Wendy's baby diary – cheeky monkey

Baby Diary – 31 weeks

Ill

I started out with the intention to keep this baby column
weekly but it’s been nearly a month since my last baby update. There are a
couple of reasons and one is that Dillon has been ill. He got an infected toe
(we’re not sure how) and needed antibiotics for a week, this was followed by a
temperature for a couple of days and he’s had a cough for nearly a month. It is
scary and a panic when I hear any sniffle. Keep well baby D!

Controlled Crying

Dillon is nearly 7 months old and life is starting, just
starting to get easier. Bless his heart, Dillon has been sleeping through the
night for the last few weeks.  To get
there we had to go down the ‘controlled crying’ route. At first I didn’t want
to. We did the pick up, put down approach which is comfort the baby then leave him,
repeat as necessary, but when repeat is many times throughout the night it got
too much for both of us (stamina, exhaustion, feeding in desperation).

So what is controlled crying? Basically you leave your baby
to cry themselves to sleep. It’s not in a horrible, ignore the baby kind of
way, it’s in a loving, have I checked the baby and after feeding, winding,
changing, checking if teething, temperature, breathing is everything else ok
and telling him you love him and putting the lights out, you let him cry his
little heart out until he falls asleep. Yes it feels heartless and horrible and
wrong. But our little boy is 80 percentile he’s not going to waste away from
lack of milk and booby at night he can definitely sleep without it. After some
reassurance from my friend, we let Dillon cry himself to sleep and he cried for
about 20 mins. The next night between 10 and 15 mins. That was it. Joy!  For 10 hours the baby is asleep and I am free.
Freedom!

Nursery

Dillon has started at nursery two days a week so that I can
attend Uni two days a week. Oh the guilt of leaving him with someone else. But
the staff are really nice, the nursery has a good vibe about it and it does me
some good to be in an intellectual environment twice a week. I worry about him,
but he’s a sociable, loving baby, I think he’s happy there.  At six months old he’s also the youngest baby at
the nursery as most people go back to work after maternity leave of 9 months to
one year, another reason to feel guilty. But he seems to be getting a lot of
attention from the staff as the youngest, neediest baby which makes me feel
better. He also hasn’t formed that strong attachment to me yet, so when I say
bye bye, he doesn’t notice me leave, he’s busy eyeing up the toys and the other
babies.

Easier for Dad to
Leave the House

Since he’s working full time it’s easier for Dillon’s dad to
get out of the house 5 days a week. Sometimes I’ve been a little jealous that
he gets to leave, in a thoughtless grass is always greener way. Because I know how
well tended the lawn is on my side of the fence. And I’m not talking lady
garden. I’m happier being at home with Dillon. The gig that Dad went to which
turned into a 24 hour absence felt a bit much, especially when it looked set to
repeat the next weekend (but it’s not happening now). I appreciate that we both
need a break and we take it in turns to babysit.  Yes I’ve missed a lot of theatre before and
after Dillon was born, but I’ve read a lot of books, watched a lot of TV,
films, listened to radio, even got to the cinema (thanks to the Baby Scream
club), met up with other mums at Baby Sensory classes and my NCT group and with
my mum friends, we’ve taken Dillon to baby swimming classes, even church once a
month. The isolation I had felt is diminishing – just got to get out with the
baby!

Pushchairs

Dillon’s travel system has been good in a lot of ways but
boy is his car seat heavy and the whole thing is bulky, so we’re looking into a
lightweight pushchair to make it easier when dropping him off at nursery. I just
don’t understand why the majority of pushchairs are designed so that the baby
faces forwards (not towards mum).  I only
see problems with it, because to check on your child you have to stop, walk to the
front, deal with your baby then return to the back. Anytime your baby cries,
needs a drink or food, has a runny nose, their clothing needs adjusting you’ve
got to stop and go to the front of the pushchair (and when it’s crowded on the
pavement annoy all the pedestrians behind you).

More (inexpensive) rear facing pushchairs please!

Happy Halloween

© Wendy Thomson 2011

Wendy Thomson is the editor of www.femalearts.com an online publication
which promotes women in the arts and in business.

