It’s beginning to look a bit like Christmas down at the Columbia Community Association…

But before we get to the Christmas tree, just stand back and cheer, because:

The unstoppable CCA team had a positive meeting with the surveyor, and after many lengthy debates and negotiations with Sunderland City Council in relation to public concerns about the demolition of the Air Raid shelter, it has finally been agreed that the Air Raid shelter remains in place and the plans to demolish it will now be withdrawn. Hurrah Hurrah.

Margaret gathers that Red Shoes Bob had a bit of a do getting into position to take the photo – the shrubs bit back. He is scratched, so Frost Magazine is grateful for his efforts and will leave it to Marion to slap salve upon the afflicted parts.

As Marion says, ‘This shelter is part of our heritage, although some work needs to be carried out to the structure to make it watertight, preventing damp seeping into the main building. We knew though we had to fight to save it from demolition. (Girl Power and Brady Blood got us through) Our surveyor is returning on Friday to take some structural measurements.’

What a week, ‘ Marion continued, ‘Out and about meeting people, introducing ourselves, inviting people to pop in to our CCA and promoting Frost Magazine, a bit of name dropping works every time (I bet your ears were burning Margaret).’ ‘Well, actually… ‘ said Margaret.

 

 

It seems the CCA have a new friend, Michael, whose kindness leaves the team enormously grateful as they took delivery of a dresser (delivered with loving care by Emmaus North East), £10 plus £7 delivery which should have been £10 but they received a rebate)

On Monday Equans had their weekly meeting as usual and Denise from VSA came for a catch up, Richard the surveyor also called to discuss the Refurb, so Frost Magazine bets the kettle was on the boil for most of the day.

CCA has had some info regarding the electrical work to be carried out, so fingers crossed there will be some progress very soon.

John from 999 Fire and Safety came to do the yearly Fire Extinguisher check.

Davey from Equans called in to tell CCA that they are going to decorate the office, and the relief and gratitude was obvious (see picture above). Marion really does feel that these people are totally amazing, when she considers what they do for the Community Centre. ‘It’s beyond belief, it is like having our very own Fairy Godmother. Date to be confirmed but it is all so exciting. The team promised to pop in to our coffee morning later on in the week.’

On Tuesday, the CCA had its drains cleaned, however the assistance of a plumber was needed as flora in the guttering causing some blockage. This was soon sorted out by Anthony and all was well.

There were more hats donated courtesy of Plain and Purl dropped off by Belle Cummings, and collected Thursday morning by Andy Hayes. They are now on their way to Sister Mary with sincere thanks from the CCA to all involved.

 

Now we come to the Christmas bit. Beth from Equans had arranged to come on Friday to help decorate the Christmas tree. Given that the tree is 7′ this could have been a bit of a do. However the man with the red shoes put the tree up ready for decoration which took 2 hours even though the branches are colour coded. (says Marion – leave me out of it) There she stands in her majestic splendour.

 

The ‘ last Friday of the month coffee morning’ took place, 10.30am till whenever. OK, it’s supposed to be 12 noon but when they get chatting, usually putting the world to rights, they fail to watch the clock. Well, who does, when you are having fun? Bob, the Barista as the ladies call him ensured cups were always replenished and he apparently never ceases to amaze everyone with his multitasking exploits. They had the most fantastic time, Allison Williams, ASDA Community Champion came along with a beautiful hamper, which we raffled, Linda our lovely cake maker was the lucky winner.

To finish off, another £100 was raised for the Ukrainian appeal. All in all a fabulous week was had by one and all at CCA.

Information: Columbia Community Association  Columbia uk Community Forum

Memories of Brady Square

 

Joffe Books have done it again – and I’m here to tell you their exciting news – read on…

Let’s start with the Book of the Week, always a good ‘un. This week Joffe offers a brand-new, page turning crime thriller from bestselling author Charlie Gallagher LAST ONE ALIVE which  is out now for the special launch price of just £0.99 | $0.99.

Daisy-Mae is now sure she’s awake. It’s not the cutting breeze or the musty smell that has her convinced, it’s the pain. You can’t dream pain. She is being held down, something tight over her arms, her chest too. Time is running out. Detective Maddie Ives is her only chance to get out alive. 

