Tag Archives: eharmony

MAKE THIS THE LAST MOTHER’S DAY THAT YOU ARE SINGLE

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Five tips for single parents looking to escape the parent trap

As a single parent you’re certainly not alone – in the UK there are more than 1.7million single parents. The majority would love to find someone new to support them and their children, but with childcare issues eating into time and energy resources, it can at times feel like it’s at the bottom of a never-ending to do list.

Single mum, TV actress and eHarmony.co.uk’s guest blogger, Donna Air voices the challenges she faces over finding a new partner when her child is naturally her number one priority:

“It’s simply too stressful a job when teamed with kids’ bath, dinner, homework, and bedtime stories into the hour allocation that most busy mums have for the multiple of tasks”.

But it needn’t be the hurdle it can at first seem. In Donna’s accounts of dating, she makes a point of dating when her child is at her ex partner’s house, or when she has some spare time to herself. For those with childcare and time constraints, dating online is the perfect way to ‘get back out there’ again and find someone new, and the best bit is that the initial, online stages of ‘dating’ can all be done when children are tucked up in bed. Make sure you research the top 10 dating sites to find the one that is right for you.

“Looking for someone who will love and respect you and your children can feel challenging but in reality it’s just about finding the person for you”, says Dr Gian Gonzaga, Senior Relationship Scientist at eHarmony.co.uk, the relationship success site. Dr Gonzaga continues, “in a recent poll of eHarmony.co.uk members, 85% said they were sensitive to a single parent’s position, so there’s no reason for not taking that first step.’ Here are five top tips from Fr. Gonzaga that every single and dating parent should follow:

1. Be honest from the beginning

It isn’t always easy to bring up the fact that you have children when considering going out with someone new. But your date deserves to know what to expect — perhaps you’ll only be available every other weekend or you can never be out past midnight due to your babysitter. Be upfront and you’ll avoid any surprises later on.

2. Only date someone who is sensitive to your situation

A potential partner who respects the fact that you’re a parent should understand and be sensitive to the responsibilities that you have to your children. Do they realize that even on a date you need to be accessible to your children? Does he or she understand that only you will know the right time to introduce them to your children? If the answer is no to any of these questions, they are probably not the right partner for you in the long-term.

3. Go slow

Unless you and your date are both certain you want to take the relationship in a more serious direction, don’t rush to introduce him or her to your kids. Having a new adult in their lives is a big deal. When you feel the time is right, keep the meeting low-key and brief, and do all you can to remove pressure from everyone. Your kids need as much time as you did to get to know someone new.

4. Be realistic

After introductions, be careful not to expect too much from your new relationship too soon. Someone who has never had kids will need plenty of time to develop their own relationship with your children. Equally if your partner has children or their own, it will take time for both sets of children to get used to being a part of a single family.

5. Practice being more than a parent

Yes, you are responsible for your children, and you must take that seriously. But being a parent is not solely all you are. You’re a single person looking for someone to share your life with. Get a babysitter, relax, and enjoy dating!

Dr Gonzaga concludes: “Don’t let being a parent stop you trying to find happiness. Just learn from your past relationship, have clear boundaries and be confident and you will find a true partner.”

Donna Air’s dating blog can be found at: http://moourl.com/donnadating.

Why are we entangled with the idea of a fairytale romance?

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eHarmony.co.uk’s relationship scientist Dr Gian Gonzaga says romance is a wonderful thing, but perhaps it’s time to forget fairytales and take destiny into our own hands.

Even the most cynical and ‘grown-up’ among us love a fairytale. Whether it’s Disney’s Tangled or Cinderella and her glass slipper, who hasn’t at some time dreamt of being whisked away on a white horse to a life of never-ending romance with an impossibly handsome prince or princess?

Dr Gian Gonzaga, world leading relationship scientist and Senior Research Director for eHarmony.co.uk believes a little imagination is healthy but finding the right partner also needs a dose of reality. He says: “Anyone who believes that finding or keeping a great relationship is a matter of luck or chance may be disappointed. Relationships can absolutely be filled with fairytale romance, but amazingly, a lot of people expect their Prince Charming to magically appear on their doorstep and rescue them. The reality is that taking a positive and active approach to finding love is the best way to find your own happy ending.”

Dr Gonzaga, author of new book ‘Dating the second time around, Finding love that lasts’, says people can fall into the trap of waiting for a new relationship to find them or believe that finding a compatible partner is outside of their control or ability. In his book, Dr Gonzaga touches on four tips that those of us who are looking for a fairytale romance should bear in mind.