Top 10 Common Faults with Human Thought

When you think about it the human mind is an incredible thing. Cognition, the act or process of thinking, enables us to process immense amounts of information in the blink of an eye. Take just walking down your high street for example; you are multi-tasking walking with taking in stimuli such as sound, smell all whilst looking out for the latest offers. You may be consciously thinking about one specific thing, but you brain is processing thousands of subconscious ideas.

Unfortunately our cognition is not perfect, and there are certain judgment errors that we are prone to making, and left unchecked there are certain habits we can fall into with our thinking which can limit our success. In my own journey of change NLP played a huge part as the key statement is ‘That as you think, so you are’. It shares a lot with the field of psychology ideas that ‘Thought is linked to behaviour’.

I’m going to share with you the top ten faults. If any of these ring true for you don’t worry; they happen to everybody regardless of age, gender, education, intelligence. Some of them are well known, others not, but all of them are interesting. I am sure everyone will find that one has happened to them, (I myself have been prone to several) hopefully you recognise when they are making an error in the future.

 

10. Gambler’s Fallacy

The Gambler’s fallacy is the tendency to think that future probabilities are altered by past events, when in reality, they are not. Certain probabilities, such as getting a heads when you flip a (fair) coin, are always the same. The probability of getting a heads is 50%, it does not matter if you’ve gotten tails the last 10 flips. Thinking that the probabilities have changed is a common mistake, especially when gambling. For example, I am playing roulette. The last four spins have landed on black, it has to be red this time right? Wrong! The probability of landing on red is still 47.37% (18 red spots divided by 38 total spots). This may sound obvious, but this bias has caused many a gambler to lose money thinking the probabilities have changed.

 

9. Reactivity

Reactivity is the tendency of people to act or appear differently when they know that they are being observed. In the 1920s, a manufacturing facility commissioned a study to see if different levels of light influenced worker productivity. What they found was incredible, changing the light caused productivity to soar! Unfortunately, when the study was finished, productivity levels decreased to their regular levels. This was because the change in productivity was not due to the light levels, but to the workers being watched. This demonstrated a form of reactivity; when individuals know they are being watched, they are more likely to be motivated to change their behaviour, generally to make themselves look better. Reactivity is a serious problem in research, and has to be controlled in blind experiments (“Blind” is when individuals involved in a research study are purposely withheld information so as not to influence the outcomes).

 

 

8. Pareidolia

Pareidolia is when random images or sounds are perceived as significant. Seeing clouds in the shapes of dinosaurs, the image of Jesus on a slice of bread, or hearing messages when a record is played backward are common examples. The common element is that the stimulus is neutral, it does not have intentional meaning; the meaning is in fact the viewer’s perception and reflects as much about them as the situation. So if you are looking for something like a woman in am image you are much more likely to see just that.

 

7. Self-fulfilling Prophecy

This is perhaps the most powerful fault with human thinking. A self-fulfilling prophecy is a prediction that causes itself to become true. For example, I think my relationship with my significant other is going to fail, so I start acting differently, pulling away emotionally or I refuse to trust them because I have had negative experiences in the past and I think that every partner will cheat on me. Because of my actions, I actually cause the relationship to fail. This is a powerful tool used by so called “psychics” they may implant an idea in your mind and you eventually make it happen because you think it will.

When you start realising this it actually becomes quite shocking. There is an argument to say that Economic Recessions could be a self-fulfilling prophecy. Because a recession is 2 quarters of Gross Domestic Product (GDP) decline, you cannot know you are in a recession until you are at least 6 months into one. Unfortunately, at the first sign of decreasing GDP, the media reports a possible recession, people panic and start a chain of events that actually cause a recession.

 

6. Halo effect

The Halo effect is the tendency for an individual’s positive or negative trait to “spill over” to other areas of their personality in others’ perceptions of them. This bias happens a lot in employee performance appraisals. For example: my employee, Biff, has been late to work the past three days; I notice this and conclude that Biff is lazy and does not care about his job. There are many possible reasons why Biff was late, perhaps his car broke down, his babysitter did not show up, or there has been bad weather. The problem is, because of one negative aspect that may be out of Biff’s control, I assume that he is a bad worker.

The Physical Attractiveness Stereotype is when people assume that attractive individuals possess other socially desirable qualities, such as happiness, success and intelligence. This becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy when attractive people are given privileged treatment such as better job opportunities and higher salaries.

