Lyn Burgess interview. How to be your best self.

I came across Lyn Burgess and her coaching a few years ago through Creative Edge Audio. I was very happy when she said yes to being interviewed for Frost. I find Lyn incredibly inspirational. I hope you do as well.

1) How did you get into personal and business coaching?

I worked for many years in operational roles in the financial services sector and was made redundant from an H R Director’s job. I had outplacement consulting and looked at my skills and my values and out of that came ‘coaching’. I think I always had a coaching philosophy though when I was managing teams of people, I always found I could get them to do what was needed without yielding a big stick – and they’d be quite happy to do it as well. Setting up my own coaching business in 2002 seemed like such an obvious progression, I’m not sure why I hadn’t done it before!

2) Best tip for confidence?

“Fake it till you make it!” It’s good to model someone else who is a confident person – give yourself a ‘confident outfit’ or a lucky pair of knickers. Start off by just ‘pretending’ to be confident for 30 mins each day and experience how it feels. Make sure you have some interaction with other people and see how differently they react to you. Also, create a visualisation of you being/feeling confident. Practice this every day. Also think back to a time when you felt confident so you remember that you can do it and notice what happens in your body. Start little and often and your mind will become the confident person you want to be

3) What do you love about your job?

Pretty much all of it. You won’t ever meet a coach that doesn’t enjoy what they do – they always want to do more, help more people. I love marketing my business, I love networking, I love finding new places to advertise, I love working out how to reach more people, how else I can coach them. I love other people’s success and knowing that because I helped them set some goals and asked them a bunch of questions it really made a difference to their lives and their career. I also love doing presentation and workshops to groups of people. You get some great energy back and participants always learn from other people.

4) Advice for actors?

Be tenacious, get clearly focused on exactly what you want ie. a part in a period drama at the Globe starting in October 2010 paying me £X, rather than “I want a job”. The latter kind of statement is useless, if that’s your idea of a goal then go work in Tesco – there, you have a job. Never give up and be proactive. Just because you have an agent, doesn’t mean you can sit at home and wait for the phone to ring. You can switch on the TV and see that being an actor is not necessarily about being talented. You need to be in the right place at the right time, knowing the right people and not having any hang-ups, or moaning about the industry and telling yourself how tough it is. Network your butt off. It’s much easier to make connections face to face, rather than sitting in a pile of CV’s. Make it easy for casting directors and agents – put yourself in a box to start off with. Once you get well known, then you can diversify, but if you look like a thug and sound like a thug, play thugs.

5) Who is your inspiration?

3 people. One: An old boss of time who saw potential in me and would always say “Lyn, I want you to go and do such and such a job now” and I’d think, ‘I’m not sure I can do that’ – then I went and found that I could do it. Every two years he gave me a different job role to do and it just made me realise that you can do things that you are unsure about. He believed in me and that enabled me to believe in myself. Two: Fiona Harrold – A UK life coach. When I first started my accreditation to become a coach I read her book “Be your own life coach” and I felt so inspired and knew I was on the right path. Three: Tony Robbins – a US life coach. He does the fire walk which I have done – which is actually really easy to do. Check him out on YouTube or read his books, he’s awesome.

6) What’s next?

I feel like this question should be at the end. One of the things that I’ve always wanted to do is to work more with people on a project and within a team of people ie. on a TV programme or on a film. So work with the writers, the producers, the directors and the actors and be part of the production team for whoever needs me. Help with issues of time management, working to budgets, stress management, team dynamics etc. I want people to say in years to come “God, we never make a film/tv programme without a life coach!” It always helps to have someone disassociated from the project to look at it in an impartial way to give those in it another perspective. I also have an idea for a book called “Life, Camera, Action” which uses well known Film quotes to illustrate coaching themes – but I need a writer to write it – then I can develop it into a workshop to take around cinemas in the UK.

7) Tell me about your workshops?

The workshops I run on a monthly basis and they cover 3 main themes. They were born out of doing some advertising when I first started out on Shooting People where I wanted to get into the minds of people in the industry and offered some free coaching in return for completion of a short questionnaire. I had about 90 responses and realised that was a lot of free coaching! So I set up the workshops so that I could coach a whole bunch of people at the same time, rather than one to one. The workshop topics are : Focus, we work around goal setting, looking at what holds you back and create an action plan. Self Belief – on this one we look at limiting beliefs from your past, blast them out of the way and look at confidence building. Networking: where to go, what to say, how to follow up etc etc.

