2 Out Of 3 Think Modern Men Have Lost The Art Of Chivalry

· 2 out of 3 Brits believe modern men have lost the art of chivalry

· 67% of over 55s have experienced a romantic gesture from their partner in the last year

· Listening and spending time with each other are valued more than materialistic gestures

 

As the nation gears up for Valentine’s Day, it seems ‘the Facebook Generation’ of UK men may need to brush up on their romantic skills. A survey by over adult only hotel group Warner Leisure Hotels has revealed that 2 out of 3 Brits (27,999,654) believe modern men have lost the art of chivalry. Women are suffering from the lack of love, as one fifth has admitted that their partner hasn’t done anything romantic in the last year.

Jaine and Tim Hewett, celebrating Valentine’s with 400 roses at The Warner Leisure Cricket St. Thomas Hotel in Somerset

Jaine and Tim Hewett, celebrating Valentine’s with 400 roses at The Warner Leisure Cricket St. Thomas Hotel in Somerset

Love needn’t cost the earth as the study found the little things in life – listening to your partner (25%) and never going to bed angry (10%) are the best ways to keep romance alive. 10 million (9,971,806) Brits value spending time with partners and the survey by Warner Leisure Hotels also revealed that going on holiday is important to 2 million (2,014,010).

The best way to keep romance alive in a long-term relationship as surveyed by OnePoll *

· Listening to your partner: 24.25%

· Spending time with each other: 20.30%

· Small gestures e.g. giving compliments, buying small gifts: 9.50%

· Never going to bed angry: 9.95%

· Letting the small things go: 9.95%

Though diamonds are allegedly a girl’s best friend, keeping the spark in a relationship doesn’t have to mean ostentatious gestures – the classics are still the best. With the over 55s leading the way in the art of wooing, younger generations have a lot of catching up to do:

Ways a partner has been romantic in the last year (over 55s) as surveyed by OnePoll *

· Complimented you in some way: 35.28%

· Bought you flowers: 24.54%

· Bought you chocolates: 20.61%

· Cooked a romantic meal: 18.41%

Hannah Sardar, PR Manager for Warner Leisure Hotels

Chivalry is not dead; it’s clear that with a little guidance and a few tips from those who know romance the best, the younger generation can keep romance alive. Relationships and romance require quality time together, trying new things as a couple and investment but the small things – cooking a meal or going on a spontaneous trip for the weekend – really do make a difference. No matter your age, it’s always important to make your partner feel special.”

 

Women of The Revolution – Book Review.

The idea behind this book is incredibly clever, it is the history of forty years of feminism told through articles from The Guardian. The book was edited by Kira Cochrane who Frost have interviewed. The wealth of talented women in the book is staggering. Maya Angelou, Germaine Greer, Oprah Winfrey, Suzanne Moore, Beth Ditto…the list is endless. It is a fascinating read for women and men alike.

I didn’t like, or agree, with every single article or argument, Lesbianism as a choice and not sleeping with men, because they are the enemy spring to mind, as does ‘are all men capable of rape’. Er, no, they are not.

Beth Ditto gives amazing and funny advice on what to do with catcalls, Andrea Dworkin’s piece on Bill and Hillary Clinton is perfection, and right on. The interview with Maya Angelou is also amazing, she is one of my favourite writers. Germaine Greer comes across as Germaine Greer, people can say whatever they want about her, but she doesn’t seem to care about being liked, and that makes her a true feminist to me.

One of my favourite things about the book is just how many strong women are in it. Suzanne Moore interviewing Camille Paglia, there is an interview with Toni Morrison, Zoe Williams ask if feminism is embarrassing, Julie Burchill writes about her lack of regret for her five abortions. This book shows how far we have come, but also shows our faults, the fault of feminism is that people have a narrow view of what feminism is, and what a feminist does. Women can be their own worst enemy and the in-fighting and backstabbing is disappointing. For reference, read the interview with Naomi Wolf. Why can’t Naomi Wolf be beautiful and groomed and say what she wants? Can you not be glamourous and a feminist? Surely as long as you want equal rights for all anyone can be a feminist, even a man?

