Dear DONOVAN: Am I a sinner or a winner?

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Here he is again; DONOVAN. The unforgiving, cynical, potty mouthed agony uncle. No one knows why he doesn’t like humanity, maybe someone sneezed pure evil on him as a child.

** Disclaimer: The views, colourful language and opinions expressed in this article are those of the authors and do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of Frostmagazine.com **

Dear DONOVAN,

My boyfriend and I haven’t even kissed because we want to be pure, but we talk dirty online. Is what were doing a sin?

Kelly, Bridgend

First of all Kelly, I have to stress that I refused to reply to this message twice! But because the only other question I got sent this week was “How far is too far?” which nearly gave me a stroke out of sheer anger at the individual who sent! it, and the fact that if I didn’t have a ‘Dear DONOVAN’ published this week I wouldn’t get paid! I had no choice. (Lol, who’s paying you?! Can they pay me too? – Editor)

So to answer your question you absolute Ganja flap!! (Is that some sort of oat and syrup based space cake? – Editor)

Yes it is a Sin being a C*CK TEASE! You are a disgrace to all women everywhere.

Cut it out now little Miss fridged!

He is probably cheating on you now, anyway. I don’t blame the boy to be honest.

You shall not receive a DONOVAN mug. Instead you get a T-shirt saying “Not even Jesus made me come”.

If your over 16 and completely clean, send me your MSN add.

PS

Pull any of that crap with me and ill find you. B*tch!

Time traveller photographed at 1940’s bridge opening

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There are many things I don’t know about time travel, for example, are you allowed to keep your clothes and if you step on a butterfly will you loose a limb instantaneously or will you gradually fade whilst holding a photograph of you and your siblings from your childhood…?

This photograph; which was part of the Bralorne-Pioneer: Their Past Lives Here Exhibition is exhibited at the Virtual Museum of Canada.

Of course you can see the guy that’s got the Internet in a tizzy, he sticks out like an eccentric at a 1940’s bridge re-opening. Could the fedora-less man in modern looking clothes really be a time traveller? If so, why would he choose to travel to a bridge re-opening in a sleepy mining town in Canada as opposed to a monumentally historic moment or a lively party he once read about.

There’s alot of analysis on forgetomori and more facetious analysis on fark.

So what do you think? Is this guy a time traveller?

If he really is a time traveller I’d be fine with that. What concerns me is that if this man genuinely was a man of his time dressing like a “hipster” and attending small town ceremonies then does that mean that today’s fashion eccentrics will be looked upon as ahead of their time when their photographs are seen by a future generation?

The thing you do when you're an "actor"… {Ceri's Column}

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I’m sure that “waiting” is the biggest pain in our collective arse! I mean, war and famine and such are more than a pain in the arse…unless you’re that soldier who got shot in the arse…balls, I’ll start again.

Uh…feck! See what I mean?

All that nonsensical rambling was written as I am waiting for my frigging train to arrive. My mind is not at its razor-sharpness when I have to wait for junk! It grabs on to thoughts like “I wonder if this train has power sockets” or “that hair growing from my mole…is it ok if my girlfriend plucks it out? It won’t get worse, will it?”

When you’re a mediocre actor, like myself, your time spent waiting is roughly four times more than, say, an oil-rig worker. Oil-rig workers don’t sit in their house thinking “maybe if I’d tried an Irish accent”. Oil-rig workers don’t sip at luke-warm cappuccinos in the Starbucks next door to Johnny Jenkins’ Casting for two hours because they miscalculated how long it takes to drive to Manchester and are 3 hours early. Oil-rig workers wear overalls, not their god damned pyjamas for days and days and days hoping against hope for your agent to ring.

Last week, I waited for 2 and half hours to be asked: “Oh…can you come back tomorrow?” 2 and a half hours of sitting and looking at the floor and wondering why I hadn’t brought my IPod and what do I get?!  24 more hours of waiting. AAAARGH!

Oh well, I suppose I could be doing a job that involves “working” or “thinking” or “Business acumen”. We have made our own beds, so let’s…uh…lie…in them? Does that butchered idiom make sense?

Oh shit my train’s here……

by Ceri Phillips

Eyjafjallajökull's plume from orbit

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Nasa: Eruption of Eyjafjallajökull Volcano, Iceland , 17 April 2010

Nasa: Eruption of Eyjafjallajökull Volcano, Iceland, 19th April 2010

These photos of the unpronounceable geological marvel in Iceland are from Nasa. A variety of newspapers are telling me that the eruptions are set to slow down or there are set to be more. I’m not sure so here’s some volcano related facts and stories:

1. Oh, it’s not actually called Eyjafjallajökull…

So after days of reporters stumbling over the word ‘Eyjafjallajökull’ and the BBC issuing guidelines to newsreaders on how to pronounce the name of the volcano (“AY-uh-fyat-luh-YOE-kuutl-uh”);  it turns out; to the hilarity of some Icelanders; that it’s actually called Eyjafyoll. Now isn’t that easier to pronounce?!

2. Norway is being run via an iPad

Jens Stoltenberg, the prime minister of Norway, found himself stranded in New York and was pictured working remotely via an iPad.
So, the iPad, great for cats and prime ministers.

3. We’re going to have trouble buying kumquats

I’ve never wanted a kumquat, but now that I’ve heard that they might be difficult to get hold of once the stocks run low, I really fancy one! Funny how that works.

4. Twitter has become an emergency travel service

Stranded tweeple have been using the hastags #getmehome, #stranded and #putmeup to make it easier for holidaymakers to carpool or find a place to stay.
Heart warming really….

5. Dan Snow (Historian Presenter) tried to rescue people in rigid inflatable boats…

…in a Dunkirk inspired evacuation…but got shut down by the french authorities after rescuing 25 people mobilised via twitter.

