Tag Archives: parenting

Your Relationship After Children?

Posted on by

YOUR RELATIONSHIP AFTER CHILDREN?

· Research lifts the lid (and duvet) on the effect having kids has on British couples

Research released by parenting website, yano.co.uk reveals what goes on with British couples’ lives ‘after children’. The survey asked questions about the changing relationships, rows, sex and attraction between couples and provided insights into a subject that mums and dads normally ‘keep mum’ about.

When it comes to spending time together, one in ten parents make room for a weekly ‘Date Night’ but nearly half (46%) only get to spend one kid-free night a month together, with 3% only able to get alone time once a YEAR.

Perhaps as a result, 63% of parents say their sex life has deteriorated since having children. 41% had sex every other day before kids – this goes down to just 10% having sex every other day after having children. 28% have sex only once a month post-children, 5% once a year and 7% revealed they now NEVER have sex! This is perhaps unsurprising when you hear 37% of parents questioned admitted that they are less attracted to their partner after having children – a feeling that is more common for women (42%).

More than a third of parents questioned say they argue more with their partner since having children, with 6% having separated from their partner before their child was born. The most common rows for all parents revolve around parenting style (61%), financial pressures (53%) and who should be doing the chores (41%).

There are also some clear differences between men and women’s viewpoints. Women feel, more so than men, that their partner needs to take more responsibility helping with their child or children. Women are also more likely to complain to their spouse about chores and sex, whilst men are more likely to argue with their partners about parenting styles.

Patrick Wanis PhD, Celebrity Life Coach and Relationship Therapist says that much of the tension between modern parents stems from one major problem; we are effectively sacrificing the relationship for the sake of the children, doing the wrong thing for the right reasons. Wanis says that, although it sounds counter-intuitive, the best thing parents can do for their children are to put their marriage first. ‘That means regular date nights, still sharing hopes and dreams, still wanting the best for each other, still taking time to enjoy each other’s company as adults and friends. Children thrive in a household of open love and affection between the parents. But when parents neglect each other, the children eventually suffer as the marriage falls apart.’

TV psychologist Jo Hemmings says ‘When you make that transition from lover to mother or father, everything changes. The way society views you to your priorities to the amount of freedom you have. Many new parents report that while they have gained a huge amount in terms of love and fulfilment, a part of them still feels lost, and is wondering where the ‘real’ them is buried underneath the bustle and juggling of parenthood.’

The survey also revealed some regional stats from across the UK. Northern Irish are more keen under the covers after the birth of a child, with over half of them confessing to having sex once a week, compared to just a quarter of couples in London. Scots are also keen to rekindle their love lives after having children, with almost a quarter of couples (22%) admitting they have sex every other day. Geordies top the poll when confessing they feel less attraction to their partners after the birth of a child, with over three-quarters of couples admitting they felt this way. But love is blind in Scotland, with only 25% of Scots feeling less attracted to their partners after a child’s birth.

Ann-Marie McKimm, founder of Yano and mother of two, says, “It was great to get such honest views from our respondents as these issues are not often discussed. Following the sad news about the split of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes this week, it is interesting to note that tension over how to raise a child comes out as the top reason for arguments in relationships and is clearly an issue that affects many couples. Given this result and the differences revealed in men and women’s views, I feel that it is important to open up discussions on these problems”.

Yano encourages fresh thinking on parenting, incorporating enlightening food for thought; informative discussions; regular news stories; a digest of interesting parenting stories from across the globe; Q and A discussion panels and advice and comment from leading experts in their chosen fields.

Visit Yano for further information and a full article on ‘Will Your Relationship Survive Children.’

THE ERA OF iPARENTING

Posted on by

New mums turn to the internet for parenting advice

 

New mums are more likely to log on than go to their own mums for parenting advice, according to a new report released today.

 

A resounding eight in 10 mums (80%) turn to Google, parenting forums or Facebook before asking their own mums for advice (44%), according to the research commissioned by Growingupmilkinfo.com, a new website for parents providing information about toddler growth and development.

