Are you swamped with book marketing and looking for a way to find new readers? Do you feel that you spend more of your day looking at social media than writing? You aren’t alone! Writing books can be an incredible way to meet likeminded people in the writing community, but it can also feel quite isolating at times. There is so much talent around that imposter syndrome can sink it’s greedy claws into you and make you procrastinate, or doubt your journey. Now is the time to shake that off, believe in yourself and to take a good look at the balance between writing time and marketing. Can you streamline what is actually working for you and what is not?
Whether you are a new or experienced writer, self-published or traditionally published, there are ways to grow your readership and author network, through some of the most powerful of all marketing tools – word of mouth and recommendation. In my latest book, Networking for writers, I explain how to use simple and effective networking approaches, to grow your readership and connect with other authors and book lovers.
When I published my first book, I had no idea about marketing and even the thought of the word made my legs tremble. Today, I see it as an interesting and exciting part of my day, that doesn’t eat into my writing time. What a difference a few years can make. I have been very fortunate that all of my books to date have become international bestsellers in multiple categories and I believe this is due to my network. I ran my own award winning retail and wholesale business and worked as a competition judge and mentor for many years, before I began my writing career and I had already built a strong network around me, which helped me launch a writing career, even as an unknown author. My first contemporary romance book, Babe Driven, still sits in the bestseller lists, seven years after it was first published. I attribute this to my incredible community of support, which grows daily, due to easy to learn techniques.
Networking is about being social, but it is also about structure, discipline and focus. In my book I offer insight into the tools I use to stay productive, find writing time and to have room left to step away from work and give myself space to breathe and let creativity blossom.
In Networking for writers, I talk about author branding and why it’s important, groups that help writers thrive, how to grow your social media organically and I give tips about how a few straightforward tweaks can make marketing much more affective. I mention how I learnt to host multi-author book signings, run seminars about networking and event planning, to have a strong social media following and more. These skills have given me a great foundation, not only to write fiction books about feisty entrepreneurs, but to be able to share my networking ideas with my readers, in the hope that it helps them to follow their own dreams and creative path.
Lizzie Chantree started her own business at the age of 18 and became one of Fair Play London and The Patent Office’s British Female Inventors of the Year in 2000. She discovered her love of writing fiction when her children were little and now works as a business mentor and runs a popular networking hour on social media. She writes books full of friendship and laughter, that are about women with unusual and adventurous businesses, who are far stronger than they realise. She lives with her family on the coast in Essex. Visit her website at www.lizziechantree.com.
We have been reminded in the press recently, that the privately educated and the rich seem to get a better deal than the rest of us – but why is this? Perhaps it is to do with the social network they are able to build. The cliché, ‘it’s not what you know but who you know’ certainly has some truth to it.
Let me give you an example. Pretend for a moment that Beatrice’s father Edward has just floated his new tech company on the NASDAQ, and made a fortune. Beatrice bumps up from a comprehensive to a private school in Windsor, where she is surrounded by oil magnate heirs and the like. Overnight she has entered a network of potential contacts. Opportunities will arise, and it is probable that Beatrice will be in a better position than the rest of us.
We cannot blame the elite and the privileged for accessing the doors that are open to them for surely we all would, in a similar position. For the majority of us, however, who are on the other side of that white picket fence, how can we compete?
For me it was about using the opportunities that arose around me. For the people who know me, the past three years of my life has been a mixture of both University and Starbucks.
While working for Starbucks I soon realised that customers from a multitude of backgrounds come into the store, in search of their caffeine fix. It became apparent to me that I could kill two birds with one stone, I could both work and network at the same time.
While some customers would rather order their coffee with a minimal amount of personal interaction, others would engage in conversation.
I made an effort to remember names and in time found some to be genuinely interested in my plans, even offering me opportunities to enhance my C.V and further my career. Through networking with customers, I have been offered a number of open doors, including the opportunity to write for Frost, – the online magazine you are reading now – and I have become involved with the charity Words for the Wounded (W4W), and now help look after publicity and all social media.
I have been able to talk about my work with Frost and W4W during a recent interview and it has definitely enhanced my application – and given me something different to talk about, not to mention improving my skill base and my understanding of how different organisations work.
So if you are in a similar position and work in an environment where you meet a variety of people, have an open mind. I have found generosity from customers in spades. Are the rich and privileged one step ahead? Probably, but it doesn’t mean the rest of us are too far behind.
