Tag Archives: rules

Two Thirds of Men Would Be Happy To Be a Stay-at-Home Dad

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baby, shared parental leave, feminism, equality, childcare, leave, maternal, work, working mothers, lean in The times they are a changing. It is true that women and men will never be equal until men take up their share of childcare (and while we are at it, domestic chores) and it seems that that might actually be happening. A recent survey suggests that two thirds of men would be happy to be a stay-at-home dad.

Despite mums traditionally dealing with the majority of childcare, three quarters of men say they would be happy to quit work during their son or daughter’s first year so that their partner can return to their job, instead of taking the usual period of maternity leave.

And almost one in twenty men are already responsible for looking after their children whilst their wife or girlfriend goes to work.

It also emerged that 72 per cent of women would also be happy if their other half wanted to look after the children with 65 per cent worrying about the effect any time off would have on their career.

The statistics emerged in a study commissioned by national law firm Irwin Mitchell a month before a change in the law which will see couples have the opportunity to start sharing parental leave.

But these results show the new laws designed to encourage parents to share time off work following the birth of their child look set to be far more popular than government predictions had previously stated.

Irwin Mitchell employment partner Glenn Hayes said: “For a long time now, the traditional roles have seen dads returning to work just days after their baby has been born, while mums take a year or so away from their career to look after the children.

“But times are changing and it’s becoming easier, and more acceptable, for dads to take on the role of caregiver, while mums become the main breadwinner. What’s more, it seems the majority of men are happy to have it this way around.

“Thanks to changes coming into effect in April, working couples will be able to share that period of leave over the first year, meaning neither one has to miss out on such a large amount of time away – whether it’s from their career or baby.

“Shared parental leave is one of the most significant changes to flexible working rights but it is still uncertain how many families are expected to take up the new right.

“According to Government projections, as few as 5,700 men will apply over the next 12 months, but the figures in this survey suggest that the appetite for doing so could be much stronger with take up being much higher.

“So it’s important businesses and employers need to be prepared for the changes before they come into force, and know their rights as well as those of their employees.”

The study of 2,000 men and women found 66 per cent of men would be happy to take on the role of stay-at-home dad, whilst another three quarters would happily work part-time to allow their partner to return full-time.

Four in 10 say this is down to them wanting to be a bigger part of their child’s life than they would be if they worked full-time while 19 per cent worry they will miss out on too much of their child’s life otherwise.

More than a third say it’s the most sensible option for them as their wife or girlfriend earns more than them, with another 23 per cent not enjoying their job whilst their other half does.

One in twenty said taking the time off work will be less detrimental to their career than that of their partner.

Other reasons men want to take on the childcare role include it being easier for them to work around school or nursery hours than their partner, believing it would be less stressful to look after the kids than go to work and not wanting to commute anymore.

Sixty-one per cent even claimed they would be happy to become a stay-at-home dad, even if it had a detrimental effect on their career in the future.

But the researcher found that whilst most would be happy to share their decision, 23 per cent of men wouldn’t be comfortable telling their friends about their plan to be a stay-at-home dad, while 49 per cent would be worried about others judging them.

Glenn Hayes, an employment Partner at national law firm Irwin Mitchell, added: “These figures may take businesses by surprise and it is vital that they deal effectively with what is an extremely complex piece of legislation.

“It is important that employees start their conversations with their employers as early as possible in relation to shared leave, but it is vital that companies deal with the requests in the correct manner.

“Many businesses have been slow to prepare themselves for this important change and in doing so have left themselves exposed open to the risk of mishandling requests and inviting claims for discrimination.”

Shared Parental Leave rules allow those whose children are expected to be born or adopted from 5 April will be able to share up to 50 weeks of parental leave between mum and dad during the first year after a baby is born/child is adopted.

Previously, the majority of dads had two weeks paternity leave while mums could have up to 12 months maternity leave and nine months paid maternity leave.

 

 

Write Your Own Dating Rules by Jenni Trent-Hughes, the relationship expert

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relationshipsJenni Trent-Hughes, the relationship expert from eHarmony tells Frost Magazine readers to rip up the rule book.

Eighteen years ago the dating world was introduced to a book called ‘The Rules’ that we were meant to follow in order to guarantee a perfect love life. In those days, before online dating there were rules like: Don’t ask a man on a date! Don’t ask him to dance first! Don’t call him first! Don’t accept a date for Saturday if he asks you after Wednesday!

If you’ve found that ‘’not accepting a date for Saturday if they asked you after Wednesday’ worked for you, then I’m not going to tell you any different.  However as you’re here reading this in 2013, I suspect that you have realised that there is no magic secret; but I’m glad to say there is one tip that will help to bring you success or at the very least, remove some of the obstacles you may have stumbled over in the past.

Rules are like walls and sometimes walls need to be demolished to let the light in. Step outside your comfort zone and see what happens – be the dater you want to be not the one you’ve been told to be.