8 ) What is your background?

Financial Services – and by that I mean processing mortgages and secured loans. I also worked in 2 Building Societies. I started as a secretary and then held Managerial roles for years. I have done acting and theatre directing, so I know what it’s like to stand on a stage – which I loved. I always found that I could relate to most people (even if I didn’t like them) so it was always a career that involved interacting with others. Financial services was great because it was fast moving and you had to constantly change and be flexible and I think life is like that too. Every few years you have to reinvent yourself because the landscape keeps changing. I love that, I love taking risks. Too many people try to be a perfectionist and there’s no such thing as perfection, you are striving for something you will never attain. Do something, get a result, tweak it and then do it again!

9) What does your average day consist of?

Variety! Coaching clients which can be via email or telephone. I don’t do much face to face work apart from the workshops. Marketing, twittering, advertising and promoting. Pulling together some ideas for joint workshops. Following up on contacts that I’ve met networking, or recently at Cannes. I never seem to have time to blog frequently enough. But I do promote an 8 Week Makeover Programme that is a very cost effective way of coaching. I also run the events committee for Women in Film and TV, so that usually forms part of my day, checking in with the event producers or organising an event of my own. I email the WFTV office several times a day.

10) What is the hardest part of the job?

Wanting to do everything right now and being impatient. Want to help more people, answer emails, twitter, write newsletters, do my accounts. The hardest part when you first start out is getting to know the difference between empathy and sympathy with a client. I’m good at it now and have developed quite a good sense of emotional detachment. Coaching is always forward focused so it’s my job to keep people ‘in action’ – the hardest part for me is understanding that people move at their own pace – not mine. I sometimes come away from a call thinking “was I any use there? That person is not doing enough” and then two hours later I’ll get a text or an email from the client saying “thanks so much for the sessions, they are always really useful!” So it’s all about perception, and as one of my Magic Quips said: “it might look like I’m doing nothing, but at a cellular level I’m really quite busy”

For more on Lyn go here:

Carrington (1995) [Retro Film Review]

Carrington starring Emma Thompson, Jonathan Pryce, Rufus Sewell and Alex Kingston.  1995.
“I love you….but I can’t sleep with you.” A wonderful film about the artist Dora Carrington (Emma Thompson) and her relationship with the author Lytton Strachey (Jonathan Pryce), this film is humorous, intelligent, thought provoking and one of my faves. Set in the English countryside during World War I the film explores their unlikely friendship, the role (or lack of) of the upper classes during the war and Dora’s numerous unsuccessful love affairs…as their life is unravelled we gain a glimpse of their artistry and the work that made them famous.
Maybe they’re not that famous because I had heard nothing about Dora & Lytton before watching the film and you may not have heard of them either, but that really isn’t necessary to enjoy this. Jonathan Pryce is such a talented actor and he has some really funny lines, Rufus Sewell (Dark City) is present as one of Carrington’s lovers, Alex Kingston (Dr Corday from ER, River Song in Doctor Who) plays the lover of Dora’s lover. The film is 15 years old but seems to be frozen in its own time capsule; Alex Kingston and Emma Thompson look much younger and different to how you have seen them before on screen.  They are classic and elegant.
If you watch this film you may think I’m rather naive to rave about how well the film looks in terms of period, costume and set but I’m not so naive as to believe you will like Carrington as much as I do – it has one of the best endings a film could have.

Buy Carrington on DVD [Product Page]

by Wendy Thomson

The inept girl's guide to cooking.

The next recipe is an old favourite of mine. I love prawn cocktail. When I was growing up my parents made it for me all the time. It is quick, simple and delicious.

You need: prawns, Heinz tomato ketchup, Heinz salad cream, Lemons, tomatoes, cucumber, lettuce, and Worcester sauce.

To make the Marie Rose sauce mix equal parts tomatoes sauce with salad cream. It’s optional but you can add Worcester sauce as well. Just a few drops.

Wash and cut up the tomatoes, cucumber and lettuce. Place in a serving dish. Add the prawns and the sauce you have made. It’s that easy.

I will leave you with the excellent food recipe and not tell you about nearly burning down my kitchen….

How to tell if your boyfriend loves you.