Tell us about your day job. You are head of business management at Aviva
“Basically, it is a business management role. It’s just insuring that the business operates and that the department runs effectively. So there is a risk audit, finance, a bit of HR. I provide support to the COO and the leadership team. So I make things happen and I get things done. I very much enjoy it, it’s a supportive role. I am mentoring other people in Aviva as well and growing a talent pool. I have some good relationships here and let it be said that Aviva have been massively supportive to the website. They know I run the website, they know that I go off and do charity things and they are one of the most supportive employers I have ever worked for. It’s a fantastic place to work.”
If you could have had any other career what would it have been?
“When I left school, I thought I wanted to be a policewoman, and then I thought I wanted to be a lawyer, then a judge, then I wanted to go into the army. So when I look back, they are all quite authoritarian, so I definitely wanted to rule the world in some kind of guise. If I could have had another career I think I would have been a midwife, because it was something that always interested me. I don’t know if I would have had the guts to do it, but I liked the thought of bringing children into the world.
“The funny thing was is that I was not naturally maternal before I had kids, if I heard a child crying in the supermarket I would be like, ‘Shut that child up’. When I had my own baby, it kicked in. I always found it hard to play with children because I was an only child and I played on my own. When I play with my own children, I tend to go off on my own and I have to bring myself back again. I was just used to playing that way. I would still like to be a midwife actually. It is still something that interests me to this day.”
You have won a lot of awards, which ones are you particularly proud of?
“The women in banking and finance award I was very proud of. My mum and dad were there and my dad hadn’t been very well. They divorced 38 years ago but they get along really well. To have them both there was special to me because they have seen me get to where I have gotten to. It was great to be recognised by such a wonderful body. That means so much to me. For the second one, I went to Washington to pick it up. That was a global award and the same one as the three women I have nominated have won. So I have said to my girls, “No more awards please’. I have won quite a lot. My job now is to judge awards and put other women forward, raise their profile and help them along in their career. I have had five award winners in the past year.”
That’s a good rate!
“That is a good rate. But all of them have achieved amazing things, setting up networks, giving effort and giving back to the next generation of women. So if I am in a position to help them, then of course I am going to.”
Your parents must be very proud of you.
“Yeah. My mum is my biggest fan. I mean, she helps me a lot. There is a lot of support behind me. There is my childminder, I don’t think I could do anything without her. There is an ironing man who comes and collects my ironing. It’s the best £30 a week I have ever spent. He would be the last to go. My husband is a huge support. There are a lot of people who enable me to do what I do. I help them all back in different ways. It’s a two-way street. My mum still works, she’s only young, she’s not even 60 yet. So obviously she helps me as much as she can. She is also my best friend. That helps. I confide in her a lot. When I am getting too tired she is the one that says to me, ‘Enough’.”
Mums know
“Exactly, mums know. I am like a train, I just keep going.”
How important is the support of Wearethecity for women?
“There has been a shortage of women in financial services, engineering and IT. The gender issue it not as prevalent as it once was, but at a high level, there is a lack of women in senior roles. And then there is a shortage of women making it onto boards. The City gets a lot of bad press, but we do contribute to the world economy, the UK’s economy. It’s not all million pound bonuses. You are talking about a very small percentage of people. It’s not all financial workers either, there are a lot of people who work in the periphery, you have the bars and the restaurants, and the shops and the retail outfits. It is not just financial services.
“I would encourage women to come up here and try to work. Try and see if they can have a career in the City. It is an exciting time and we are waiting here to support them.”
What do you think of the current government? Do you think they are doing a good job?
“I try to stay clear of politics. One of the things I don’t get involved in is politics. I don’t stay on top of the policies or anything like that. I have no particular alliance to any party. What I would comment on is when they do things that affect young families, because it is a struggle having kids and bringing them up. Childcare is a major thing for young couples, and women returning to work and stuff like that. I have no particular pick of the politicians, I don’t think any of them can be trusted. That would be the only thing I would say.”
Do you think you have a good work/life balance?
“Sometimes not. It was an unique week last week. I dropped my phone down the toilet, I lost my cash card, and I had tonsillitis, one of the kids caught nits, it was just a calamity of errors. I got lost on the same stretch of motorway that I have driven on a hundred times for an hour and a half, going backwards and forwards. I think I was just having one of those weeks. On Sunday night I didn’t get to bed until 11. I didn’t get to wash my hair so it’s dry shampoo on the Monday as I’m going out the door.
