Tag Archives: love

Can “Friends With Benefits” really be the start of something beautiful?

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Can “Friends With Benefits” really be the start of something beautiful?

In the eponymous Hollywood film, Mila Kunis and Justin Timberlake are FWB, ‘friends with benefits’ – they like each other, they definitely fancy each other, but they’re just not ready for a romantic relationship. But off screen, can two people really have a non-committed relationship without one person getting hurt?

According to relationship scientists from eHarmony.co.uk, studies show that people who choose to become ‘friends with benefits’ are not ready for a committed long-term relationship and find that sticking with this type of casual set-up works better for them than moving it on.

This is particularly true of men. A new study (2011)[1] found that men were more likely to desire casual sex without the need for a monogamous relationship whilst women were more likely to crave a deeper emotional connection, hoping for it to develop into a full blown relationship. So, if casual fling evolves into committed relationship, how likely is it to be a happy one?

A study by Paik (2010)[2] investigated how different sexual encounters could predict relationship satisfaction. By surveying married or cohabiting couples, Paik found that relationships that began as sexual encounters, such as casual dating or non-romantic (friends with benefits), were significantly less satisfied with their relationship than couples whose first sexual encounter was in a serious committed relationship.

So relationship science says “be warned”. Whilst an intimate encounter with an old buddy may seem like a good idea at the time – and makes a great Hollywood script – in reality there could be tears later on.

Must Have / Can’t Stand: What Singletons Look For In A Partner

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For those of us who watched Mel Gibson and Helen Hunt in ‘What Women Want’ and were left none the wiser by Hollywood’s take on understanding the sexes, a new survey released today should do the trick.

A study of 15,000 single British people (both men and women) by eHarmony.co.uk, the relationship site that introduced compatibility-based matching to the UK, has found that a sense of humour is the most important trait in a future partner.

The “Must Have” top four traits British singletons are seeking, according to eHarmony’s data, are:

1. Good sense of humour – 73%

2. Being affectionate – 60%

3. Loyalty – 52%

4. Good communication – 52%

But the study didn’t stop there. eHarmony.co.uk also asked the 15,000 singletons what traits they “Can’t Stand” in a potential partner. The top four were:

1. Lying – 71%

2. Cheating – 66%

3. Rudeness – 55%

4. Poor hygiene – 46%

So there we have it? What’s your must have/can’t stand?

Jennifer Aniston's boyfriend 'loves' her

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Jennifer Aniston’s boyfriend has told her he loves her.

The ‘Horrible Bosses’ actress – who started dating Justin Theroux last month after first meeting him on the set of ‘Wanderlust’ last year – was accompanied by the actor to her official hand and footprint ceremony at Grauman’s Chinese Theatre, where he reportedly confessed his feelings.

An onlooker told HollywoodLife.com: “Jen and Justin were cuddled up together before she was taken away for the ceremony. They were away from the cameras and they hugged and kissed for a few seconds before Justin said, ‘Congratulations, I love you!’

“She didn’t say I love you back but she gave him a big kiss in return and then had to hurry away.”

Jennifer is likely to be thrilled by Justin’s emotional honesty, as the 42-year-old star recently insisted the key to a successful relationship is being able to talk openly with your partner.

She said: “You need to talk to each other and you have to say what you want.

“You don’t confront your man about things which you’re not happy about, you approach it in a much more constructive way. You never want to be in an adversarial situation where it’s you versus him. “All couples face those kinds of difficulties, but you’ve got to be able to talk about your problems and your needs and do it in a positive way. That’s easier said than done, of course.”

Kelly Osbourne thinks her parents are the “definition of true love”.

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The 26-year-old star – whose mum and dad are Ozzy and Sharon Osbourne – praised the couple’s 30-year marriage, and wished them a happy anniversary.

Writing on her twitter page, she said: “happy anniversary mum and dad! you are the definition of true love! @MrsSOsbourne @OfficialOzzy. 30 years of true love! (sic)”

However, Kelly didn’t take too kindly to the comments of one fan, who suggested Sharon and Ozzy’s relationship was “f****d up” referring to an incident in 1989 when the former Black Sabbath rocker reportedly attempted to strangle his wife.