 

Psychologist Doctor Richard Woolfson comments: “The internet continues to be a growing influence with popular forums likes Mumsnet and Netmums being a key advice resource for new mums, whilst a third of mums (33%) head to Google for parenting advice. This is good because it means parents have immediate access to valuable advice, exactly when they need it.

 

“Unfortunately, that also means the traditional source of parenting support – from grandma and grandpa – is less popular. This is partly due to the younger generations moving further away from where they grew up so parents and grandparents are less likely to live around the corner than they used to.”

 

The Online Generation

Mothers over the age of 35 were most likely (71%) to rely on the internet for support and advice. However, the social network savvy under 25s were the biggest Facebook users for parenting queries (15% versus 9% national average).

 

Dr Woolfson continues: “Thirty years ago your family probably would have lived in the next street but now they might live on the other side of the country or even the other side of the world. Yet I still tell new parents to ask granny and grandpa for their advice. You don’t have to take it but there’s no harm in listening.”

 

Our Regional Differences

  • Southampton mums are the most reliant on friends and family for advice with three in four (75%) relying on their expertise, compared to less than half in Newcastle (44%)
  • Welsh mums are the least dependent on forums, with less than a third (29% versus 38% national average) relying on this source, compared to almost half (47%) the mums in Plymouth
  • Mums in the capital are twice as likely to tap video sharing site YouTube for tips and advice (10% versus 5% national average) while the opposite could be said of mums in the Scottish capital with one in five Edinburgh mums going it alone, asking advice from no one
  • Facebook is heavily used by mums in Brighton with more than a fifth (21%) seeking advice from Facebook friends, higher than any other city in the UK

 

Nutritionist Amanda Ursell comments: “With nearly eight out of 10 parents unaware that toddlers have different nutritional needs to adults, it is clear more needs to be done to help parents understand what nutrition they need to fuel their toddlers’ amazing growth and development. The toddler years are often overlooked but, thanks to the internet, a greater level of information is more widely available from a variety of sources including other mums, a wider network of friends, experts, brands, Governments and researchers.”

 

‘New’ Wives Tales

But new mums shouldn’t be too hasty to dismiss the wise adages of past generations, as experts confirm some of the ‘old wives’ tales’ are grounded in real facts. Nutritionist Amanda Ursell explains the truth behind some popular old sayings:

 

  • An apple a day keeps the doctor away. According to Amanda Ursell, “apples are great because they give us both soluble and insoluble fibre, as well as some vitamin C and a host of super nutrients. Obviously though, toddlers need to get a balanced diet that combines all major food groups. Between the ages of one to three, toddlers undergo an extraordinary period of growth and development and their nutrition needs are at least double an adult’s, relative to their size.”

 

  • Grow big and strong, like Popeye, by eating your spinach. “Spinach is a rich source of iron but it also includes a substance which makes it hard for the body to absorb this essential nutrient. Toddlers need a lot of iron – four times the amount of an adult for their size – but this can be from a range of sources. Good sources of iron include red meat, dark green leafy vegetables, eggs and hummus. One easy way to give toddlers some of the key nutrients they need is to use fortified foods and drinks, such as Growing Up Milk.”

 

  • Carrots help you see in the dark. “This was really a piece of World War II propaganda and it isn’t actually true but it’s certainly true that carrots can be part of a healthy balanced diet. They provide one of your 5-a-day and are a good source of beta-carotene, which is converted in your body to vitamin A – an essential vitamin.”

 

  • Take cod liver oil for your joints. “Cod liver oil is rich in vitamin D, which is needed for the growth and development of bones. However, it isn’t recommended for children these days. Other sources of vitamin D that children can eat include fortified foods like breakfast cereals or Growing Up Milk, as well as foods like egg yolks or oily fish.”

 

Growing Up Milk is made from cows’ milk enriched with key nutrients that toddlers need like vitamins A, C and D, iron and calcium. Giving your Little One-der two 150ml beakers of Growing Up Milk each day is an easy way to help provide them with the extra nutrients they need, as part of a healthy balanced diet.