“There are weeks when I get it and I learn to appreciate when I’ve got that balance. When it’s Sunday night and the kids are clean, my personal emails are clear and I am on top of work – everything is in it’s box and I have learned to appreciate those moments for what they are because they don’t come around that often. Sometimes, 80% is good enough. If 80% of my washing is done, if there is a little bit in the basket, then I don’t need to tick the box. Sometimes you have to accept that some things are out of your control. You just have to do what you can. Don’t beat yourself up about it.
I work for a good employer, so I only work four days a week. My one day a week off I spend on wearethecity, on my charities, on the awards, I pick my kids up and I drop them off. I have been offered lots of different jobs, even when I have been working here and I haven’t taken them because the employers were not open to me working flexibly. That doesn’t work for me as I have lots of commitments. I am a non exec to charities, I’m a school governor, I’ve got two kids and I can’t do it all without a certain level of flexibility from the people that I work for.”
How do you relax? Do you relax?
“Lots of people would say no, but I know when I need a break. In a couple of weeks, I am going off to Spain on my own for two days and I have booked my bed by the pool. I will just lay there. I relax by thinking, believe it or not. I am not like any girl. I don’t like shopping, believe it or not. I can’t think of anything worse than trying on clothes. I also have a big beef with high street sizes. You can go in one shop and feel great because you’re a size 12 and you go in another shop and you are in a 16. The labelling is all wrong. It can ruin your shopping experience.
“Because I am an only child I am quite comfortable in my own company. Much as I always say I need my sisters – I think the network that I hang out with are my family – I still like taking time out to be on my own. I try and not do anything.
“I am never without my phone. I’ve got two and I can text on both of them at the same time. I will give any child a text competition run for their money. I get up at half five to get my own personal email down and get my own stuff done, so when the kids get up it’s their time. My life is like a military operation. So when I do get some down time, I do take it.”
Anything else?
“Wearethecity are opening a job board in September. Women can have a portfolio career. I want to teach women that they can come and work here. I would like to think in my lifetime that I make a difference. I would love for a woman to achieve something and we don’t all celebrate because it is not a rare thing. I hope that happens in my tenure, the next 40 years or however long I live. That would put a smile on my face.”
I met Vanessa in the City. She is fashionable, warm, friendly and passionate. I came to interview her about her amazing site for women in the City: wearethecity.com. A place where women can find help and advice with their work, life and careers.
Vanessa Vallely: “There are three core values that I had in mind when I set it up that hold true. One, that we provide a platform for female entrepreneurs to get their products to market on the basis that it fits into our members’ demographic. We do that by taking away hefty advertising fees for them and to give female entrepreneurs a bit of a leg up. We are also a conduit to charities to get to high net worth women. We will actively promote any network or any organisation that is free that will develop skills for women. So probably 40% of what we do on the website falls into that value set, that is really important to me.”
Frost: First of all, what are you wearing? You look great.
VV: “I am wearing a Britt Lintner dress with my normal Gucci shoes and scarf. She is a fantastic designer. She set herself up a couple of years ago doing dresses and managed to get her collection into Harrods, although she’s taking some time out because she’s raising some small children.”
When did you know you wanted to go into business?
“I left school at 16 with just a couple of GSCEs and headed out into the city with 15 pence and a bag of ambition because I wanted to change my lifestyle and my mum’s as well. We come from a very socially and economically-challenged background, so I knew that I wanted to be successful, I knew that the financial district was two miles away from where I lived and that was where I was going to start.
“I actually realised I wanted to develop the website three years ago due to my frustration with not having a site that covered everything in my life. There needs to be a bit of lifestyle in there because let’s not hide it, I am a woman. I need to eat, I need to have my hair done, I need to find a dentist. But I also wanted to upskill myself outside of my corporate environment, so how was I going to that?
“Women’s networks, courses I could go on – for me it’s frustrating. If I Googled that information, I would spend hours on the internet. I wanted to find it all on one site so my husband said, ‘Why don’t you create a website for women?’ and we built it together.
“So that’s when I knew that I wanted to work for myself. I love my corporate job and run the website outside of work.
“My aspirations in 10 years time are to be the CEO of a charity, because I do a lot for charity still.”
Tell me about being a Pearly Queen?
“It has been in my family for 100 years. The Pearly Kings and Queens were started by an Orphan called Henry Croft and he used to sew buttons on his suit, he was a rat-catcher in the markets.
