bumbo, which is kept out of the dog’s reach.

Exhaustion
Earlier on this week, I was feeling really drained and didn’t make it out of the house to see a friend as arranged. I’m feeling rejuvenated after my evening to see Shakespeare in the West End and weekends are always better as my husband is around to help. I’m not sure what advice to give, as I think I need it myself. But babies are more work than I appreciated and when I’m struggling I need to ask for help. I think I have a good support network and it’s a case of dismissing feelings of pride and inadequacy, and being honest. I’m sure lots of mums have times when you feel like you’re not coping.

Until next time – I get by with a little help from my friends.

© Wendy Thomson
Wendy Thomson is the editor of http://www.femalearts.com an online publication which promotes women in the arts and in business.

Wendy's Baby Diary: 17 Weeks

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Hi, I’m Wendy. I’m in my thirties and I have a 17-week-old baby called Dillon.

I’m going to keep a weekly blog on what’s been happening with Dillon, which will hopefully be helpful to anyone who’s pregnant or has a young baby themselves. And I’m also hoping that it will be a great record for him to read when he grows up – or possibly just plain embarrassing.  :o)

In the meantime, if you have a baby or pregnancy-related question you would like answered, you can contact me via frostmag or email editor@femalearts.com and I’ll reply via this blog.

Christening

We recently had Dillon Christened, which was a great day and a good event for extended family and friends to officially welcome Dillon into the world, as well as the church. If you’re not religious. a naming day is a good alternative. A Chinese friend told me they have a tradition of celebrating when the baby is 100 days old.

I think having an official day to celebrate your baby when they are approximately three months old is good for many reasons. Immediately after the birth is too soon to be bombarded with well-wishers. You need time and some privacy to get used to your new arrival yourselves, with perhaps just close friends and relatives. But if you leave a bigger get together until their first birthday, they’re no longer a small helpless baby, but moving about and possibly talking, and even walking.

So, the three month mark is a good compromise. Not so young that you can’t cope, but not so old that the relatives think they have missed out. Three months also seems to be the age that babies appear on TV or book covers as the standard image of a baby. When they’re born, they look too small – because we’re not used to seeing them that size!

Goods

We all know that children are expensive. They shouldn’t be, but we live in a consumer society and we are anxious parents who want our children to be safe, well-educated and stimulated. Guilt sells so many items!

I hate the parent guilt trip, so please do whatever makes sense to you, as parental instinct will see you right. However, I am happy to recommend products that have worked for me and Dillon.

Pampers – You can try other brands of nappies and we did – cheaper, store own brands. And the baby’s shit leaked everywhere. Pampers do a great job of keeping everything in, so long as you change the nappy regularly (after a feed or every two to three hours).

Nappies in general – Make sure your baby is wearing the right size. This changes quickly. Dillon is nearly four months old and in size three, so that’s nearly one size change a month. Buying in bulk may seem like a good idea, as they can get through as many as 12 nappies a day! But you could end up with a lot of nappies left over, as they grow so fast. Of course, you could go down the eco-route and buy washable Terry nappies. I think our environment is important, but I had to draw a line.

Clothes – Similar to nappies. Don’t be tempted to buy loads of newborn outfits. If your baby is born at an average weight (anywhere between 5-8lbs) they may only be in newborn clothes for a matter of weeks. Then the next size of clothes (0-3 months) will only last another couple of months before they’re into the next size (3-6 months). I find it hard to believe that an entire new set of clothes are required every three months. Why hasn’t someone invented adjustable clothes that last six months or a year? But this is capitalism at its best, so be careful and don’t get carried away buying expensive outfits which will only be worn a few times.

Bumbo – Funny sounding seat that is brilliant for babies once they can hold their head and want to sit upright. It is ergonomically designed to hold the baby in place and they seem very happy in their throne. Dillon used his for the first time today and was so delighted, he christened it in the typical ‘throne’ manner (perhaps potty training will go well). I have a lot of chairs for Dillon, some better than others. We live in a three-storey town house, so I want one baby chair on each floor to avoid having to carry chairs up and down the stairs – as well as the baby.

Fisher Price Aquarium Take Along Swing – This is a musical chair that Dillon really enjoys sitting in for about 15 minutes, before he gets bored or frustrated! This was a used gift from friends of my in-laws. I recommend not buying everything new for a baby. It is too expensive and these items take up a lot of space. But if you don’t know where an item has come from (e.g. not passed down by relatives or friends) then of course take precautions and check the product thoroughly for safety. And if in doubt, don’t use it. However, the only items that should always be brand new are your baby’s cot mattress and car seat.

What’s new this week

Dillon is now rolling himself onto his side and his front. It came to light when my husband asked me if I’d put Dillon to bed on his front. “Of course not,” I replied indignantly (as this is a known cause of cot death) we turned him onto his back, and he immediately flipped himself onto his front again!