Let’s Toddle! Free App For Parents

Posted on by

Cow & Gate launches free app for parents

 

Did you know that by the time your toddler is three they will have reached around half of their adult size and could be using up to 900 words? Now, parents never need to miss a moment of their toddler’s extraordinary growth and development with Cow & Gate’s handy new ‘Let’s Toddle!’ app.

 

Available on iPhone, passionate parents can keep track of all of the exciting milestones their toddlers reach, from finger painting to taking those first few steps, as it happens with this handy tool.

 

The Let’s Toddle! app is easy to use with four simple steps:

 

  1. Download it for free from the iTunes App Store.

 

  1. Capture it by taking photos and building an album to celebrate each special moment, making each one totally unique with different frames and captions.

 

  1. Enjoy it as you share with friends and loved ones online, uploading their most amazing moments to Facebook and Twitter, or sending via email.

 

  1. Ask it any questions you may have about toddler development. Contact Cow & Gate’s expert Careline advisors directly who are on hand, day and night, with tips and advice from how to cope with a fussy eater to ensuring your little ones are getting all of the nutrients they need.

 

The app is jam-packed with a whole host of astonishing facts about toddler development. Did you know that a toddler’s nutritional needs can be more than double those of an adult? With so much growth and development between one and three years it’s not surprising, which is why Cow & Gate Growing Up Milk is specially formulated to help provide your toddler with the extra goodness they need throughout this period of extraordinary development. Growing Up Milk is made from cows’ milk, enriched with the key nutrients toddlers need, such as iron, calcium and vitamins A, C and D.

 

 

BRITISH TODDLERS AT RISK OF NOT GETTING ENOUGH VITAMIN D THIS WINTER

Posted on by

SHORTER WINTER days mean Britain’s toddlers risk not getting enough vitamin D, a vitamin needed for the growth and development of their bones, it is warned today by growingupmilkinfo.com.

A new survey reveals nearly eight out of 10 parents are not aware of toddlers’ specific nutritional needs and 74 per cent of British toddlers do not receive the vitamin supplements recommended by the UK Departments of Health for under-fives[1],[2]. Specifically, 9 out of 10 toddlers are failing to meet their recommended daily vitamin D reference nutrient intake3.

As the clocks go back and sunlight hours fall by up to half it becomes harder to get ‘The Sunshine Vitamin’ from sunlight alone. British children’s vitamin D-poor diets3 combined with low uptake of supplementation and a lack of knowledge amongst parents about their specific nutritional needs, mean toddlers could be missing out.

The research from growingupmilkinfo.com points towards the risk being highest in Edinburgh, Newcastle, Leeds and Sheffield, where vitamin supplement uptake is lowest[1], as is exposure to vitamin D-producing UVB sunlight. Toddlers of African-Caribbean and South Asian heritage are also at increased risk, as their skins’ increased melanin level means they are less able to produce vitamin D through exposure to sunlight4.

Shorter winter days

Vitamin D is made by the body on exposure to sunlight. In British wintertime, the number of daily sunshine hours drops by as much as half in some areas, especially in the north of the country, and the angle of the sun changes making it much more difficult for the body to make vitamin D.

Lack of knowledge for parents

Nearly eight out of 10 British parents are unaware that toddlers have specific nutritional needs and over half (54 per cent) say they never, rarely or occasionally consider a toddler’s specific nutritional requirements[1].

Nearly three-quarters of mums say they don’t give their toddler the vitamin supplements recommended by the UK Departments of Health. The Departments of Health recommend that ALL toddlers receive a daily supplement of vitamins A, C and D2.

Poor dietary uptake

The best source of vitamin D comes from UV light exposure. However in countries like the UK, where sunlight is limited, it is essential that toddlers also eat vitamin D rich foods. However, it can be hard to get toddlers to eat vitamin D rich foods – for example Government statistics show that the average consumption of oily fish is well below the recommendation5.

