The thing you do when you're an "actor"… {Ceri's Column}

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I’m sure that “waiting” is the biggest pain in our collective arse! I mean, war and famine and such are more than a pain in the arse…unless you’re that soldier who got shot in the arse…balls, I’ll start again.

Uh…feck! See what I mean?

All that nonsensical rambling was written as I am waiting for my frigging train to arrive. My mind is not at its razor-sharpness when I have to wait for junk! It grabs on to thoughts like “I wonder if this train has power sockets” or “that hair growing from my mole…is it ok if my girlfriend plucks it out? It won’t get worse, will it?”

When you’re a mediocre actor, like myself, your time spent waiting is roughly four times more than, say, an oil-rig worker. Oil-rig workers don’t sit in their house thinking “maybe if I’d tried an Irish accent”. Oil-rig workers don’t sip at luke-warm cappuccinos in the Starbucks next door to Johnny Jenkins’ Casting for two hours because they miscalculated how long it takes to drive to Manchester and are 3 hours early. Oil-rig workers wear overalls, not their god damned pyjamas for days and days and days hoping against hope for your agent to ring.

Last week, I waited for 2 and half hours to be asked: “Oh…can you come back tomorrow?” 2 and a half hours of sitting and looking at the floor and wondering why I hadn’t brought my IPod and what do I get?!  24 more hours of waiting. AAAARGH!

Oh well, I suppose I could be doing a job that involves “working” or “thinking” or “Business acumen”. We have made our own beds, so let’s…uh…lie…in them? Does that butchered idiom make sense?

Oh shit my train’s here……

by Ceri Phillips

Eyjafjallajökull's plume from orbit

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Nasa: Eruption of Eyjafjallajökull Volcano, Iceland , 17 April 2010

Nasa: Eruption of Eyjafjallajökull Volcano, Iceland, 19th April 2010

These photos of the unpronounceable geological marvel in Iceland are from Nasa. A variety of newspapers are telling me that the eruptions are set to slow down or there are set to be more. I’m not sure so here’s some volcano related facts and stories:

1. Oh, it’s not actually called Eyjafjallajökull…

So after days of reporters stumbling over the word ‘Eyjafjallajökull’ and the BBC issuing guidelines to newsreaders on how to pronounce the name of the volcano (“AY-uh-fyat-luh-YOE-kuutl-uh”);  it turns out; to the hilarity of some Icelanders; that it’s actually called Eyjafyoll. Now isn’t that easier to pronounce?!

2. Norway is being run via an iPad

Jens Stoltenberg, the prime minister of Norway, found himself stranded in New York and was pictured working remotely via an iPad.
So, the iPad, great for cats and prime ministers.

3. We’re going to have trouble buying kumquats

I’ve never wanted a kumquat, but now that I’ve heard that they might be difficult to get hold of once the stocks run low, I really fancy one! Funny how that works.

4. Twitter has become an emergency travel service

Stranded tweeple have been using the hastags #getmehome, #stranded and #putmeup to make it easier for holidaymakers to carpool or find a place to stay.
Heart warming really….

5. Dan Snow (Historian Presenter) tried to rescue people in rigid inflatable boats…

…in a Dunkirk inspired evacuation…but got shut down by the french authorities after rescuing 25 people mobilised via twitter.

If you hear of anymore surreal Volcano related stories please comment below:

Yahoo! Launches 'The People's Policies'

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Yahoo = Peoples Policies. YAHOO! LAUNCHES ‘THE PEOPLE’S POLICIES’

  • The best ones will be advertised across the site for free to Yahoo!’s monthly UK audience of over 20 million users

  • Election site aims to be UK’s most comprehensive and accessible, with blogs from comedian Steve Punt.

(London, April 6th) Tired of the same old political promises in the lead up to an election?  Convinced you can do better than the politicians?  On the day the General Election is announced, Yahoo! – the UK’s #2 online news site* –  is launching ‘The People’s Policies’ at http://thepeoplespolicies.co.uk – offering you the chance to get your  burning issue out to a UK audience of over 20 million.

‘The People’s Policies’ gives you the chance to have your policy selected as an advertising banner which could then be shown throughout the Yahoo! UK site.  Twenty-two million people see Yahoo! ads online every month in the UK, meaning your policy has the potential of reaching an audience that even Brown, Cameron and Clegg would struggle to reach.