My one tip is this: Write your own rules! No one knows you better than you know yourself. You know what you’re capable of. You know what your parameters are. What you will be brave enough to do and what is going to be totally against your character, and you know what feels right.

I’m not going to tell you what not to do! You can figure that out yourself. I’ll just remind you of some things to do to help increase your chances of success when dating online.

1.    Reach out: If you see a profile that you like the look or sound of then make contact. There is no point spending weeks peeking at each other through cyberspace – say hello.

2.    Step outside your regular boundaries: Online dating is a golden opportunity to interact with people you might not originally have considered. Remember the first time against your better judgement you chose coconut ice cream and now it’s your favourite? That person who is a little older, a bit younger, that you’re attracted to but doesn’t match up to your usual ‘type’. That might just be The One.

3.    If you want to ask them out – just do it: Man or woman, we are in the 21st Century and we can do things that are new without the roof caving in. Traditionally men might have been the first to initiate a date, however things have evolved and it’s flattering to be asked out whatever your sex.

4. Be honest: Be yourself. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Forget mind games, just be yourself and eventually you will find someone who is exactly the person you are looking for and you to them.

5. Learn to let go: We all have baggage, but when it comes to dating try and leave any hang ups at the door. Negative experiences in the past can affect the way you approach a new relationship, and although it’s good to be cautious, it’s also good to go in with a fresh new slate. Have fun and let your true self be at the forefront.

Why men aren’t like frogs, and dating isn’t a numbers game

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By Jenni Trent Hughes. Relationship Expert at eHarmony.co.uk

 

 

There are so many myths out there about love and dating that when I talk to both singles and couples, I’m always amazed by the power these old sayings wield over us. A phrase that’s been passed on by a parent or trusted friend is often taken as gospel. And the one such myth I hear trotted out the most is that you have to kiss a rather depressing amount of frogs before you find a prince.

 

We’re certainly lucky to live in a world full of options. From takeaway coffee to sandwiches or TV channels, we’re so spoilt for choice it’s easy to think quantity is a good thing when it comes to dating too. That there’s a cornucopia of men out there, and if we dine out with enough of them we’ll hit upon that perfect needle in the haystack.

 

But as Plato very wisely said: “a good decision is based on knowledge, not on numbers”. If we know a bit about what we’re looking for then we won’t waste lots of time and energy on those so-called frogs. Here are my thoughts on dating myths I think are at best a bit silly and at worse damaging to our self-esteem and chance of finding real love:

 

“You have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince”. The majority of women I meet with that attitude tend to wander the streets aimlessly kissing a heck of a lot of undesirables.  In many instances their frogs turn into lizards but almost never a prince. A prince is born a prince; he is not born a frog. So make sure you kiss princes with potential, not frogs, and if a frog should come along disguised as a prince, then learn from the experience ready for the next time.

 

“Dating is just a numbers game…”

Numbers games rely on chance. Would that then mean that finding love should be compared to roulette or poker? I think we can agree that all of those are tremendously risky activities over which you have and little control over the outcome. The idea that the more people you date the more chance you have in succeeding is misleading; laying a few pounds on which horse wins a race won’t make too much difference in your life if it goes wrong. However an overly cavalier attitude towards dating will provide less than stellar results. It’s about quality not quantity; dates with people that you have instant chemistry with, not endless dates with people because you ‘might as well’.  While it shouldn’t be approached with the precision of a military campaign it deserves more respect and attention than thinking of it as a game or a gamble.

 

“There are plenty more fish in the sea.”

We’ve most likely all heard this one before, delivered as good news from well-meaning friends when we’re emerging from a break-up or trying to get over someone. Though meant as a positive, it does seem to suggest that there are so many people out there that it’s easy to move swiftly on to the next ‘fish’. In fact, break ups or disappointments take time to get over, so don’t let yourself be rushed. Reflect on what’s best for you, and what you can learn from your relationship. Then, when the time comes to return to the dating scene, you’ll be able to use this knowledge to your advantage.

 

“Men are like parking spaces, all the good ones are taken and the others already have ‘Mother & Child’ painted on them” Absolute nonsense. This sort of self-defeatist attitude means that you are crying over the end of the movie before you’ve even bought your ticket. There are just as many wonderful available men out there as there are women. You just need to know where to look and probably even more importantly how to look.

 

“I can’t go on any more bad dates. I would rather be home alone than out with some guy who sells socks on the internet” Never give up. Your next date might turn out be your last ‘date’ because he might be The One. Don’t stop dating, just start dating differently. Don’t go out on any old date just because you’ve been asked. Accept or initiate dates only when you genuinely believe there is an opportunity for an enjoyable time. If you think there is little or no chance that you will have a good date then don’t go in the first place, what’s the point? Find the middle ground where you’re giving a person a chance just be sure they’re worth it in the first place.

 

We should never stop sharing beliefs and thoughts with our friends as we help them along that road, but let’s just make sure these are helpful and positive pearls of wisdom that will keep us enthused and optimistic on that journey.