CLICK HERE TO BUY LAST ONE ALIVE BY CHARLIE GALLAGHER FOR £0.99 | $0.99.

 

    

 

DETECTIVES LENNOX & WILDE: BY HELEN DURRANT: GET TWO BESTSELLING MANCHESTER-SET CRIME MYSTERIES FOR £0.99 | $0.99 – a smashing deal. 

Meet detectives Harry Lennox and Jess Wilde in this great-value box set of two page-turning mysteries full of twists from #1 bestselling author Helen H. Durrant.  Perfect for fans of Angela Marsons, Kimberley Chambers, Damien Boyd, Rachel Abbott or Mark Billingham

A FALSE PRETENCE BY VERONIC HELEN £0.99 | $0.99

A DELICIOUSLY QUIRKY COZY MURDER MYSTERY.  Bea’s assistant’s ex, Zander, believes he’s to blame for the death of his boss. When he asks Bea for help, she can’t turn him away. When bodies begin to pile up, Zander is the police’s first suspect in more than one murder . . .  Will Bea and her gang of misfits be able to uncover the deadly pretences in time?  I rather feel they will. Goiod fun all the way. 

 

DEATH’S BRIGHT DART BY V.C. CLINTON-BADDELEY £0.99/$0.99

LET’S MEET Dr R.V. Davie, an opera-loving, puzzle-solving amateur sleuth, in a series of classic crime mysteries set in Cambridge by acclaimed author V.C. Clinton-Baddeley. This launches Joffe’s  brand-new list of crime classics, originally published by Ostara Publishing — read on to the end of this newsletter to find out more – get books 1-4 in the cambridge classic murder mysteries series for £0.99/$0.99 each, and while on the subject of Ostara Publishing:

Interesting news: 2022, Joffe Books acquired Ostara Publishing, hurrah, says Frost Magazine. Ostara Publishing is an independent publisher whose remit is to rediscover and republish quality crime writing for new readers.  Under consultant editor, Mike Ripley, an award-winning crime writer and former crime fiction critic for the Daily Telegraph, Ostara acquired a well-deserved reputation for the superlative quality of its crime list: from Golden Age mysteries of the 1920s, to classic spy thrillers from the 1960s, to delightful 21st century cozies, Ostara has breathed new life into a range of fantastic books which must not – heavens no,  be forgotten. 

With Joffe Books’ digital expertise, they are looking forward to introducing a new generation of readers to tmany new and fabulous books, which is great good news. Hurrah again.

 

JOFFE’S INDIE AUTHOR SPOTLIGHT this week is on  internationally bestselling author Mel Sherratt

Mel writes police procedurals, psychological suspense and crime dramas — fiction with a punch. Shortlisted for the prestigious CWA (Crime Writer’s Association) Dagger in The Library Award, her inspiration comes from authors such as Ian Rankin, Martina Cole, Lisa Jewell, Mandasue Heller and Clare Mackintosh.

To date, she has sold two million books. All of her crime novels have been bestsellers, each one climbing into the Kindle UK top 20, and several reaching number one. Mel has also had numerous Kindle All-Star awards, for best read author and best titles. She lives in Stoke-on-Trent, Staffordshire, with her husband and terrier, Dexter (named after the TV serial killer) and makes liberal use of her hometown as a backdrop for some of her books.

CLICK HERE TO JOIN MEL SHERRATT’S MAILING LIST AND KEEP UP-TO-DATE WITH ALL HER LATEST NEWS AND PLOTTING

Mel tells us more about herself and her work.

Do you prefer writing police procedurals or psychological thrillers?

A: Hmm, that’s a difficult question to answer as I find all my books to a certain element are psychological thrillers. There is usually a ‘whydunnit’ instead of a whodunnit in my books. I like to get into the minds of my killers, so that as a reader, you may feel you understand why a killer did what he or she did, mostly because of their past.