“If you think about London 100-odd years ago it was still markets, no superstores or anything. So he used to hang around the markets with the costermongers who were the apple sellers. They used to sew buttons on their suits and were called flash boys.
“If the costermongers were down on their luck, their entire family was affected if someone was ill. There was no social security then, so he used to raise money in the markets for his fellow orphans. Eventually he was so much in demand, he couldn’t be at all the markets, so he made head Pearly Kings and Queens of each of the 20 boroughs of the London of the time and they’d raise money for individuals in that borough. My granddad was pearly King of East London and he passed that title to my father and my father passed it to me.
“I have been a Pearly Queen since I was three years old. I was Pearly Queen of Hoxton until this year when I gave that title to my 11-year-old daughter and I have taken the City of London from my dad. So we still go out and put our buttons on for various charities. I don’t quite sing and dance the way I used to, but it is a lovely part of London heritage and we are as famous as the Chelsea Pensioners, so why not do it? The fact that I have a profile in the City helps because it could die out with people getting old.”
I read that you could see the city from….
“I could, from my tower block window. I lived on the 18th floor and could see NatWest tower. I used to say to my mum, ‘I am going to work there one day and I am going to change how we live’. My first job was in that building.
I drive past there now and I look up at that tower block and I think, That’s where it all began’. We were broke half the time. There were lots of people with challenges and me and my mum were one of them, but bit-by-bit we made it out through sheer hard work. Most of my childhood was spent going to school and then cleaning betting shops until 11 pm. I don’t know if my mum still has it, but I think there’s a picture where I am holding a mop that is bigger than I am. I still love to clean – mopping and stuff like that.”
Was it hard getting to where you are now? Any reinforced ceilings?
“Yes, in the City I was different in a time when diversity wasn’t really appreciated. I didn’t speak the right way, I didn’t look right, and had a bit of an attitude. I was quite precocious and quite a forceful individual because I wanted to get ahead. I never had a college network to back me up, I never knew anyone, so I had to fight my corner a little bit harder.
“There were individuals who I worked for along the way who told me I can’t do what I have done. They said I’ll never succeed or I’ll never cut it or I’ll never get that job. I love people like that because they fuel my fire and I love to say to them, ‘Well, actually, you were wrong’.”
It’s all connections isn’t it?
“Absolutely. And I spent the past six years building those connections, not just for me, but for other people. I find people jobs, I mentor, I connect businesses, source providers. I spend probably 30% of my week connecting people to others. That’s why my strapline is ‘Make The Magic Happen’. They can go off and do stuff together. They call me a ‘contentpreneur’. I enjoy doing that and enjoy hearing about what other people have done as a result, because I feel like I was part of it.”
I heard that you were the most connected women in London….
“I do know a lot of people. I do agree that there are only three degrees of separation. I can get to most people if I need to. But I don’t call on favours often. I only call on them when I need them. I am more likely to be found giving favours or doing stuff for other people. That’s my model and I enjoy doing it.”
What do you think made you successful?
“Passion and drive. But also I open most conversations with, ‘what can I do for that person?’ and I think what you end up with is thanks. You are good to other people and they want to help you back. Also volunteering for things other people didn’t want to do. People would say, ‘oh, I don’t want to do that’ if there was a project that was really messy. I was the first one with my hands up, because I think you learn so much as a consequence of being in a mess, fixing it, and getting yourself out of that mess.
“I have always volunteered for projects that other people don’t want and for things I don’t necessarily have the expertise for. There are things I have worked on when I’d have to come home and study. I would read books and call on my network, saying, ‘Can you help me understand this stuff?’. I am not a hugely academic person, but I get things done and I have people skills. I get along so well with people. I think if you approach it a certain way, then people will help you.”
What do you think about the global economy?
“I think we’re in a tight space. I think we have been in a tight space since 2008. You look at what happened with the banks out there, Northern Rock and stuff, it has had a knock-on effect. It’s wider now, it’s countrywide, Portugal, Greece, Ireland.
“I think it’s a tough place to be. I think it’s a tough time for businesses, but I also think tough times are the best place to grow sometimes. You are starting from a very low point. I think there are people who will thrive as a consequence, but we have to watch what we are doing. It’s difficult. It’s difficult for public services, schools, I mean I do a lot of work within charities who have had their funding cut. I think the whole world is feeling the pinch. It’s a scary place to be.”
What was the original idea behind Wearethecity.com?