The ones I really related to are Jill Tweedie stating that ‘One of the most crippling aspects of being a women- and an Englishwomen to boot- is the continual and largely unconscious compulsion to be nice’. Too true, even for a Scot, and as relevant today as it was in the 1970s. This book is food for the brain; is housework slavery?, should women be paid for it?, the attack on Margaret Thatcher for not helping her fellow women – a very good point- she filled her cabinet with men and seemed to dislike other women. This book is essential reading, I recommend it to everyone.

Some of the book is uncomfortable reading, like when the issue of rape being used as a weapon of war is raised. But that is to the credit of the book. History should never be a comfortable experience, and neither should a revolution.

Women of the Revolution | Kira Cochrane Interview

I love Kira Cochrane’s writing, so I was very excited to interview her about the new book she has edited: Women of the Revolution: Forty Years of Feminism. Thankfully, her answers made me like her even more.


What was the idea behind the book, Women of the Revolution: Forty Years of feminism?

I was in the office between Christmas and New Year 2010, a time when
it’s always incredibly quiet at work, doing some reading for a piece I
was writing about the first ever women’s liberation conference in the
UK, which was held in 1970. It occurred to me that it would be great
to do something big to celebrate this landmark – forty years of second
wave feminism in the UK – and that we had all the resources necessary
at the Guardian to do that. So I started, that day, to put together a
book made up from our archives, featuring interviews with people like
Germaine Greer, Naomi Wolf, Oprah Winfrey, Nawal El Saadawi, Camille
Paglia and Susie Orbach, and articles on all the most important
feminist issues. Altogether I wanted it to provide an introduction to
the movement for those coming to it fresh, and brilliant, wide-ranging
material for those who have lived and campaigned through it.

How did it come together?
It proceeded with me just trawling through our archive, reading
thousands and thousands of articles until my eyes were sore. Given the
wealth of feminist material the
Guardian has published, it was a massive task, but I really enjoyed
it. (I have come to realise that I’m a total feminist geek!)

What is your favourite article/interview in the book?
Well, like any good parent, I don’t have favourites, and there’s so
much great material: Beth Ditto on how to beat street harassment,
on online sexism, Ariel Levy writing about raunch
culture, Polly Toynbee on Spare Rib magazine, Hadley Freeman on eating
disorders, Marina Hyde on pornography, to name just a few. One
I think is as relevant today as it was when it was published 41 years
ago now, is Jill Tweedie’s piece “Why nice girls finish
last”. In it she writes that women have a “continual and largely
unconscious compulsion to be nice. Nice and kind, nice and fair, nice
and tidy. Nice. Always ready to understand the other point of view.
Always careful not to give a wrong impression”. And she warns against
the feminist movement sinking into a great heaving swamp of niceness.
I think that message is still really important, at a time when women,
as much as ever, are brought up to be
accommodating and unpushy. (Have you ever heard the word pushy used
about a man? How about bossy?).

What do women still need to achieve?
Well, you can break it down into specific issues. Equal pay, economic
equality, a fair sharing of tasks in the home, affordable childcare, political
representation, an end to street harassment, to domestic violence and
rape – and, in the meantime, a higher rape conviction rate and strong
support services for women who experience violence. But I think
we also have to recognise that the problem is structural. We live in
a society where there are hierarchies based on class, race, sexuality,
disability and many other factors. Sex is a key one of those, and if
we could create a much more equal balance of power in general I think
we’d have a society that would function much more happily for everyone.

Do you think feminism is used as a weapon against women, like when a
man doesn’t give up his seat and wants to go dutch, even on the first
date? I have a friend who hates feminism because she says it has been
used to take away men being chivalrous, and we still end up doing the
housework.

I’m pretty happy to see the back of chivalry, because it
was based on the idea of women being the weaker sex. That
doesn’t mean I want doors slammed in my face by the man who’s walking
in front of me – just that whoever reaches the door first will hold it
open, whether it’s me or him. In an equal society, I think men and
women should treat each other equally well. (Also, I’m happy to go
Dutch. I think when one partner pays for everything from the start of
a relationship, unless there’s a really good reason, that sets up a
pretty dodgy power dynamic.)