Crime thrillers in general are an everyman/everywoman genre — they feature regular people in circumstances we all dread. They confront our deepest fears — murders, serial killers, errant or abusive spouses, lost children, etc. They are gripping and thrilling but also contain mysteries that readers love to figure out. We all analyse the people around us and readers can draw on their experience and gut instinct, not just to work out the mystery, but whether or not to trust the main character.

Q: What author, dead or alive, would you like to have dinner with?

A: I’m very lucky that over the years I’ve been writing, since 2012, I have been to many crime festivals in the UK and met most of my favourite authors. I actually can’t believe how many, and often get starstruck when I talk to them.

But there is someone I keep missing and that’s Lisa Jewell. Whenever I’m on a panel at an event, she will be on one the next day, and vice versa. It’s very frustrating.  So I would love to have dinner with her, and a good natter about her books as I’ve read every one since she started out writing women’s fiction, and now she writes amazing dark psychological thrillers.

Q: What’s the strangest thing you’ve had to research for a book?

A: Over the years, I’ve not researched so many strange things, as my stories are mostly about social issues, but I do have a fascination in twins. For my book Ten Days, I learned about twinless twins — either a twin dying at birth or later in life and how it affects the surviving twin. It was fascinating to read about how some  feel a part of them is gone; others felt as though the twin was still with them.

Also, the DNA around twins is fascinating, in how identical twins do have differences. Of course, I can’t go any further as that would spoil a plot in one of my books . . .

Q: Who would you want to play your main characters in a film/TV adaptation — any why?

A: I have a few series written but for my main one about Allie Shenton, who starts out as a detective sergeant and then a detective inspector, it would be actress Rachel Shenton, star of All Creatures Great and Small. I’ve met her several times now, as she is local to me, and I remember chatting to her about Allie, and Rachel said that she could see herself running around the streets of Stoke-on-Trent as a cop.

Incidentally, I can’t believe Allie Shenton and Rachel share the same surname — surely a twist of fate . . .

Q: What are you currently reading and watching?

A: I have just finished the second book of the Detective Joanna Piercy Murder Mysteries by Priscilla Masters. As an author who writes about, and lives in Stoke-on-Trent, although it makes me smile to see local readers recognising places in my city, it was only when reading Priscilla’s books that I actually got to experience it for myself. In Burnt on the Moors, I found myself thinking, ‘I’ve visited The Roaches’, ‘I know where the village of Flash is,’ ‘I’ve been to the Winking Man pub’, with a smile on my face as I read on.

I enjoy the books because they are set in the 1990s, so most of it is good old-fashioned policing, with all the bias and stereotypes of the police force during those years.

I’ve just finished watching Gangs of London. I watched series one as soon as it came out, so as it was a while ago, I rewatched it and then watched series two. It was phenomenal. I have to admit to looking away at the levels of violence, but I love that the story is really about families at the heart of it. I felt like each episode was like a separate movie and I just wanted more.

I’m now four episodes into The Devil’s Hour and am loving it for its creepy vibes!

Find out more from Joffe Books here

 

Wensleydale Creamery and Rosebud Preserves have teamed up to create fabulously classy gift sets for Christmas

For Christmas this year, two of Yorkshire’s finest food producers have collaborated to create two excellent  new  festive food gift packs to treat friends and family.

Award-winning Rosebud Preserves, famed for its chutneys, pickles and preserves, has worked with the Wensleydale Creamery, makers of the world-famous Yorkshire Wensleydale cheese, on two new gift sets to add to the popular Yorkshire Wensleydale and Chutney Gift Set already available.  (Available for home delivery throughout mainland UK, you can shop the range at wensleydale.co.uk)

But before we look at the newbies on the block, let us remind you of the ever popular:

Yorkshire Wensleydale and Chutney Gift Set (£12.95) A perfect gift for lovers of the award-winning Yorkshire Wensleydale cheese. This gift pack contains a Yorkshire Wensleydale Waxed Cheese Truckle (200g) and a jar of Rosebud Preserves Yorkshire Wensleydale Chutney (198g), a classic combination of fresh Bramley apples, plump sultanas and traditional spices. A perfect combination, the chutney complements the creamy, crumbly cheese that has been handcrafted by master cheesemakers at the Wensleydale Creamery, in the heart of the Yorkshire Dales, to a time-honoured recipe using milk from local farms.

