Two Thirds of Men Would Be Happy To Be a Stay-at-Home Dad

baby, shared parental leave, feminism, equality, childcare, leave, maternal, work, working mothers, lean in The times they are a changing. It is true that women and men will never be equal until men take up their share of childcare (and while we are at it, domestic chores) and it seems that that might actually be happening. A recent survey suggests that two thirds of men would be happy to be a stay-at-home dad.

Despite mums traditionally dealing with the majority of childcare, three quarters of men say they would be happy to quit work during their son or daughter’s first year so that their partner can return to their job, instead of taking the usual period of maternity leave.

And almost one in twenty men are already responsible for looking after their children whilst their wife or girlfriend goes to work.

It also emerged that 72 per cent of women would also be happy if their other half wanted to look after the children with 65 per cent worrying about the effect any time off would have on their career.

The statistics emerged in a study commissioned by national law firm Irwin Mitchell a month before a change in the law which will see couples have the opportunity to start sharing parental leave.

But these results show the new laws designed to encourage parents to share time off work following the birth of their child look set to be far more popular than government predictions had previously stated.

Irwin Mitchell employment partner Glenn Hayes said: “For a long time now, the traditional roles have seen dads returning to work just days after their baby has been born, while mums take a year or so away from their career to look after the children.

“But times are changing and it’s becoming easier, and more acceptable, for dads to take on the role of caregiver, while mums become the main breadwinner. What’s more, it seems the majority of men are happy to have it this way around.

“Thanks to changes coming into effect in April, working couples will be able to share that period of leave over the first year, meaning neither one has to miss out on such a large amount of time away – whether it’s from their career or baby.

“Shared parental leave is one of the most significant changes to flexible working rights but it is still uncertain how many families are expected to take up the new right.

“According to Government projections, as few as 5,700 men will apply over the next 12 months, but the figures in this survey suggest that the appetite for doing so could be much stronger with take up being much higher.

“So it’s important businesses and employers need to be prepared for the changes before they come into force, and know their rights as well as those of their employees.”

The study of 2,000 men and women found 66 per cent of men would be happy to take on the role of stay-at-home dad, whilst another three quarters would happily work part-time to allow their partner to return full-time.

Four in 10 say this is down to them wanting to be a bigger part of their child’s life than they would be if they worked full-time while 19 per cent worry they will miss out on too much of their child’s life otherwise.

More than a third say it’s the most sensible option for them as their wife or girlfriend earns more than them, with another 23 per cent not enjoying their job whilst their other half does.

One in twenty said taking the time off work will be less detrimental to their career than that of their partner.

Other reasons men want to take on the childcare role include it being easier for them to work around school or nursery hours than their partner, believing it would be less stressful to look after the kids than go to work and not wanting to commute anymore.

Sixty-one per cent even claimed they would be happy to become a stay-at-home dad, even if it had a detrimental effect on their career in the future.

But the researcher found that whilst most would be happy to share their decision, 23 per cent of men wouldn’t be comfortable telling their friends about their plan to be a stay-at-home dad, while 49 per cent would be worried about others judging them.

Glenn Hayes, an employment Partner at national law firm Irwin Mitchell, added: “These figures may take businesses by surprise and it is vital that they deal effectively with what is an extremely complex piece of legislation.

“It is important that employees start their conversations with their employers as early as possible in relation to shared leave, but it is vital that companies deal with the requests in the correct manner.

“Many businesses have been slow to prepare themselves for this important change and in doing so have left themselves exposed open to the risk of mishandling requests and inviting claims for discrimination.”

Shared Parental Leave rules allow those whose children are expected to be born or adopted from 5 April will be able to share up to 50 weeks of parental leave between mum and dad during the first year after a baby is born/child is adopted.

Previously, the majority of dads had two weeks paternity leave while mums could have up to 12 months maternity leave and nine months paid maternity leave.

 

 

Wendy's Baby Diary: 19 Weeks – Who's Holding The Baby?

Childcare

This week, I’d like to discuss the emotive issue of childcare – who to leave your baby with, from what age and what your options are.

Parents

There is an argument for mums to look after their children full time until they go to school and I think that is what my mum did for me. You could even home school if you wanted to continue being with your children full-time and believed that was in their best interest.

I’m finding the childcare situation hard. I love being with my son and he is my responsibility. At the same time, childcare is so demanding that, occasionally, I want a break to be ‘me’ again and not the constant food source / entertainment / companion. We’re in a fortunate situation that Dillon’s grandparents want to babysit for us when they can, but we are also looking into a nursery place for when I go back to my studies and to work.

Nursery

The advantages of a nursery are that your child learns to socialise with other children from a young age, to share, to interact and be stimulated, even educated. I think the main disadvantages are going to be if it’s not a good nursery. There is also the cost (up to £60 a day), which is hopefully outweighed by you being able to earn a salary.

Another consideration is the waiting list. I had no idea how long it can take to get a place. It can take up to months, especially for popular nurseries.  Some mums even sign up for a nursery place while they are pregnant! I was told the best start date for a baby is September / October, because a bunch of kids leave in September when they start school and all the younger age ranges move up a class. By January, most nurseries are full again.

Relatives

Relatives may have no charge attached but it’s important to not take them for granted. Some grandparents almost want to be a parent again and they may offer full time childcare, and in some situations this is the only viable financial solution for a family.

Nanny

Other options are a childminder or a nanny or au pair but I’m not looking for full time childcare and I don’t want someone looking after Dillon in our home. I think the main disadvantage of an individual is if they wanted to be abusive or neglectful there is no-one around to notice. At a nursery, there are a lot of staff and more controls are in place over professional standards of care and competence.

The only way you can tell if a nursery is right for you is by visiting a nursery in person. I went to see two last week and both were well advertised, one was rated Good in an OFSTED report, the other OUTSTANDING and within the first ten minutes of being in each nursery I knew that one wasn’t right for my son and the other one was.

Babies’ age

In terms of age, I’m looking for Dillon to start at nursery two days a week from six months old.  Maternity leave in the UK is allowed for up to 12 months, so six months may seem very young, but some nurseries accept babies from six weeks old. I was told that the average age for babies starting at nursery is currently between nine and 12 months old. A benefit for starting childcare at six months or earlier is that the baby is not so attached to the parent that they get upset when you leave them.

Whether Dillon misses me or not at nursery, I know I will find it hard to leave him there. But I want to provide for him and I want to be a good role model. I hope it all works out.

What the baby has been doing this week

Dillon is a smiler. For the first few weeks of their life babies only smile when they pass wind! and they start to genuinely smile from between six and eight weeks old. I wish I had written down when Dillon first smiled or laughed, but it is genuinely delightful when he does and he has been doing so for a good six weeks, maybe longer. He responds very well to people smiling at him if they hold their faces close and he imitates other people’s laughter.  In the past couple of weeks he has noticed our dog fetching balls and toys and this makes him laugh.

Classes

We’ve recently signed Dillon up for baby sensory classes and also to swimming classes starting in September, so I’ll report on those when they start. I went to a free taster class for the baby sensory and it was very good for the children, a lot of songs, baby signing, toys, a puppet show, a light show (felt like an early introduction to children’s theatre!) and a chance to meet other mums and have a chat. Dillon spent the hour staring at everyone and everything and slept really well afterwards.

Until next time – if you work with children, please be good to them!

© Wendy Thomson

Wendy Thomson is the editor of www.femalearts.com an online publication which promotes women in the arts and in business.