Plus One is The Loneliest Number: On The Loneliness of Motherhood

Posted on January 30, 2018 by Catherine Balavage

There are many hard things about parenthood. Some are obvious: sleepless nights, exhaustion, lack of me time, endless nappies. But there is one that is not talked about as much and that should be, and that is the crippling loneliness of motherhood (or fatherhood if the man is the stay-at-home parent). Now some people may wonder how you can be lonely when you are looking after a baby but here is the thing: they cannot talk. Even when they do start to talk you still crave adult company. You yearn for a decent conversation. A moment to relate to another human being can feel like a life-saving moment.

Since I had my son almost two years ago I have had moments of loneliness that were so extreme I felt like they might suffocate me. I have worked from home for years but I also went to a lot of events and reviewed restaurants. I talked to people, I interviewed people. I was important. Now I am just someone’s mother and the only person I have proper conversations with for weeks on end is my husband. I have always been a social person and there were times when I thought the isolation might break me. My family live in Scotland which I have found hard since having a child. My friends mostly work normal working hours.

It is not that I have not tried to make friends with other parents. We moved when my son was a baby and by the time I found groups to take him to people had already formed cliques. I tried to join in and be friends but the mean girl vibe does not wane when (some) women grow up and become mothers. Other times I would connect with someone and think we were going to become friends, only to never see them again. It wasn’t that I did not try. I really put myself out there and the constant rejection only made it worse.

I believe we have to talk more about how lonely being a parent can be. There are thousands of parents struggling to just get through the day. They are isolated and can go for weeks without any other human contact. There are now apps for mothers to meet up like Mush which is a tinder style app for mothers to meet up with each other. It is growing in popularity and I hope every mother who needs someone to talk to joins up.

Now that my son is nearly two I feel I have come out the other side. I take him to numerous events. He has a better social life than I do. Recently I have found that I have become friends with the other mothers from one of the groups I take him to. The mean girls have fallen away, leaving only a hard core group who go at least once a week. Last week we all talked for hours as our children played. I could tell that it made these mothers happy to have someone to talk to. Some were shocked when I started talking to them properly but we quickly got into the swing of it. We even shared tips for making more mum friends. It was a wonderful moment and a long time coming. I hope it is only the start.

This article was originally published on Feb 21, 2017. We republished it because it was popular.

Hugh Grant Saved a Fortune By Being His Own Acting Agent

Posted on January 29, 2018 by Catherine Balavage

Hugh Grant has had a career most actors would envy, and he didn’t get there by being stupid. He revealed that for four years he created a fake acting agent called James Howe Ealy, who was actually Hugh himself. He just used a fake email address. The actor said that he “saved myself an absolute fortune.” He also said: “He didn’t exist. It was me on a different email account,” He has an acting agent now and said that he had to stop because people asked to meet James in person and that he would accidentally sign off “Hugh” when he was drunk. Acting agents tend to take between 10-20% in commission so it would have added up to a pretty good sum.

The actor also said during an interview with Howard Stern’s SiriusXM show that he believes having affairs is the key to a good marriage. The father-of-four has two children with current girlfriend Anna Eberstein and two with ex-girlfriend Tinglan Hong. Hugh said that the did not think humans were built for “40-year-long monogamous, faithful” relationships.

“I always admire the French and the Italians who are very devoted to their marriages, They take them extremely seriously, but it is understood that there might be other visitors at 5 o’clock in the afternoon. You just never boast about. They never say anything, but that’s what keeps marriages together.” Hugh said.

What do you think?

If you are an actor then check out my book How To Be a Successful Actor: Becoming an Actorpreneur. It is available in print and in all eBook formats on both Smashwords and Amazon.

How Much of Yourself Should You Share Online?

Posted on January 26, 2018 by Catherine Balavage

We live in the era of information overload. People share everything from what they eat, to pictures of their children. But how much should we share online? As a writer I have to share my experiences. Well, to be a good writer anyway. But when you write an article and it goes out into the world it is not always possible to bring it back. Nor is is possible to control who reads it, or what that person does with that information. And there is the problem. I feel we are too trusting when we are throwing information out on to the internet. I believe most people are good, but not all are.

I am not talking about criminals, although we should definitely be watching out for those. Those type of bad people are why I am careful about what I post about my children online. No, I am talking about something marginally more benign: people you know. I remember I wrote an article many years ago on the media and how they report fertility, only for some people to somehow find it and use the article in a mean and bitchy way for years. This made me very sad and is one of the reasons I stopped writing as much. Then I realised the bullies were winning, so I wrote more, but was still cautious. Hard to know whether that is a good or bad thing.

