MumsThread On The Motherhood Penalty: Can Only Men Have it All?

Posted on September 6, 2016 by Catherine Balavage

There has been a lot in the media about the Motherhood Penalty so I felt I had to give my opinion on it. The truth is, it exists. As for the next question in the title: can only men have it all? Mostly. Yes, I know. It isn’t fair and it certainly is sexist, but having a child affects a women’s career much more than a man’s. Now there are exceptions to the rule, and the number of stay-at-home dads is growing, but childcare is still widely seen as a women’s issue. And that’s wrong. Women get the motherhood penalty but men get the daddy bonus.

It is not that women can’t have it all. You can, but it’s really hard. Mostly it is just that they can’t have it all at the same time. Parenthood requires sacrifice. The sacrifice comes from both genders, but weighs heavier on the female. Since my husband and I had our son his career has gone from strength-to-strength, he gets to go out occasionally and even gets invited to award ceremonies because he has a permanent unpaid babysitter at home. In contrast, my life now resembles almost nothing of its predecessor because I don’t. I have given up numerous opportunities because I could not juggle them with my child. Somedays I get no work done at all. Other days I just stare at my son while he plays thinking about how the hell I can be a good mother to him, run a business and be an author and freelance writer. Because, and it pains me to say this, sometimes I can’t. Something has got to give, and usually it is my hobbies, social life, and career. My husband still has the bones of his old life. Only his evenings and weekends are different, my old life on the other hand was obliterated. My son is worth it of course, but that doesn’t mean I don’t sometimes miss the person I used to be and the life I used to have. I wrote about this subject before I had my son and while I still think women can do whatever they want with their lives, it is harder for them.

I could put my child into a nursery of course. But let’s not kid ourselves, that is not having it all either. There is nothing wrong with it. I have female friends who ended their maternity leave early because they said they could not take being at home with a baby all day. Being at home with a baby all day is hard and I don’t judge. Good for her, not for me. There is also the cost of childcare, which is extortionate. The nursery next to us cost £93 a day. A DAY! Who can afford that?

I read in the Metro that 2 out of every 3 women with pre-school children are locked out of work. I was fired twice when I was pregnant, and many other promises amounted to nothing when my pregnancy became public knowledge. It upset me then and it upsets me now. There are generations of women who had so much to offer the world, but maternity discrimination put paid to that. It is no surprise that the “mumpreneur” industry is so huge. And you only have to look at what mumpreneurs are doing to know that there are not the ones missing out, the people who forced them out of work are. I recently saw the amazing Diane Keaton film Baby Boom. It was made in 1987 but is just as relevant today. It is on netflix.com so do watch it. In the beginning Diane Keaton’s boss tells her that only men get to have it all, but in the end she starts her own business and becomes a mother. She really does get to have it all.

I know many of friends who aren’t even thinking of having children but are married and “of an age” so are discriminated against. I think maternity leave should apply to both sexes. Then women cannot be the only ones discriminated against. It is a thought. I might not work, but something has to be done. Whether by women who start their own business, by making sure that men are not discriminated against for wanting to stay at home, or by a change in the law, we need to keep doing whatever we can. Not just for ourselves, but for our daughters and sons too.

Top 20 most Stressful Things about Parenthood

Posted on September 1, 2016 by Frostie

The answer to this could be everything. No, we jest. A recent poll of 2,000 parents has revealed the Top 20 most stressful things about parenting. The nightly teeth-cleaning battle, the bedtime routine and the dreaded school run are among the most stressful things about parenthood, a study has found.

The average mum and dad spend almost two hours a day feeling stressed, with trying to keep the house tidy the most common cause.

Others feel the strain at bath time, while trying to get children to behave in public and shopping for new clothes with the youngsters in tow.

Mornings – complete with getting the children out of the door for the school run, persuading them to finish their breakfast and clean their teeth – are the most stressful time of the day, claiming five of the 10 top stresses.