I have something controversial to say. I don’t think men lie to women. I think men tell the truth and women lie to themselves. I know because I spent most of my dating life doing it. I have dated men I knew didn’t love me, who just saw it as a bit of fun, but I ignored all the signs because I was in love.relationships

Unfortunately, as a women. We have to work faster than men. We can’t dilly dally in a bad relationship. There is that tick tock of our biological clock. So, with that in mind. Please read the following and if he does not love you. Find someone who does. You deserve it.

Have you met his family and friends? If you haven’t, he is not integrating you into his life. This means he sees you as temporary. Prove him right, and get a better boyfriend.

Does he refer to you as his girlfriend? What does his Facebook status say? If it says nothing, that is fine. He might just be private. If it says ‘single’. He is – so are you.

Does he tell you he doesn’t want to settle down? He isn’t lying and he won’t change his mind. Men tell the truth all the time. Listen. If you are happy for him to be Mr Right-now. That is fine. If you want to get married and settle down asap. Cut and run.

Does he always want space? It is not a good sign if he always wants space. If he wants ‘space’, give it to him. Preferably about, oh, 10 miles between you.

Body language. This is so under-rated. Most communication is not verbal at all. Learn to read your boyfriend. If he is asking cold towards you, ask yourself: ‘ Is he just having a bad time.’ If nothing is going on he may have already emotionally left the relationship. Read Joe Navarro’s book Louder Than Words: Take Your Career from Average to Exceptional with the Hidden Power of Nonverbal Intelligence Joe is an ex- FBI agent. It will save you a lot of time and pain. Not just in your relationship.

Does he look at other women? This is disrespectful. It means he does not care about you, or your feelings. He is also shopping around for other women.

Does he say ‘we’? If not, there is no ‘we’. Harsh but true.

I leave the closing words to Jennifer Garner:’I never had a problem resisting a guy I knew was going to break my heart.’

Anything to add? Comment below or send to frostmagazine@gmail.com

 

 

Alexa's Beauty Recommendations [Beauty]

Beauty recommendations are sometimes PR hype. We were not given any of these products for free and this is all from personal recommendation.

As a refreshing alternative, we offer this list of tried and tested products, some familiar, some enjoyably obscure.

MeMeMe Fat Cat Mascara

MeMeMe Fat Cat Mascara

Mascara

MeMeMe Fat Cat Lashes. The wand has a huge brush that creates long, feather-like lashes, similar in style to Diorshow but at a fraction of the price. £7.99

Face

Clarins Beauty Flash Balm. Yes it’s expensive but if you’re hungover, have a date or need a quick face perk-up you’ll be glad of this little miracle. Apply in small quantities for an immediate healthy glow. £26.50

Boots Botanics Sensitive Skin Cleansing Lotion. A lovely and gentle cleanser that clears the skin, moisturises it and removes make-up. £3.99

Lancome Photogenic Lumessence

Lancome Photogenic Lumessence

Foundation

Lancôme Photogenic Lumessence. Want people to hate you because they think you have naturally perfect skin? Pop this on your birthday list. Another pricey one but it lasts for months and makes you glow with health. Albeit from a bottle. £27.50

Rose & Co Apocathary Rose Petal Salve

Rose & Co Apothecary Rose Petal Salve

Lips

Rose & Co Apothecary Rose Petal Salve. A rose-smelling salve that can also be used as a brow tamer, cuticle softner, elbow and knee softner and it comes in lots of flavours including cherry kiss and the yummy sounding strawberry crush. £5.00

Hair

Charles Worthington Brilliant Shine Shampoo and Conditioner. No need to spend silly money on big name brands, this does the same job and makes your hair soft and shiny. £4.55 each.

Let us know how you get with the recommendations, or please share any of your own favourites.

By Alexa Brown

Sex and the City 2

The run up to Sex and the City 2 was like Christmas for me. I counted down the days. As someone who has seen every episode and the first film it was not hard for me to be pleased. I watched the TV series when I was far too young to be affected by the issues. I guess I still am. This never mattered. They were like older sisters who lived an impossibly, grown up life. Sure they were designer obsessed and flawed. All sisters are. I loved them anyway. So, did it let me down

No. Liza Minnelli doing Beyonce was worth the price of the ticket alone. The cloths are just as amazing, the dialogue as sharp ( Carrie’s retort to the point that leaving your husband with a hot nanny should be against the law; the Jude Law ) the characters are as flawed and interesting as ever.