 

5. Group Polarisation

Sometimes called Herd Mentality or Mob Mentality, this is the tendency to adopt the opinions and follow the behaviours of the majority to feel safer and to avoid conflict. At its most common form this is none other than peer pressure. We see Herd Mentality in recent incidents such as the riots, but do you notice it at Christmas when everyone wants the latest toy or is perhaps looking at the latest fashion? Creating a must have attitude in consumers is the staple diet of Marketing execs and if they can create it even through viral exposure they will at any cost; all it takes is a group of people who think something is cool, and it catches on.

 

4. Reactance

Reactance is the urge to do the opposite of what someone wants you to do out of a need to resist a perceived attempt to constrain your freedom of choice. This is common with rebellious teenagers, but any attempt to resist authority due to perceived threats to freedom and/or choice is reactance. The individual may not have a need to do the specific behaviour, however the fact that they cannot do it makes them want to.

Reverse psychology is an attempt to influence people using reactance. Tell someone (particularly children) to do the opposite of what you really want, and they will rebel and actually end up doing what you want.

 

3. Hyperbolic Discounting

Hyperbolic discounting is the tendency for people to prefer a smaller, immediate payoff over a larger, delayed payoff. Much research has been done on decision-making, and many factors contribute to the individual decision making process. Interestingly, delay time is a big factor in choosing an alternative. Put simply, most people would choose to get £20 today instead of getting £100 one year from today. Assume that the interest rate is 9%, at this interest rate, a rational person would be indifferent to taking £91.74 now, or £100 a year from now. However, it is interesting how much less we are willing to take immediately rather than wait, would you rather have £100 a year from now, or £50 immediately? How about £40 immediately? Where do you draw the line?

There are huge connotations for a society who thinks this way. Just imagine how many people are putting off their pensions because they would rather have the money now than to start saving. Just imagine how many people are getting into debt because of quick fire loans of £1443% apr – Yes I have seen them.

My personal nickname for this is P.I.G – Personal Immediate Gratification and I don’t mind saying that it is the one that I had the most problems with. Essentially it is the ability to put off immediate gratification in favour of a longer term gain. If you read Frost regularly I’ll have more on this in the next few months

 

 

2. Escalation of Commitment

Escalation of commitment is the tendency for people to continue to support previously unsuccessful endeavours. With all the decisions people have to make, it is unavoidable that some will be unsuccessful. Of course, the logical thing to do in these instances is to change that decision or try to reverse it. However, sometimes individuals feel compelled not only to stick with their decision, but also to further invest in that decision because they have sunk costs. For example, say you use half of your life savings to start a business. After 6 months, it is evident that the business is going to be unsuccessful. The logical thing to do would be to “cut your losses” and drop the business. However, due to the sunk costs of your life savings, you feel committed to the business and invest even more money into the project hoping that the additional cash will turn the business around.

Just to be clear on this – faltering on the border of failure is not always a bad thing; many successful people I know have come close to bankruptcy many times, many relationships have bordered on the edge of breakdown and in many cases people come through stronger and more educated than before; in fact some would say failure is almost a pre-requisite to success. The key becomes knowing when to walk away and when to stay.

 

1. Placebo Effect

Number one in my book has to be the Placebo effect. This is when an ineffectual substance that is believed to have healing properties produces the desired effect. Especially common with medications, the placebo effect has been observed when individuals given a sugar pill for a real ailment reported improvement. Placebos are still very much a scientific mystery. It is theorised that placebos cause an “Expectancy Effect”, (In cases of uncertainty, expectation is what is most likely to happen) individuals expect the pills to cure their ailments, so they feel cured. However, this does not explain how the ineffectual pills actually cause a reduction in symptoms.

The term “Placebo” is used when the outcomes are considered favourable or positive, when the outcomes are negative or harmful; the term is called “Nocebo”

Entrepreneurs encourage young people to become economically active

As the latest unemployment figures spike to a 17 year high, two young entrepreneurs prove that a disastrous job market is no obstacle

Unemployment in the UK has hit a 17 year high this month, putting pressure on the government to come up with a better economic strategy. The number of young people out of work is close to the million mark, with 991,000 16-24-year-olds out of work. The new figures, which take into account the last three months, are the worst since records began in the early 1990s.

Kevin Flood and Mike Harty, despite the doom and gloom of the employment market, have set up a unique online company straight out of university as an alternative to getting lost in the crowded jobs scrum. What’s more they are setting out to topple the online giants in the price comparison site arena.