Dr Linda Papadopoulos, who has been working with belVita Breakfast to help relieve parents, particularly in the mornings, said: “The stress and challenges of parenting can feel overwhelming – especially when we feel under pressure to get a lot done in a short space of time.

“Morning can be especially challenging and it’s key to develop a positive, convenient routine in the morning as it sets the rhythm for the day.

“When it’s ‘back to school time’, trying to get everything done and leaving the house on time is at its most pressurised so developing strategies that you give you and your family a sense of control is really important.”

The study by belVita Breakfast of 2,000 parents of school-age children, found that staying on top of the house chores is the biggest cause of stress for mums and dads, while getting the children to do their homework and the bedtime routine are also big triggers.

Researchers also found the average parent spends one hour and 48 minutes of each day feeling stressed, with 63 per cent going as far as to say the majority of their stress is parenting related.

Mornings are the worst time of day for parents with the average mum and dad having at least one day a week where they struggle to get out of the front door on time for school and work.

The children taking too long to do things is usually to blame for the family’s lateness, followed by youngsters not doing as they are asked and not getting out of bed.

But as a result of the frantic mornings, one in five parents has dropped the kids off at school after the bell and the same percentage have ended up late for work as a result.

Others have given the children lunch money instead of a lunch box, sent them to school in dirty or un-ironed uniform or with wet hair.

As families prepare for the dreaded ‘back to school’ week, it’s not just kids who bear the brunt of the ‘morning madness’, with over a third of parents forgetting breakfast and 38 per cent having a fight with their partner over who takes on the most in the morning.

Eighty-seven per cent even said they look forward to the weekends when they don’t have to worry about the school run and leaving the house on time.

It also emerged that 66 per cent of parents believe mums bear the brunt of the morning and back to school stress, with half admitting they often argue with their partner about who gets the raw deal.

Top 20 most stressful things about parenthood

1. Keeping the house tidy and the chores up to date

2. Getting the children ready and out of the door in time for school

3. Getting back into a school/morning routine after the school holidays

4. Getting children to do their homework/reading

5. The bedtime routine

6. Getting children to eat certain foods

7. Getting children to clean their teeth

8. Making sure my children are well behaved in public

9. Getting back into a school/morning routine after the school holidays

10. Getting children out of bed in the mornings

11. Meal times

12. The school run

13. Entertaining children on a rainy day

14. Remembering everything they need for school

15. Shopping for new clothes

16. The back to school period

17. Getting children to sleep through the night

18. Getting children to eat their breakfast

19. Juggling your children’s different after school/weekend clubs schedule

20. Getting children dressed in the mornings

Mindful Mama: Happy Baby, by Maja Pitamic and Susannah Marriott Book Review

Posted on August 25, 2016 by Catherine Balavage

I have to confess, I haven’t read a lot of parenting books. I keep meaning to, but find it hard to find the time. I managed to find some time for Mindful Mama: Happy Baby as it looked interesting. It has a number of things going for it: it is easy to read, fun and full of ideas. I am not into mediation or mindfulness, but I found the activities interesting and will use some of them with my son. The book has games, songs, dances and outdoor activities. The book breaks the activities down by age and has a development chart too. The book is well-illustrated and has clear instructions. funnily enough, I recognise some of these activities from my own childhood so there are a few classics.

I liked this book and will be doing some of the activities with my little one. This book is fun and educational.

Mindful Mama: Happy Baby is an accessible guide for new parents using mindfulness techniques and Montessori activities to bring calm and confidence to the early parenting years. Susannah Marriott has published a number of successful parenting titles, while Maja Pitamic is a Montessori teacher and author of the best-selling I Can Do It, also published by Modern Books.

Over 60 mindful activities and play ideas for bonding with your child

Sensory games, songs, dances and outdoor activities to share

Advice on nurturing, feeding, bathing, sleeping and carrying

Meditative techniques to relax your mind and keep you calm

Mindful Mama: Happy Baby is a practical and accessible guide for new parents, designed to give you the skills to calmly navigate the early years of child rearing, from birth to three years of age. Mindful parenting makes time for meaningful interactions with your child, which have a profound effect on bonding during the crucial developmental stages.