“It was my frustration that there wasn’t really a website for women. There wasn’t something that showed me a one-stop shop where I could make a change. There are now 20-30 charities that we promote and we have over 200 writers.
“These are girls that have never written for publications before and are amazingly talented. Some of them want to share their experiences and they are writing about a myriad of things, those problems that women face in their careers, life, childcare, elderly care, career aspirations, setting up a business. We are giving them the opportunity.
Wearethecity has grown from being a website that was built on an £8 a month web builder tool that anyone can get off the internet to a website that gets a million and a half hits every single month.
“Let it be noted that I have not done it on my own. There wouldn’t be a me without my husband. He built the website, he is the technical person, he has a full-time job, he believes in the power of women, he believes in me and it is a very supportive partnership. That enables me to do what I do. It is shared responsibility. Yes, when the kids are away we have an argument about whose week was more important, but he is a massive support, I couldn’t do it without him.”
How do you juggle kids with a career?
“Again, it’s a tough one. The kids come first. They have to come first. You have to spend quality time with them and it is quality time. I get up at 5:30 in the morning, generally I am pulling letters out of school bags, I write a few cheques, and I get prepared. I have a childminder that comes at 6:30, I literally hand over as I am walking out of the door. I get into work at 8:45 and I do my full day job. I see people, I do work on wearethecity on lunch breaks or after work, so I don’t mix the two.
When I am here in work, I am here in work. I do my emails on the train. I get home at 7. I see the children, the childminder goes. We tend to do a lot of quality stuff. We go to the theatre and we travel a lot because we live in quite a middle class white area and I grew up in the culturally mixing pot that is Hackney. I don’t want my kids growing up thinking the world is flat or white. I want them to have an appreciation of different religions and cultures. We cook a meal from the culture that we are visiting and then we travel there.
“My kids have a huge world map, probably three feet by two feet, that I bought them a few years ago. Every year, we choose two countries and then we go through a process. They do a little project, we talk about it, we cook a meal and we go. My kids can navigate Heathrow airport, Gatwick, Stansted like you would not believe. It has helped them to grow up. I want them to be the kind of individual who would see a person properly, for what they are, not what they look like or what their beliefs are. That is very important to me.”
Do you think the City is a good environment for women?
If you think of where we came from in the last 40 years, from being able to vote and stuff like that, I still think it is sad that we have to celebrate en masse when a women gets a board position. I would rather that was the norm.
“I also think women in my position should be role models and mentor these women because we need to build the next generation – that next pool of talent – or we’ll never get women who are ambitious enough to get onto boards.
It’s a good spot for women. The young girls that I talk to are coming out with different dreams and aspirations, with a ‘why can’t I?’ attitude, which I like because I think women should continue to push boundaries and I fully support that.”
What advice would you give to other women in business?
“Don’t take no for an answer. Try to remove the emotion. With some things that happen, it’s very easy to get a bit deflated. They just have to dust themselves off, get up and keep trying.
“Networking is one of the most important tools. Meet people, even if you can’t see an immediate need for your business. You never know when that person’s name is going to come up, so spend a lot of time networking with the right peer group. Keep those relationships warm, don’t be transactional, keep in touch even if it’s not a close contact. If it’s a peripheral contact, keep in touch every six months. Drop them an email saying. ‘I thought of you’, that sort of thing. That is massively important.
“Don’t give up. If you have a dream in your head, think about, ‘How do I get there?’. You may be back at the start and your dream is two miles ahead, so how do we get to mile one? Who do we need to help us to get there? What do I need to learn?
“Visualise that short-term goal, but keep the long-term one in mind as well. You just have to keep pushing on. It’s not always easy. I’m not perfect. I had times when I put my head in my hands and thought, ‘Why am I doing this?’ Or when I want to give up, that network around me are the ones that give me the push. You need to push on. That is what I give to my network now.”
I know what you mean, I have times when I think, ‘I can’t do this’.
“But then one of your friends will be strong and they will say, ‘Yes you can’. Then they might have a moment. I think it’s a fantastic time for women, and again, if you hang out with the right set of women who support women, it’s a fantastic place to be.”
It was Madeleine Albright who said there is a special place in hell for women who don’t help other women [Vanessa finishes the quote with me]
Absolutely. And she’s spot on. She said a lot of profound things. She is one of my women that I aspire to. She’s amazing.”
It is an annoying myth that women don’t help other women.
