Tag Archives: The Wright Wing

The Wright Wing Part 2

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Disclaimer: Ignore whatever he says. He knows nothing.

 

Warning: This week’s article might get a big heavy so I will punctuate it with jokes

 

This week was meant to be the 150th Anniversary of the London Underground but you know…delays.

 

While it’s not strictly political news BBC this week ran another series of stargazing and asked us all to help explore Mars. I’ve been exploring them for years but I have gallstones now so they’re a bit too fatty to eat now. While we’re on mars right “mars a day helps you work, rest and play” might be the biggest lie in all of advertising history.

 

I like to write my stand up material in the nude…yeah…bare jokes!

 

MP’s in an anonymous survey have stated that they believe they deserve a 32% pay rise. I can almost hear them justifying it by claiming it was less then a 3rd.of a pay rise. In this time of, as we are constantly reminded Mr Chancellor, austerity to suggest a 32% pay rise for yourself is a another blow to the public’s opinion of who you are what you do a MP’s. I don’t have anything funny to about this but it is most certainly a joke. Meanwhile starting salary for people in the police force will be cut £4,000. Wonder if those at the top of the police force will see similar pay cuts. I highly doubt it.

 

A lot of the time new hip hop music gets me annoyed, you know, makes me angry. Thankfully it’s only a Tinnie Tempah.

 

The first portrait of the Duchess of Cambridge has been unveiled. And I have to say that I wasn’t aware Karen Brady was the duchess of Cambridge. Take a look at it again yeah and see I’m right about this.

 

Lord Strathclyde has stood down from his position in the Cabinet. This ends his 25 year run as a part of the Conservative front bench. There are no jokes I can make here. Legally and from a liable point of view there are no jokes to be made here at all. Nothing to do with any sort of criminal investigation currently going on. I have no idea what you think I am a implying here. His friends have said there is no political reason for his departure. And why should I question that. I am sure there isn’t if they say there isn’t. SO obviously there is no joke to be made here. Let’s all move on because clearly, and I want to make this very clear, I am saying nothing about this or anything to do with hotels in north Wales. I do not review hotels in north Wales is what I mean. Clearly there is no connection here at all. Legally I want to make that clear.

 

I don’t know about you but I have an extensive disaster kit prepared at all times now because if even Labrinth is predicting an earthquake then I need to be prepared.

 

And yes that is an old joke but not as old as this one

 

Don’t go chasing waterfalls? Is there any need to chase them? Surely you just find them. Like they don’t move location. Yes they involve moving water but the waterfall itself doesn’t move so there is really no need to warm me no to chase them. Because why would I chase them? Yeah. Current.

 

David Cameron has accused UKIP of containing some pretty odd people. Because The Conservative party is a model or normality Mr Cameron? Pot. Kettle. Kettle. Pot. You get the idea.

 

HMV has gone into administration and I am feeling a little like I’ve lost a friend. I loved HMV and I spent plenty of money in their stores. HMV was like a second home I spent so much time in there. I will miss it. HMV will be a loss and now where do I physically buy DVD’s in the “high street”? Nowhere. Upset is an understatement.

 

Dear David Irvine, get your finger out and start putting an end to these “protests” over the flag. While I don’t agree with Belfast City councils decision to limit the days the flag is flown over Belfast City Council this is not the answer. Mr Irvine, along with other “political leaders” who are linked to organisations like the UVF need to call this off. They need to realise that this will solve nothing and actually makes the case the DUP are trying to make harder.

 

And Finally Nick Clegg has confirmed he will stand as a candidate and seek to be return to parliament at the 2015 General Election. This is apparently news. A man saying that he wishes to continue doing his job is news. A career politician saying he WILL stand for election is news. Surely it would be news if he wasn’t going to stand in 2015. That’s news. And to many Liberal Democrats that would be welcome news.

 

Thanks. Come back next week when I will be taking a look at the evolution of the teapot and how we stored tea before it was invented. (in case you hadn’t figured it out anything I tell you will come up next week never will)

The Wright Wing

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Disclaimer: While this man has an A-Level in Government & Politics (and a degree but it’s in Film so no one really cares) his opinions should essentially be ignored. By everyone. Always. His views are his own and not the opinion of Frost Magazine who like to use logic and reason to form their conclusions. Richard has a natural logic and reason avoidance technique he’s cultivated over the years and now his opinions are largely not worth the air they use to come out of his mouth. Enjoy.

