Wendy's baby diary – Six months! – Guilt, isolation and men

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Six months old

Dillon was six months old on Monday the 3rd October 2011. A lot has happened in this first six months including his christening , baby swimming classes, health centre visits and weigh ins, the
dog eating the midwifes shoes, the whole experience of giving birth, going to University, starting my website http://www.femalearts.com, being off work, weaning the baby, his milestones including Dillon getting his first baby teeth, sitting up, rolling around on the floor, playing with his feet, smiling and laughing and interacting with objects and people.

I’d like to thank Catherine Balavage at Frost Magazine for offering me this blank canvas to write about Dillon. I wanted to document these moments so that in the future I can look back (hopefully Dillon will also read it) and have a record of this wonderful, life changing time.

It’s been a brilliant six months but it’s also been tiring, stressful and a lot of hard work. I’ve said in my diary about how the baby is progressing, the goods, toys and clothes we have bought for him, what activities he is enjoying and how he’s developing but I don’t think I’ve said so much about my feelings. The following topics have been on my mind recently…

Men with babies

Recently there has been a couple of TV Doctors with babies – Doc Martin has a baby, James Cordon was left holding the baby in Doctor Who – portraying what it feels like for the dad to be the primary carer –the Doctor Who story was about panic and fluster with the conclusion that dads
are actually protective loving individuals and the mums are competent women who make lists and mother both their partner and baby.

Nothing is that clear cut and I’m not sure there is a big gender difference in the way we are parents, it may just boil down to the amount of physical time spent with the baby = the more you know them = the more competent you become at dealing with them.

The only thing that aggravates me with stories on TV about dads coping alone with babies is that there aren’t an equivalent number of stories about mums coping alone with babies. Because it isn’t all confident list making and natural mothering instincts, it’s often panic, confusion, stress,
isolation and guilt.

Isolation

It’s lonely being a stay at home mum. Even though it is through choice I miss chatting to colleagues, I miss talking to my husband, I miss my family, and I miss my friends. Having another adult in the house during the day (e.g. when relatives have come to stay and at the weekend when the baby’s dad is at home) makes so much difference to my life. All the bags of stuff needed
to carry around for the baby, all the preparation that’s needed before I can leave the house, all the attention and love and care that Dillon needs – is so much easier when it’s shared.

Recently I have realised I need to make more of an effort to see my friends – especially friends who are available in the daytime. Getting out daily with the dog and the baby for walks and taking baby to classes or shopping is something but it’s not the same as being with people who know and care about me, who I can have a proper conversation with.

I can see why going back to work begins to look appealing because you can start to be yourself again and have adult interaction without constantly thinking about the baby’s needs and their safety. But employment means childcare. Which brings me onto my next subject – guilt.

Guilt

As a parent there is one thing you can be certain of – a steady almost constant feeling of guilt. I think it stems from conflict between personal needs/wants and that of your child.  My current guilty feelings are – guilt for using formula, guilt for starting weaning before six months, guilt for not weaning successfully, guilt for not establishing a pattern (of eating/sleeping), guilt for trying to establish a pattern, guilt for not living up to other people’s parenting expectations, guilt for not
returning to work yet, guilt for arranging childcare, guilt for doing my master’s degree, guilt for not being sure, guilt over baby’s eczema not clearing up, guilt for letting the dog spend time with baby, guilt for separating dog from baby, guilt for daily dressing of baby in babygro’s in attempt to stop skin contact with whatever is causing the eczema, guilt for not taking enough photos of baby, guilt for not posting all the thank you cards yet, guilt for not buying enough things for baby, guilt for spending so much money, guilt for wanting my boobs back, guilt that he cries a lot, guilt whenever I let him cry before going to him, guilt that I’m spending time writing this!

There’s too much guilt, worry, anxiety and the only consolation is the thought that other people may be feeling the same way.

Self-Medication

One of the best ways to cope is summed up with a quote from my friend BenJohn’s facebook update.

“Youngsters, you probably think booze is for enjoying and having fun. Let me assure you it is a medicine for those with children to let them relax in the gaps when they’re asleep.”

© Wendy Thomson 2011

Wendy Thomson is the editor of www.femalearts.com an online publication which promotes women in the arts and in business.

Kendra Wilkerson Spotted Flirting.

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Kendra Wilkerson was spotted flirting with Quinn (that’s not her hubby Hank). As you can tell she enjoyed her time with him and proved to everyone that AXE Deodorant Body Spray is the smell ladies love!