“I can honestly say 99% of women I associate with are absolutely supportive. If we don’t make a difference, if we don’t support other women, if we don’t tell young girls that they can do it, and influence and navigate….
“I don’t think a woman should ever change her make up. I look back at the pictures of me early in my career and I look like a guy, I have a pinstripe suit on. The only thing that says I am feminine is my hair and a bit of make up, because that’s how I thought I needed to be. In order to succeed, I needed to be one of them. I needed to be a ball breaker, I needed to be, ‘I don’t care. I’ll sack that one and I don’t care’.
But you know what? I am absolutely proud to be a woman. Unfortunately, women get labelled very easily, so if you are outspoken about something, you are having an emotional breakdown. If you react to something in a certain way: you’re sensitive, so it is very easy to slap a label on women, and I am like, ‘Why can’t my outburst be described the same as yours? I have a label and you are just being seen as being passionate. There is no difference.”
It’s like that quote: a women who has an opinion is a bitch, but a man with an opinion is strong.
“Exactly. A man and women can say the same statement and people will go ‘Ooh!!’ to the woman and with a man they just say, ‘Alright’. They see things how they are and won’t bat an eyelid. It is easy for women to be labeled and it’s a shame, it shouldn’t be that way.”
A website that set out to be a “little black book” for professional women in London, providing professional development, networking and lifestyle information, is celebrating after achieving a new record of over 60,000 unique visitors and 1.6 million page views in May, up 47% on the month before.
WeAreTheCity.com was founded by Vanessa Vallely, considered to be the most connected woman in London, voted one of the 100 most influential women in Banking globally and a Pearly Queen of the City of London.
“The website was started three years ago to provide the connections and insight that I felt was lacking for London women” Vanessa (39) said. “I’m passionate about empowering women in all aspects of their lives, driving diversity in the workforce and encouraging celebration and sharing of our successes, which women are notoriously bad at. I’m thrilled at how quickly We are the City has become a much-loved part of so many women’s lives.
Vanessa provides content and PR for the website in her spare time alongside a small team, with husband Stewart responsible for technical development of the site.
“Our events listings get 600,000 hits a month so we have just launched an entirely new micro site dedicated to development and lifestyle events specifically for women in theLondon area – events.wearethecity.com ” Stewart commented. “Over the next three months we have a host of other new features coming online including the launch of our Female Job Board, where we intend to partner with Corporates and Recruitment agencies that are passionate about increasing the opportunities available to talented females across the UK. On the lifestyle side, we have celebrity female bloggers, a gallery of user photos sharing snapshots of London living, and tried & tested reviews.”
The celebrity bloggers already lined up include award winning Garden Designer Kate Gould, Entrepreneur and charity fundraiser Charlotte Hogg and Made in Chelsea star Gabriella Ellis.
“We are looking for more women to join our team of “City Guineas” to test and review products, gadgets, technology, fashion and beauty products, bars, restaurants and networking events, providing unbiased reviews back to other women” Vanessa finished. “Anyone interested in volunteering their time or writing for our site should email pr@wearethecity.com to register.”
Frost editor Catherine Balavage and writer Mary Tynan are launching The Bloomsbury Net on Friday, 16 March 2012, a monthly evening for people who work in, or appreciate, entertainment and the arts – writers and readers, actors and audiences, artists and viewers, filmmakers and watchers, musicians and listeners, to name but a few. Come and meet like-minded people in the convivial atmosphere of Truckles Wine Bar in the heart of Bloomsbury; make new friends; and progress your career.
The first event is on 16 March 2012 from 6.30 onwards. As this is our first month, the structure of the evening will be fairly fluid, but if you have something to promote please feel free to bring flyers. Join us downstairs at Truckles of Pied Bull Yard, Off Bury Place, Bloomsbury, London WC1A 2JR (close to the British Museum). Admission free. Frost readers particularly welcome!
I was desperately shy when I was starting out in the world but I’ve grown to love networking, and I now know how important it is in both your professional and social life. I think the secret of success in both cases is taking a real interest in other people, listening to what they say about themselves and what they do, and not just talking about yourself. I call it ‘good networking’, making the most of the people you meet to your mutual advantage.
We all feel a bit apprehensive when we walk into a room full of people we don’t know. This is equally true of a business conference or a social gathering. My advice is to make up your mind beforehand that you are going to ‘seize the moment’ and not leave before you have met at least one or two new people.
