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Reality Tv? Look no further.

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Well, I’ve been away from these wild pages for a short while… I know, I know… it’s been hard for you. Those long winter nights must have been like long winter nights but fear not- stout fellows, for I am reborn in the guise of Reality TV reviewer and blogger, both here on the beautifully popular Frost Magazine and for a brand new website dedicated to everything theatrical: www.stagestatus.co.uk.
As many of you will already know, I’m extremely opinionated so I guarantee I shall be saying stuff that many of you will disagree with, and I’m NOT a performer- of any kind. As I wrote that I could almost hear the luvvies amongst you hissing like vampires in a tanning salon.

Don’t get me wrong, I have ‘connections’ and I am qualified- well enough to write this anyway. I’m not just some fat , northern, gobby bloke who resents the fact that for every Billy Elliot there are thousands of bog-standard plebs still shoveling shit every day and he’s one of them. Neither am I someone who has tried to make it vocally- queued up for X Factor only to be told by some teenager with a clipboard and a lanyard, ‘you’re not even talented enough to be ridiculed’.

I just don’t have the talent to perform… but I can write.

Wherever you get your fix of TV you’ll have about as much chance of avoiding the reality gushing from it as I have of avoiding the reality of man boobs- in other words, it’s way too late so just go with the flow and find someone you can trust to measure your cup size.

That would be me.

I shall be starting in earnest with ‘The Voice’. Currently the biggest TV show in America and already a huge hit in 29 other countries. The BBC have spent 22 million pounds of our money getting it over here so I intend to make sure I get my money’s worth.

Following that I shall be sinking my teeth into the latest ALW search for Jesus in the vain hope that the real thing will turn up and get rejected for not being ‘jesusy enough’ by someone so uptight they have their farts auto-tuned to stop them accidentally attracting sheep dogs.

Until these delicious freak shows- or amazing opportunities to unearth undiscovered gems, depending on your viewpoint, are with us, here’s my view of two of the current crop- just to give you an idea of how I think.

Dancing on Ice: Love it! Want to lose myself in Katarina Witt beyond the reach of even the coast guard and genuinely respect the amount of time and effort the celebrities have had to put into it. Plus, anything with Philip Schofield in is TV gold for me as I like to pretend he’s my actual friend so I’m clocking up TV minutes in his ‘company’ like air miles in the hope it will eventually become official. I’m glad Louie Spence took over from Jason because it was just turning, like so many other Judge-based panel shows, into a showcase for the judges and not the talent. I love Chico as much as any straight man can and I think Jorgie will win because she’s clearly the most talented at the job in hand from every angle. My only bugbear about the little fire cracker is the way she pretends to be a six year old at Alton Towers every time she speaks. “Oh my golly, it was so, so, so, hard and everything! Ooh, I’ve got sparkly on my nosey. Time for bo bo’s. Will you read me a story unky Phil?” And then she goes out and performs with the kind of steely determination that could force the Terminator to re-word his catch phrase to, “I’ll only be back if the public decide to keep me in.” If you can perform like that and are happy to occupy the wank-banks of every lads mag reader in the country then you could at least talk like someone who eats without a bib.

Take me out: With pleasure- I’m just waiting for the bullets I bought on Ebay to arrive and the I’ll be right on it, till then I’m afraid it’s, ‘No ammo- no blammo!’

So there you are.

One thing I will add is that in this age of media submersion- a phrase I just made up so bear with me, reading things like this used to be a one-way street. I wrote stuff then you read it, flushed the bog and went back to work. Nowadays it’s more conversational. We have the ability to respond to the idiotic and clearly misguided views of gits like me and that’s precisely what I want you to do. If you are a performer, or a ‘creative’ or you’re a member of the public (the most important people of all), and you have a view then educate me- tell me that you once worked with the no-mark I’ve just torn to pieces and he/she is actually bloody good and deserves a break.

I’ll be there. I won’t be getting into any slagging matches and I may not have time to respond to every comment but I’ll be about, writing and reading and, most importantly of all, maybe, just maybe (but doubtfully if I’m honest- and I usually am) changing my mind. It can happen and that’s the beauty of a blog on a website over a newspaper column or a TV show.

So please feel free to comment either via the main website forums or on my twitter account @elywhitley because, at the end of the day, your opinion is just as valid as mine and as long as what I write gets people talking, either in agreement or disagreement, then I’ve done my job.

To paraphrase the famous saying: Opinions are like arse holes- everyone’s got one… and even Simon Cowell’s stinks now and again. Also, I tend to communicate through mine so don’t worry if it leaves a nasty taste in your mouth… ever get the feeling you’ve taken an analogy too far?

The voice begins on 24th March so I shall be spewing my thoughts from then onwards- may God have mercy on my soul.