Simple steps parents can take to ensure toddlers are meeting their vitamin D needs include:

· Exposure to the summer (April-Oct) sun (without sunscreen) for 10 minutes a few times a week is enough for most people to produce vitamin D and store it for winter. However, some groups may not be able to get enough vitamin D exposure in this way. These groups include young children, those living north of Birmingham in the UK (due to the angle of the sun) and those of African-Caribbean and South Asian origin

· Take a daily children’s supplement of vitamins A, C and D

· Giving 2 x 150ml beakers of Growing Up Milk daily as part of a healthy balanced diet provides more than half a toddler’s daily recommended nutrient intake of vitamin D

· Include sources of vitamin D in the diet. Good sources include: fortified margarines and breakfast cereals, egg yolks, liver and oily fish

Wendy's baby diary – 7 months

Posted on by

Time to cut off the milk supply?

Signs indicating it’s time to stop breastfeeding:

1) Baby’s got more teeth than you’ve got nipples

2) Baby tugs down your top

3) Baby tries to suck other parts of you, in the belief that mummy is made of milk

4) Friends and relatives say ‘You’re not still breastfeeding are you?’

5) Bitty

I think it’s time to hang up the Closed sign on the milk bar. Baby Dillon’s got six teeth. He’s eating solids (toast, blueberries). He’s rolling around the floor and knocking stuff off the TV stand. He’s sleeping through the night in his own bed, in his own room. He’s racing around the
kitchen in his baby walker (able to reverse and manoeuvre past the clothes
horse). What happened to my newborn? Before I know it he’ll be scaling Everest and
I’ll be crying into his baby clothes saying “you used to be this big”.

Baby Rash

Dillon was ill with a rash which turned out to be a viral
infection. It’s so scary to see a bright red rash on his trunk. The instant
concern is, is it meningitis? do the tumbler test. He recovered in a couple of
days, so we took him to visit my mum with a new travel cot, which of course he
didn’t sleep in, and when he doesn’t get any sleep nor do we. The travel cot
also functions as a portable prison ahem playpen so it will get used one way or
another.

Festive

I had thought Dillon was too young to appreciate Halloween
or Guy Fawkes but nearer the time I realised we could enjoy these special
occasions and get some memorable photos. My friend carved him a pumpkin lantern
and Dillon wore a monkey outfit for Halloween and went to a themed baby sensory
class and fancy dress day at his nursery where all the staff wore pyjamas.
Cute. Now I’m looking forward to his first Christmas. He’ll be dressed as baby
Santa with a red hat. The dog will have on a pair of reindeer antlers. And wearing
a knitted Christmas pullover will be Colin Firth. Who can stuff my turkey anyday.

Swimming

Baby swimming lessons have finished, it was a bit of a wash
out with nearly half the lessons cancelled or postponed so we didn’t learn a
lot. Dillon got used to being carried around in water. We might try again in the
New Year so that one day we can have our own Nevermind album cover.

Juggling

Can I manage baby Dillon and a Masters degree and go back to
work? I’m unsure. But you don’t know until you try. Some people thought I was
mad to be starting a MA when I was pregnant. It has been tough and I wouldn’t
still be on the course without support from certain people. Getting out of the
house to go to class has been positive for me. So many mums work full time then
it’s a shock to the system to be at home all day for 9 months to a year. So commuting
into London one or two days a week gives me a bit of normality. I think every
mum, however much she loves her kids, needs an occasional break.

So when I’m worried about running out of nursing pads and number
3 baby formula I can take my mind off it with French and Greek philosophers,
the classical dramatic paradigm and bright young things running about campus.

The main problem I have is burning the midnight oil as I can’t
concentrate until he’s gone to bed and by then I’m hankering for some medicine
(see previous baby diary http://frostmagazine.com/2011/10/wendys-baby-diary-six-months-guilt-isolation-and-men/), go to bed at 2am and get woken by Babezilla at 6.45am.

