How to Work Out What You Want in Your Love Life

In our fast-paced modern world, it’s all too easy for our romantic relationships to be shelved in favour of our careers, our hobbies, and our ambitions, yet there comes a time in most people’s lives where we don’t want to be alone anymore. We want all of the things that we’ve worked for and earned, and we want something else too: that cherry on the top that we call contentment.

On the most basic level, what we wish for is someone who will make us happy. We desire a person that will be the missing piece of our puzzle, making everything better and more beautiful just by being there. Someone who will support us, give us succor, and be as proud of our successes as they are of their own.

Finding that someone is the hard part, of course, which is why we’ve written this article. Helping you to identify exactly what it is that you want and need from a potential partner might just allow you to find that special someone who will give you everything you ever dreamed of…

Think about what made you happy in the past

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Although lots of us find it hard to pin down what our perfect partner looks like on paper, we often have a better idea of what we want than we realise. One of the best and easiest ways to gain some much-needed clarity is by having a good, long think about what it is that’s made us happiest in the past. Which prior relationships made you the most contented, and what was it about that special someone that made you feel that way? Once you know that, you know what you ought to be looking for in another, whether it’s a hobby in common or just a shared love of cuddling.

Ask yourself why previous relationships didn’t work

In the same way that we can learn from our successes, we can learn from our failures too. Relationships tend to end for a reason, so it’s usually a good idea to avoid dating those who have certain things in common with past partners. Did long distance just not work for you? Then use the search criteria on sites like Badoo to refine your results and find someone closer to home. Struggled to balance professional success with spending enough time with your partner? Then look for someone who has similar priorities when it comes to balancing their career with their commitment to you. Be brutally honest about the mistakes made by both parties and it will be much easier to avoid repeating them in the future.

Make a list

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We also recommend that you make a list of the qualities you want from a partner. It’s okay to be entirely open with yourself here so, if not liking dogs is a no-no for you, include ‘dog lover’ amongst your criteria. No matter how insignificant or silly your desires might seem, if they’re important to you, they’re going to have an impact on the success of any future relationships, so pop them beside a bullet point. Age, personality traits, and even preferred physical characteristics are all worth noting and should help to make you much more self-aware and successful the next time you try your hand at dating.

What are you waiting for? Work out what you want today and get ready to go for it!

 

Write Your Own Dating Rules by Jenni Trent-Hughes, the relationship expert

relationshipsJenni Trent-Hughes, the relationship expert from eHarmony tells Frost Magazine readers to rip up the rule book.

Eighteen years ago the dating world was introduced to a book called ‘The Rules’ that we were meant to follow in order to guarantee a perfect love life. In those days, before online dating there were rules like: Don’t ask a man on a date! Don’t ask him to dance first! Don’t call him first! Don’t accept a date for Saturday if he asks you after Wednesday!

If you’ve found that ‘’not accepting a date for Saturday if they asked you after Wednesday’ worked for you, then I’m not going to tell you any different.  However as you’re here reading this in 2013, I suspect that you have realised that there is no magic secret; but I’m glad to say there is one tip that will help to bring you success or at the very least, remove some of the obstacles you may have stumbled over in the past.

Rules are like walls and sometimes walls need to be demolished to let the light in. Step outside your comfort zone and see what happens – be the dater you want to be not the one you’ve been told to be.

My one tip is this: Write your own rules! No one knows you better than you know yourself. You know what you’re capable of. You know what your parameters are. What you will be brave enough to do and what is going to be totally against your character, and you know what feels right.

I’m not going to tell you what not to do! You can figure that out yourself. I’ll just remind you of some things to do to help increase your chances of success when dating online.

1.    Reach out: If you see a profile that you like the look or sound of then make contact. There is no point spending weeks peeking at each other through cyberspace – say hello.

2.    Step outside your regular boundaries: Online dating is a golden opportunity to interact with people you might not originally have considered. Remember the first time against your better judgement you chose coconut ice cream and now it’s your favourite? That person who is a little older, a bit younger, that you’re attracted to but doesn’t match up to your usual ‘type’. That might just be The One.

3.    If you want to ask them out – just do it: Man or woman, we are in the 21st Century and we can do things that are new without the roof caving in. Traditionally men might have been the first to initiate a date, however things have evolved and it’s flattering to be asked out whatever your sex.

4. Be honest: Be yourself. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Forget mind games, just be yourself and eventually you will find someone who is exactly the person you are looking for and you to them.

5. Learn to let go: We all have baggage, but when it comes to dating try and leave any hang ups at the door. Negative experiences in the past can affect the way you approach a new relationship, and although it’s good to be cautious, it’s also good to go in with a fresh new slate. Have fun and let your true self be at the forefront.