Historian and author Helen Cox chats to Frost about her life as a funeral celebrant.
How long have you been a celebrant, Helen?
It’s a very new career path for me – I only started in November 2015.
What made you decided to follow that path? Pure serendipity, and two very sad losses. My godmother died last spring and I was asked to give a eulogy for her; then in October, a dear friend died and her husband asked me if I would do the whole funeral service. Both occasions went very ‘well’, if that’s the word, and so many people asked if I was a professional celebrant, or told me that I should be, that I began looking into it. I discovered that the National Federation of Funeral Directors (NFFD) is based locally and happened to be running a celebrant training course in December, so I signed up straight away. I felt I’d found an occupation which suited my skill set and temperament really well, and seemed like a natural development of my freelance writing and lecturing portfolio. I’m very glad I did decide to follow this path, because it’s a real privilege to perform this service for grieving families, and I’m finding it very rewarding.
I note that you are registered with the appropriate professional associations. Did this involve any training or is it mainly for support and accreditation?
There’s no training required to join the British Humanist Association (membership is by subscription), but I did two NFFD training courses, (in celebrancy and SafeHands funeral planning). I wanted to be properly informed and prepared to carry out this very sensitive work, and to show clients that I’m an approved celebrant and registered funeral plan agent. The support and advice of my NFFD mentor is also extremely welcome to a newcomer in the field, and it’s reassuring to know that I have the backing of a professional organisation.
I think many people are under the impression that a celebrant merely speaks at the service but it is so much more than that. Could you tell us a little about what your role involves?
Initially, arranging a meeting with the chief mourner, (usually the deceased’s spouse or nearest relative), and sometimes other family members or friends, to learn about the person who has died. I can then write a personalised eulogy to tell their life story, and help anyone else wishing to speak to prepare their memoir or reading. If necessary, I help with choosing suitable music, poems and prayers, then arrange all the elements into an order of service, precisely timed to fit into the designated time-slot (normally 40 minutes). I also design and print hard copies of the Orders of Service if required, and liaise with the funeral director and crematorium to confirm all the arrangements; altogether, these preparations take at least ten hours spread over a week or more. Then on the day of the funeral I arrive early to check the music, set out any Orders of Service, meet and greet mourners, receive the deceased and precede the coffin into the chapel. After all that, delivering the service itself is only a small part of the process!
Any loss is such an emotional time for loved ones. You have to have great interpersonal skills to weigh up the situation and decide how best to support people. How do you think other aspects of your life have developed these skills?
Having experienced a number of close bereavements I can empathise when people lose a loved one, and understand the kind of support they might find helpful at this particularly difficult time. The training and experience I received as a volunteer counsellor at a Rape Crisis Centre and a member of my local co-counselling network (co-counselling is a form of humanistic peer-group counselling) was hugely helpful in teaching me how to listen attentively, recognise and respond to non-verbal cues, and feel comfortable in situations where people are distressed and expressing strong emotions. But overall, I think everything I’ve done during my long and varied 55 years has made me into a pretty calm, sensible person able to help grieving mourners – which is arguably more important than any formal training.