What can be done to convince women that feminism is still relevant?
Well, I think a large proportion of women are already convinced, and
you can see that in all sorts of ways. There are
the feminist protests and conferences that have taken place over the
past few years, the enormous success of Caitlin Moran’s feminist book
How to be a Woman, the extent to which feminist issues are debated in
the media and online, with women really making their voices heard about
issues that make them angry. For any woman not yet convinced, I
suppose I would just put a few questions to her. Do you
want to live in a country where only one in five MPs – the people who
make the major decisions
regarding our lives – are women? Do you want to be paid
less than your male colleagues for the same work? Do you want to live
in a country where there’s a high chance of you being raped or
sexually assaulted – and a very low chance of your attacker being
convicted on those charges? If not, feminism is for you.

Do you think it is possible for a woman to ‘have it all’?
I think what’s true is that women have made huge strides in the
workplace, but still take care of the lion’s share of tasks at home. I
do think it’s possible for everyone, men and women, to ‘have it
all’, but in order to make that happen there needs to be a real shift
in attitudes towards working hours, so that workers aren’t toiling
incredibly long hours and can have a proper shared family life. That’s
easy to say, and much harder to do. At a time of economic crisis,
especially, it’s very hard for people to feel confident in taking
their foot off the accelerator at work. So I do hope these changes
will happen, but clearly it won’t be overnight.

Women are still sexually objectified to a large degree, what do you
think of Rihanna and Lady Gaga who constantly make music videos
wearing pants and a bra? Is this a bad example? Or an example of a
women being free to do what she wants?

I really don’t like the way that women in the public eye, in their
twenties, are criticised for being ‘bad role models’ for other women
in their twenties. It just seems another stick to beat women with. I
personally think that women should wear exactly what they like – so
long as it IS what they like, that they’re following their own desires
and enjoying themselves. I think if they’re doing that, they set a
great example.

What do you hope the book will achieve?
I hope the book will get people thinking about feminism – thinking
about all the women who have fought for our rights in the past, and all that
we still have to do.

How much more do women have to achieve to be equal to men?
There’s so much, but I think the important point is that we’re getting
there in the UK. There are obstacles, and really worrying issues (like
the fact that women’s unemployment is at a 25 year high), but over the
course of time we are moving forward. It’s like a friend of mine said,
a few years ago, when there had been some notable setbacks for women:
people can try to keep us down, but it’s not like we’re actually just
going to go back into the kitchen and make them a sandwich.


What is next for you?

More articles, more books, and much more feminist research! I’m really looking
forward to it.

Thank you Kira.

[The review of the book is here.]

What Price Feminism?

Is feminism a dirty word? You would think so by how some people respond to the word.

Feminism is not an easy subject to write about. It has so many connotations. So many people have an opinion on it. It brings up images of women burning bras and hating men. Losing the entire point of it: equality.

What I started writing this article I put out a twitter and Facebook plea for comments about feminism. Tamsin Omond came up with a fabulous quote from J.Winterstone on lesbians: ‘they have a confidence about them that doesn’t depend on the male view. that is sexy and it is new.’

Then came the obvious,

Forbes KB: ‘Right after you finished the washing up and the ironing I hope!’ Luckily, I know he is joking.

Darren Errol Clarke did much better: ‘I dislike the word “Feminism”! It conjures up so many wrong images. Everything should be about sharing and equality, but the name doesn’t depict that!

A warrior from the Amazon once said that she was shocked that Western women were so …weak and that they were referred to as “Flowers”! She was upset that she couldn’t “See” the flowers that they were talking about. She said, “Flowers are strong, adapting, versatile and beyond the visual. A flower can be destroyed, yet come back as beautiful as before and more than before. The humans I see before more me represent nothing more than a shadow of their true potential.”

Whilst man has a lot to answer for in history, women have come through and stamped their individuality through out. I think that when women were striving to be better than the men that suppressed them they were irrepressible, but now they have joined in the drunken madness that is today’s civilization. I hope that the mantle isn’t totally buried, as it would be nice to see more women bring true equality to the world and not the fallacy that is the modern world.’ Good points there.

Lynn Burgess: ‘It’s not about pushing a female agenda. It’s about equality.’