Honestly, totally delicious.

And now, onto the newbie treats:

Yorkshire Wensleydale & Cranberries and Chutney Gift Box (£12.95)  includes The original sweet, fruity, Yorkshire Wensleydale & Cranberries waxed cheese truckle (200g) and a jar of chutney for Yorkshire Wensleydale & Cranberries (198g).  This rich, dark and sticky chutney with plump dried fruits, maple syrup and warming spices is the perfect match for this cheese. Very delicious they are too. 

 

 Fountains Gold Cheddar and Pickle Gift Box (£12.95)  is a particular favourite of the Frost Magazine team. It  includes a Fountains Gold Cheddar waxed cheese truckle (200g) and a jar of Yorkshire Black Sheep Riggwelter Ale Pickle (198g). This dark, rich, British classic pickle uses local Black Sheep Ale.  It is the perfect match for Fountains Gold Cheddar with its rich, mellow and buttery flavour, with a golden appearance and a smooth, creamy texture. Handcrafted in the heart of the Yorkshire Dales using milk from local farms. Really scrumptious.

Elspeth Biltoft, owner of Rosebud Preserves, says: “We are delighted to have worked with our Wensleydale Creamery neighbours, at opposite ends of the Dale, for many years. Our head chef John Barley worked closely with them to develop these products including the Yorkshire Wensleydale Chutney, a fruity and delicate combination of Bramley apples, sultanas and traditional spices, to complement their most famous Yorkshire Wensleydale Cheese.

“Paired in an attractive pale grey box, these sets have proved to be one of the most popular gifts the creamery has to offer and so much so that they recently asked us to partner our chutneys with two more of their most popular cheeses.  Dark, rich Black Sheep Riggwelter Ale Chutney is a perfect match for Fountains Gold Cheddar, as is the naturally sweet stickiness of plump dried fruit, maple syrup and warming spices in our Chutney for Wensleydale & Cranberries cheese.

“They make lovely gifts at any time of year and most especially at Christmas.”

Frost Magazine has to agree.

Sandra Bell, Marketing Manager at Wensleydale Creamery, says: “As champions of local produce, we really value our partnership with Rosebud Preserves with whom we share many of the same values, from the sourcing of local ingredients to the use of time-honoured techniques.

“It’s fantastic that we have been able to work with them to create these delicious chutneys to perfectly partner with our handcrafted cheese in these two new gift sets.

“The original Yorkshire Wensleydale and Chutney Gift Set has been incredibly popular with our customers both online and in the Creamery Shop all year round, and we think these new pairings will prove just as popular.”

So here you have it. Three little beauties – just the sort of surprise that will be welcome in many households this Christmas.

The gift sets are available to buy online at wensleydale.co.uk

 Delivery costs £3.95 and is free for orders over £50.00. The creamery aims to deliver within 2 – 3 working days of receiving payment. To ensure your cheese arrives in perfect condition deliveries are dispatched Monday to Thursday.

 

 

 

 

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Michael Ashcroft’s In the Shadows grips, reveals, and impresses – reviewed by Margaret Graham

In the Shadows by Michael Ashcroft reveals much, but necessarily not too much, of the deeds of the quite extraordinary men and women of the Intelligence Corps, which is one of the smallest and most secretive though vital elements of the British Army.

Wellington realized, (and  the Duke of Marlborough before him, and probably Caesar before him etc.),  that intelligence was essential once he arrived in the Pennisular: he must have information, information, information about the geography of the area and the enemy, and  so set about using those he trusted to source what he needed.

So, what happened during the twentieth century, and up to and including today, to source desperately needed intelligence?

Michael Ashcroft supplies answers with In the Shadows, by shining a light on the British Army’s Intelligence Corps which was only formally constituted in July 1940 but which operated well before that.

In the Shadows includes stories of and  from just some of the courageous, innovative characters who have operated in secret since the first World War to the present day, as they determined to uncover ever present threats. The tools they used were/are surveillance at home and overseas, developing contacts,  interrogating during conflicts – in fact using and seemingly inventing skills various. Add to this the sometimes necessity of going into the lion’s den to achieve their ends and you are getting the picture.

