On the set of debut feature film, Prose & Cons, which had a lot of set backs but is now being edited. Filmmakers Catherine Balavage and Steve McAleavy.

People talk about success a lot and it got me thinking: all of the things that have made me a better person, that have made me grow and become more successful, I learned from failure. I know what you’re thinking; what am I talking about? What can you possibly learn from failure? Well the truth is: everything.

Here are some of the things I now have because of failing: a successful online magazine, which I started after years of failing to work as a freelancer for the big magazines and newspapers, a fiance, who I will marry soon after failed dates and a failed relationship, a successful acting career after many failed auditions and rejection, a life in London after moving down once before and having to return home after running out of money the first time, finishing a book after five years of procrastination and false starts. I could go on, but what is clear, is that everything I have in my life I didn’t get the first time, or the second: I got it because of what I learned from failure and some good ol’ perseverance.

Here is what I learned from failure and how I applied it to my life.

Perseverance

I have had times when I failed so badly that I have spent entire days working from my bed. I have moped, I have even cried. But I always won in the end, or found something better, because I refused to give up. After leaving drama school I would commute between my parents home near Glasgow and London. It was exhausting and expensive so I decided to move. I went down to London on the night bus, I had no place to live, no job and I knew no one. I managed to find a studio flat in Highgate (£595 per month rent nine years ago) and get some ad hoc temp and promo work. However, I couldn’t find enough work to pay the rent and bills. My parents even had to come and take me back to Scotland as I had stuff in the flat and no money at all (thanks mum and dad!). I regrouped, found a job in Scotland that I could transfer to London and moved into a much cheaper house share. This time it stuck: I have never looked back and have made a life in London despite the fact that I knew no one in London and had no contacts either time.

Humility

When I was younger I wanted to be a writer or an actor. I have managed to be both now but when I first started trying to write I tried to get a job everywhere. I called up every newspaper near where my parents lived in Scotland, as well as Glasgow and Edinburgh. ‘Not only are we not hiring’, they said, ‘We’re letting people go.’ It was disheartening. I sent hundreds, probably even a thousand, CVs, letters, emails, calls….I failed miserably. I could not find a writing job in Scotland and although I could not see it at the time, it was a blessing. It also removed any resemblance of ego. Humility is a very important quality in life. You are not special, you are only one person amongst billions of others. A casting director also said this to a group of actors years later: ‘You are not special’. It’s true, and it helps to know it. The world does not owe you a living

Strength

A similar thing happened when I started acting. I left drama school and sent out hundreds of headshots and resumes to every casting director in the UK. I mostly got no reply, but after doing this a number of times, I started to get one or two. Getting an actor career off the ground is very expensive and I was faced with constant rejection. It took my years to even start getting good auditions and then even more years to start getting good parts. But I learned how strong I am, and that I just won’t give up. And that is all you need in life: strength and perseverance. This was especially true when I made my first feature length film as a writer/co-director/lead actor, but it is finished now and being edited.

What Works And What Doesn’t

With failure you learn what doesn’t, and what does work. You also learn about your strengths and weaknesses and can put all of that knowledge into action. I learned that cold calling people would only get me so far and learned to network. It made a huge difference.

Limits, And How To Pass Through Them.

The thing about limits is that you can push through them when you need to. I have done things I never thought I would be able to. Like performing on the West End, performing Shakespeare in the park, organising a launch party for this magazine pretty much all by myself and then managing to fix it when the venue pulled out at the last minute. The day before I had to email or call hundreds of people telling them about the change in venue and then was up late into the night making up hundreds of goodie bags. It was a tough and stressful time but the launch party was amazing, over three hundred people turned up and had a great time.

Of course, everyone has their limits but knowing when to give yourself a break and look after yourself is indispensable. Burning out helps no one. Then after recuperation comes the bounce back. You have to know when to give it a little bit more to achieve something amazing, and when to take some time out.

I hope you enjoyed this post. I would love to know your thoughts and what you have learned from failure. Please comment below or email frostmagazine@gmail.com