For your policy to have a chance of being featured on Yahoo!, simply submit your own policy for the UK – be it silly or sublime – and watch the votes pour in from Yahoo! users.  As well as potentially being selected to be included in advertising space on Yahoo! UK, each policy will be given its own individual link for self-promotion on your own Twitter and Facebook pages.  The best policy of the week will also potentially be spotlighted on the Yahoo! UK homepage for even more publicity.

In the final week of voting – timed to align with the week before the General Election – advertising will be focused on the best ten People’s Policies for a big finale. These ten will be made up from the top five on the leader board as voted for by Yahoo! users, plus Yahoo!’s five favourites, selected in accordance with the rules of the Site

Yahoo!’s General Election Site

The People’s Policies are one part of a new Yahoo! General Election website (www.yahoo.co.uk/elections) that seeks to be the most accessible source of current and relevant political information in the run up to the General Election– capturing everything that’s going on in the Election in an easy and informative way.

Direct from BBC Radio 4’s The Now Show and sitcom The Party Line, comedian Steve Punt will be casting his satirical eye over the unfolding drama of the Election campaign.  The ex-star of The Mary Whitehouse Experience and one half of Punt and Dennis will be the writer of a blog aimed at providing political observation and a laugh (or two) among the serious issues of the day.

Throughout the build up, the site will be home to interviews with political leaders, live streaming of political debates and Yahoo!’s very own constituency map.  You will be able to get all the background on the politicians with party and candidate profiles and essential information.  You’ll also be able to access analysis on the highs and lows of the main parties and read in-depth articles on their policies and manifestos.

Rich Evans, UK News Editor, Yahoo! said “Over the next month, there’ll be an awful lot of coverage of parties and politicians but very little about the individual and their concerns.

The People’s Policies is Yahoo!’s way of putting you at the centre of the election campaign and giving you the chance to have your voice heard by over 20 million people.”

*As measured by monthly unique users (Comscore)

The Great Political Debate: Part 2: Labour.

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By Alain Lewis

When I was 12 it was necessary for me to become a Labourite. My father was a Postman and a Trade Unionist and my mother a Home Help for the local council.
Mrs Thatcher was about to become Prime Minister and I believed that in her haste to cut taxes she would also make public services suffer. This made me in direct opposition to my best friend Simon Jones, I believed though that my convictions were far more important than that.
I became then a back seat supporter of the Labour Party, I’ve never actually joined the party.
My belief in a fairer society came not only as a counter to Mrs Ts unfairness but partially as a result of my, then, Christianity. I have since lost my belief in God, but I still believe we should make our world more equal for more people. That we shouldn’t discriminate against people because of their race, religion, age, sexuality, gender, class or political convictions. It does though seem a long time ago that Tory MPs were openly racist, apart from Boris that is.
Through my political adolescence I despaired of what was happening. The choices were so obvious, how could Neil Kinnock have lost in 1987 and 1992? When John Smith died big changes were allowed to happen on the Labour Party. It became more attractive to more people in the UK, even some Tories.
I think though this is what’s been happening since the war. The leadership has been to the right of the party, with the exception of 1983 and 1945.
There is also no denying that Labour won in 1997 under the banner of New Labour. They abandoned clause 4 and adopted PFIs.
New Labour though has revitalised the NHS, improved standards in Education. It introduced the Minimum Wage and gave families new opportunities with Sure Start. Professionally I prospered under New Labour as a worker in Information, Advice and Guidance with Adults. For a time I worked in close collaboration in a mult-agency setting, collaborating and not competing with a range of organisations. Those were some of the most joy filled and bitterness free times of my career.
Because of the cylical nature of our politics and the blame attached by the Tories to Gordon Brown for the economic meltdown; we’re now threatened by the return of Thatcherism under the guise of David Cameron. He, as most Tories are, is obsessed with choice and has an unpalatable zeal to force private schools into the state sector.
On May 6th I will be very happy to put my cross next to the Labour Party candidate’s name, Gary Heather, on the ballot paper in the Tunbridge Wells constituency. I know full well that I’m not to be too disappointed if by some chance he fails to get elected.

Prototype iPhone left in a pub.

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Tut tut, has someone at Apple has been leaving technology on the floors of bars in an attempt to leak it to the eagerly awaiting blogosphere. If they have, then it’s worked.