When you meet someone interesting you feel you want to see again make sure you get their contact details. Never leave it so that someone you want to see again takes your card and says they will contact you. You should be the one to come back with an email or call to make sure they remember you.
What if you approach someone who responds by snubbing you? Don’t worry: it happens to all of us at one time or another, and it’s only your pride that will take a temporary knock. You’ll soon get over it – and it is much better than missing the chance to talk to someone you really want to meet.
If you are at a professional gathering, try to find out who the other guests are and, if there are any speakers you want to meet afterwards, listen to them so that you have something sensible to say about the subject. If there is a chance to put questions to a speaker from the floor take the opportunity. State your name and the company, charity or organisation you are involved with and make your point briefly and clearly.
If it’s a gathering of friends for drinks or a party, and you are feeling really lost, just go up to someone like yourself who looks a bit lonely, and ask how they know the host, or whether they’ve been to the house before. Say you’re on your own and don’t know many of the guests there. Most people will be only too pleased to respond.
It is always a bonus to have somewhere to invite new people you meet and want to see again. A way of building a circle of friends that I have found very helpful indeed is what I call my ‘salon’. For a few weeks, set aside one day of the week – it must the same day and time each week and say that for one and a half hours (no longer) you will be in a certain place, a room in your office, your home, a corner of a coffee shop, and that you will be happy for your new contact to join you there – and perhaps bring a friend too. You’ll be amazed how many new and interesting people you will meet – and it needn’t be expensive. I ran my ‘salon’ at my office for many years and made dozens of new contacts.
Last year I established TheStoneClub, where members come together to meet each other – often together with experts in their field – to discuss business and social issues of the day. If you’re interested to know more about the Club do contact us.
Finally, before you go to bed, make a note of the people you’ve met during the day, with their contact details, in your electronic database. That’s the way to build a network that will make you the envy of all.
I came across Lyn Burgess and her coaching a few years ago through Creative Edge Audio. I was very happy when she said yes to being interviewed for Frost. I find Lyn incredibly inspirational. I hope you do as well.
1) How did you get into personal and business coaching?
I worked for many years in operational roles in the financial services sector and was made redundant from an H R Director’s job. I had outplacement consulting and looked at my skills and my values and out of that came ‘coaching’. I think I always had a coaching philosophy though when I was managing teams of people, I always found I could get them to do what was needed without yielding a big stick – and they’d be quite happy to do it as well. Setting up my own coaching business in 2002 seemed like such an obvious progression, I’m not sure why I hadn’t done it before!
2) Best tip for confidence?
“Fake it till you make it!” It’s good to model someone else who is a confident person – give yourself a ‘confident outfit’ or a lucky pair of knickers. Start off by just ‘pretending’ to be confident for 30 mins each day and experience how it feels. Make sure you have some interaction with other people and see how differently they react to you. Also, create a visualisation of you being/feeling confident. Practice this every day. Also think back to a time when you felt confident so you remember that you can do it and notice what happens in your body. Start little and often and your mind will become the confident person you want to be
3) What do you love about your job?
Pretty much all of it. You won’t ever meet a coach that doesn’t enjoy what they do – they always want to do more, help more people. I love marketing my business, I love networking, I love finding new places to advertise, I love working out how to reach more people, how else I can coach them. I love other people’s success and knowing that because I helped them set some goals and asked them a bunch of questions it really made a difference to their lives and their career. I also love doing presentation and workshops to groups of people. You get some great energy back and participants always learn from other people.
4) Advice for actors?
Be tenacious, get clearly focused on exactly what you want ie. a part in a period drama at the Globe starting in October 2010 paying me £X, rather than “I want a job”. The latter kind of statement is useless, if that’s your idea of a goal then go work in Tesco – there, you have a job. Never give up and be proactive. Just because you have an agent, doesn’t mean you can sit at home and wait for the phone to ring. You can switch on the TV and see that being an actor is not necessarily about being talented. You need to be in the right place at the right time, knowing the right people and not having any hang-ups, or moaning about the industry and telling yourself how tough it is. Network your butt off. It’s much easier to make connections face to face, rather than sitting in a pile of CV’s. Make it easy for casting directors and agents – put yourself in a box to start off with. Once you get well known, then you can diversify, but if you look like a thug and sound like a thug, play thugs.
5) Who is your inspiration?