Congratulations

Lots of happy baby news – congratulations to our friends
Nathan and Bonnie on the birth of baby Samuel, Kevin and Louise who had baby
Aidan and my brother Terry and his wife Ola who had baby Matthew. And to our
friends L&M who are expecting. First timers – you don’t know what you’re in
for. Second timers – memory lapse?

Until next time

I think my get up and go, got up and went!

(c) Wendy Thomson 2011

Wendy Thomson is the editor of www.femalearts.com an online publication
which promotes women in the arts and in business.

Wendy's baby diary – cheeky monkey

Posted on by

Baby Diary – 31 weeks

Ill

I started out with the intention to keep this baby column
weekly but it’s been nearly a month since my last baby update. There are a
couple of reasons and one is that Dillon has been ill. He got an infected toe
(we’re not sure how) and needed antibiotics for a week, this was followed by a
temperature for a couple of days and he’s had a cough for nearly a month. It is
scary and a panic when I hear any sniffle. Keep well baby D!

Controlled Crying

Dillon is nearly 7 months old and life is starting, just
starting to get easier. Bless his heart, Dillon has been sleeping through the
night for the last few weeks.  To get
there we had to go down the ‘controlled crying’ route. At first I didn’t want
to. We did the pick up, put down approach which is comfort the baby then leave him,
repeat as necessary, but when repeat is many times throughout the night it got
too much for both of us (stamina, exhaustion, feeding in desperation).

So what is controlled crying? Basically you leave your baby
to cry themselves to sleep. It’s not in a horrible, ignore the baby kind of
way, it’s in a loving, have I checked the baby and after feeding, winding,
changing, checking if teething, temperature, breathing is everything else ok
and telling him you love him and putting the lights out, you let him cry his
little heart out until he falls asleep. Yes it feels heartless and horrible and
wrong. But our little boy is 80 percentile he’s not going to waste away from
lack of milk and booby at night he can definitely sleep without it. After some
reassurance from my friend, we let Dillon cry himself to sleep and he cried for
about 20 mins. The next night between 10 and 15 mins. That was it. Joy!  For 10 hours the baby is asleep and I am free.
Freedom!

Nursery

Dillon has started at nursery two days a week so that I can
attend Uni two days a week. Oh the guilt of leaving him with someone else. But
the staff are really nice, the nursery has a good vibe about it and it does me
some good to be in an intellectual environment twice a week. I worry about him,
but he’s a sociable, loving baby, I think he’s happy there.  At six months old he’s also the youngest baby at
the nursery as most people go back to work after maternity leave of 9 months to
one year, another reason to feel guilty. But he seems to be getting a lot of
attention from the staff as the youngest, neediest baby which makes me feel
better. He also hasn’t formed that strong attachment to me yet, so when I say
bye bye, he doesn’t notice me leave, he’s busy eyeing up the toys and the other
babies.

Easier for Dad to
Leave the House

Since he’s working full time it’s easier for Dillon’s dad to
get out of the house 5 days a week. Sometimes I’ve been a little jealous that
he gets to leave, in a thoughtless grass is always greener way. Because I know how
well tended the lawn is on my side of the fence. And I’m not talking lady
garden. I’m happier being at home with Dillon. The gig that Dad went to which
turned into a 24 hour absence felt a bit much, especially when it looked set to
repeat the next weekend (but it’s not happening now). I appreciate that we both
need a break and we take it in turns to babysit.  Yes I’ve missed a lot of theatre before and
after Dillon was born, but I’ve read a lot of books, watched a lot of TV,
films, listened to radio, even got to the cinema (thanks to the Baby Scream
club), met up with other mums at Baby Sensory classes and my NCT group and with
my mum friends, we’ve taken Dillon to baby swimming classes, even church once a
month. The isolation I had felt is diminishing – just got to get out with the
baby!