Kendra Wilkinson flirts with Quinn, the AXE mannequin in Los Angeles, CA.

Rugby World Cup Fans Face Hotel Hike.

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RUGBY WORLD CUP FANS FACE AVERAGE HOTEL PRICE HIKES OF 29%

Impact of major sporting events on room rates revealed in Hotels.com new HPI

British rugby fans travelling to the World Cup in New Zealand are facing steep average price increases of 29% for hotel rooms, according to the latest Hotels.com Hotel Price Index (HPI).

The booking demand for the six-week tournament in the first six months of the year contributed to the sharp rise with the average room rates in the host cities of Wellington up 29% to £73 per night and Auckland up 11% to £68 per night. The overall rate in New Zealand itself also rose 14% to £70.

As well as big rugby showpieces, the Hotels.com report reveals how Formula One Grand Prix racing can affect prices and occupancy rates in venue cities with the sport being one of the factors behind a 22% jump in Melbourne to £96 and a 5% rise in Barcelona to£102.

Sports fans also helped to boost the price of a room in London by 3% to £113 with the city at full occupancy for the Wimbledon tennis tournament.

The latest HPI also charts how prices can fall dramatically after a major sports event such as the football World Cup in South Africa. The country saw its average room rate tumble by 17% in the first six months of the year to £105 with host cities Cape Town down 20% to £100 and Johannesburg down 13% to £111.

The statistics could provide a pointer to what could happen in London before, during and after the 2012 Olympics with some industry insiders already predicting rates could jump as high as 50%.

Alison Couper of Hotels.com, said: “Prestige sporting events are key drivers of hotel prices and can lead to double-digit percentage increases as many rugby fans have found.

“What is happening in New Zealand and what happened in South Africa could provide a foretaste for what might occur in London next year. It is expected that several thousand additional hotel rooms will be available in the city in the run-up to the 2012 Olympics. However, despite the extra capacity, we would urge people thinking of coming to London next summer to book their accommodation as soon as they can as the demand and prices could soar the closer we get to the event.

“London is always popular with both domestic and foreign travellers but the Games are set to take that popularity to a new level.”

The impact of other non-sporting, one-off events on hotel prices could also be seen in the report. Dublin witnessed a 7% increase in the average cost of a room to £73 with the visits of the Queen and Barack Obama in May enhancing the city’s profile and appeal. Dusseldorf also saw an increase by 17% to £100 after the German city hosted the Eurovision Song Contest in May.

The Hotels.com HPI tracks the real prices paid per hotel room (rather than advertised rates) for 125,000 properties around the world. The latest HPI looks at prices in the first half of 2011 compared tothose in the first half of 2010.

Visionary Steve Jobs Dies At 56

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‘Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose’

Steve Jobs, 2005

The world mourned today as Steve Job lost his eight year battle with cancer. He was only 56.

Steve Jobs was called a ‘visionary, who had changed people’s lives’ by President Obama and Mark Zuckerberg praised his ‘mentor and friend’.

The internet was flooded with tributes within minutes of his death being confirmed. His family thanked ‘the many people who have shared their wishes and prayers during the last year of Steve’s illness’ and Apple’s board of directors released a statement saying; ‘We are deeply saddened to announce that Steve Jobs passed away today, ‘Steve’s brilliance, passion and energy were the source of countless innovations that enrich and improve all of our lives. The world is immeasurably better because of Steve’.

The Apple founder died yesterday, six weeks after stepping down as Apple CEO and a mere one day after the new generation iPhone was launched.

Apple’s homepage is a full-page image of Jobs with the text, ‘Steve Jobs 1955-2011.’

Jobs leaves behind a wife, a son and two daughters.

His family released a statement saying that he had ‘died peacefully today, surrounded by his family.

‘In his public life, Steve was known as a visionary; in his private life, he cherished his family. We are thankful to the many people who have shared their wishes and prayers during the last year of Steve’s illness.’

Carolyn Schulz On Making Good Jewellery. {Frost Interview}

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When did you start making jewellery?
When I had my son, 25 years ago, I wanted be a stay-at-home-mum but needed to work, so I worked from home representing an American bead manufacturer by looking after their key accounts, in particular, giving support with training and education. I was trained in jewellery techniques as well as how to teach and train others. Teaching and sharing my love of beading is what I enjoy most!