What struck me reading the stories was the loneliness – who to trust in the field, indeed can you trust anyone? It reminded me of a discussion I had with a former SOE agent during WW2, one who was captured, and whose fingernails had not regrown, though some do.’ Lonely’, she said. ‘I was very lonely.’

Add to loneliness  the determination to see a mission through, as is Ascroft reveals in In the Shadows, is apparent, and the sheer courage and endurance of spirit when one knew discovery and capture was the end of all things. All of it unsung, all secret, and – I come back to it – so often alone.

Ashcroft uses the recollections and experiences of those who have served, to create a gripping, revealing and relentlessly tense, though accessible, exploration of this most vital unsung secret Intelligence Corps, without which we would go blindly forward.

Read it, and thank  these extraordinary selfless people.

In the Shadows by Michael Ashcroft hb £25 Biteback Publishing

THE ECHOES OF LOVE – REVIEW AND INTERVIEW WITH AUTHOR JENNY ASHCROFT

Jane Cable reviews this fabulous historical romance

Where do I begin with this incredible book? With the sweeping love story at its gripping heart, or the impeccable historical research, or the phenomenal sense of place and time that had me living and breathing Crete in 1936 and during the Second World War? Or shall I just cut to the chase and tell you this will most likely be my book of the year.

In 1936, eighteen year old Eleni Adams returns from England to Crete to spend the summer with her Greek grandfather, something she has done every year since her mother died when she was a baby. But this summer is different; this summer she falls in love with Otto, the German boy staying in the villa next door, and I was as captivated by the breathlessness of young love, the intensity of feeling, as I was by the setting that made me feel as though I was really sitting above that cove near sun-drenched Chania.

But we all know our history, and in 1941 Crete was captured by the Germans. By that time Eleni is an SOE agent based on the island, and rather than leave she goes underground in the bombed out ruins of Chania to help to support the resistance. Meanwhile Otto is one of the first wave of fighters to be parachuted in; a reluctant Nazi, a man who stands against cruelty and reprisals, and of course the lovers’ paths cross once again.

Also running through the book is the transcript of an interview from 1974, given by the man who, it becomes apparent, betrayed Eleni. A man who knew her well. A man who she trusted.

This book transported me absolutely, haunted my dreams, tore me apart, and put me back together again. It’s an absolute triumph, so I was delighted when Jenny Ashcroft agreed to tell me how, and why, she came up with the idea of the interview transcript.

 

JA: First of all, thank you so much for this wonderful review. I’m absolutely thrilled you enjoyed it! As for the transcripts, the idea for those actually came before the central idea for the book. Often when I’m trying to come up with something new, I’ll write scenes or bits of dialogue that spring into my mind, and one afternoon I found myself playing around with a prologue written in interview form.

I love historical documentaries, and just thought that the dynamic between a researcher and their subject could be a really rich one – especially if that subject is carrying some deep regret, or secret, from their past. So, I wrote a sample for my agent, she really loved it, and when, a couple of weeks later, I went back to her with my synopsis for The Echoes of Love, she was really enthusiastic about that too, but asked, ‘Is there any way you can get that transcript idea in?’ I thought there was, decided that they could work as being from a fictional BBC documentary commemorating the liberation of Greece, and that’s how the transcripts came to be woven through the text of Eleni and Otto’s story.

All very iterative, and I wish I could say that I knew from the start precisely what I was doing, but I never seem to know that with any book! For me, it really is the case that it’s only when I start to write that I come to realise where I want to go. But I’m so glad I did weave those transcripts in. They really did become such a core part of the story.

 

 

The Ritual Bathing Revolution … by Alex Bannard Wellbeing and Wellness Editor

Recently I met Lisa from Rock & Rose Rituals and she shared her inspiring story. In 2018 she left the corporate world & London behind and retreated to Scotland in her camper van. Reconnecting with nature, she reawakened a deep connection, communication & co-creation with nature, plants & earth elements.

