Sexism And Sexual Harassment: The Rise of Everyday Sexism

This is an article I never wanted to write. But something compelled me. A sense of injustice, perhaps. I wanted to write about my own experience of everyday sexism. More importantly, I wanted to write about what happened to me a couple of weeks ago.

 

everyday sexism a personal experienceTwo weeks ago I was walking home from a party in East London when a car kept beeping. I ignored it. I usually do when I am in a part of London where I don’t know people. I finally turned around and a man gestured with his hand for me to come over to his car which had stopped at a red light. I obviously ignored it because I am not an idiot. Do they really think that a women being summoned by a stranger in a car is going to make her go over there? Insane. He was in a car with three friends. He didn’t like being ignored. In fact, he turned his car around so he and his friends could go past me and yell obscenities that I would never write down, never mind say out loud. To say I was terrified was an understatement. It doesn’t take a lot of courage to yell at a women who is 5.5 and a half inches tall and 130 pounds. If they wanted to get out of the car to hurt me, kill me, rape me, I would have stood no chance. I am an emotionally strong person, I even think that after martial arts training that I can generally look after myself, but, sadly, when it comes to physical strength: men and women are not born equal. I was badly shaken. My fiancé was off at a business conference. I didn’t leave the house the next. Nor the day after that.

 

I wish I could say this was a one-off. Sadly it wasn’t.  About a week later I was coming back from the post office near where I live and I was about to step onto the road and then I pulled back as a car was approaching very fast. I could have crossed and made it, but I decided to be extra safe. The car beeped at me aggressively. I waved the aggression away with my hand in an almost subconscious gesture. Turns out it was a man driving. He slammed on the brakes and got out of the car. A muscular man of average height and too-high testosterone. I had crossed behind him at this point. ‘What?, What?” He yelled at me with aggressive body language and an incredibly angry tone. I pretended he wasn’t there and walked in the opposite direction. Thankfully, he didn’t follow.

 

In fact the intimidate-a-women-in-your-car thing isn’t rare at all. It has happened to me four times now and many friends have had the same experience. But I doubt their mothers are proud of them. it doesn’t take a lot of courage to abuse a women who is alone, whilst sitting in a hunk of metal, surrounded by your friends. When I was growing up I wasn’t allowed in certain areas and places unless one of my brothers was with me. I always hated this, thought it was sexist and unfair, but, actually, my parents were smart and knew far more about the brutality and unfairness of the world than I did.

 

This doesn’t mean that all men are lovely and polite when not in cars. I have been asked ‘How much?’ whilst walking through Leicester Square. I have been followed a number of times, had my bottom groped, had men leer at me, been called everything from a slut, to a whore to a c**t (no, I can’t even write it down properly) I have walked down the street in a knee-length skirt and been treated like I was walking down the street topless. My crime? Just walking down the street, minding my own business. Oh, and having breasts and a vagina. Apparently that means it is open season. I never reply, I just ignore it. Usually I can brush it off but not always. Women should not have to put up with this level of abuse. It is time we took a stand. It is time that women and men unite and say no to everyday sexism.

 

There is a wonderful project called the Every Day Sexism Project (and I hope they don’t mind me using their name) you can add your experiences of Every Day Sexism.  They can also be tweeted at @EverydaySexism.

 

Please also comment and add your own experiences below. The more we expose sexism and show how common harassment is, the more we can do to stop it and raise awareness. My one hope is that some of these men don’t realise how their actions affect the women they treat so badly and that when they do, maybe they will think twice.

 

Ronan Farrow Publicly Slams Woody Allen Golden Globes Tribute

Not everyone was happy that Woody Allen received a Cecil B. Demille award at the Golden Globes last night. In fact it sparked some controversy and even Allen’s ex-wife Mia and her son, Ronan, had choice words to say about it. Allen did not attend the ceremony but Diane Keaton accepted the award for him.

Allen married his adoptive daughter with Mia Farrow, Soon-Yi, and has been with her for 12 years. Allen has been accused of abusing his daughter, Dylan (who has since changed her name), when she was seven-years-old. The allegations have been going for years and the allegations flared up in a recent Vanity Fair article. See the tweets below.

Ronan Farrow Publicly Slams Woody Allen Golden Globes Tribute

What do you think?

An Introduction to BDSM – a beginner’s guide by Tiffany Reisz

Here is an excellent guide to BDSM (Bondage, Discipline, Sadism, Masochism) from erotic writer Tiffany Reisz. Perfect for turning up the heat in winter, and beyond.

  1. Think about why you want to try. A healthy sexual relationship should be about having fun and enjoying each other. There are many different ways to inject a touch spice into your sex life and BDSM although scary sounding can be a fun way of adding a touch of ooh lah lah as well as bonding you and your partner. In more ways than one, perhaps!

 

  1. Think first – Before you approach the topic of introducing BDSM into your sex lives, make sure you are doing it for the right reasons: to get closer and deeper into the relationship, enjoy and celebrate each other as well as to spice up your sex life.

 

  1. Talk about it – How else will you know what you want to explore? Talk about what type fantasies you may have – it’s part of the fun discussing and planning what you think you want to try out. BDSM needs a lot of communication.

 

  1. First steps – Try out some fantasies in ‘non-threatening areas’ such as during phone sex. It’s a fun way of easing into roleplay and can be done throughout the day at unexpected times.  It may help to suggest days and times when it’s best to call – the last thing you want is to have someone else answer the it!

 

  1. Light bondage is always fun, sensual and sexy. For example, my favorite scene in The Prince involves nothing more than light bondage. Søren has his lover Kingsley tied to a bed so Kingsley can’t move his hands. The only thing Søren does is touch and kiss Kingsley every where except where Kingsley wants to be touched and kissed. Orgasm denial mixed with light bondage is a delightful way to sensually torture your partner. Tease him or her until they’re begging for release and only when they’ve begged enough do you give them what they want.

 

  1. BDSM doesn’t require expensive equipment or a dungeon all your own. Household objects can be used for light pain-play. Do you own a leather belt. It’s great for light-whipping on the bottom or back of the thighs. Søren and Kingsley don’t have access to BDSM equipment when they first become lovers at school That doesn’t stop them from doing pain-play. Everything from a belt to a thin but sturdy tree branch can be used. If it was good enough for our grandparents to punish our parents with, it’s good enough for us to use during S&M play.

 

  1. Mistress Nora loves sensual BDSM. She loves mixing pain with pleasure. In The Siren, she ties a young man spread-eagle to a bed on his back, mounts him in women superior position, and drips candle wax on his chest during the sex. Pleasure + Pain = Magic.

 

 

  1. Keep communicating – BDSM is always about communication. After sex or while you are feeling especially close to your partner, it’s good to share things and let each other know how it felt, what parts you may want to do again.  It is critical to know when one of you wants to stop. Agree on a ‘stop’ word or signal – remember some areas of BDSM may mean difficulty in speaking (mouth lightly gagged, for example).

 

 

  1. Take Turns – As with everything, it is give and take. Agree to try out something new and take turns. As time goes on, you will both learn who is the ‘dominant’ and who is the ‘submissive’. Kingsley had no idea he had a submissive/masochistic side until the first time Søren held him down by his wrists on a bed. It’s something as simple as enjoying or loathing being held down that can tell you what your sexual persuasion is.

 

  1. Keep it coming As you continue to play these games, your relationship will reach levels of trust, communication, and intimacy that you’ve never experienced before so introduce it as regularly as you see fit.

 

By Tiffany Reisz who’s book ,The Prince is out now