Shopow.co.uk, their Social Shopping start-up, is a new type of shopping search engine that aggregates thousands of retailers and millions of products across all areas of consumer goods. Not only does this allow users to compare goods by criteria such as price, retailer, service and delivery, it also integrates various social functions so shoppers can find all the information they need to make the right decisions when buying online.

Kevin Flood, CEO of Shopow, said, “Our novel idea has meant that we were able to compete against some of the long established names from the outset. All budding entrepreneurs wishing to succeed shouldn’t underestimate the importance of a strong concept. We coupled this with our hard work ethic, detailed research and willingness to take the odd calculated risk in order to get our business off the ground and gathering momentum quickly.”

This momentum has resulted in the pair winning a Young Guns Business Award. Since the launch of Shopow in May 2010, the business anticipates revenues of over £3m in the first year of trading. The pair are confident they can achieve a ‘critical mass’ in the UK this year, and are looking to expand into the USA and mainland Europe imminently.

The message from Kevin and Mike is that business savvy individuals with a great idea can be masters of their own destiny and bypass the busy job market. Recent measures to tackle unemployment such as the Government Work Programme have generated optimism for some bright sparks, and opened other avenues so that they might create companies of their own.

Kevin Flood, Co-founder and CEO of Shopow, said, “We set up Shopow because of our love of business. There were so few opportunities in the job market that we opted to take a risk and move in a new direction, one which we would strongly encourage other young people to pursue.”

Top five active ways to enjoy winter sun in the western Algarve

UK holidaymakers planning for a warm long weekend should look no further than the western Algarve this winter. With average temperatures of 19-22 degrees Celsius (66-72 Fahrenheit), quieter beaches and coastal walks, visitors can get to grips with the real Algarve away from the summer’s tourist season.

Cycle

Rugged landscape and crystal clear waters define the Algarve away from the golf courses. The head winds often mean challenging cycling but it will reap rewards. Many hotels have on-site bikes for use by guests, although you can also visit Algarve Bike Hire, which rents bikes out for up to 15 days, with the lowest-spec bike available for 10 euro per day, or 90 euro for the full 15. Child seats are available, all equipment, including helmets, can be delivered to your hotel for free if based between Albufeira and Carvoeiro. Cycle the rewarding 10km route west along the coastal road from Carvoeiro to the village of Ferragudo, packed with small restaurants serving fresh fish overlooking its golden beach.

Surf

The Atlantic coast provides consistent waves for surfing, with the best spots found to the west of the Algarve, where plenty of established surfing schools hold expert knowledge of the secluded beaches and perfect waves for beginners. The Algarve Watersport School offers a ‘Surfari’ daytrip which picks up learners from their hotel if in a group of four or more. Prices and dates depend on location, but pickups include Lagos, Carvoeiro and Portimao and prices start at 55 euro.

Ride

The warm Autumnal weather provides good horse riding conditions and spectacular views of the rolling western Algarve terrain. There are a number of riding schools that cater for beginners through to experienced riders. Tiffany’s Riding School, located 7km west of the town of Lagos, provides a three-hour Adventure Tour (140 euro per person) against the backdrop of the Monchique Mountains, well-known for their abundance of pine and eucalyptus trees. Quinta da Bica riding school, located 16km from the medieval town of Silves, provides private, 30 minute riding lessons for 20 euro. The school also has quad biking treks for those more interested in four-wheeled fun.

Kayak

As a low impact but high return exercise, Kayaking is a gentle activity for both children and adults that provides access to little-known inlets and coves teeming with wildlife along the Algarve coast. Algarve Kayak Tours and The Kayak Centre take participants aged seven and upwards on two – three hour kayak tours departing from Lagos beach. Discover the colourful rock formations known as the “Algarves”, the famous grottos and caves of Ponta da Piedade or the Alvor laguna. Places available from 20 euro.

Golf

With access to a myriad of golf courses, visitors to the Algarve can be sure they will never be located too far from somewhere to tee off. Late autumn through to late spring is the peak season for golfers in the Algarve, largely due to the warm weather on offer minus the sweltering sun. Great deals can be found, and often the courses will remain quiet, provided you choose wisely. The western Algarve tends to be quieter, Carvoeiro is home to three golf courses, Vale de Milho is more informal, charging 30 euro green fee and is suited to beginners requiring only knowledge of golfing etiquette. The Gramacho and Pinta, 18 hole courses within 3 kilometres of Carvoeiro, accommodate holidaying golfers for approximately 90 euro per round.