We talked about the studies that have been on water consciousness. Masaru Emoto’s water experiments: water imbued with love, joy, compassion created the most beautiful symmetrical crystals on freezing compared to water imbued with fear, hate, doubt whose crystals were misshapen & dark. Just search his name in YouTube to see it for yourself.

I told her how I wanted to do the rice experiment with my kids. Boiled rice is placed in 3 jars, one labeled love, one hate & the final one ignore. For 1 minute a day someone gives the jar labelled love loving thoughts & words. For another minute the jar of hate is told hateful words & thoughts. And the final jar is ignored. Weeks later the love jar’s rice is still blooming, the hate & ignore are blackened, decayed. Again check this out on YouTube!

I knew we were talking the same language so when Lisa told me how the plants talk to her, inspiring her to co—create her bathing rituals, I knew exactly what she meant. Although I have to be honest, a few years ago if someone had said that to me, I probably would have thought: yeah right. Now I understand & believe in the power of energy & how everyday people are co-creating with the Universe because they are awakening to that innate, intuition within themselves, their inner wisdom & this opens up the door to connecting with source, other realms, whatever you want to call it.

I wanted to try Lisa’s full moon bathing ritual but it had been a full moon the night before? She reassured me I still had time if I did it when I got home. The full moon guided me home reflecting in my wing mirror or side window.

At  gone 10pm I found the ritual instructions & began filling the bath reading the steps required: lighting a candle, turning on the accompanying playlist, cleansing the space with a cleansing stick, drawing an infinity sign in the water imbuing the bath with an intention. Of course being menopausal I kept forgetting the next step & would have to scrabble around for my glasses to read it.

But despite it being a very stop-start process, I finally relaxed into the bath. It was then I had a deeply profound experience: a deep sense of connection; a real sense & visceral appreciation to trust in myself, this was something I had known intellectually for a while but I really felt it. Then I had a series of inspirations & ideas. One of which was to collaborate with Lisa to create a guided experience to accompany her ritual because I absolutely loved it. Hopefully we’ll be doing that very soon!

Everyone’s experience is different because we are all unique but what I find interesting is that everyone is capable of equally profound experiences. I love meeting everyday people who are experiencing beautiful awakenings. It’s a reminder to us that this awakening is available to us all. You don’t have to be a scientist, a yogi, a Buddhist monk, everyday people are having beautiful awakenings. And you can too.

To join Lisa in her ritual bathing revolution you can find her here:https://www.rockandrose.one/#about_us 

Instagram: @rockandroserituals

If you would like more information on how to practice mindfulness, meditation & yoga check out Alex’ website: alexbannard.com

For free resources check out:

Facebook group: Mindfulness & Yoga for Self-Care: https://www.facebook.com/groups/MindfulnessYoga4Relationships

YouTube channel: https://studio.youtube.com/channel/UCQlKZJ7MeyYc6lqkv6seISw

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/alexbannard/

Living with Alzheimers – We Are Best Friends by Chris Suich

Today, as I do three times a week, I visited my lovely husband Bob who has been in care since 10th March 2020 with the devastating illness Alzheimer’s.

It is amazing that he is still with us as he was not expected to live beyond last Christmas 2021 – according to our local GP who saw him after the first bout of Covid 19.

He is poorly there is no doubting that. He cannot walk or do anything for himself, even holding a chocolate button or a birthday card is beyond his cognition now. Recently it was our 43rd wedding anniversary. I took him a card that had a picture of two teddies in a car, I thought he might understand. Probably not.

However, he tries hard to communicate with me, chitter chattering nonsensical words, turning his head, looking at me directly and smiling. The love is still there for me and I see it in his eyes and mannerisms, and occasionally he speaks a phrase that makes sense, or he tries to sit up and puts his lips together for a kiss. For my part I still have him. I can kiss him and hold his hand. I can tell him my news and ring our sons and they talk to him when they can. He says ‘ Hello’ and he kisses the phone. I know he recognises their voices. They are wonderfully kind and patient but also brave and full of humanity. I am proud of the way they handle it all.

