Disclaimer: While this man has an A-Level in Government & Politics (and a degree but it’s in Film so no one really cares) his opinions should essentially be ignored. By everyone. Always. His views are his own and not the opinion of Frost Magazine who like to use logic and reason to form their conclusions. Richard has a natural logic and reason avoidance technique he’s cultivated over the years and now his opinions are largely not worth the air they use to come out of his mouth. Enjoy.

Hello. My name is Richard Wright and let’s take a walk with the news.

I was talking to a very middle class girl the other day who got a bit upset talking about the colour of the new paint on her bedroom walls….yeah it was totes emulsh!

Speaking of bad jokes the Government has announced plans that Obese people on Benefits will have them cut if they refuse exercise. Define exercise please because one of the best ways to lose weight is to walk. And you walk all the time. So are we talking serious exercise? Which isn’t walking while listening to the 1983 Labour Party manifesto. No. That’s very dull exercise. Under the scheme it would be Doctors telling them how to exercise, which I suppose is better then someone who works for the DSS but it’s still not great. The reason this has me quite wound up is I am “technically” obese. I say “technically” I am also obese in reality. I have in the past been obese while claiming benefits. My life right now is changing because i have gallstones so I am on a diet, I am losing weight, at what point could I claim benefits? Is that going to be a dietary goal now? Turn up to weightwatchers and they’ll tell you that you can now claim heating allowance but you’re still a half stone off help with your council tax? I knew there was benefits to working out but this might be taking that idea a little too literally. But hey I’ll take this idea as seriously as Eric Pickles does. Yeah. We all know what I mean by that without having to lower this to the point of Eric Pickles is a tubby tubby man jokes.

In other news David Cameron’s attempt to successfully re-boot the Thatcherite franchise of Government seems to be coming into full effect as we are once again at odds with Argentina over the Falklands. Now The Sun, and you know anything can be helped by the addition of the carefully thought out and reasoned approach of The Sun, have weighed in with a rather helpful advertisement in an Argentinean newspaper telling Argentina in a diplomatic and well thought out way to get their “hands off” the Falklands. One of the things Argentina is bringing up in their renewed panties in a twist over the Falklands is a UN Resolution from 1965 saying that we should resolve the dispute. I’m not a diplomatic expert but you might have wanted to have brought that up a bit sooner really. It’s almost as if it’s not really about the UN resolution. It’s almost as if that doesn’t really play a factor and is something to help legitimise their claim. Again, I’m not a diplomatic expert.

Just in case it looks like I am only kicking The Conservative Party I am always amazed whenever Nick Clegg decides to “take a stand” on something. It’s like a tiny voiced child shouting from the back of a crowded bar fight that surely fighting isn’t the answer but yet not leaving the bar but handing the people having the bar fight chairs to hit each other with. Being admonished by Nick Clegg is a like when you get told off by a toddler. It’s cute and amusing but you know you can pretty much just ignore it. Nick Clegg has the moral authority of a custard cream. No that’s not quite right. Of a rich tea biscuit. I like custard creams.

As for Labour they have said they would offer the long term unemployed, whatever that means, a guaranteed 6 month job if they were in power. That sounds like a great vote winning policy. But wait, don’t go screaming Ed Miliband’s name in passion quite yet. They have also said they could not commit to the scheme if they won the 2015 general election. So this is basically the opposition’s  New Year’s resolution. No one should pay any real notice to it as it would clearly never happen. Just like that gym membership you say you’ll get just in case you loose your job. Apparently this is Labour setting out their idea for what should happen. This is the drunk uncle style of policy making. You know the Uncle who knows exactly how your life should be run. It’s very difficult to take anything Labour do or say seriously as you always get the impression that Ed Miliband is like a temp leader. Like he’s never sure when his contract will be terminated and so therefore isn’t taking the job as seriously as he might do. He also kind of comes across as a work experience leader. As soon as Harriet Harman signs his letter for school he’ll be out of there. Overall I would say the leader of the opposition isn’t really much of a leader but that’s he’s perfect for the current political climate because Labour aren’t really much of an opposition

That’s it. See you next week when I will be laying out my thoughts for how the story of John Major could be turned into a serious motion picture with Peter Capaldi as John Major, Helena Bonham Carter as Edwina Currie, Rowan Atkinson as John Redwood, Benedict Cumberbatch as Peter Lilley and Stephen Fry as Ken Clarke. More cast details next week. Sadly I wouldn’t be able to use my working title for the John Major film of “Where’s wally?”

Disclaimer: He’s rubbish at sticking with these things so you never know you might see him real soon and you might not. Let’s find out.