In real life I am a very open person. I will talk to most people about anything. Well, except sex or money. There has to be some limits. But the truth is: there are horrible people out there that will take your words and use them against you. There are also employers who might not like what they see on social media and decide to not hire you.

So what do I do as a writer? Should I continue to share my life, or should I stop and find other things to write about? I have not decided what is best yet. I will continue to share my personal experience, but I will be wary and think about the consequences. Mostly I will write about things I think will help other people or make them laugh. I believe that human beings have a desperate need to connect with each other, to hear each other’s stories, to know they are not alone. That is what is most important to me. Sharing and connecting with my fellow human beings.

Please share your thoughts below.

Frost Loves: Gender Neutral Baby Grows From Twisted Twee

Posted on January 25, 2018 by Catherine Balavage

Frost loves these gender neutral baby grows. They are not only gorgeous, but also super soft. The material feels divine: perfect for delicate baby skin. They are climate neutral ‘FairWear’ product made from 100% organic cotton.

Twisted Twee are the leading UK producer of sustainable, carbon neutral, organic, fair trade, energy saving stuff and have a fireplace of awards to prove it.

If you’re fed up with the colour stereotyping of babies, then this presents a refreshing alternative. They come in a blue digger for a girl and a pink deer for a boy. They certainly make a statement. They make a perfect gift. Cheerfully sardonic childrenswear from Twisted Twee. Clever, fun, and well made.

The babygrows come in long sleeved and short sleeved. They are fabulous quality and the print will not crack, peel, fade or misbehave in any way even after constant washing. The print is also puffed, so has a lovely squashy 3D texture.

Orders are packed inside a bright, bijou canvas gift bag and can include a gift messages on request.

Boy (with pink deer)

Girl (with blue digger)

Sizes from newborn to 24 months

£16.00

www.twistedtwee.co.uk

Babatude Boutique
www.babatude.com

Anna And Elsa From Frozen Are Related To Tarzan. Yes, Really

Posted on January 23, 2018 by Catherine Balavage

Okay people, you might want to hold onto your hat for this one; it turns out that Anna and Elsa from Frozen are related to Tarzan. WTF I hear you say, well it is true because Frozen director, Chris Buck, has confirmed the fan theories. Many Disney films have subtle links to each other. Aladdin’s lamp is in The Princess and the Frog and Rapunzel makes an appearance in Frozen. Chris explained all in an interview with MTV:

In Frozen we see Anna and Elsa become orphans when their parents appeared to die during a shipwreck.

However, Chris told MTV that they lived, swam to safety and ended up in the jungle. The mother then gave birth to a baby boy.

Chris said: ‘They end up building a tree house and a leopard kills them, so their baby boy is raised by gorillas.

So in my little head, Anna and Elsa’s brother is Tarzan.’

You didn’t see that coming, did you?

What Everyone Needs to Know about Tax: An Introduction to the UK Tax System Book Review

Posted on January 22, 2018 by Catherine Balavage

What Everyone Needs to Know about Tax: An Introduction to the UK Tax System By James Hannam immediately caught my eye. Sure I have an interest in finance and the workings of the society that we live in, but I have always been interested in tax. Now tax is a good thing; it is how society runs. No tax and no NHS, education or public services at all. But are we overtaxed? I thought that most people are overtaxed before, after reading this book, even more so. As the book points out there is income tax, employee national insurance (of various classes), employer national insurance, VAT, stamp duty, council tax, inheritance tax. The list just goes on. We are overtaxed and the government tries to make some of these taxes as invisible as possible. Did you know that someone on a salary of £26,000 pays almost £8000 in tax a year? Or that the top 0.05% of the UK population pay over a quarter of all income tax? The top 10% of earners pay over half the income tax, which is about 100 billion a year. Just 5% of the population pay more in income tax than the rest of the population put together. How much do you have to earn to be in this top 5%? Just over £50,000 a year. Another great section goes on about how taxes cause the poverty trap that people on benefits can get caught in when they try to get off benefits, they can essentially get taxed at 90%. More than the richest in society. Depressing? Yes. Fair? No. The book also has a great section on pensions versus ISAs. I have always been wary of pensions and the book helped clarify my thoughts.The book is full of great facts like that by a man who really knows his stuff. The book is chock full of essential information and interesting fact. I can highly recommend it to anyone who wants to get a grip of the complex UK tax system.Due to be published by Wiley, 23rd March 2017
£19.99, Paperback and e-bookISBN: 9781119375784“You pay a lot of tax. Of course, you know that. But I bet you don’t know just how much you pay, or all the ways the government has to extract the cash from you.” – James HannamIn his new book, What Everyone Needs to Know about Tax, James Hannam takes look at the UK tax system and provides non-specialist readers with an easy-to-understand explanation of tax and tax policy to show them just how much they pay, how the money is collected and how tax affects ordinary people every day.With no accounting or legal knowledge required, it contains practical case studies to illustrate how tax functions in the real world, for example: how the VAT on a plumber’s bill all adds up; why fraudsters made a movie to throw HMRC off their scent; how a wealthy couple can pay minimal tax on a six-figure income; and the way tracing the money you paid for your iPad sheds light why the EU is demanding Apple pay billions extra in tax.Written in a conversational style, What Everyone Needs to Know about Tax gives readers a real-world look at how tax works. In it they will:

Learn about the many ways that the tax system separates us from our money
Discover how Brexit could change the way we pay taxes
Understand how changing tax policy affects people’s everyday lives
See through the rhetoric from politicians and the media surrounding tax controversies

The system’s underlying logic is illustrated through three ‘golden rules’ that explain many of the UK tax regime’s oddities:

Lots of small taxes together add up to make big tax bills – “The point of all these taxes is to spread the pain so we notice it less.”
No matter what name is on the bill, all taxes are ultimately suffered by human beings – taxes levied on manufacturers are passed on to the consumer through a higher price for the product
Taxes are kept as invisible as possible – “Since we all hate paying taxes, the government has perfected the art of ensuring that we rarely have to hand over the money ourselves. Most taxes are paid by businesses on our behalf.”

With tax, there are no easy answers. No one enjoys paying them, but without them, the government would shut down.Whether readers are self-employed, have a general interest in the way the UK tax system works, are a finance or tax professional, or students wanting to understand more about taxation in a break from traditionally dry text books, What Everyone Needs to Know about Tax gives them the background and foundational knowledge they need to be a well-informed taxpayer.What Everyone Needs to Know about Tax will be published on 23rd March 2017 and will be available wherever books and ebooks are sold.
JAMES HANNAM, PHD, has spent twenty years advising clients on every aspect of the UK tax regime while working for firms including EY, Freshfields, and KPMG.

Natural Solutions for Dementia and Alzheimer’s, Your 7 Step Brain Protection Plan

Posted on January 19, 2018 by Catherine Balavage

I have read a few books by Dr Marilyn Glenville, and we also feature her articles on Frost sometimes. She is a woman who really knows her stuff. I greatly enjoy her writing and her new book Natural Solutions for Dementia and Alzheimer’s, Your 7 Step Brain Protection Plan is one of her best books yet. Well-researched and never dull to read, it is brimming with information and advice. The book is thorough; part one helps you understand dementia and part two is your 7-step brain protection programme. From what to eat, your environment, training your brain, dealing with stress and exercise. This is an essential book in the fight against Dementia and Alzheimer’s.

New book launch from Dr Marilyn Glenville PhD

Following the huge success of bestselling Natural Alternatives to Sugar, Dr Glenville is adding to her literary portfolio this year with her brand new book Natural Solutions for Dementia and Alzheimer’s.

As it can take up to 10 years for dementia symptoms to show, Dr Glenville gives a compelling argument as to why taking action sooner, rather than later is crucial in helping to prevent memory loss and reduce the risk of developing dementia and Alzheimer’s. Whilst the pharmaceutical industry searches for a cure, Dr Glenville offers readers a practical easy-to-follow 7 Step Brain Protection Plan consisting of simple lifestyle and nutritional changes everybody can make.

Alzheimer’s, more than any other disease, is now responsible for the highest number of deaths amongst women; killing three times as many women as breast cancer. The Alzheimer’s Society believes delaying the onset of dementia by just five years would reduce deaths directly attributable to dementia by a staggering 30,000 a year!

There are 850,000 people with dementia in the UK
It is estimated over 1 million people in the UK will be diagnosed with a form of dementia by 2025.
The total annual cost of dementia in the UK is £26.3 billion
The NHS picks up £4.3 billion of the costs and social care £10.3

Who is the book aimed at?

In her latest book, Dr Glenville sheds light on the complex and often misunderstood world of dementia including Alzheimer’s, offering sufferers and their loved ones a clear and practical guide as well as an easy questionnaire to determine if you are headed towards Alzheimer’s. The book is also suitable for those who have a family history of dementia and want to take steps now to delay cognitive decline.