He tweeted: “@MissKellyO Didn’t your Dad strangle your Mum unconcious? f****d up love if you ask me. (sic)”

To which Kelly replied: “go and f**k yourself with a hedgehog! (sic)”

Sharon recently revealed she was so shocked to receive sexy text messages from her husband, she was convinced a thief had stolen his mobile phone.

She said: “I got a text from Ozzy yesterday and I’m like, ‘Jesus, somebody’s stolen his phone.’ Because I thought somebody found his phone and they were texting me dirty messages.

“And Silvana, my assistant, goes, ‘Oh my god, Ozzy’s just sent you this really dirty text.’ And I’m like, ‘Well it’s not him, somebody must have stolen his phone, he can’t text’. But it was him.”

Can The Biological Clock Cloud Your Relationship Judgement?

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Bombarded by fertility facts and figures, women are increasingly obsessed with the ‘tick-tock’ of their biological clock, with the desire to find ‘Mr Happy Ever After ‘feeling all-consuming.

“Trying to find the perfect partner, who meets all of your ideas, can lead you to missing out on prospects who would make a very good partner,” says Dr Gian Gonzaga, relationship scientist at eHarmony.co.uk. “Conversely, settling for someone who doesn’t even have all the things you need in a partner, just to start a family, can lead to a very unhappy marriage.”

According to Dr Gonzaga, who studies thousands of singles and couples at the eHarmony Labs in California, much of the energy going in to finding ‘Mr or Mrs Happy Ever After’ is being channelled in the wrong direction, leading those who crave to settle down and build a family never managing to meet the right person to share their life.

Dr Gonzaga’s research has resulted in five key learnings that singles can apply to ensure that they meet the right person to build a life and family:

· Be careful who you look for. A serious partner needs to share your values, and life plans. It’s important for both men and women to avoid the types of people who seem to have a roving eye, who prioritise a lot else in their life before you, or who seem to be heading in a totally different direction to you. It’s best to avoid even dating people who aren’t remotely ready or able to commit if you’re thinking seriously about marriage and babies in the near future.

· As well as a ticking clock, chemistry can also cloud your judgement. There’s no denying chemistry is an important factor in deciding on a potential mate. After all we have to be attracted to someone to want to have their children, but try to look beyond that initial ‘zing’ and ascertain whether you share the same long term values in life. Looks don’t last – but shared interest and values make for a solid potential partnership.

· If you’re single and already on the dating scene, it helps to become a savvy dater and learn how to recognise the signs of a relationship that is casual, or not likely to lead to anything serious. You need to be in a relationship where both parties are investing equal amounts of time and energy, as this is when it could be time to commit to a relationship that could be the start of something serious.

· When dating a new person, or considering dating them, think carefully about your compatibility and make sure you know whether they share the same ‘must-haves ‘ when it comes to children as you. For example, does this person really want children in the future? Do you have a similar outlook on how a child will fit into your lives? Having a similar attitude to child-rearing is one of the most fundamental areas of compatibility.

· Finally, take a step back and relax. Young people, particularly women, often put pressure on themselves to meet certain deadlines in life – for example, marriage at 30, or babies by 32. These timelines are often only imposed by society, or peer pressure, and are not worth being restricted by, as it’s impossible to control every factor in life and the best things can happen at the most unexpected times.

Author Helen Croydon: 'All Relationships Are a Form of Prostitution'

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CAN’T BUY ME LOVE?

Bestselling author and journalist Helen Croydon has stirred controversy for claiming that all relationships are, in essence, a “form of prostitution”.

Croydon, a leading relationships commentator, says that behind every long-term relationship there is a quid pro quo arrangement that “needs to be satisfied” for a sexual partnership to work.

Prostitution, she argues, is only one extreme of a “sliding scale” of relationships, where the arrangement is based on the exchange of money for sex.

On the other end of the scale – marriage – the process of exchange-for-reward is still there, but money has been replaced with another currency, which the writer describes as “emotional capital”.

She is now calling for a “major re-evaluation” of relationships, pressing for a policy of “sexual honesty” that could, she claims, rid society of a harmful and repressive system of taboos.