How did you get into designing jewellery?
I think I fell in to it accidentally! Once I had learned the various techniques, I found myself looking at the jewellery other people were wearing or what I saw in the shops. I would mentally take them apart to work out how they were made and then I would go home and try them out with my own beads. I like to mix techniques and I enjoy making jewellery to go with specific outfits that I wear. Sometimes I want something to compliment what I am wearing. Occasionally I want something to draw attention to my jewellery – not my clothes! But when I am designing jewellery to inspire others to create jewellery, I take into account the current fashions in style, beads, colour, textures and fashion accessories in general.

Where do you get your inspiration from?
I love to travel and I spend a lot of time looking at both the components available and the styles and trends of people in other countries. I love the flamboyancy of the Italians. I love the simple use of natural elements that I found in the Hawaiian Islands. I love the rich combination of colours that I found in Mexico and South America. Wherever I travel, I try to visit bead shops and if possible I take a class or two. I learn so much by making friends with the shop assistants and teachers. What are their hot sellers, what do the locals like, what do the tourists like, etc.

Tell me about your show on QVC
My Creative Jewellery Show on QVC UK gives the creative jewellery maker, whether a beginner or experienced, lots of opportunity to use their initiative and creativity but with lots of support with good technique demonstration and a wide range of finished samples to inspire. We offer very few complete kits. By that I mean, we don’t have many kits that make a specific piece of jewellery. Mostly we sell bundles of product, whether beads, tools or findings. For example, we will have bundles of beads and bundles of everything you need when using a specific technique. Some of our best selling bundles include our assortments of real turquoise (large and chunky or small and dainty), basic findings and tools such as the spinning seed bead threader and the Thing a ma Jig! I think the success of the shows is the excellent value for money and variety in addition to the technique support and design inspiration.

Do you prefer designing or teaching?
I don’t think I could have one without the other – but I get the most satisfaction from teaching. I love to share what I learn and I get the biggest kick out of seeing a student create something fabulous – often, much better than mine!

You have a book out soon, tell us about it.
This is my 4th book and it is aimed at women between 18 and 35 with limited experience of beads and beading. It will include more than 25 beading projects with an Asian element. Six of the chapters each has a different technique with a number of variations using that technique. I am already half way through completing the projects. Each chapter keeps growing because when I start designing – I find it hard to stop!

What are your tips for making good jewellery?

* Firstly, attitude – give it a chance!! It is like most things, it take a little practice to learn and perfect techniques.
* Secondly – start with simple techniques. With 25 years of learning and then teaching, I have developed my own fool proof way of learning, where one technique builds upon another.
* Thirdly – be observant! Notice the jewellery other people wear, that you see in the shops, or in books and magazines. Question what it is that you like. When you see things you don’t like, work out what it is you don’t like. You will soon start to build up some personalised design criteria.
* Finally – enjoy it!

You are an American in Britain, what do you love about the UK?
I love British culture. I love the British countryside. I love British history. I even love the British weather!!

What’s next for you?
I want to carry on as I am now – mixing it all up with writing books, travelling, time with my family (I have 3 gorgeous granddaughters!), travelling, presenting on QVC, travelling, teaching, travelling, travelling, travelling.

The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo (2011) trailer

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I will talk about the trailer in a bit, but first some context for those who are diving straight in without knowing this particular film. As we all know, it is based on a Swedish novel (and first in the Millennium trilogy) by the late Stieg Larsson and has already been adapted as a TV-movie in 2009 (starring Michael Nyqvist as Mikael Blomkvist and Noomi Rapace as Lisbeth Salander). It received three BAFTA nominations (including Best Leading Actress – Noomi Rapace and Best Adapted Screenplay), though it left with one; Best Film not in the English Language.

It wouldn’t be long till Hollywood would decide to grab their hands on it and develop their own version. It cause some outcry and some saying that it should be left alone. I will admit, I was pretty adamant on the idea of a Hollywood version of the novel/TV-movie. Though the talent behind it started to make me have some sigh of hope; they recruited Steven Zaillian to adapt the novel (previous credits – Schindler’s List, Gangs of New York and American Gangster) and David Fincher was hired to direct the film (previous credits – Se7en, Fight Club and The Social Network) Who was going to play the leading players? Daniel Craig (Casino Royale) as troubled yet talented journalist and Rooney Mara (The Social Network) as the socially awkward goth/punk hacker. This is a team that no one could ask anymore better from them! Fincher, especially, is in familiar ground; a dark mystery thriller that practically runs in his veins.

