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Why Mothers Stop Breastfeeding

GentleIt’s not your imagination– all babies go through a difficult period around the same age. Research by Dr. Frans Plooij Ph.D. and Dr. Hetty van de Rijt Ph.D., authors of The Wonder Weeks: How to Stimulate Your Baby’s Mental Development and Help Him Turn His 10 Predictable, Great, Fussy Phases Into Magical, has shown that babies make 10 major, predictable, age-linked changes – or leaps – during their first 20 months of their lives taking place around weeks 5, 8, 12, 19, 26, 37, 46, 55, 64 and 75. During this time, they will learn more than in any other time. With each leap comes a drastic change in your baby’s mental development, which not only affects his mood, his health, sleeping patterns and the “three C’s” (crying, clinging and crankiness) but also… babies drinking and comfort seeking habits. Unfortunately these Wonder Weeks are often a reason for moms who do not know about these wonder weeks, to stop breast-feeding their child.

With every new wonder week a baby gets a totally new perception of the world. Every Wonder Week is like waking up on a strange planet. A baby did not ask for this, did not see it coming, but suddenly this whole new world was there. What would you do? You would retreat to a well-known and safe place. For a baby that is mom. How would you do that? By literally clinging to your mom. Being one with her, holding on tight and the best way to do that would be via literally sucking yourself to your mom. This is where breast-feeding and Wonder Weeks meet. Whilst on the one hand Wonder weeks are in fact something good and signal progress in development, on the other hand, when the Wonder Weeks are misunderstood, they are often the reason moms give up breastfeeding.

“My daughter was crying so much that I was afraid something was terribly wrong. She wanted to breastfeed constantly. I took her to see the pediatrician, but he couldn’t find anything wrong with her. He said he just needed to get used to my milk and that many infants went through a similar crying phase at 5 weeks. I thought that is was a strange thing to say, because she hadn’t had any problems with my milk until then. Her cousin, who was the same age, kept crying, too, but he was being bottle-fed. When I told the doctor that, he pretended he hadn’t heard, I didn’t push the subject though. I found out about wonder weeks later on, but I keep on wondering why nobody told me about these wonder weeks earlier.” – Julitte’s mom, 5th week

Wonder Weeks and the milk doubting moms:

Wonder Weeks: One of the reasons mothers stop breastfeeding? As the baby gets more Clingy, Cries more and is more Cranky during a wonder week, many mothers start doubting themselves. Are they doing something wrong? If a baby wants to drink so often, does this mean they do not have enough milk? Or is their milk not good enough? Moms who know their baby is in a wonder week, don’t doubt themselves or their milk.

“Around the third wonder week my daughter suddenly started nursing less. After 5 minutes, she would start playing around with my nipple. After that had gone on for two weeks, I decided to start supplementing my milk with formula, but she wouldn’t have any of that either. This phase lasted 4 weeks. During that time I worried she would suffer from some kind of nutrition deficiency, especially when I saw my milk supply starting to diminish. But now she is drinking like she used to again, and my milk supply is as plentiful as ever. Now I know this is normal behavior during a wonder week. I never doubted my milk again since I know when these wonder weeks are.”
– Hannah’s mom, 19 th week.

Wonder Weeks and the exhausted moms:
Even the moms not doubting their milk sometimes give up breastfeeding. Simply because the impact of the leap on the behavior of their child is wearing them out. The moms that know about Wonder Weeks tend to be less exhausted as they know what is happening and that Wonder Weeks are actually a good thing.

Wonder Weeks and the mom of a six month old:
One of the most difficult leaps is the one of relationships, around six months after due date. The exact same time breast milk alone is not enough anymore and most parents start to give solid food as well. Mom is exhausted from the leap, doesn’t sleep or sleeps very poorly, while at the same time her child needs food. Just days after giving the first ‘meals’, the baby is in a much better mood. Often moms explain this whole sequence of events wrongly and seem to think their child was in need of other milk than theirs. While in fact the child just went through another leap and finished the leap when he turned six months.

Wonder Weeks and nipple cracks or abrasions:
Pain is, logically, one of the reasons moms want to stop feeding their child. When a child is in a Wonder Week he wants to drink many times more often than is normally the case. As this is one of the only times a baby is quiet, a mom doesn’t really pay as much attention to the feeding process as she normally would. Often resulting in wrong feeding positions, resulting in i.e. cracked nipples.

Making parents aware of Wonder weeks will enable parents to understand their baby’s behavior much better and will help many moms to continue feeding their child and to make sure these Wonder Weeks are not a reason to give up.

Dr. Frans Plooij Ph.D. and Dr. Hetty van de Rijt Ph.D. discovered the leap phenomenon while studying chimpanzee mother infant relationships in the Gombe National Park, Tanzania, East-Africa together with Jane Goodall. They are the authors of the book The Wonder Weeks: How to Stimulate Your Baby’s Mental Development and Help Him Turn His 10 Predictable, Great, Fussy Phases Into Magical

Dr. Frans Plooij Ph.D. is always willing to educate professionals about these Wonder weeks, or answer questions via Skype or email. He regularly has Skype sessions with moms around the world.

 

 

The Rise of Topless Activism: But Is It a Good Or Bad Thing?