Pushchairs

Dillon’s travel system has been good in a lot of ways but
boy is his car seat heavy and the whole thing is bulky, so we’re looking into a
lightweight pushchair to make it easier when dropping him off at nursery. I just
don’t understand why the majority of pushchairs are designed so that the baby
faces forwards (not towards mum).  I only
see problems with it, because to check on your child you have to stop, walk to the
front, deal with your baby then return to the back. Anytime your baby cries,
needs a drink or food, has a runny nose, their clothing needs adjusting you’ve
got to stop and go to the front of the pushchair (and when it’s crowded on the
pavement annoy all the pedestrians behind you).

More (inexpensive) rear facing pushchairs please!

Happy Halloween

© Wendy Thomson 2011

Wendy Thomson is the editor of www.femalearts.com an online publication
which promotes women in the arts and in business.

TEACHER’S PESTS, PETS AND PREFECTS: What your child's name means.

Posted on by

Children called Aaron, Callum, Abbie and Courtney strike fear into the nation’s teachers, it has been revealed. Researchers found kids bearing these monikers are thought to be the naughtiest in class by over 1,000 British tutors.

In fact, one in five teachers polled claim they think they can tell how a child will behave just by looking at the new class register in September. And if names such as Connor, Aimee, Brandon and Chloe are on the list, school teachers think they are in for a difficult year.

Lisa Penney, spokesmum for www.bounty.com who compiled the report said: “Rightly or wrongly, it’s only natural to make some assumptions about what children may be like from hearing their names – whether you mean to or not – and teachers aren’t any different.

Whether it’s from previous experience with pupils, or people they’ve known from their own past, certain names seem to strike a nerve with teachers – although I’m sure they are all more than happy to be proved wrong!”

Other boys who are likely to be troublesome in the classroom are called Adam, Aiden and Jack.

Lads with the names Joshua, Kyle and Reece also command more of their teacher’s attention, as they fail to abide by the rules.

While lasses called Abigail, Bethany and Amy have been identified as some of the hardest to manage by tutors. And Alice, Amber and Charlotte are amongst other names which teachers dread seeing on the class register.

But as the survey suggests, the class register isn’t the only way teachers judge how a child is likely to behave. A third of those polled admitted they often form an opinion on which children will be more difficult when meeting their parents.

And once the school year has started teachers go on to judge their pupils behaviour by how rude they are to both them and other children. More than half of those questioned can’t stand it if a child bullies their peers, while 36 per cent reprimand children who shout in class.

Teachers are also more likely to label a child as naughty if they refuse to do what they are asked, ignore requests to sit down quietly, and fail to listen.

And when asked why they think their more troublesome pupils play up in class, two out of three teachers said they’re looking for attention and three out of five believe it’s because they aren’t disciplined at home.

Making naughty children sit separately from others to think about what they’ve done was found to be the most effective method used to deal with naughty children.

But incredibly, more than a third of teachers say that it is often the naughty children who have the most friends at school. And two thirds say that while a child might appear naughty, they are just behaving that way to get attention from their peers.

Lisa Penney from Bounty continues: “We were really interested to find that some of the children who have been labelled as the naughtiest in the class have also been identified as the brightest in our poll – with Aaron, Adam, Abigail and Charlotte appearing on both lists.

These names also appear on the list of the most popular children in school, suggesting that whilst they’re disruptive in class the ‘naughtier’ children are actually better at learning with other members of the class looking up to them.”

Students named Jack, Ben, Emma and Emily are also highlighted as the children everyone wants to play with.

