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The Look from the left: GORDON! Back in a flash to save every lefty one of us!

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A Look from the Left at the muddle in the middle by Richard Wright

Week 2: GORDON! Back in a flash to save every lefty one of us!

This week the commons saw the return of Gordon Brown to public life. Oh how we have missed thee. And just in time for the upcoming release of the final Shrek film on DVD and Blu-Ray. Former PM Brown used his speech to support the two aircraft carriers and if there is anyone who knows about taking over a sinking ship its Gordon. I’ve missed Gordon I really have. Sure he looks like a living toby jug and has, roughly speaking, the same personality as one. But you knew where you stood with Gordon. He wasn’t a horrible political clone. He was unique. There will never be another Prime Minister like him. Half of me is saddened by that but sadly that half is being drowned about by the party that’s going on in my other half. As it always has been Gordon stands defeated by show over substance. And no, that’s not a fat joke.

But Mr Ed if you are reading this, and you’re not, Gordon may have a broken leg politically speaking but that’s no reason to put him down. Did you the like the horse metaphor? And the Mr Ed thing? That was intentional. That’s right I’m a classy writer. For this writers money Gordon can still be very useful. The coalition government is lacking a little experience and that could well play into Labours hands in the long run. Well lacking experience if you don’t count Teresa May who is old as Medusa and similar looking into the bargain. And there goes the class out of the window. Also the truthfulness of the piece because as an A-level political student she was the closest thing I could find to attractive at Westminster. But at the time I thought Nicola Sturgeon wasn’t bad looking so I question my sanity there a little. This was all in 1999 and that was quite some time ago. I might be sliding off topic slightly. Back on point: Gordon Brown – party statesman. The Ken Clarke of the Labour Party if you will. Only far less annoying and pointless.

The problem was Gordon Brown is fundamentally unlikeable. However as a Labour Party elder statesman, a background player, a consultant he could be very useful indeed. The man was in the two most important positions in British Political life and that has to count for something. Much like Ole Gunnar Solskjaer was a super sub for Man Utd so Gordon could play a blinder from the back bench. He could create a role for himself that augments and strengthens Labours agenda. After last week’s spending review the Labour Party has taken a lead over the Government in two separate polls. Now I am a massive sceptic when it comes to polling data as the only real poll that matters is a general election. And Labour is, to be fair, a good way off winning one of those. However polls do help shape public perception at least a little and this in encouraging for Mr Ed. The joy for Mr Ed is that because Gordon was such a failure as Prime Minister he really doesn’t have to do that much to look impressive. Basically look like he has a pulse and the battle is half won. But that should also lessen the intimidation factor. Yes Mr Ed I get it, you want to create a new Labour to replace New Labour but Gordon was never New Labour so why not make him a part of your new Labour. It’s getting complicated again.

I think Gordon Brown would be excellent as some kind of Party Chairman, something akin to the way they work in America only with less power. A Howard Dean for the Labour Party. Gordon if you’re reading this, and you’re not, then your party needs you still. I know it’s like watching your girlfriend making out with another bloke but forget it Gordon she left you. Leave it she’s not worth it Gordon she was never the right one for you. And that’s not actually a bad analogy. Gordon Brown and being leader of the Labour Party was like a relationship that was destined to never work. It’s the girl you long for, the girl you wish was yours and when it finally happens it’s not the way it should have been. It’s like Ross and Rachel on Friends.

The public waited a long time for them to get it together and the public waited a long time for Gordon Brown to be PM. But imagine if you had waited all that time on Ross Gellar and Rachel Greene kissing and then after the kiss Ross developed erectile dysfunction and Rachel decided she was really a nun. This happened to Gordon. Sort of. I hope you get what I am trying to say with this cause I’m not even sure I do. Gordon the relationship is over. You’ve moved on, she’s moved on and we’ve moved on. But Gordon there is a light at the end of the tunnel and it’s called political experience. You might lack any gravitas, emotional or charismatic authority and you may look an awful lot like Shrek but you can still play a role. Mr Ed is going to need all the help he can get and I’m sorry but Harriet Harman, Ed Balls and the grumpy old umpire of the front bench aren’t gonna be enough. Gordon – your party needs you. Sort of. You can indeed save everyone one of us. Sort of.

A Look from the Left at the muddle in the middle. By Richard Wright

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Week 1: Change – so simple yet I don’t understand it

I speak to you as an observer of the left wing of British Politics. I am the voice of the loony left of Britain as certain elements of this fine publication would call it. And I sit in anticipation of what will happen to The Labour Party. The grand design to sweep Labour back into office? Change. Labour. A new generation for change. This is indeed a very lucrative if dangerous road to go for The Labour Party.

Recent political shenanigans in American politics should warn the Labour Party of such danger. Barack Obama swept his underdog Presidential campaign all the way to the white house taking Nancy Pelosi and the Democrats with him on a platform of change. Now, in the 2010 mid terms elections to both house and senate; the Republicans are on a mighty surge with a manifesto of, you guessed it, change. Labour be warned: preaching change sometimes gives people such a taste for change that when it’s not instant they look for it again. Much like a coffee hit first thing in the morning. And sometimes once you’ve had that first hit of caffeine it’s simply not enough and you need another one. It’s not the greatest analogy in the world but I haven’t had enough tea today. And I don’t want to have to think of a new one. That’s a potential Slogan for Ed Miliband to think about “Labour – it’ll do”. Maybe not.