Now our questions were what was the film going to look like? Would the actors attempt to pull a Swedish/English dialect? Well the look is very slick and top notch, Rooney Mara really becomes Salander but actually more like a punk/goth than Rapace did (sorry fans of the original movies but I quite like this new Salander). It features the Oscar winning composers, Trent Reznor & Atticus Ross, music in the trailer (Reznor even created a cover of ‘Immigrant Song’ by Led Zeppelin with Karen-O for the teaser trailer). Even the trailer runs at 3 minutes and 40 seconds (usually average running time for a theatrical trailer is 2 minutes 30 seconds) reveals only enough to not spoil anything for those who have not read the book or seen the previous films.

My reaction to the trailer? I cannot wait for it! It has moved from being number 2 to number 1 on my most anticipated list (http://frostmagazine.com/2011/03/top-most-anticipated-movies-of-2011/). Plus it’s directed by David Fincher! Do I need to explain why that’s a good thing? As you’ve seen from his credits, he has made a movie that everyone likes! What do you think? Are you excited for it as much as I am or do you think it should’ve been left alone from the very start?

Guildhall Art Gallery and Roman Amphitheatre launch an evening of Moonlight Madness

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Guildhall Art Gallery and Roman Amphitheatre launch new series of free Late Views with an evening of Moonlight Madness

21 October 2011 6-10pm

Atkinson Grimshaw (1836-1893): Painter of Moonlight

Guildhall Art Gallery 19 September 2011 to 15 January 2012

Guildhall Yard, London, EC2V 5AE

Buried in the heart of London’s Square Mile, the Guildhall Art Gallery and Roman Amphitheatre is inviting visitors to indulge in an evening of Moonlight Madness to mark their major new exhibition Atkinson Grimshaw: Painter of Moonlight. This is the first showcase of Atkinson Grimshaw’s work for over 30 years – bringing together more than 50 major works by the self-taught artist.

The first in a series of free Late Views at the gallery, Moonlight Madness, an event inspired by the atmospheric paintings of Grimshaw, is a free evening of music, poetry, magic lantern shows, all to be enjoyed while sampling a ‘moonbeam’ cocktail from the gallery’s pop-up bar.

John Atkinson Grimshaw was a Leeds-born artist who became famous for his Pre-Raphaelite style landscapes and nocturnal urban scenes, with his distinctive leafless trees silhouetted against the moonlit sky. Drawings, manuscripts and photographs will also be on display to help visitors develop a greater understanding of Atkinson Grimshaw’s public and private lives.

Running alongside this exhibition will be a showcase of photographs by Liza Dracup, Chasing the Gloaming. Liza Dracup is a photographer known for her work that captures the magical effects of moonlight and this exhibition shows new photographs made in response to Grimshaw’s paintings.

Sienna Miller supports BUAV campaign to end cruel cosmetics tests on animals

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Stage and screen star Sienna Miller is supporting the BUAV No Cruel Cosmetics campaign to end animal testing for toiletries and cosmetics sold in the EU. Sienna joins a number of high profile celebrities supporting the BUAV campaign, including Sir Paul McCartney, Pussycat Doll Kimberly Wyatt and British Actress Jenny Seagrove.

Despite a UK and EU ban on the use of animals to test cosmetics and toiletries, companies are still allowed to sell products in the EU that have been tested on animals in other parts of the world. A ban on the import and sale of new animal tested cosmetic products in the EU is due to come into effect in 2013. However, concerns have arisen that this animal testing ban may be delayed. In response, the BUAV launched the European-wide No Cruel Cosmetics campaign calling for the ban to come into effect as planned in 2013.

If the ban is delayed, animals will continue to suffer and die needlessly in cruel tests for new beauty products sold in the EU. That means that hundreds of thousands more rabbits, guinea pigs, mice and rats could be injected, gassed or force-fed cosmetics worldwide for new beauty products sold in the EU, including right here in the UK.

Over one hundred thousand people across the UK and EU, including Sienna, have already signed the No Cruel Cosmetics petition which is being sent to the European Parliament. The BUAV petition can be signed at www.NoCruelCosmetics.org.

Michelle Thew, Chief Executive of the BUAV, said: “We are delighted to have the support of Sienna Miller. It is totally unacceptable for animals to continue to suffer and die in the name of beauty. Please join Sienna and support our No Cruel Cosmetics campaign to end cosmetics testing on animals. Sign our petition to the European Parliament at www.NoCruelCosmetics.org.”

Celebrities, politicians, cosmetic companies and European citizens are being urged to sign the Euro-wide petition calling for the animal testing ban to go ahead in 2013.