She expressed her outspoken views in a column for The Erotic Review and interview with YouTube channel Joy TV about her critically-acclaimed book Sugar Daddy Diaries: When a Fantasy Became an Obsession, which hit the shelves earlier this year.

She said: “All relationships are an arrangement. There is no line between relationships and prostitution – they are all on a sliding scale.

“We all have – subconsciously or consciously – a goal in mind for a relationship. We give up a lot for a relationship in terms of time and freedoms and we wouldn’t do that unless it didn’t benefit us in some way.

“That something may be that we don’t want to be on our own. It may be that we want a child. It may be domestic practicality. There is no such thing as selfless romantic love.”

Croydon, a former ITN journalist, writes for UK national newspapers and women’s magazines, is a popular columnist for The Erotic Review and has appeared as a relationships commentator on several TV and radio shows, including Channel 5’s The Vanessa Show.

She hit the headlines in March this year following the serialisation of Sugar Daddy Diaries, a confessional memoir about her year-long exploration of cash-allowance based relationships.

Uninspired by naïve and needy guys her own age, Croydon joined dating site sugardaddie.com to seek out an older and more confident lover.

She was thrust into a world filled with Prada shopping trips, fine dining, first-class travel and fascinating, powerful men who desired the company of younger women without the usual strings attached.

Croydon freely admits that she accepted gifts from her online dates and says that though initially concerned by the morality of such relationships, she quickly came to see them as more straightforward, honest and psychologically healthy than ‘conventional’ romances.

She told the interviewer for YouTube channel Joy TV: “In the sugar daddy type relationships that I had, the man is saying ‘I don’t have the time or emotional ability to invest in you but I still like you, and I still want to keep continuity with you, so to compensate for what I can’t give emotionally, I will give in material rewards’.

“People invest emotional capital into their partner. It’s things like being on the end of the phone in the middle of the night when something goes wrong, or giving up your Saturday. In the case of a transactional cash-for-sex relationship you replace emotional capital for money.

“There is nothing wrong with admitting that there is a pragmatic motivation behind our relationship. Relationship psychologists site evidence that in most relationships there are practical motivations that drive it.”

Croydon adds that relationships are “far less likely” to fail if partners identified the key benefits from the outset.

The claims look set to draw a sharp response from members of the public, both for and against.

Married Helen Baxter, a housewife from Greenwich, London, said Croydon’s comments were “a step too far”.

The mum-of-two, 34, added: “Like a lot of women, I am married with children. This doesn’t mean I’m out for what I can get from my husband, or vice versa – it’s about love, plain and simple.”

Young professional Jenny Williams, 25, however, supported Croydon. She said: “It’s about time someone had the nerve to say what most men and women are secretly thinking. Love is a fluffy term meant to hide the truth that we are, at heart, selfish. That’s no bad thing – it’s human nature.”

Sugar Daddy Diaries: When a Fantasy Became an Obsession

How To Know When Its The Right Time To Get Married.

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William_and_Kate_weddingWith royal wedding fever hitting an all time high there is a high number of women wondering if there boyfriend will pop the question. Kate waited by Prince Williams side for nearly a decade, earning herself the nickname ‘waity Katy’. It would seem that Kate, or Catherine as she now wants to be called, has had the last laugh. However, not all women want to get married, or remain undecided. While most men need quite a bit of a push in my experience. So, when is it the right time to make the commitment? What do you need to know first? Read the point below to find out if now is the right time to get married.

Are you in love?

There are many reasons why people think they should get married. Whether its peer pressure or because you have kids. Truth is, there is only one reason why you should get married: You’re in love. As long as you love someone it does not matter what life throws at you. They are the constant in your life. If you are unsure whether or not you’re in love; you’re not. If you are unsure if your boyfriend loves you, ask him or read this: How to tell if your boyfriend loves you

Are they your final emotional destination?

When you marry someone you are not just sharing your life, but also your soul and your DNA. You are forever joining together. Marriage is something to be taken seriously, do you really want to be with this person? It’s okay to have doubts, we all do. It is always possible that Angelina Jolie or George Clooney will want to marry you later, but the thing is; if you have found someone who loves you and you love them back you are blessed, people spend lifetimes trying to find the love of their lives. Don’t throw that away.