Emphasis is put on the well-being of both parent and child, as well as the importance of bringing peace and perspective to the emotional whirlwind of having a new baby. As your baby grows into a toddler, the exercises change, allowing this age group to fully explore the world around them and engage their senses in a fun and playful way.

Playing with a child with awareness daily is the most mindful thing we can do as parents. It shows children we are available and passes on the self-acceptance that comes with engaging fully with an activity. As children reveal their personalities and unique ways of doing things so we learn from them, our relationships with them become richer

Both practical and inspiring, Mindful Mama: Happy Baby gives you and your child the building blocks for an enjoyable and mindful first few years.

Maja Pitamic is the author of I Can Do It, the successful Montessori activity book for ages three to five, as well as the co-author of I Can Make Music, Modern Art Adventures and 3D Art Adventures. She has over fifteen years’ experience teaching young children and holds degrees in Art History and Montessori Teacher Training. She currently lives in London.

Susannah Marriott is a freelance author and mother of three. Her books include Green Babycare, Natural Pregnancy, Pregnancy Herbaland The Pregnancy and Baby Book. Her writing has appeared in Weekend Guardian, The Times, The Telegraph, Marie Claire, Zest, Shape, Top Sante, Healthy and Junior. She currently lives in Devon.

Also available in this series:

I Can Do It (Sept 2015) and I Can Make Music (Sept 2015)

Mindful Mama: Happy Baby

0ver 60 calming techniques and creative activities for babies and toddlers

by Maja Pitamic and Susannah Marriott

Published by Modern Books – 25^th August 2016. @modernbooks.

RRP: £12.99

MumsThread: On The Importance of Work When You Become a Mother

Posted on August 23, 2016 by Catherine Balavage

Out of all of the truisms, few are more true as when you choose a job, you choose a lifestyle. This was never more true when I first became an actor many moons ago (at one point I had three survival jobs. A day one, an evening one and a weekend one), or when I had a corporate job that paid absurdly well, but made me unhappy because it felt like my creative soul was dying.

Now I have a child lifestyle is important. I have been self employed and freelance for about six years now. And it is wonderful and awful, easy and hard. The truth is: I have worked harder and had tougher work conditions as my own boss than in any other. Frequently not allowing myself breaks, chaining myself to my desk as I just churn the work out. But having my son last year resulted in changes. Mostly because I fell head over heels in love with him, and I will never be the same again. It has required sacrifices, and sometimes those sacrifices are that I get barely any work done at all. Those days are the toughest. I have turned down a lot of great opportunities and my acting career is on the back burner, but I know that the privilege of seeing my son grow up is bigger than anything else. It was always important to me that my son was raised by at least one of his parents. It’s not a judgment call, all power to nannies and nurseries. In fact, I wish I could afford a live-in nanny, or a night nanny. Oh what heaven that would be.

But what I didn’t bargain on was how much I love working. Even the worst job I had brought something good with it: money, a reason to get out of bed, meeting people, a sense of worth. I am not saying I want to go back to those awful jobs, but work gives you identity and freedom. It means you are contributing to society. All of these are things that are very important. Even more so when you have a child and otherwise you just feel like someone’s mother and someone’s wife. I am not slamming being a housewife. It is as valid a choice as any. But I know myself, I need to work, and times where I can’t fit my work in due to childcare/a sick child/ a problem with the flat leaves me with a void. I also believe that a woman needs something for herself, even if it is just a hobby. Women tend to sacrifice themselves and it is unhealthy. Not just for the mother, but all the family. I would love to share childcare 50/50 with my husband, but he works in finance and that is just not possible. So some days I will write an article on my iPhone in the playpen with the baby, I will work on my book as much as possible when the baby finally naps. It has taught me to work smarter, not harder. To be quicker. But the thing having a child has most taught me is quality of life. I no longer chain myself to my desk. I say no to things. Because I have something which gives me more joy than anything else: my son’s face. Even on my hardest day he gives me joy. He has taught me that life is more important than work. I would constantly burn myself out before he came along, now I know that I just have to do what I can and that I am enough. I should be proud of my achievements. On the flip side, I got irritated when a lot of people asked if I would still work after I had a baby, and when I see an article on “selfish” mothers going out to work. I mean, God forbid a women wants to have a career and professional fulfilment. Y’now, like men get to do. No one ever asked a man how he juggles work with having children. The other thing is money: how many households can really survive on one income?