While Mr Big comes across as a a bit of a jerk, Aidan making a welcome return to the scene, giving you plenty of eye candy. Along with Jerrod Smith and a host of other men. For all of the critics that say it is shallow some of the scenes are truly emotionally beautiful and real. Charlotte locking herself in the cupboard to get a break from her children and crying, The look Aidan gives Carrie that tells you that he still loves her – that she broke his heart. Carrie looking back at her single days; telling Charlotte that she was a headless chicken, running around, just trying to get the man she loved to love her back. Who can’t relate to that?

The film has been accused of racism. I believe that was never the intention. It can come across as slightly dis-respectable. But I wasn’t disappointed. The film is what it is. Go see it. It’s still fun, fabulous and relevant.

Yahoo! Offers Chance To Win The Ultimate Sports Prize

Play the Yahoo! Penalty Shootout Online Game for the opportunity to win tickets to sixteen of the world’s greatest sporting events

Participate on First Day of World Cup and Yahoo! Will Contribute Up To $100,000 to Help Eliminate AIDS in Africa

London, June 10, 2010

If you could attend any sporting event in the world, which would you choose? Who would you take? All questions for anyone who plays to win the ultimate sports prize, the Yahoo! Sports Pass. The prize will give one lucky winner two tickets to 16 of the world’s greatest sporting events, four events per year for four years. In addition to allowing the winner to pick the events of their choice, the Yahoo! Sports Pass also includes travel and accommodation for each event.

To win the Sports Pass prize, play Yahoo! Penalty Shootout, an online game that allows you to face off against friends, other fans and rivals in a virtual penalty kick competition. Fans in more than 16 countries will be able to play the game at http://uk.eurosport.yahoo.com/football/world-cup/penalty-shootout/ for a chance to win the Yahoo! Sports Pass.

The Penalty Shootout contestants with the two highest scores in the world at the end of the online competition will be flown to Brazil to compete in a real live penalty shootout featuring famous England and Arsenal goalkeeper David Seaman. The winner with the highest number of kicks against Seaman will be awarded the Yahoo! Sports Pass.

“The penalty shootout is always the most intense, highly charged aspect of any football competition,” said Andrew Cocker, Yahoo!’s UK Head of Marketing. “For the winners of the Yahoo! Penalty Shootout promotion, the stakes could not be higher – a prize that any sports fan would love – tickets to 16 of the biggest sporting events in the world. The final challenge is to beat David Seaman: a big test for the ultimate sports prize.”

In addition to trying to win the ultimate sports prize, fans that play Yahoo! Penalty Shootout for (RED) on the first day of the World Cup will help eliminate HIV/AIDS in Africa.  For every goal scored on June 11, Yahoo! will contribute USD $1, up to USD $100,000, to the Global Fund, the recipient of (RED) monies. Since 2006 (RED) has been engaging business and consumers to help eliminate AIDS in Africa and to date (RED) partners and events have generated $150 million for the Global Fund. For more info about (RED) visit www.joinred.com

The Yahoo! Penalty Shootout game is another example of Yahoo! bringing innovation to the world’s largest sporting event. In addition to online games, Yahoo! is providing fans with a variety of compelling World Cup tools and content:

  • Get a quick snapshot of the latest World Cup information with new rich shortcuts in Yahoo! Search results – photos, videos, schedules, live scores, stats, team information and news at your fingertips.
  • Download the Yahoo! Toolbar to stay on top of World Cup action with real-time scores, schedules and breaking news. Be the ultimate fan and customise toolbars with country-themed skins.
  • Predict winners for each round with Yahoo Fantasy Football (http://uk.wc.fantasysports.yahoo.com/world-cup ), a pick’em style fantasy football game. This is Yahoo!’s largest global launch of a fantasy product. Fans can play the game in 22 countries in 11 languages.
  • Predictalot from Yahoo! Labs, a fun experiment that puts the “wisdom of the crowd” about the World Cup to the test. Predictalot lets fans in every country make millions of interesting predictions, like “How many teams from Europe will advance to the quarterfinals? or “Will a country that has never won before win it all this year?”
  • Receive World Cup updates on-the-go with Yahoo!’s seamless online and mobile experiences. Visit m.yahoo.co.uk and enjoy comprehensive up-to-the minute scores, schedules, standings, news, player profiles and more.

Alain De Botton on Philosophy, happiness and writing.

One of my favourite authors is Alain De Botton. As well as being an amazing writer, Alain is also a very nice person. So when I asked him for an interview I was delighted when he said yes.