 

Hello. My name is Richard Wright and let’s take a walk with the news.

 

I was talking to a very middle class girl the other day who got a bit upset talking about the colour of the new paint on her bedroom walls….yeah it was totes emulsh!

 

Speaking of bad jokes the Government has announced plans that Obese people on Benefits will have them cut if they refuse exercise. Define exercise please because one of the best ways to lose weight is to walk. And you walk all the time. So are we talking serious exercise? Which isn’t walking while listening to the 1983 Labour Party manifesto. No. That’s very dull exercise. Under the scheme it would be Doctors telling them how to exercise, which I suppose is better then someone who works for the DSS but it’s still not great. The reason this has me quite wound up is I am “technically” obese. I say “technically” I am also obese in reality. I have in the past been obese while claiming benefits. My life right now is changing because i have gallstones so I am on a diet, I am losing weight, at what point could I claim benefits? Is that going to be a dietary goal now? Turn up to weightwatchers and they’ll tell you that you can now claim heating allowance but you’re still a half stone off help with your council tax? I knew there was benefits to working out but this might be taking that idea a little too literally. But hey I’ll take this idea as seriously as Eric Pickles does. Yeah. We all know what I mean by that without having to lower this to the point of Eric Pickles is a tubby tubby man jokes.

 

In other news David Cameron’s attempt to successfully re-boot the Thatcherite franchise of Government seems to be coming into full effect as we are once again at odds with Argentina over the Falklands. Now The Sun, and you know anything can be helped by the addition of the carefully thought out and reasoned approach of The Sun, have weighed in with a rather helpful advertisement in an Argentinean newspaper telling Argentina in a diplomatic and well thought out way to get their “hands off” the Falklands. One of the things Argentina is bringing up in their renewed panties in a twist over the Falklands is a UN Resolution from 1965 saying that we should resolve the dispute. I’m not a diplomatic expert but you might have wanted to have brought that up a bit sooner really. It’s almost as if it’s not really about the UN resolution. It’s almost as if that doesn’t really play a factor and is something to help legitimise their claim. Again, I’m not a diplomatic expert.

 

Just in case it looks like I am only kicking The Conservative Party I am always amazed whenever Nick Clegg decides to “take a stand” on something. It’s like a tiny voiced child shouting from the back of a crowded bar fight that surely fighting isn’t the answer but yet not leaving the bar but handing the people having the bar fight chairs to hit each other with. Being admonished by Nick Clegg is a like when you get told off by a toddler. It’s cute and amusing but you know you can pretty much just ignore it. Nick Clegg has the moral authority of a custard cream. No that’s not quite right. Of a rich tea biscuit. I like custard creams.

 

As for Labour they have said they would offer the long term unemployed, whatever that means, a guaranteed 6 month job if they were in power. That sounds like a great vote winning policy. But wait, don’t go screaming Ed Miliband’s name in passion quite yet. They have also said they could not commit to the scheme if they won the 2015 general election. So this is basically the opposition’s  New Year’s resolution. No one should pay any real notice to it as it would clearly never happen. Just like that gym membership you say you’ll get just in case you loose your job. Apparently this is Labour setting out their idea for what should happen. This is the drunk uncle style of policy making. You know the Uncle who knows exactly how your life should be run. It’s very difficult to take anything Labour do or say seriously as you always get the impression that Ed Miliband is like a temp leader. Like he’s never sure when his contract will be terminated and so therefore isn’t taking the job as seriously as he might do. He also kind of comes across as a work experience leader. As soon as Harriet Harman signs his letter for school he’ll be out of there. Overall I would say the leader of the opposition isn’t really much of a leader but that’s he’s perfect for the current political climate because Labour aren’t really much of an opposition

 

 

That’s it. See you next week when I will be laying out my thoughts for how the story of John Major could be turned into a serious motion picture with Peter Capaldi as John Major, Helena Bonham Carter as Edwina Currie, Rowan Atkinson as John Redwood, Benedict Cumberbatch as Peter Lilley and Stephen Fry as Ken Clarke. More cast details next week. Sadly I wouldn’t be able to use my working title for the John Major film of “Where’s wally?”

 

Disclaimer: He’s rubbish at sticking with these things so you never know you might see him real soon and you might not. Let’s find out.