There is a worrying new trend in feminism: topless activism. Not men being topless. Women being topless because of course. Even more worrying is the number of women falling for it. The trendy #freethenipple campaign has gained ground when, in fact, it does nothing but mock the real struggle for equality. Amanda Foreman wrote an amazing piece on this for The Sunday Times. She starts off:

“New York last week was awash with nipples. Actually, it was a tiny corner of downtown Manhattan. And it wasn’t so much a sea of breasts, as a handful (or an eyeful) of women who went topless in support of a campaign to “free the nipple”. For the uninitiated, #FreeTheNipple, was the brainchild of 29-year-old Lina Esco, who felt it was unfair that men can show their nipples in public in all 50 states, whereas for women it’s a mere 13. Esco struggled in comparative obscurity until her protest was annexed recently by Scout Willis, daughter of Bruce Willis and Demi Moore. She is locked in an ongoing struggle with Instragram over the freedom to post naked selfies. The internet company maintains a blanket policy against nude photos as a way of deterring pornographers and paedophiles.” 

She then goes on to point out that the previous week in Washington another struggle for women’s rights was happening, Senator Claire McCaskill of Missouri and others were part of a task force to confront the increase in violence against female students on US Campuses. Up a shocking 20% this year. The White House is holding hearings and using Title IX, a 1972 civil rights law, to force universities to provide better protection for female students.

Foreman also goes on to say that “one does not necessarily fuel the other” and makes the good point that countries in which women are covered up are worse for violence against women and sexism but she has a problem with ‘the American tendency to confuse life and death struggles for personal freedom with exhibitionist demonstrations of myopic self-regard’. I think this is well said but I don’t think it is just an American thing.

When it comes to the nipple there is nothing to free. It is everywhere, in television shows, films, magazines, Page Three, online porn,  even women’s magazines for god’s sake. I mean, why do fashion spreads in women’s magazines nearly always have a topless women in? It is just weird.

Thing is, I am not against nudity. Neither is Amanda. She posed nude for Tatler at one point. (no nipples though).  I am not a prude. I wouldn’t go topless on a beach but I love Helmut Newton’s fashion photography. The women in those pictures are all sexy, strong and in charge. Nudity, as with most things in life, is about context.

Femen, the Ukrainian political group, is run by a man and all of the women are slim and gorgeous. When it was Femen member  Inna Shevchenko’s birthday, Femen wrote: “Femen congratulates its most famous leader, real revolutionary, wunderkind of feminism and beauty Inna Shevchenko with her birthday!” The most important word there is ‘beauty’. Femen calls itself a feminist group but is just another organisation that has become famous through the exploitation of women and their bodies. 

They may be put in the paper, but no one is listening to what they are saying. The most interesting thing about Femen’s coverage is how big the pictures are of near-naked beautiful women, compared to how small the print of whatever they are protesting against is.  Anyone can get in the paper for getting their breasts out. It does not take talent or skill, women have been doing it for years and men have been exploiting them and selling magazines and newspapers off the back of that exploitation. When Vladimir Putin was protested against by a topless activist, his leering, pervy facial expression said it all.

Femen: the rise of topless activism

They are called private parts for a reason. People may call me a prude and think I am a killjoy but, actually, it’s rude to try and make someone else live by your rules. Breasts may be ‘functional’ but so is my vagina. I don’t whip that out either.

Some women think that a women going topless is the same thing as a man going topless. Or at least should be. Unfortunately, that cannot happen now. Breasts have been too sexualised for too long. It isn’t fair but the world isn’t fair. Breasts are sexual. They always will be. A topless man is not the same as a topless women. It’s not fair, but it is a fact.

If you don’t believe me, do an experiment. Flash your breasts at a man and then ask him what you said after. If he knows what you said, let everyone know his name; he deserves a medal or something.

Topless activism gets publicity but that doesn’t mean it works. Sex sells and the world is full of perverts. People love boobs and will use any excuse to print them, as long as they are attached to an attractive women.

Even the daughter of Demi Moore and Bruce Willis, Scout,  has gotten in on the act. ‘Protesting’ against Instagram not letting her post topless pictures of herself on Instagram. She then said she was going to ‘move to Europe’. She seems sweetly unaware that in ‘Europe’ we all wear clothes and that walking around topless is called indecent exposure.

She tweeted

Scout LaRue Willis @Scout_Willis 

I’m moving to Europe, people’s victorian sensibilities need to calm the fuck down

What @instagram won’t let you see 

Scout Willis walked around the streets of New York topless to make her point, but she could have chosen something more pressing to use her celebrity for. Like the fact women are stoned to death by their own families or teenagers being raped and then hung from trees in India.

Scout Willis #freethenipple protest Scout Willis #freethenipple protest

 

The thing is, we have to decide what we want. Feminism can’t have it both ways. Either we want to get rid of Page Three because it is wrong and objectifies women or we want to get our nipples out to be ‘equal’ to men. Which one is it? Easy. If you want to be equal to men then ask to be paid the same as them. Ask for the same opportunities. There are more MPs called John in the House of Parliament than there is women. The average college graduate in the US who becomes a mother will sacrifice a million dollars over her lifetime and single women make 90% of what men make. The list of what to fight for is endless and, trust me, freeing our nipples is the least of it.

 

What do you think? Is Topless Activism a good thing?

 

 

 

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