TRANSWORLD TO PUBLISH McFLY MEMOIR

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Some music news now…

Transworld Publishers have announced the acquisition of world rights for the first official book by McFly, to be published in autumn this year.

In what promises to be a frank, funny and original insight into the lives of one of the UK’s best-loved bands, readers will get to know the men behind McFly in a way they never thought they would.

From their early days sharing a house in Finchley to becoming the youngest band ever to have a debut album reach the number one spot, this book will give the inside track on their meteoric rise. It will include surprising tales of growing up in the limelight and the euphoric highs and desperate lows along the way. This book will be essential reading for McFly fans everywhere but, more than that, it will shine a light on what it takes to make it to the top and stay there for nine years, all told in their unique and inimitable style.

Think you know McFly? Think again.

Michelle Signore, Editorial Director at Transworld Publishers, says:

‘I am absolutely thrilled that Dougie, Harry, Danny and Tom have chosen to publish their book with Transworld this autumn. After nearly a decade together, the time feels right for McFly to tell their story and it promises to be candid, fun – and surprising!’

Cheaply Does It.

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With the recession kicking in people are looking for ways to save money, or make some more. Of course the best way to save money is not to spend any, but that is not convenient or realistic sometimes. At the moment inflation is kicking our butts and it costs a bomb just to go to work. If you are lucky enough to have a job.

So, what to do? There are a lot of coupon sites now. You can check for a leapfrog coupon so you can save money on little fun things, or just things you need. If you save money then you save time. So combine things that are educational and entertaining at the same time. Buy any kids or nephews/nieces you have an educational fun toy or products for their birthdays.

Entertainment can be done cheaply. DVDs can be bought cheap and cheap tickets can be found last-minute.

Another way to save is to buy in bulk. The more you buy the cheaper it usually is. If you don’t buy a lot of stuff on your own then you can go shopping with friends and then it will be cheaper for you all.

Only shopping in sales is a good way to save. Never waste your money by buying something full price. You just don’t need to nowadays. Shop online and compare prices. Also make do and mend with the things you have.

Another good way of saving is to buy expensive stuff. No, really, that old adage that if you buy cheap you buy dear is true. Buying expensive stuff will last longer and work out cheaper in the long run. Buying an expensive pair of shoes and getting them resoled regularly and polishing them yourself will make any outfit look great. You will never look literally down at heel. Also, when you buy expensive shoes you can wear high street clothes and still look stylish and well dressed.

Libraries are incredibly underused, dust off your library card if you have not used yours recently. There are tons of books, but also DVDs and CDs.

Scour charity shops for clothes, books, CDs, things for your home. Or do a swap shop. If you need to see a chiropractor then maybe think of doing a skills exchange with someone else. Everyone has something to offer someone else. Whether that is something you do as a profession or as a hobby.

Perez Hilton's "One Night in Austin" to Benefit The VH1 Save The Music Foundation

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VH1 will donate $1 to VH1 Save The Music Foundation in conjunction with Perez Hilton’s Annual Music Event For Every Check In on Foursquare at Any Music Venue Across the Country

The VH1 Save The Music Foundation has been selected as the benefiting charity of Perez Hilton’s “One Night in Austin” event at South By Southwest on March 17, 2012. Returning to Austin for the fifth consecutive year, this legendary series, produced by The BMF Media Group, will feature performances and DJ sets by an array of today’s top artists (to be announced the weeks leading up the show). There are a limited number of tickets available and can be purchased at $25 (General Admission) and/or $50 (VIP) at www.vh1savethemusic.com/perez. 100% of the proceeds from ticket sales will benefit the VH1 Save The Music Foundation and its mission to restore instrumental music education programs in our nation’s public schools.

In conjunction with the event, VH1 will donate $1 to the VH1 Save The Music Foundation throughout the month of March for each check in on Foursquare at any music venue across the country. With each check in, participating individuals will receive the exclusive “VH1 Save The Music” badge. Through these combined efforts, the Foundation can receive up to $50,000 in donations, enough to restore a complete music education program. Users must follow VH1 on Foursquare to unlock the badge and trigger the donation at: https://foursquare.com/vh1.

“We are thrilled to be a part of Perez Hilton’s “One Night in Austin” this year,” said Paul Cothran, Vice President & Executive Director of the VH1 Save The Music Foundation. “With Perez’s help, we will be able to generate a great deal of awareness for our cause, and with the additional fundraising boost provided by VH1 network and Foursquare’s generous promotion, we will be able to ensure that a greater number of children will not be deprived of access to a complete education that includes music.”

Since its inception in 1997, The VH1 Save The Music Foundation has provided more than $48 million in new musical instruments to 1,800 public schools in more than 100 cities around the country, impacting the lives of over 1.8 million children. Thanks to the generous support of celebrities like Perez Hilton and the VH1 Save The Music Ambassadors, including Katy Perry, Daughtry, Lupe Fiasco, Jordin Sparks, Matthew Morrison, Vanessa Carlton, AJ McLean and Gavin Rossdale, the Foundation is able to generate awareness about the importance of music in a child’s education.