Use Vale d’Oliveiras Quinta Resort & Spa as your base

Stay at the luxury 5* Vale d’Oliveiras Quinta Resort & Spa, five minutes from Carvoeiro and a 40 minute transfer from Faro airport and use it as your base to enjoy an active outdoor break. The resort offers self-catering apartments alongside its hotel, ensuring it can adapt to all holiday requirements.

Set within 20 acres of beautifully landscaped gardens, the resort offers all the facilities expected in a 5* environment. Relax in the resort spa with a vast range of beauty and wellbeing treatments and a steam bath, or get active with the two tennis courts, two outdoor swimming pools (one for adults, one for children) and a Health Club featuring a heated indoor pool, Jacuzzi, sauna and gymnasium.

The resort comprises of 80 spacious one and two-bedroom family suites, 2 suites and 22 elegant hotel rooms, equipped with high standard quality, all at your disposal to make sure your holidays in Carvoeiro will be unforgettable.

Activities at Vale d’Oliveiras Quinta Resort & Spa include the Cycling Social Ride, every Saturday at 11:00, groups up to 10, can enjoy a leisurely bike ride to Ferragudo free of charge. Guests can also participate in a Canoeing Expedition at the nearby Adrade river side spot of Fontes de Estombar, every Saturday at high tide, for 20 euros per person.

Women Miss Their Pets More Than Their Boyfriends.

NOT ALWAYS’S A MAN’S BEST FRIEND…

One-in-five women miss their pets more than their partners during prolonged absences, according to new research.

Almost 30 per cent think about their dogs and cats at least twice a day when separated for a week or more.

But only half that number think about their boyfriend or husband as often, a poll of female pet owners reveals.

They also worry more about their pets’ welfare – and if they are “eating well” – than their loved ones’ own health.

In fact, over 75 per cent ensure the cupboards are stocked with pet food and treats before they leave, yet far fewer are concerned about the man of the house going hungry.

Meanwhile, one-in-three would cut their trip short “at the drop of a hat” if their pet fell ill or had a minor incident, compared to just one-in-10 for their partner.

The survey into female travelling attitudes also shows that 60 per cent admit to feeling “guilty” about leaving their pets to go on a “girly weekend”.

Only 28 per cent, however, will have the same crisis of conscience over leaving their man on his own for a few days.

The figures were revealed yesterday by short breaks website GirlyWeekend.com, which polled 1,500 of its visitors who own cats and dogs.

Website founder Pat Gardner said she “fully understands” the findings.

“As a pet lover myself, I can fully understand why women would miss their pets more than their partner while away on a girly weekend,” she said.

“Women tend to see their pet cat or dog like a baby, in need of constant care and attention. Men, meanwhile, are seen as being able to look after themselves.”

The poll also revealed that 65 per cent of female travellers would take their furry friend with them on a girly weekend if allowed to do so by their hotel.

Pat added: “We specialise in upmarket breaks for women around the country and one of the questions we get asked a lot is if the hotels and country halls will allow pets.

“It just goes to show much women value the company of their cats and dogs.”

For more information about female short breaks visit www.girlyweekend.com

Brew up your own FestiviTea Party in aid of autism!

The National Autistic Society (NAS), the UK’s leading charity for people affected by autism, is asking friends, families and colleagues to get together during the festive season and raise money for charity by throwing a ‘FestiviTea Party’. Organising your very own bash couldn’t be easier and requires just three very simple ingredients: tea, cake and friends!

FestiviTea Parties are a chance to roll up your sleeves, don your aprons and bake up a storm with your nearest and dearest, whilst at the same time raising vital funds for the National Autistic Society. You can hold your party anywhere and at anytime. Whether it’s at home, work or out in the local community, you can make your FestiviTea Party as elaborate or as laid back as you like. How you choose to raise the money is also up to you – ask guests to buy tickets, make a donation, or pay for the cakes and biscuits you bake!