Many women do not get to see their babies grow up. They have to go out and work. I can earn a living as a freelancer and that is a huge achievement. I know I have the best of both worlds, even if I have to bribe the baby with Disney cartoons while I work. It was Sheryl Sandberg who said there is no such thing as work/life balance. There is just life and work and there is no balance. She is a wise woman. As long as I am kind to myself and get everything done eventually I feel like the luckiest woman in the world.

THE RIGHT DRIED FRUIT SNACKS CAN FILL NUTRITION GAPS, REPORT REVEALS.

Posted on August 17, 2016 by Margaret Graham

Sadly, it appears that the five-a-day health message is failing and we are falling short of the latest guidance on fibre, according to a new report.

So maybe it’s time to rethink healthy-eating messages and look for fresh strategies to ensure children, in particular, eat their five-a-day and hit the fibre targets^.

A review just published in the journal of Complete Nutrition suggests one simple step would be to swap a sugary snack for dried fruit or a fruit-based snack, which doesn’t seem like rocket science .

Dr Emma Derbyshire, a public health nutritionist, mum and one of the report authors agrees: “Putting the new UK fibre guidance into practice will not be easy. This is why brands like Fruit Bowl have looked at how children in particular can increase their fibre and indeed their fruit and vegetable needs.

They have just introduced the new Picked and Pressed range which provides a natural source of fibre and counts as one of our five-a-day. So, simple changes such as replacing one item of confectionary with a fruit-based snack such as Picked and Pressed will provide an immediate benefit in terms in increased fibre consumption.”

It seems to Frost Magazine, and one of the high points of the Fruit Bowl snack is that it has no added sugar, which seems to be a bugbear in many lunchboxes.

As well as fruit in the snacks, there is milled flaxseed which is rich in fibre, and doesn’t overlay the flavour of the fruit.

The Picked and Pressed Bars are available in three flavours, strawberry, orange and apple and pear. And for the grown up, only 60 calories per bar. Can’t be bad.

Fruit Bowl® Fruit Bites (RRP £2.00 for a pack of 4 individually wrapped 19g packs of Bites)

Domination of Screens Taking Its Toll On Children’s Reading, Learning And Behaviour

Posted on August 17, 2016 by Margaret Graham

At Frost we are great believers in the value of reading, as you will have notices from the number of books we review.

So, it’s no surprise to know that new research has revealed that a book at bedtime can boost a child’s brain power, accelerate academic achievement and reduce the risk of behavioural problems.

MRI scans show that reading to children from an early age actually increases activity in parts of the brain involved with language, particularly those regions which are critical for spoken language and reading.

Better understanding of the neurobiology of the brain has also shown how diet and digital technology can influence reading and cognition.

But the latest research, underlining the importance of reading, points to problems ahead. Research from Equazen, suggests that a worrying number of British children are turning their backs on books.

Leading neuroscientists believe that our reading is more superficial when we use a screen, but a survey of parents has shown nine out of ten children have access to a tablet or Kindle.

I endorse this. As an author I write more succinctly, and superficially for screen than for print. A new report, SOMETHING FISHY ABOUT READING, authored by Philip Calder, Professor of Nutritional Immunology at the University of Southampton and an advisor to Equazen and independent dietitian Dr Carrie Ruxton examines the very latest data and explores new research into literacy and brain function. And it reveals a complex interplay between reading, cognition, behaviour, diet and lifestyles.

It seems reading alters the way we think^,and interestingly improves blood flow to the brain though, but e- devices may lead to ‘digital brain’ and reduced concentration. The report supports the benefit of omega-3 fatty acids, which I take. .