Today he is sat up in a Stirling chair (nice and deep and tipped slightly backwards so he can’t fall forwards), dressed nicely, shaved and clean, looking at the TV. He likes Tipping Point as he likes the bit where the coins drop down, and as he was brilliant with numbers in his past life he will read out the amounts the contestants win. Then it is The Chase. I tell him he is on my team and I try to answer the questions and he watches the red writing turn to green writing if I get it right.

The carers are kind and I know they make more effort when I come in. I insist they get him up as he likes to sit upright in a chair and I think is is better for his digestion. No one wants to lay in bed all day and he is not any different.

I take him the food we enjoyed together. He knows it. He looks for the red carrier bag with pictures of Parisian cartoons on we bought together in Paris. I like to think it evokes some happy memories of our time together. That and the food.  Maybe somewhere deep inside him he’ll associate the food with me. Sometimes I get a positive clue that this is the case. But in any case I am satisfied that he is enjoying the food and relishing every mouthful. He eats everything we would normally eat, apart from chewy meat or stringy chicken as he doesn’t like the texture. Or the sloppy food which is sometimes given by the home. I feed him from a teaspoon as he opens his mouth a little. He is used to a beaker and the home gives him fortified drinks to keep his weight up.

It takes a little while to get him going with a spoon, but once he gets the taste of the food he opens his mouth wide and as he has all his own teeth he chews well and swallows fine.  Today it is Lincolnshire sausages, two chopped, onion gravy, parsnips and broccoli and mash. Then chopped mince pies and extra thick cream blobs. It only takes me 30 mins and the swallowing is interspersed with ‘ lovely’. I have had a little victory with the food situation.

I couldn’t understand why he was on a semi-soft diet when he ate my food so magnificently. Once he pouched his food in one cheek with me and also with a carer but that was because he didn’t like the chewiness the stringy consistency but he never did it again. Not enough evidence I thought for giving him the sloppy soft diet daily that he clearly didn’t enjoy. I asked for a speech and language Dysphagia assessment as if these professionals thought the same then I would agree with it. However, Bob did not meet the criteria for a dysphagia assessment so therefore I reasoned he could still eat the chopped normal food. That is now supposed to  happen whether I’m present or not! Bob also has a beer, or some wine and on Sundays a tot of port. Everything I would normally give him at home. Why not?

After this nutrition he will often say something. ‘ Are you alright for money?’ or ‘Be careful’ or sadly ‘ Let’s go home’

I play a range of our favourite music and music videos I’ve downloaded onto my iPad for him to watch. He loves these. I show him ELO Mr Blue Sky, Telephone Line, Wild West Hero and several Beatles black and white films with music tracks. I have a great playlist now and Bob enjoys it. I see the light switch on behind his eyes and his fingers and toes twitch. He becomes relaxed and content. I know it makes a difference. It makes him feel better and it is good for his well being. I don’t like to think of him on his own laid in bed with limited interaction. But I know the carers are busy, and Bob is easier to manage in bed as many residents can walk and are more difficult to keep occupied and safe. But all residents need to have their well being addressed and music is game changing.

Emotionally for me it is a roller coaster. I hate to see him struggling to communicate getting frustrated, pulling at his hair, trying to explain. ‘It’s horrible!’ he says. I hate it when he says ‘Let’s go together’ or ‘Is it time to go home?’

I still look forward to seeing him and he is always in my mind even though I try to fill my life with being busy. I have my Inner Wheel and Rotary endeavours to take part in. I volunteer at a local school weekly and have a wide range of friends to see regularly. I dread a phone call from the care home in case it is some bad news and my stomach lurches when I see who is ringing me on the phone. Sleeping all night is difficult as Bob comes back to me in the middle of the night. I have tried to get on with my own things in the day but at night he is in my unconscious brain. I remember the little things we did together, often long forgotten. I am probably more anxious as Bob smoothed out all my worries. He was a good match for me.

It almost makes me cry nowadays, when he tells me ‘You’re lovely’ or ‘ I’m sorry’. I tell him everything is fine and not to worry and that he’s lovely too. He sometimes is sad and downcast and I have a job to get him to respond to me but he usually does in the end.

Sadly he doesn’t know I’m his wife but thinks I’m his best friend.

That is ok we are best friends.