The cynic in me says “change? You’re barely out of office surely you’d be changing what the previous Labour government was responsible for?” Well to put a convoluted and fence sitting answer to that – yes and no. As with all political theory it’s not really that simple. Take for example this little issue called simply “no it was your fault”. Well that’s what I call it anyway. As any good Labour supporter knows, and if you watch Allan Johnson speak in parliament are still constantly reminded, any failing of the previous administration was really a result of the previous administration to that which is ultimately all the fault of Thatcher. Basically to put it in political caveman talk – Labour made good thing but bad thing was that lot before us. Not me. Nope. We did good thing. Bad thing not us. Bad thing them. Anyway getting away from the translated rhetoric of the finest political minds this country has to offer we are left with this question – what I just said, right, that’s correct surely? Well…yes and no. Again it’s really not as simple as that. I wish I had better answers to these questions but I’m a socialist – answers aren’t my job okay, questions are.

Now, saying that Labour might have needed rebranding after the disaster that was Gordon Brown is probably about as big an understatement as saying the movie Avatar made a nice few quid. They needed re-branding. Oh how they needed re-branding. They needed dynamic leadership, a new energy, a new approach and…..oh dear. What we got was a new leader who looks like the work experience boy from a Wallace and Gromit movie and a shadow Chancellor who looks like a cross between former cricket umpire Dickie Bird and that old uncle you hope doesn’t come at Christmas cause his flatulence and racist jokes are annoying. As for Harriet Harman, well, she’s fine. I’m not saying anything negative about a lady who looks like she could knock me into the middle of next week and then somehow still be there to tell me all about the news I missed out on.

My concern is this – Is the Labour Party devoid of genuinely inspiring Leadership? Well, as much as I hate fence sitting, yes and no. The simple fact is that the entire Labour Party is slap bang in the middle of change. There’s that word again. Change. Mr Miliband is a different type of politician. In as much as he is very much like David Cameron and Nick Clegg. But he’s very different for the Labour Party. In as much as he’s not all that far removed from Tony Blair c.1994. It’s all very confusing. Change. No one really likes change because well it’s different. It’s something we haven’t had before. It’s new, New Labour. But not New Labour. Just a new Labour Party. But not The New Labour Party. Just the Labour Party but a bit different. And more new…but not in that way.

I may have to get back to you on this one.

The Ed Miliband Wagon by Richard Wright {Politics}

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So Labour has a new leader. Ed Miliband. Never mind that he’s 40 years old and he looks like he’s just a work experience party leader getting to try it out for a bit. He’s true Labour. “Red Ed” is how they opposition are choosing to tarnish him. Oh no, socialism in the labour party who would have though such a thing would happen again. Why it’ll be the end of middle Britain as we know it. But Mr Miliband has a tough balancing act to perform and a mighty job to perform. But he’s has the job 5 minutes I don’t need to make my mind up about him just yet do I? Cause I don’t really know that much about him. And there is a reason for that.

This wasn’t how it was meant to go. David Miliband was the Miliband that was meant to be leader, not Ed. But Ed played the game of politics well. With endorsements from Labour Party luminaries such as Neil Kinnock and Roy Hattersley, the younger Miliband was making sure of a traditional support base within the party, a support base that had been ignored by the two previous Labour Leaders and Prime Ministers of our country, trade union members. And what endorsements they are because if it’s one thing Neil Kinnock knows its winning elections. Well, sort of.

As for experience Bob a Job Ed, another age joke there. If not as good an age joke, can boast a record as cabinet minister. He was Secretary of State for Climate and Energy Change, Or Energy and Climate Change. Whichever one has to come before the horse on that particular front. He also spent time as Minster to the cabinet office and Chancellor of Duchy of Lancaster. And if you think that job makes him sound like something out of Dickens then you’re not alone. He has spent time around such winners as Gordon Brown and former US Presidential Hopeful John Kerry. So clearly that’s where he picked up his charisma. Or at least realised the importance of it.

His speech to the Labour Party Conference, his first as Leader of the Labour Party, was impressive but if you can’t tell from the tone of this article I’m quite definitively hedging my bets. Because he says we are optimists in this country, and I honestly don’t think we are. I think we like to complain and I think we are ultimately quite pessimistic, and it was fears and pessimism that lead to the Government we have now rather then hope of change. I applaud optimism, I applaud a call for a grown up debate in this country and his comments on the War in Iraq are measured and, I feel, correct. Can Ed Miliband bring about a political atmosphere at Westminster that will lead to grown up debate? I very much doubt it, but we will see over the next 6 to 12 months if Ed Miliband can indeed create a Miliband Wagon and if he can I will be more then happy to jump on it.

Richard Wright