The book expands on newly discovered facts and latest research findings:

Why scientists are calling Alzheimer’s ‘Type 3 Diabetes’s due to blood sugar and insulin being so closely linked with an increased risk
Gum disease has been linked to a six-fold increase in the rate of cognitive decline in people in the early stages of Alzheimer’s
Sleeping on your side is the best position to let cerebrospinal fluid flush out toxins and improve blood flow around the brain.
Omega 3 rich foods like oily fish improve cerebral blood flow and reduce inflammation making them important in the fight against Alzheimer’s and vascular dementia.
It might not be genetic – according to the Alzheimer’s Association in America, genetics are responsible for less than 5 per cent of all Alzheimer’s cases.
How certain nutrients ‘‘can slow the atrophy of specific brain regions that are a key component of the Alzheimer’s disease process and that are associated with cognitive decline’.*

Discover answers to questions such as…

What is the difference between Alzheimer’s and other types of dementia?
Can making the wrong food choices be harmful to your brain health – no matter what age you are?
Which supplements can help improve and boost your brain function?
What lifestyle factors should you avoid and include to help improve your memory?

· What are the most important tests to take to show if you have any deficiencies or imbalances that could be affecting your memory and concentration?

The 7-step Brain Protection Plan

Dr Glenville introduces readers to her unique 7-step Brain Protection Plan offering a practical step-by-step guide to help get your brain in the best possible shape naturally, with chapters covering:

Your diet
Nutritional supplements
Exercise
Stress and sleep
Your environment
Brain training
Testing, testing

What inspired Dr Glenville to write Natural Solutions for Dementia and Alzheimer’s?

Even though writing this book has touched a personal nerve (my father and mother-in-law developed Alzheimer’s and I saw first hand the effects not only on them, but on all those who had to care for them), my research has shown me just how much we do know already and how very beneficial simple, practical lifestyle changes can be, not only to help prevent the disease, but also to slow the decline for those who already have it. I hope you find the information in the book as interesting as I did while I was gathering it; and I hope that it can make a difference both to you and to your family.

Natural Solutions for Dementia and Alzheimer’s £12.77, is available from all good stockists, Amazon and marilyngenville.com.

The Restory: To Be Fashion Thou Shalt Restore Not Replace

Posted on January 18, 2018 by Catherine Balavage

Our consumption of fashion is evolving. The throwaway days of ‘new season, new wardrobe’ seem to be numbered as we seek a more sustainable approach to all aspects of our lives, not just the fashionable ones. This evolution is fuelled for some by pragmatism, for others by altruism, but for the majority by a desire for our purchases to exist beyond a few seasons, or even just a few outings. Maximalist founder of the website, Man Repeller, Leandra Medine, recently told British Vogue that she wished she only owned 15 things.

A more circular approach is taking hold; yes, we buy – both new and pre-loved – but we also repair and rent and sell. We buy less but we buy better and we expect more. Some brands have always understood customer’s demand for products that have longevity and therefore provide aftercare and repair services to that end; heritage names such as Mulberry and Hermes spring to mind. Whilst eco-brand Patagonia has a lifetime guarantee on all its products.

However, it seems that for many luxury brands, everything beyond a legitimate product defect is simply outside their scope … and maybe that’s true but it can still leave the customer in a lurch.

This is what happened to native New Yorker, Vanessa Jacobs when she moved to London in 2006. “A high-street cobbler made an unapologetic mess out of what should have been a simple heel tip replacement,” recalls Jacobs. It was this experience, and nearly 10 years of subsequent ones of a similar nature, that spurred her to launch The Restory, an on-demand shoe and handbag restoration service that brings together quality, service, convenience and craftsmanship.

“It felt like moving heaven and earth to find someone you trust only to realise you could trust them with some things and not others,” continues Jacobs. “I had to make up a web of lies to take a half-a-day off from work to travel to their out-of-the-way shops and then do it all over again to collect my things. Often, they were nice but wouldn’t really go out of their way. I thought someone ought to do something about this and it turns out that someone was me.”

Jacobs spent 2 years assembling an A-team of cobblers, leather restorers, shoe blacks and cordwainers from across Europe; she even relocated several here to London. Coupled with charming service-oriented consultants, the company prides itself on devising solutions to almost any challenge.

“We use the term restoration because it connotes a what-ever-it-takes-to-bring-it-back approach,” says Jacobs.

Boasting a collection of services ranging from bespoke repairs to leather restoration to complete refashioning, The Restory is earning some impressive admirers. British Vogue recently crowned the company its’ go-to specialist and Vanity Fair and Fabric have also praised the company’s work.

“Currently, we are concentrating on providing The Restory’s services in London but we will be expanding across the whole of the UK,” continued Jacobs. “Looking further ahead, the plan is to offer new services and products and then we will look to bring The Restory’s much needed skills to other markets.”

So, how does this service work? Simply book a collection online (and soon via app), and a consultant will collect your items from any home or office in Central or West London. Your items will be taken to their atelier, beautifully restored and returned at a time and place of your choosing. “It’s like buying you favourite pieces all over again.”

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