Find your own version of the Handsome Prince

You may have a vision of the handsome prince or princess you want to meet, what they do for a living, where they live, and how old they are—but it’s time to put away the tired old checklist you’ve created over the years and approach finding a life-long partner with fresh eyes. Of course you have to feel chemistry with your partner, but perfection comes in all guises. It’s worth keeping in mind what’s going to make you happy not just now but in twenty years’ time. (Tip – it’s probably not a washboard stomach).

Control your own destiny

To find a relationship and make it work, you need to take control over the process by searching for the right type of partner, and acting to ensure the quality of this relationship. Lots of people expect Prince Charming to appear from nowhere, and they think that whether it works out or not will be down to fate or the cosmos or astrological compatibility rather than anything they might do or not do. Those who believe they can control whether a relationship works or not will ultimately be happier. Psychologists call this “locus of control.” Some people have an external locus of control, which means they don’t think they have the power to change things.

Others have an internal locus of control, which means that they believe they can change their situation with some effort. Those who have an internal locus of control more often try to make things better rather than passively accepting their fate, and that alone makes a big difference.

Don’t hurry love

We’ve all grown up on Hollywood’s romantic movies with speedy courtships and happy endings and it’s easy to think that real-life romance should happen quickly and easily.

As the old saying goes, only fools rush in. Too much too soon can scare a very suitable partner or cause problems in the longer term. Allow time for authentic feelings to develop before you say ‘I love you’, and consider that everyone has his or her own emotional clock.

Inject some romance into daily life

When you’re in a relationship with your own Prince Charming it’s important to keep the fires burning, even years down the line when romance can sometimes take a backseat. But how do you keep that exciting ‘butterflies’ feeling? The simple answer is by making time for your partner and making them feel special.

The Obama’s famously have their ‘date night’ but how about setting up a monthly ‘romantic surprise’ – put aside say £50 to take each other out for a romantic dinner or to a concert. And don’t forget to praise your partner’s achievements and compliment them as often as you can, in a genuine way. The couples that look out for each other stay happy together. You can have your ‘happy ever after’ but like Cinderella you’ll have to put some work in.

To read more about how to find realistic and lasting love read Dr Gian Gonzaga’s new book – Dating the second time around, Finding love that lasts. (Octopus, £6.99), available from all good bookshops.

Actress Donna Air on Dating the Second Time Around

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Actress and model Donna Air shares her ‘second time around’ dating stories for relationship site, www.eHarmony.co.uk

Dating Unplugged: Eight weeks of thoughts, advice, videos, pictures and comment for those who are finding love all over again
 
 
Actress, TV presenter and writer Donna Air this week unveils the first in a series of weekly blogs for relationship site eHarmony.co.uk, based on her own recent dating experiences. The blog posts will all follow the theme of ‘Dating the second time around’, the subject of a recent book by Dr Gian Gonzaga, Senior Relationship Scientist at eHarmony.co.uk. The blog can be found at: http://moourl.com/donnadating. 
 
Donna’s articles will feature amusing first-person dating anecdotes covering topics such as dating in the fast-moving world of social media, the challenges of dating outside your age group, and finding love as a single parent. Donna herself is a single mother to a seven year old daughter, and has spent the last four and a half years on the London dating scene following the breakdown of her long-term relationship.
 
Donna Air said:
“The search for the perfect partner is the one thing that unites all of us, whatever our circumstances, and starting that journey again after a long relationship can be scary. I was really excited to be asked by eHarmony to share some of my stories, and hopefully help other single people in the process. It can feel like a ‘dating jungle’ out there at times but sharing our experiences with each other will help us all on that mission to find the perfect person!”
 
The eight weekly blogs will run from Thursday February 24th until April 25th and will sit on eHarmony Advice, which contains relationship advice articles, forums and opinion polls for eHarmony members and anyone seeking relationship advice. Advice articles and videos by Dr Gian Gonzaga, excerpts from his recent book, and videos, photos and personal stories from eHarmony-matched couples who found love second time around will also feature. The blog will be supported by a social media campaign to amplify Donna’s articles through Facebook, Twitter, YouTube and other online channels.
 
Ottokar Rosenberger, UK Country Manager for eHarmony.co.uk said:
“This is the first time in the UK that we’ve worked on a series of guest-authored blogs and we’re extremely excited to host Donna’s unique content on our site. Donna has a really warm and engaging personality and we’re sure her stories will strike a chord with anyone who’s navigating the sometimes nerve-wracking world of dating. We hope readers of the blogs will also post their own thoughts and experiences.”
 
“We plan to run other blogs over the rest of the year on a range of love-related subjects, which we hope will appeal to our existing members, and to anyone seeking helpful and interesting relationship advice.”