3 people. One: An old boss of time who saw potential in me and would always say “Lyn, I want you to go and do such and such a job now” and I’d think, ‘I’m not sure I can do that’ – then I went and found that I could do it. Every two years he gave me a different job role to do and it just made me realise that you can do things that you are unsure about. He believed in me and that enabled me to believe in myself. Two: Fiona Harrold – A UK life coach. When I first started my accreditation to become a coach I read her book “Be your own life coach” and I felt so inspired and knew I was on the right path. Three: Tony Robbins – a US life coach. He does the fire walk which I have done – which is actually really easy to do. Check him out on YouTube or read his books, he’s awesome.
6) What’s next?
I feel like this question should be at the end. One of the things that I’ve always wanted to do is to work more with people on a project and within a team of people ie. on a TV programme or on a film. So work with the writers, the producers, the directors and the actors and be part of the production team for whoever needs me. Help with issues of time management, working to budgets, stress management, team dynamics etc. I want people to say in years to come “God, we never make a film/tv programme without a life coach!” It always helps to have someone disassociated from the project to look at it in an impartial way to give those in it another perspective. I also have an idea for a book called “Life, Camera, Action” which uses well known Film quotes to illustrate coaching themes – but I need a writer to write it – then I can develop it into a workshop to take around cinemas in the UK.
7) Tell me about your workshops?
The workshops I run on a monthly basis and they cover 3 main themes. They were born out of doing some advertising when I first started out on Shooting People where I wanted to get into the minds of people in the industry and offered some free coaching in return for completion of a short questionnaire. I had about 90 responses and realised that was a lot of free coaching! So I set up the workshops so that I could coach a whole bunch of people at the same time, rather than one to one. The workshop topics are : Focus, we work around goal setting, looking at what holds you back and create an action plan. Self Belief – on this one we look at limiting beliefs from your past, blast them out of the way and look at confidence building. Networking: where to go, what to say, how to follow up etc etc.
8 ) What is your background?
Financial Services – and by that I mean processing mortgages and secured loans. I also worked in 2 Building Societies. I started as a secretary and then held Managerial roles for years. I have done acting and theatre directing, so I know what it’s like to stand on a stage – which I loved. I always found that I could relate to most people (even if I didn’t like them) so it was always a career that involved interacting with others. Financial services was great because it was fast moving and you had to constantly change and be flexible and I think life is like that too. Every few years you have to reinvent yourself because the landscape keeps changing. I love that, I love taking risks. Too many people try to be a perfectionist and there’s no such thing as perfection, you are striving for something you will never attain. Do something, get a result, tweak it and then do it again!
9) What does your average day consist of?
Variety! Coaching clients which can be via email or telephone. I don’t do much face to face work apart from the workshops. Marketing, twittering, advertising and promoting. Pulling together some ideas for joint workshops. Following up on contacts that I’ve met networking, or recently at Cannes. I never seem to have time to blog frequently enough. But I do promote an 8 Week Makeover Programme that is a very cost effective way of coaching. I also run the events committee for Women in Film and TV, so that usually forms part of my day, checking in with the event producers or organising an event of my own. I email the WFTV office several times a day.
10) What is the hardest part of the job?
Wanting to do everything right now and being impatient. Want to help more people, answer emails, twitter, write newsletters, do my accounts. The hardest part when you first start out is getting to know the difference between empathy and sympathy with a client. I’m good at it now and have developed quite a good sense of emotional detachment. Coaching is always forward focused so it’s my job to keep people ‘in action’ – the hardest part for me is understanding that people move at their own pace – not mine. I sometimes come away from a call thinking “was I any use there? That person is not doing enough” and then two hours later I’ll get a text or an email from the client saying “thanks so much for the sessions, they are always really useful!” So it’s all about perception, and as one of my Magic Quips said: “it might look like I’m doing nothing, but at a cellular level I’m really quite busy”
Are you swamped with book marketing and looking for a way to find new readers? Do you feel that you spend more of your day looking at social media than writing? You aren’t alone! Writing books can be an incredible way to meet likeminded people in the writing community, but it can also feel quite isolating at times. There is so much talent around that imposter syndrome can sink it’s greedy claws into you and make you procrastinate, or doubt your journey. Now is the time to shake that off, believe in yourself and to take a good look at the balance between writing time and marketing. Can you streamline what is actually working for you and what is not?
launch a writing career, even as an unknown author. My first contemporary romance book, Babe Driven, still sits in the bestseller lists, seven years after it was first published. I attribute this to my incredible community of support, which grows daily, due to easy to learn techniques.