Might be wroth trying some omega-3 for the kids, and ourselves. Equazen do a range which is suitable for pregnancy, babies from six months to three years, a liquid for children who don’t like pills, and a chew .

You can find these Equazen products at pharmacies, Amazon.co.uk and health food shops.

MumsThread: On Traveling in London While Pregnant

Posted on July 31, 2016 by Catherine Balavage

I love London so it is quite hard for me to write this piece. Now I love the tube, but it does bring out the worse in people. Everyone just wants to get home and it can be over-crowded and hot. So, excuses for my city over let me get to my point: traveling in London while pregnant is awful. Really awful. The entire time I was pregnant I was only offered a seat a handful of times and only once by a man. The man made his teenage daughter get up for me. I will be eternally grateful to him. Anyone who has ever been pregnant knows that being offered a seat while carrying another human being inside you is a pretty big deal. I had an awful pregnancy with acute morning sickness and low blood pressure throughout.

The truth is, even when wearing the great badge that TFL send free to pregnant women, most people will just bury their head in their book and turn their iPod up louder. The Baby on Board badge will spark good people to do the right thing, but sometimes it seems like there are too few of them.

Not getting a seat wasn’t the worst of it. While on the way to have lunch with one of my role models, the editor of one of the biggest magazines in the UK, I was pushed TWICE down an escalator by a man who wanted to shave a few minutes of his journey. I was walking down the left hand side whilst seven months pregnant. I guess pregnant women don’t walk fast enough for him and he pushed me twice hard, and also tried to shove me out of the way. I made my feelings clear to him, but I was shaking from head to toe. The upside is that a wonderful woman stopped to stroke my back and make sure I was okay while glaring in his direction. I am very thankful to that woman. It really helped me cope. It proves that a little bit of kindness goes a long way.

I still find it depressing that only one man offered me a seat when I was pregnant. He was even a tourist FFS. Add on the fact that, at most, five people offered me a seat in my over 41 week pregnancy then I am going to have to give us an F Londoners. It is not good enough so let’s try for an A+. We are the greatest city on earth and we can do better than this.

Please let us know about your experience of being pregnant in London.

Interesting, And Not Just For Children

Posted on June 28, 2016 by Margaret Graham

Should I re-think my snacks perhaps?

New research by Fruit Bowl, the brains and creators behind the leading brand in dried fruit snacks for kids, found that more than half (52%) of Britain’s four to 12-year-olds are often tired after school, with a quarter of parents reporting their child had difficulty concentrating when they got home from school but at the opposite end of the energy spectrum almost one in ten (9%) is “almost hyper” towards the end of the day, a survey of 1,000 parents has revealed.

The Fruit Bowl research suggests that fluctuating blood sugar levels are an important factor in these mood and motivation issues. Just over a third (34%) of parents reported their children “always” complained of being hungry when they got home and almost half (44%) said hunger was a problem.

There is good evidence to show that growing children are more reliant on snacks than adults to ensure steady energy levels.

Fruit and vegetables are the favourite snacks for restoring children’s energy levels, with almost a third (29%) of parents putting this healthy option at the top of their list, followed by biscuits or cake (12%) and a sandwich or toast (10%).

More than a quarter of parents report that their children can be fussy about fruit with one in five (22%) saying their offspring stick to one or two favourites and 5% saying it’s a struggle to get them to eat any fruit at all.

Dr Carrie Ruxton says: “Every parent knows how fussy children can be, and how difficult it can be to encourage them to try new flavours. Fruit-based snacks are a great way to encourage picky-eaters to try new flavours

“Fruit-based snacks, such as Fruit Bowl® School Bars, Fruit Flakes and Fruit Peelers for example are made from the juice and/or pulp of fruits and typically count as one portion of 5-A-DAY depending upon the product.”

Fruit Bowl® Fruit Peelers (RRP £1.50 for a pack of 4 individually wrapped 16g Peelers

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