Are you just sliding into it?

Do you really want to get married or are you just sliding into it? Marriage is a mistake that’s hard to get out of unscathed – whether that be emotionally or financially. Being in a loveless marriage is something nobody should have to put up with. Don’t just get married because your mother is nagging you.

Do you just want a big day?

They say the most important day in a women’s life is her wedding day. I like to think this isn’t true, but it is still something women, and men!, buy into. After the dress, the presents and the honeymoon you will have to spend the rest of your life with this person. Not really worth one glamorous day.

Are you getting married because you (think) you are cracking on a bit?

Getting married because your nearly thirty isn’t a good enough reason. Although a women’s biological clock doesn’t work in her favour, marrying someone you don’t love – or worse, having a kid with someone you don’t love; a child ties you to that person forever- just because you feel pressure from society or your mother will never make you happy. Think of all the other thing you could do with your life; travel, focus on your career, study. There is a big world out there. You don’t need a husband (or wife) for that.

Do you know each other? Does the other person listen?

You have to know the person you are marrying. Can you communicate with them? Can you talk openly? If you tell your partner that something annoys you do they make the effort to change? If someone love you they will do anything they can to keep you around, they will care about your thoughts and feelings. You also have to accept the other person, good and bad.

And another thing…

 

Talk about finance, children, future goals together. It’s okay to be nervous, to be unsure, relationships are hard, but if you really love the person you are with, what are you waiting for?

The Wedding Survival Guide: How To Plan Your Big Day Without Losing Your Sanity is available in print, ebook and Kindle. The Kindle version is only £2.99.

 

 

Actress Donna Air on Dating the Second Time Around

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Actress and model Donna Air shares her ‘second time around’ dating stories for relationship site, www.eHarmony.co.uk

Dating Unplugged: Eight weeks of thoughts, advice, videos, pictures and comment for those who are finding love all over again
 
 
Actress, TV presenter and writer Donna Air this week unveils the first in a series of weekly blogs for relationship site eHarmony.co.uk, based on her own recent dating experiences. The blog posts will all follow the theme of ‘Dating the second time around’, the subject of a recent book by Dr Gian Gonzaga, Senior Relationship Scientist at eHarmony.co.uk. The blog can be found at: http://moourl.com/donnadating. 
 
Donna’s articles will feature amusing first-person dating anecdotes covering topics such as dating in the fast-moving world of social media, the challenges of dating outside your age group, and finding love as a single parent. Donna herself is a single mother to a seven year old daughter, and has spent the last four and a half years on the London dating scene following the breakdown of her long-term relationship.
 
Donna Air said:
“The search for the perfect partner is the one thing that unites all of us, whatever our circumstances, and starting that journey again after a long relationship can be scary. I was really excited to be asked by eHarmony to share some of my stories, and hopefully help other single people in the process. It can feel like a ‘dating jungle’ out there at times but sharing our experiences with each other will help us all on that mission to find the perfect person!”
 
The eight weekly blogs will run from Thursday February 24th until April 25th and will sit on eHarmony Advice, which contains relationship advice articles, forums and opinion polls for eHarmony members and anyone seeking relationship advice. Advice articles and videos by Dr Gian Gonzaga, excerpts from his recent book, and videos, photos and personal stories from eHarmony-matched couples who found love second time around will also feature. The blog will be supported by a social media campaign to amplify Donna’s articles through Facebook, Twitter, YouTube and other online channels.
 
Ottokar Rosenberger, UK Country Manager for eHarmony.co.uk said:
“This is the first time in the UK that we’ve worked on a series of guest-authored blogs and we’re extremely excited to host Donna’s unique content on our site. Donna has a really warm and engaging personality and we’re sure her stories will strike a chord with anyone who’s navigating the sometimes nerve-wracking world of dating. We hope readers of the blogs will also post their own thoughts and experiences.”
 
“We plan to run other blogs over the rest of the year on a range of love-related subjects, which we hope will appeal to our existing members, and to anyone seeking helpful and interesting relationship advice.”