TOP 10 NAUGHTY BOYS

1. Aaron

2. Callum

3. Connor

4. Brandon

5. Adam

6. Aidan

7. Jack

8. Joshua

9. Kyle

10. Reece

TOP 10 NAUGHTY GIRLS

1. Abbie

2. Courtney

3. Aimee

4. Chloe

5. Abigail

6. Bethany

7. Amy

8. Alice

9. Amber

10. Charlotte

TOP 10 BRIGHTEST BOYS

1. Aaron

2. Adam

3. Alexander

4. William

5. Christopher

6. Thomas

7. Matthew

8. Ben

9. Alex

10. Edward

TOP 10 BRIGHTEST GIRLS

1. Abigail

2. Charlotte

3. Alice

4. Elizabeth

5. Abbie

6. Hannah

7. Amelia

8. Grace

9. Emily

10. Bethany

TOP 10 MOST POPULAR BOYS

1. Jack

2. Ben

3. Aaron

4. Adam

5. Alex

6. Callum

7. Daniel

8. Thomas

9. Alfie

10. Sam

TOP 10 MOST POPULAR GIRLS

1. Abbie

2. Charlotte

3. Alice

4. Aimee

5. Amy

6. Abigail

7. Chloe

8. Emily

9. Sophie

10. Emma

MAKE THIS THE LAST MOTHER’S DAY THAT YOU ARE SINGLE

Posted on by

Five tips for single parents looking to escape the parent trap

As a single parent you’re certainly not alone – in the UK there are more than 1.7million single parents. The majority would love to find someone new to support them and their children, but with childcare issues eating into time and energy resources, it can at times feel like it’s at the bottom of a never-ending to do list.

Single mum, TV actress and eHarmony.co.uk’s guest blogger, Donna Air voices the challenges she faces over finding a new partner when her child is naturally her number one priority:

“It’s simply too stressful a job when teamed with kids’ bath, dinner, homework, and bedtime stories into the hour allocation that most busy mums have for the multiple of tasks”.

But it needn’t be the hurdle it can at first seem. In Donna’s accounts of dating, she makes a point of dating when her child is at her ex partner’s house, or when she has some spare time to herself. For those with childcare and time constraints, dating online is the perfect way to ‘get back out there’ again and find someone new, and the best bit is that the initial, online stages of ‘dating’ can all be done when children are tucked up in bed. Make sure you research the top 10 dating sites to find the one that is right for you.

“Looking for someone who will love and respect you and your children can feel challenging but in reality it’s just about finding the person for you”, says Dr Gian Gonzaga, Senior Relationship Scientist at eHarmony.co.uk, the relationship success site. Dr Gonzaga continues, “in a recent poll of eHarmony.co.uk members, 85% said they were sensitive to a single parent’s position, so there’s no reason for not taking that first step.’ Here are five top tips from Fr. Gonzaga that every single and dating parent should follow:

1. Be honest from the beginning

It isn’t always easy to bring up the fact that you have children when considering going out with someone new. But your date deserves to know what to expect — perhaps you’ll only be available every other weekend or you can never be out past midnight due to your babysitter. Be upfront and you’ll avoid any surprises later on.

2. Only date someone who is sensitive to your situation

A potential partner who respects the fact that you’re a parent should understand and be sensitive to the responsibilities that you have to your children. Do they realize that even on a date you need to be accessible to your children? Does he or she understand that only you will know the right time to introduce them to your children? If the answer is no to any of these questions, they are probably not the right partner for you in the long-term.

3. Go slow

Unless you and your date are both certain you want to take the relationship in a more serious direction, don’t rush to introduce him or her to your kids. Having a new adult in their lives is a big deal. When you feel the time is right, keep the meeting low-key and brief, and do all you can to remove pressure from everyone. Your kids need as much time as you did to get to know someone new.

4. Be realistic

After introductions, be careful not to expect too much from your new relationship too soon. Someone who has never had kids will need plenty of time to develop their own relationship with your children. Equally if your partner has children or their own, it will take time for both sets of children to get used to being a part of a single family.

5. Practice being more than a parent

Yes, you are responsible for your children, and you must take that seriously. But being a parent is not solely all you are. You’re a single person looking for someone to share your life with. Get a babysitter, relax, and enjoy dating!

Dr Gonzaga concludes: “Don’t let being a parent stop you trying to find happiness. Just learn from your past relationship, have clear boundaries and be confident and you will find a true partner.”

Donna Air’s dating blog can be found at: http://moourl.com/donnadating.