If you hear of anymore surreal Volcano related stories please comment below:

Yahoo! Launches 'The People's Policies'

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Yahoo = Peoples Policies. YAHOO! LAUNCHES ‘THE PEOPLE’S POLICIES’

  • The best ones will be advertised across the site for free to Yahoo!’s monthly UK audience of over 20 million users

  • Election site aims to be UK’s most comprehensive and accessible, with blogs from comedian Steve Punt.

(London, April 6th) Tired of the same old political promises in the lead up to an election?  Convinced you can do better than the politicians?  On the day the General Election is announced, Yahoo! – the UK’s #2 online news site* –  is launching ‘The People’s Policies’ at http://thepeoplespolicies.co.uk – offering you the chance to get your  burning issue out to a UK audience of over 20 million.

‘The People’s Policies’ gives you the chance to have your policy selected as an advertising banner which could then be shown throughout the Yahoo! UK site.  Twenty-two million people see Yahoo! ads online every month in the UK, meaning your policy has the potential of reaching an audience that even Brown, Cameron and Clegg would struggle to reach.

For your policy to have a chance of being featured on Yahoo!, simply submit your own policy for the UK – be it silly or sublime – and watch the votes pour in from Yahoo! users.  As well as potentially being selected to be included in advertising space on Yahoo! UK, each policy will be given its own individual link for self-promotion on your own Twitter and Facebook pages.  The best policy of the week will also potentially be spotlighted on the Yahoo! UK homepage for even more publicity.

In the final week of voting – timed to align with the week before the General Election – advertising will be focused on the best ten People’s Policies for a big finale. These ten will be made up from the top five on the leader board as voted for by Yahoo! users, plus Yahoo!’s five favourites, selected in accordance with the rules of the Site

Yahoo!’s General Election Site

The People’s Policies are one part of a new Yahoo! General Election website (www.yahoo.co.uk/elections) that seeks to be the most accessible source of current and relevant political information in the run up to the General Election– capturing everything that’s going on in the Election in an easy and informative way.

Direct from BBC Radio 4’s The Now Show and sitcom The Party Line, comedian Steve Punt will be casting his satirical eye over the unfolding drama of the Election campaign.  The ex-star of The Mary Whitehouse Experience and one half of Punt and Dennis will be the writer of a blog aimed at providing political observation and a laugh (or two) among the serious issues of the day.

Throughout the build up, the site will be home to interviews with political leaders, live streaming of political debates and Yahoo!’s very own constituency map.  You will be able to get all the background on the politicians with party and candidate profiles and essential information.  You’ll also be able to access analysis on the highs and lows of the main parties and read in-depth articles on their policies and manifestos.

Rich Evans, UK News Editor, Yahoo! said “Over the next month, there’ll be an awful lot of coverage of parties and politicians but very little about the individual and their concerns.

The People’s Policies is Yahoo!’s way of putting you at the centre of the election campaign and giving you the chance to have your voice heard by over 20 million people.”

*As measured by monthly unique users (Comscore)

The Great Political Debate: Part 2: Labour.

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By Alain Lewis

When I was 12 it was necessary for me to become a Labourite. My father was a Postman and a Trade Unionist and my mother a Home Help for the local council.
Mrs Thatcher was about to become Prime Minister and I believed that in her haste to cut taxes she would also make public services suffer. This made me in direct opposition to my best friend Simon Jones, I believed though that my convictions were far more important than that.
I became then a back seat supporter of the Labour Party, I’ve never actually joined the party.
My belief in a fairer society came not only as a counter to Mrs Ts unfairness but partially as a result of my, then, Christianity. I have since lost my belief in God, but I still believe we should make our world more equal for more people. That we shouldn’t discriminate against people because of their race, religion, age, sexuality, gender, class or political convictions. It does though seem a long time ago that Tory MPs were openly racist, apart from Boris that is.
Through my political adolescence I despaired of what was happening. The choices were so obvious, how could Neil Kinnock have lost in 1987 and 1992? When John Smith died big changes were allowed to happen on the Labour Party. It became more attractive to more people in the UK, even some Tories.
I think though this is what’s been happening since the war. The leadership has been to the right of the party, with the exception of 1983 and 1945.
There is also no denying that Labour won in 1997 under the banner of New Labour. They abandoned clause 4 and adopted PFIs.
New Labour though has revitalised the NHS, improved standards in Education. It introduced the Minimum Wage and gave families new opportunities with Sure Start. Professionally I prospered under New Labour as a worker in Information, Advice and Guidance with Adults. For a time I worked in close collaboration in a mult-agency setting, collaborating and not competing with a range of organisations. Those were some of the most joy filled and bitterness free times of my career.
Because of the cylical nature of our politics and the blame attached by the Tories to Gordon Brown for the economic meltdown; we’re now threatened by the return of Thatcherism under the guise of David Cameron. He, as most Tories are, is obsessed with choice and has an unpalatable zeal to force private schools into the state sector.
On May 6th I will be very happy to put my cross next to the Labour Party candidate’s name, Gary Heather, on the ballot paper in the Tunbridge Wells constituency. I know full well that I’m not to be too disappointed if by some chance he fails to get elected.

Prototype iPhone left in a pub.

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Tut tut, has someone at Apple has been leaving technology on the floors of bars in an attempt to leak it to the eagerly awaiting blogosphere. If they have, then it’s worked.

Gizmodo has a full rundown of the specs along with pictures and videos if you’re intreagued. Apparently they’ve been playing with the phone for the past week.

There’s alot of skepticism as to wether it’s a hoax or not but apparently it’s been reported as lost and the firmware, screen, operating system and sim card all point to a late stage prototype….are you excited fanboys and fangirls?! Are you?!