“Music is the answer! For the first time ever, I am going to be selling tickets to my annual SXSW event! These tickets will GUARANTEE entrance to what is always the hottest party in all of Austin. This year, I have decided to donate all of the money raised through ticket sales to The VH1 Save The Music Foundation. It combines two things I am passionate about – music and inspiring youth. I can’t wait!” said Perez Hilton.

Using Perez Hilton’s “One Night in Austin” as the marquee event, fans are encouraged to use Foursquare to check in at various SXSW events as well as any music venue across the country throughout this month. With the support of VH1 and Foursquare and by simply checking in each time you enjoy live music, you can help The VH1 Save The Music Foundation raise needed funds to continue their work in American public schools.

VH1 will also be bringing several new documentaries through its VH1 Rock Doc franchise to SXSW. VH1 News, Tune (VH1 Music Blog) and the “Top 20 Countdown” hosted by Jim Shearer will be sharing highlights of Perez Hilton’s “One Night In Austin.”

For more information or to see how you can get involved, please visit www.vh1savethemusic.com or join The VH1 Save The Music community on Facebook at www.facebook.com/vh1savethemusic and on Twitter at @vh1savethemusic.

Frost Magazine Writers Launch Arts and Social Group – The Bloomsbury Net

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Frost editor Catherine Balavage and writer Mary Tynan are launching The Bloomsbury Net on Friday, 16 March 2012, a monthly evening for people who work in, or appreciate, entertainment and the arts – writers and readers, actors and audiences, artists and viewers, filmmakers and watchers, musicians and listeners, to name but a few. Come and meet like-minded people in the convivial atmosphere of Truckles Wine Bar in the heart of Bloomsbury; make new friends; and progress your career.

The first event is on 16 March 2012 from 6.30 onwards. As this is our first month, the structure of the evening will be fairly fluid, but if you have something to promote please feel free to bring flyers. Join us downstairs at Truckles of Pied Bull Yard, Off Bury Place, Bloomsbury, London WC1A 2JR (close to the British Museum). Admission free. Frost readers particularly welcome!

WILL YOUNG NEW SINGLE: ‘LOSING MYSELF’ RELEASED MARCH 19th

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WILL YOUNG

NEW SINGLE: ‘LOSING MYSELF’ RELEASED MARCH 19th

ALBUM ‘ECHOES’ GOES PLATINUM!

UK LIVE DATES SUMMER 2012

‘The most sophisticated man in pop’ NME

‘The ever evolving pop idol threw us a curve ball last year. Will’s latest offering unleashed his potential as an electro-pop artist. Leading with the insanely catchy Jealousy, Will’s new sound won us over’ Attitude January 2012

WILL YOUNG releases his brand new single ‘Losing Myself’ on March 19th 2011 through XIX Entertainment/RCA Label Group.

Another huge slice of sophisticated modern pop, ‘Losing Myself’ is the third single to be taken from Will’s phenomenally successful new album ‘Echoes’ which went straight in the album chart at Number One and has sold an incredible 400,000 copies so far.

2011 was a fantastic year for Will. Besides the success of ‘Echoes’, the first single from the album ‘Jealousy’ was a top five chart and airplay smash, his most successful single in recent years. Grazia called it ‘the best song of the year’. Will has also hosted his own ITV Saturday Night Special which drew over 5 million viewers, and he delivered a fantastic live performance on the Jonathan Ross Show.

‘Losing Myself’ comes with a radio edit of the album version by the Hacienda/Factory Records legend Mike Pickering and a remix by Bimbo Jones.

Firming cementing his reputation as one of the foremost video artists of his generation Will has produced stunning promos for ‘Jealousy’ and ‘Come On’, and the clip for ‘Losing Myself’ promises similar thrills, directed by Henry Scholfield (Professor Green and Example).

Coming on the 10th anniversary of Will’s first audition for Pop Idol in 2001, ‘Echoes’ is his fifth studio album in a career spawning over 8.5 million sales so far. March 2012 sees the 10th anniversary of his debut Number One Single ‘Evergreen’. Produced by Richard X (MIA, Kelis, Goldfrapp,) and with all tracks bar one written by Will, ‘Echoes’ has garnered great reactions from fans and media alike with Sunday Times saying ‘it’s an ace album’, The Guardian calling it ‘classy’ and Attitude pronouncing ‘his vocal delivery never fails to weaken knees’.

Following his hugely successful sell-out tour in 2011, and a very special one off Xmas show at the London Palladium, Will brings his live show back for a tour of nation’s forests in 2012 as part of Forestry Commission Live Music.