1) The first book I read of yours was The Consolations of Philosophy. A friend lent it to me. The book changed my life. I put quotes from it all over my diary. How important do you think Philosophy is to our everyday life?

I’m delighted you enjoyed the book. I think that one shouldn’t look at Philosophy as just one thing. After all, one wouldn’t say one loved Literature: it’s always particular books and authors that can touch us. So my own attachments in philosophy are to certain thinkers like Epicurus or Nietzsche or Montaigne. They are by no means mainstream and are often considered to be ‘not real philosophers’ by academics, because they address quite practical questions and don’t argue their points as precisely and logically as they might. They are good writers first and foremost, and good psychologists – but not necessarily philosophers in the way that David Hume was.

To answer your question, with the right philosopher (like Montaigne), philosophy can be of incredible importance to life. It helps to illuminate was is confused and expands your horizons. It can literally save your life, that’s the way that the philosophers of Ancient Greece and Rome understood philosophy and I have a lot of sympathy for this therapeutic approach.

2) What is your writing schedule?

I keep to office hours – though can’t work all day, so waste time online and looking out of the window. I am in a constant battle to be more productive, and feel eternally guilty.

3) Do you find it easy to write?

I find it very hard to think properly – which for me is what it means to ‘write well’. It’s so easy to get one’s thoughts tangled and not say the most important things, or at least not say them crisply enough. So I feel very tortured indeed as a writer, and often wish that I were something else (an airline pilot or the manager of a hotel).

4) What do you consider your greatest achievement in life?

Bringing up 2 small lovely boys. Everything else pales in comparison.

5) What is your background?

I was born in Switzerland where I lived till I was 12, at which point I switched languages (from French to English) and moved to the UK. My parents are Jewish, and I’d identify myself as a secular jew.

6) Do we deserve to be happy?

Most of us yes, but we’d also better be ready for a lot of pain. Modern society prepares us for a lot of happiness, it seems inconceivable that we wouldn’t have a good marriage, find a good job and never die – and yet these expectations are on the optimistic side.

7) Who is your favourite writer?

I’m very fond of Marcel Proust, about whom I wrote a book, How Proust can change your Life. I admire his sincerity, his clarity, his simplicity, his courage to say the important things.

8 ) When are you most happy?

Just after finishing an important difficult piece of work. The feeling lasts 10 minutes max.

9) You recently wrote, The Art of Travel. What was the thinking behind it?

For most of us, when we think of how to be happy, we think of one (or all of) three things: falling in love, finding satisfaction at work and going travelling. Travelling can form some of our greatest fantasies: we lie in bed reading a travel supplement, looking at pictures of faraway places (London/Honolulu/Paris/Naples/Sydney/Bali) and think, ‘Here I could be happy!’

But the reality of travel seldom matches our daydreams. The tragi-comic disappointments are well-known: the disorientation, the mid-afternoon despair, the lethargy before ancient ruins. And yet the reasons behind such disappointments are rarely explored. We are inundated with advice on where to travel to; we hear little of why we should go and how we could be more fulfilled doing so.

The Art of Travel is an attempt to tackle the curious business of travelling – why do we do it? What are we trying to get out of it? In a series of essays, I write about airports, landscapes, museums, holiday romances, photographs, exotic carpets and the contents of hotel mini-bars. I mix my own thoughts about travel with those of some great figures of the past: Edward Hopper, Baudelaire, Wordsworth, Van Gogh and Ruskin among them.          The result is a work which, unlike existing guidebooks on travel, actually asks what the point of travel might be – and modestly suggests how we could learn to be happier on our journeys.

10 ) My friend, is a Buddhist. She said this wonderful quote to me; ‘ When does the suffering end? When you want it to.’ Do you agree?

I’m very sympathetic to the idea that one could be in total control of one’s life, that one could – simply through an effort of thought – change everything. And yet I’m also realistic enough to know that we are not in command of our minds in a total way, and that suffering is an intrinsic part of life. Your friend is also being a little casual with her Buddhism. Buddhists do believe that there are a few exalted ‘saints’ like the Buddha himself who can overcome suffering. But it adds that they only come along once every hundred years or so and only overcome their desires and drives through an immense daily effort of the will.

To purchase Alain’s books go here; http://www.amazon.com/Alain-de-Botton/e/B000AQW38G/ref=sr_tc_2_0?qid=1276079458&sr=1-2-ent