Caroline Gold: ‘Look to the working class women and you will see there is still disparity and it’s about more than legislature. We are not a minority. Feminism is just humanism for all. Go girl!

One of the best came from film director Richard Wright: ‘Ultimately its not about pushing a female agenda or pushing a male agenda its about pushing an agenda of tolerance and understanding no matter who it is. It’s about equality across the board not the positive discrimination of one over another, that doesn’t work because it’s still discrimination. The argument should be about how we, together as a society, create a better tomorrow and where we all fit in no matter who we are.’

Amen to that.

The London Underground is never a nice place at rush hour. A few million Londoners trying to get home means stress is high and manners non- existent. Spending a 20 minute journey with your face in some strangers armpit is common. This did not prepare me for being shoved out of the way by a man so he could sit in the last seat however. That’s right: actually pushed out out the way. Not only are manners dead, but so is chivalry.

This got me thinking about equality. I always offer to pay on dates. While discussing this with a male friend he mentioned that he thought women should always pay for themselves, after all, wasn’t that what feminism was all about? What we were fighting for all these years? Well, no. It’s not. We seem to have got the worst of both worlds. No chivalry and no equality either.

I recently read an article by James Delingpole in which he claimed, because times are tough, that only boys should be sent to public school, because his daughter could just marry a rich man. Which was more funny than offensive until I read Mary Dudley’s response that she would be sending her daughter to public school instead…so she could marry a rich man. Apparently Kate Middleton wouldn’t have had a look in if she had not been to Marlborough. Doors to manual indeed. What century is this? How Jane Austen.

We were fighting for equal pay: which we haven’t got. To have any career we want without hitting a glass ceiling. To not be though of as the weaker sex. Not better than men, just equal. With different strengths. This is all low rumbling compared to some countries. Although there is a female Prime Minister in Australia and female president in Finland, in Britain we have 126 female MPs, out of 646 members of British Parliament. Where have all the women gone?

Then there is the other thing that is holding us back: other women. I have lost count of how many times I have had another actress try and sabotage me or overheard a women bitching about me. On a set recently an older actress came up to me and said; ‘You will be just like me one day. You will lose your beauty, you will have nothing left. It all goes.’

Can we really reach our true potential if we are wasting energy stabbing each other in the back? I have an amazing group of female friends now, but it took years to find them.

Then comes all of the depressing statistics. 1 in 4 women have experienced rape or attempted rape, 95% of cases are never reported, 23% of reported cases are ‘no crimed, ‘ or thrown out, by the police. Over 66% of reported cases never make it to court and the conviction rate is a depressing 6.5% for reported cases. It seems rape is the easiest crime to get away with.

In Afghanistan the female soldiers were more afraid of their colleagues than the front line. 30 percent of female US soldiers have been raped, 71% sexually assaulted and 90% sexually harassed. Four out of five cases go unreported. Helen Benedict, author of ‘The Lonely Soldier: The Private War of women serving in Iraq’, believe rapes occur not because the soldiers are sex starved, but because they enjoy humiliating female colleagues. ‘A lot of men think women shouldn’t be in the military and feel threatened. I think a lot of sexual predators sign up because of the power they’ll wield.’ Helen goes on to say that, ‘There is a culture of sexism on the military and women are seen as sex objects.’

Then there is gendercide. 100 Million girls have disappeared. In China and Northern India 120 being born for every 100 girls. Most girls are aborted. In Iraq they stone women to death and have to be covered from head to toe. They cannot even leave the house without their male relatives. Even if they are younger than them.

So am I a feminist? I don’t care about what people think of the word, or of me for using it, as long as women are stoned to death, sold into slavery or aborted just because of their gender, the answer is yes. My name is Catherine Balavage and I am a feminist.

Facts and Figures.

3 Million women and girls are slaves in the sex trade.

An estimates 18,000 women (some as young as 14) are working as sex slaves in the UK.

Women aged 15-44 are more likely to be killed by men than cancer, malaria, car crashes and war combined.

130 million women worldwide have had their genitals mutilated.

In the past 50 years, more women have been killed because of their gender than all the men in all the wars of the 20th century.

And a beautiful quote.

Mao Zedong said “women hold up half the sky.” So don’t let it come crashing down.

http://www.unwomen.org/