Gizmodo has a full rundown of the specs along with pictures and videos if you’re intreagued. Apparently they’ve been playing with the phone for the past week.

There’s alot of skepticism as to wether it’s a hoax or not but apparently it’s been reported as lost and the firmware, screen, operating system and sim card all point to a late stage prototype….are you excited fanboys and fangirls?! Are you?!

Not so Hidden Gems {Ceri's Column}

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By Ceri Phillips

Every once in a while I stumble upon something wonderful. Well, to be more accurate, I walk along quite briskly, late for a meeting and then, on stopping for a moment, usually to tie a shoelace or spit out some gum, realize where I am or where I seem to be or around or about to experience and it turns out to be something wonderful. But my opener has more zing…the fuck was I writing? Ah yes, the last time I happened upon something wonderful was a week or so ago in good old London, (oh, for those of you who don’t know, London is a quiet, unassuming city near Slough). I was busy shopping for a few essential items in Covent Garden; essential items like root beer, American chocolate bars and impractical yet highly fashionable boots when KABLOOM! Thunder. I hate the frigging rain so I took cover in the first shop I could see. A place selling frozen yogurt.

Now, I am not the biggest fan of most frozen desserts apart from ice cream and I must concede that I am a total ice cream Nazi. Anything less than orgasmic ice cream is spat across the restaurant/parlour/funeral home into the coffin (sorry Aunty Em). Most other frozen desserts are gimmicky bollocks or pretentious “palate cleansers” used to add on £7.50 or more to your bill. Frozen yogurt is just not my thing. Plus, this place is called “Snog”. The name made me remember awkwardly tongue-poking braced acne sufferers in the corner of some dingy disco…when I was a teen, I hasten to add.

However, this particular vendor of iced cow juice is so fucking extraordinary that I will not only go again and again, I’m buying some god damned shares in the business!


Seriously now, this place rocked my tiny mind. First off, the fact that green tea frozen yogurt is available here wooed me past my initial pessimism. My girlfriend suggested I try a smaller size, pointing to a gluttonous child sitting with a “Medium” that should be called an “Oh fuck I need some stomach staples, Mum.”  After you pick a size and which flavour yogurt (plain, green tea, or a rather stunning dark chocolate) you get to pick toppings and sauces. I got an original flavour with white chocolate stars and a shot of espresso on top.

Sweet shit! My taste buds have barely recovered! I swear I heard a tiny muffled “Oi! This tastes like shite” emanating from the end of my tongue last time I ate some Ben and Jerry’s. Must have been the LSD.
The best thing about this chance discovery was exactly that; it was a total fluke. If I’d been told about this place by a trillion trendy Hoxtonites and urged to “pop in when I have a mo” (or however the fuck they’d phrase it), I would have enjoyed my experience. I would have thought “yeah, this is nice”. But finding it myself, as if I were customer numero Uno and therefore “special”, amplified the pleasure.
So next time you’re walking from one tube station to another or (if you don’t live in London) from one…uh…taxi rank to another…please stop and look at the shops and cafes around you. You may just discover a not so hidden gem.

Ceri Phillips is a young writer and actor currently playing Ollie in BBC’s Coming of Age. He’s also creating comedy forhis sketch group ‘Le 122’.

Frost Film Review: Cemetery Junction

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Frost Rating ****

A group of 20 something’s living in the early 70’s in the isolated Cemetary Junction, a sleepy suburb near Reading. Their days consist of mundane jobs, chasing girls, drinking and drawing bits and bobs on billboards.

So far it doesn’t sound like a premise for a hilarious Gervais-Merchant film but underneath the gushy-feel-good-coming-of-age premise is an observant and clever comedy.

I don’t want to give too much away but the story follows three friends living in sleepy Cemetary Junction; Freddie (Christian Cooke), Bruce (Tom Hughes), and Snork (Jack Doolan); who’s lives are transformed by the reappearance of Freddie’s childhood sweetheart Julie (Felicity Jones).
Gervais and Merchant manage to get away with some incredibly politically incorect jokes but it’s set in the 70’s so the audience forgives them. What really makes this film keep you laughing is the brilliant script.

So my advice, if you want to be entertained by a warm, funny, easy on the brain-film…definately go watch it!!!
15 cert (94 mins)

Cemetery Junction Official Site – Sony Pictures

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XYDeHIszUqA