Christmas can be a stressful time for many families, but it can be extremely difficult for the half a million people affected by autism, who can often become confused and frightened by sudden changes of routine, unusual foods and new social activities. We need your help to continue to provide vital support and services for individuals and families affected by autism across the UK.

Jane Asher, President of The National Autistic Society and famous for her cake baking said: “I love baking, especially at Christmas time, and if you have children FestiviTea is a great activity to get them involved in too. But you don’t have to be an expert baker or spend lots of time putting together your own tea party: you can keep things simple and easy to organise by asking your friends to help out – or by buying ready-made supplies from the shops.”

“This is the time of year when we all like to get together with our loved ones – but it’s also the perfect time to think about helping those who find Christmas celebrations frightening and confusing. FestiviTea lets you do both at the same time: you’ll have fun with family and friends and every penny you raise will go towards helping the half a million people with autism in the UK.”

Last year, FestiviTea Party organisers across the country raised a fantastic £16,000 and this year, we want to get everyone in the Christmas spirit and raise even more. Every penny raised makes a difference and helps ensure that people with autism across the UK have the support they need to live fulfilling and rewarding lives.

To find out how to organise your own FestiviTea Party, visit: www.festivitea.org.uk or order a pack by calling 0845 180 0426 or emailing festivitea@nas.org.uk.

Oddbins is back on a High Street near you…

Oddbins is back on a High Street near you…

– Unique initiative allows Oddbins’ customers to choose the price of wine –

Oddbins is relaunching in the UK this week with a revolutionary approach that will see customers decide the price of some of its wine range.

From 20-23 October, consumers will be able to blind-taste wines in-store and then provide a price that they would be happy to pay for that bottle.

The wines will then go on shelves at the Customer Recommended Price (CRP).

Ayo Akintola, Managing Director of Oddbins says: “We’re taking the old cliché of ‘the customer is always right’ and actually demonstrating our belief that this is the case. The new Oddbins will put the consumer at the heart of everything we do, so it makes sense that we have a conversation about our pricing with our customers to explain our value based pricing model, while at the same time taking their opinions on board.

“For a long time the noise around wine has been about discounting and price cuts. It is time we have a mature conversation about price and what constitutes value.

“Oddbins has a proud history of innovating in the market place and this is just another example of that. No matter what the occasion, Oddbins is here to provide our customers with the perfect choice of great value wine.”

The unique initiative celebrates Oddbins’ relaunch on the 19th October, which will see 37 stores across the UK reinvigorated with a new look and feel.

The new stores will build on Oddbins’ heritage as an innovative and adventurous selector of wines, and see the retailer continue to offer a carefully considered and great value range.

Staffed by an enthusiastic team of wine buffs – ready to share as much (or as little) advice as customers want – Oddbins aims to bring the pleasure back to wine buying with a personal touch that cruising the supermarket aisle just fails to deliver.

Vivienne Westwood’s official arrival in China

This week is the official launch of the Independent British brand Vivienne Westwood in China. Vivienne Westwood will host four major events, including opening Shanghai fashion week, to mark the brands prestigious arrival in one of the Worlds most important markets, China.

The beginning of this week saw the official opening of the Vivienne Westwood Grand Gateway Shanghai store. The new shop was toasted in style by Chinese VIP’s and press. To celebrate the brands arrival the official opening of Vivienne Westwood Shoes An Exhibition: 1973 – 2011 also took place this week. This is a unique exhibition which showcases over 40 years of design and is touring internationally. So far it has travelled from the UK to Russia then on to Beirut and Lebanon and is now at the Grand Gateway in Shanghai, China. The exhibition will showcase around 80 shoe designs and traces the exceptional success of Dame Westwood’s career to date. The exhibition is open to the public form the 19th – 23rd October 2011.

The grand arrival continued yesterday evening when Vivienne Westwood was the main guest at ‘Fashion Shanghai’, the official opening of Shanghai’s Fashion Week, at Shanghai Fashion Center. Vivienne Westwood showcased a selection of her designs from her Autumn- Winter 2011/12 and Spring-Summer 2012 collections.

As part of the launch Vivienne Westwood is also set to be a guest of honour at the ‘Can China Survive the World Green Economy?’ conference hosted in the prestigious University of Shanghai and will be voicing her environmental campaigns to reach an International audience. Also attending the conference will be journalists from Chinese publications, and members of international organizations based in China.