It’s a good thing for babies to do this (when awake) because they are getting ready to crawl.

Until next time – happy parenting,
Wendy.

© Wendy Thomson 2011
http://www.femalearts.com

Play Bliss lottery and help tiny babies

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Bliss, the special care baby charity is launching the Bliss lottery scheme which will help continue Bliss’ vital work caring for premature and sick babies and their families throughout the UK. It’s a chance to win up to £25,000 while helping to give babies a fighting chance.

You simply make a contribution of £1 each week, half of which comes straight to Bliss and half of which buys you a weekly chance of winning up to £25,000 in the Unity Lottery, the nation’s charity lottery.

This means you could win a substantial amount for your own family while helping Bliss to provide support to premature and sick babies and their families at a critical time in their lives.

How it works

£1 buys you one six-digit Unity Lottery number, which is sent to you in the post. Your number will be independently generated and you can buy up to 20 entries.

50p in every £1 comes directly to Bliss and the rest is used towards prize money and the cost of administration.

How you win

You’ll win a cash prize whenever you match 3,4,5 or all 6 digits of the winning number in the right place in the sequence.

How to enter

You can sign up to raise vital funds for Bliss and get more information by visiting the Bliss website

Please note you must be 16 or over to enter.

What You Need To Know About Divorce

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Five most common misconceptions about divorce

Couples considering divorce often have a number of misconceptions about the legal process and financial settlement which can cause unnecessary stress. Caroline Bourn, solicitor at Buss Murton Law LLP, Tunbridge Wells has highlighted the five most commonly mentioned by clients to help people keep a sense of perspective on the proceedings.

Caroline Bourn comments: “You would naturally expect clients to have a number of questions about the divorce process but is seems many people confuse what they see or hear in the media. Also people need to make sure they tie up all the loose ends of their divorce as they often don’t realise that there can be ongoing financial responsibilities towards a former spouse.”

1. To allow a divorce to go ahead the Respondent signs the Divorce Petition.

No, when the court sends the Divorce Petition to the Respondent they will also send a blank form called an acknowledgment of service form which should be filled in and returned to the Court within seven days. This form asks specific questions to which the court need answers to be able to grant the divorce – simply signing the petition is not enough.

2. The Decree Nisi brings your marriage to an end.

As reported in the press recently, Liz Hurley’s marriage “ended” in divorce when the Judge pronounced their Decree Nisi. This is not the case, marriage does not end on Decree Nisi, they end on Decree Absolute. The earliest possible date you can apply for Decree Absolute, if you are the Petitioner, is 6 weeks and a day after Decree Nisi. If you are a Respondent it is a further 3 months after the Petitioner could first apply and even then there may be a hearing before a Judge. However, often neither party will apply for Decree Absolute, unless there is an agreement about the finances and that has been known to take years in some cases.

3. You can get a quickie divorce like lots of celebrities seem to do.

Not even the celebrities get quickie divorces, they have to use the same system as the rest of us. Normally, if things go very smoothly, it will take around 6 to 8 weeks from the date the petition is issued by the Court to the date of Decree Nisi and as it will be a minimum of 6 weeks and a day from Decree Nisi before you can apply for Decree Absolute, and even then it may not be in your best interests to be divorced, as you may no longer benefit from death in service and pension benefits and even any inheritance from your ex.

4. Your soon to be ex can put the family home up for sale without your agreement.

Kevin Webster from Coronation Street managed to put the family home up for sale, despite his wife Sally making it clear she did not agree. In the real world any estate agents worth their salt would ensure that all the owners of the property agreed to put the property on the market for sale before marketing the property.

All the legal owners have to sign a contract and a Transfer document and without these a sale could never go through. One person can never force another person to sell a property unless there is a court order which states the property must be sold. Obtaining a Court order is an expensive and often time consuming process and would not be granted without a hearing before a Judge.

5. If you are divorced then your ex can’t make a claim on your money.

If you divorce without sorting out a financial agreement then it does not matter how long ago you divorced, either you or your ex can apply to the court to make a claim. The only bar on this would be that a person who has remarried could not make a claim on an ex, but if you have remarried, and your ex has not then your ex can still make a claim on you. All your assets and to a certain extent those of your new spouse would have to be disclosed to a court and would be considered in any court proceedings.

The only way to avoid this is to have an agreement drawn up which is then approved by a Judge. This document is called a Consent Order and it will contain an agreement that once approved by a Judge is binding upon you and your ex.

If after the divorce you inherit or win the lottery (remember Nigel Page who paid £2million of his Euromillions lottery win to his ex of 10 years last year), then you are safe in the knowledge that your ex can’t make a claim on your money. Once a Court have approved a Consent Order neither party can come back to make a claim on assets, properties or pensions, although if the Consent Order states that maintenance will be paid then the door is left open so that if circumstances change then the maintenance can be varied.