Fri-15-June – Sherwood Pines Forest, Nr Edwinstone, Notts
Sat-16-June – Thetford Forest, Nr Brandon, Suffolk
Sat-23-June – Bedgebury Pinetum & Forest, Nr Tunbridge Wells, Kent
Fri-29-June – Dalby Forest, Nr Pickering, N Yorks
Sat-30-June – Cannock Chase Forest, Nr Rugeley, Staffs
Fri-06-July – Delamere Forest, Delamere, Cheshire
Sun-22-July – Westonbirt Arboretum Nr Tetbury, Glos

Tickets £35.00 (subject to booking fee) from the Forestry Commission box office tel 03000 680400 or buy online at www.forestry.gov.uk/music

Choose for Yourself

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Excellent Choice by Eye Saw Theatre
The Vault Festival, Old Vic Tunnels

On entering the studio, the audience was greeted by the ominous sound of a loud ticking clock.  Each seat was adorned by a cork, labelled with the credits for the show, which was written by Rob Hayes and directed by Ned Bennett.  The performance area was delimited by wine bottles.  The space was clearly a wine shop.

At first I wasn’t sure whether this was a black comedy or a dark play with comic elements: as time progressed it seemed that the latter was the case.  Although right from the outset there was very funny dialogue (“Are you open?  Yes.  I hate secrets”), the suspense was built from the beginning with some uncomfortable pauses,.  However, the comedy was also present, with Benjamin Dilloway (the customer) putting me in mind of David Walliams in those Little Britain sketches where he enters a shop to buy a very specific item (eg,.pirate game, David Baddiel outfit), and Jeff Rawle (the proprieter) reminiscent of Ronnie Corbett at times.  Nevertheless, as the show progressed, the tone got darker, until the audience realised that something very disturbing was going on.  Both actors played their roles very well, having the confidence needed to take their time with emotions and motives ranging from desperation to dread to deceit.  The play culminates in a perturbing ending which is as unsettling as it is ambiguous.  The audience is, in essence, asked to make the choice for themselves.   We leave, as we entered, to the sound of the ticking clock.

Excellent Choice was billed as half an hour long, but I think it ran slightly longer than that, as I was not aware of it starting significantly later than its 6pm starting time, and it didn’t finish until 6.45 – which was a good thing.  Prospective audiences should be aware that there are a couple of items which may cause offence to some (I won’t detail them for fear of spoiling the plot – but they did cause a slightly sour note), and which perhaps could be toned down without causing any reduction in the effectiveness of the piece.  That said, I am glad I made the choice to see this startling and original play.

23 – 26 February 2012.  More information at www.thevaultfestival.com.
Photograph by Natalie Lindiwe Jones

Laugh-out-loud Chekhov – Two for the Price of One

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Backpocket Productions and Scrawny Cat Theatre Company present The Bear and The Proposal by Anton Chekhov, Studio 180, 23 and 24 February 2012

On arrival at this intriguing venue in Waterloo, guests were given a ticket either with or without a white square.  This determined the order in which one experienced the plays, as both were performed twice in the evening, with the audience switching at the interval.  I started with The Bear, which I had not seen or read before.  It turned out to be a very entertaining piece of theatre with the laughs coming thick and fast.  The antagonism and admiration between Popova and Smirnoff was very well played, but for me the most interesting relationship was that between Popova and Luka, which was captivating from the outset.  Rae Brogan (Popova) ran the gamut of emotions, and was particularly effective (and amusing) as the grieving widow at the start of the play.  The irrepressible Avena Mansergh-Wallace (Luka) gave a remarkably physical comedic performance, and I especially liked her despair at the prospective duel.  Noah James (Smirnov) was a suitably angry and commanding Bear.  Well directed by Marisa Freyer, the piece was balanced and well-constructed, and ended on a high note.

After the interval, I moved upstairs for The Proposal, a play with which I am familiar.  I was eager to see the company’s take on this classic comedy.  It was hilarious.  Ryan Wichert (Lomov) was already in position, in dress shirt and tails, nervously waiting to pop the question.  Ryan used his physicality to great effect throughout the show to convey both anxiety and irritation, captivating the audience with voice, twitches and tics, and clever use of a small metal snuff box.  Marie Rabe was humorous and engaging as the lively Natalya, who wants to get married but can’t resist a good argument.  The character written as Stephan, Natalya’s father, was changed to Stephania, her mother, a directorial decision of which I highly approved.  Silvana Maimone proved herself a strong, versatile actor in this role transforming from stately to short-fused with ease.  All three of the actors gave engrossing performances, ably directed by Charlotte Ive, and my only complaint is that it seemed to be over too quickly!

This run of The Proposal and The Bear has finished, but for more information about the companies visit scrawnycat.co.uk.