Women Won’t Move In With Messy Men

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Frost has a series of posts on how to get your relationship on track or how to find the love of your life just in time for Valentine’s Day. We found the following information very interesting. If you want someone to move in, for the night or forever, then read this.

·      1 in 3 women have turned down a night of passion because of clutter in the bedroom

·       41% won’t move in with their partner because of their clutter crimes

·       2.4 million UK couples already living together argue over clutter up to 154 times a year

·       20% of women would rather their man de-cluttered the house than buy them a bunch of roses this Valentine’s Day


 With the nation’s hoarding habits on the increase, it’s no wonder clutter is causing conflict amongst co-habiting couples. But, with 1 in 3 women admitting they’ve turned down a night of passion because the bedroom’s been left in a state – and 41% saying they won’t even move in with their partner if they’re guilty of clutter crimes, IKEA is urging the nation to clean up their act if they want to be in a healthy relationship.


 

As newer UK homes are being built smaller, some having the smallest floor space in Europe (on average 83sqm1or less), it’s becoming increasingly tough for couples to make room for their love lives. However, with 20% of women admitting they want a clutter-free house over a bunch of roses this Valentine’s Day, men will need to clean up their act and pull more than just a romantic gesture out of the bag to please their partners this month.


 

With the bedroom now a key secondary living space, over a third (33%2) of people say it’s where they like to relax. But with almost half (42%2) of Brits admitting it’s where they hoard most of their junk, it’s now become a clutter hotspot for couples; and that’s what’s turning the bedroom cold.


 

2.4 million UK couples admit they already argue up to twice a week about their clutter gripes in the bedroom – that’s a staggering 154 times a year – and with almost 20% of men thinking it’s still a woman’s work to de-clutter the household, their opinion seems to be fuelling a different kind of fire in the home.


 

But what are people’s biggest gripes? When asked about the opposite sex, men and women picked out these top clutter crimes:

 

Men on Women:

·       Too many beauty products and toiletries (19%)

·       Too many clothes and shoes! (17%)

·       Paperwork in the bedroom (10%)

Women on Men:

·      Piles of dirty clothes left on the floor (36%)

·      They’re hoarders – they just have too much stuff! (25%)

·      Their treasured hobby takes up too much space (17%)

Stelios Kiosses, popular TV psychotherapist and expert on the emotional effects of clutter, comments on IKEA’s findings:  “The results highlight one of the most common problems in relationships due to clutter – a lack of communication.  For most women, clutter symbolises that her partner doesn’t care about how she feels. Women tend to express this by increasing the amount they complain about clutter, but men misinterpret this and tend to take it as a remark meant to make them feel incompetent.


 

Clutter then becomes a barrier between the couple, creating feelings of resentment. Few couples realise the importance of dealing with it until it is way out of control – piles of stuff in every room may affect the couples ability to think clearly, relax, and enjoy their living space so it’s important to have storage space for every item to prevent more pile-ups.”

 


So how do couples try and manage their clutter under one small roof? 33% of women say they’ll do the tidying themselves to try to save arguing (compared to 21% of men), while another 16% say they have to resort to nagging to get their other half to tidy up.

 


29% even admit to ‘accidentally on purpose’ throwing their partner’s belongings out, while a cunning 9% of women will use an ‘early night’ as a bargaining tool when it comes to de-cluttering the house.



Looking for the Perfect Proposal? Date for Two Years then Pop the Question on Valentine’s Day

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Looking for the Perfect Proposal? Date for Two Years then Pop the Question on Valentine’s Day on a Deserted Beach (with a Ring You Chose Together)

  • Two years into relationship best time to pop the question
  • Perfect proposal combines element of surprise, deserted beach and expensive ring
  • Women start losing patience after two years – half would dump a man who hadn’t proposed after five
  • One in four say they’re ‘Proposal Pushers’ who’ll coerce their man into doing the deed, one in ten are POPOs – ‘Propose or Push Offs’
  • Another quarter say marriage is still the ultimate commitment – ahead of having a child

As Valentine’s Day approaches, they’re the questions plaguing many a nervous boyfriend.

You want to ask her to marry you but how do you create the perfect proposal? And when is the right time to do it?

According to a major new courtship survey the ideal way combines old and new traditions and comes after you’ve spent exactly two happy years together.

The research, commissioned by leading drinks brand Lambrini found that one in four women  think a man should be popping the question 24 months into the relationship, with just 15 per cent happy to wait three years.

If you haven’t got round to proposing after five years then don’t bother – almost half (49 per cent) of all those quizzed said if they had to wait that long they’d dump their other half and move on.

Another one in four women (27 per cent) think if you haven’t got engaged by that stage you’re probably never going to, while another one in four (26 per cent) think a man who hasn’t asked is a commitment-phobe.

When it came to popping the question, a deserted beach was the perfect place for proposal – named by almost one in four women (22 per cent) and although it might be considered corny by some, Valentine’s Day is still seen as the most appropriate time to ask for someone’s hand, along with a woman’s birthday (both chosen by nine per cent of women).

An element of surprise (32 per cent), a romantic setting (21 per cent) and getting down on one knee (20 per cent) were also considered crucial, while one in ten women wanted their partner to get their father’s permission.

Just one in ten said having an expensive ring was the important thing and only 30 per cent expected the man to have chosen it for them, with 62 per cent opting to select one together.

People had strong opinions about what makes for a happy engagement too.

Most people – 21 per cent – thought it was important to have had three previous partners before you settle down, while eight per cent said more than ten was more realistic.

Sharing three dates a week and at least two holidays were also essential according to a third of those quizzed, along with surviving a couple of family Christmases (37 per cent) and at least two romantic surprises a year (23 per cent).

But for those who are still waiting, taking a pro-active approach in the run up to Valentine’s Day could pay dividends.

According to the Lambrini Romance Report one in four women identified themselves as ‘Proposal Pushers’ – women who’ll actively engineer a proposal.

As well as dropping heavy hints, they admitted taking their other half to look at rings in the hope of prompting a declaration of love.

One in ten (11 per cent) were less accepting. Calling themselves the POPOs – Propose or Push Offs – they said they’d issue an ultimatum if a partner didn’t seem ready to commit, while one in twenty would end the relationship for good.

Another, more stoical one in ten (11 per cent) said they didn’t care either way.

And despite constant debates about the value of marriage, it seems that British women are still romantics at heart, seeing a proposal it as the ultimate statement of love.

One in four say it is the biggest commitment you can make – on a par with having a child together.

And although co-habiting is popular, it is still seen as less binding, with only 24 per cent saying it was the most important way to validate their relationship.

Even fewer people (5 per cent) thought renting together constituted any kind of commitment.

The research also identified potential problem areas that couples must discuss before deciding to get married.

Topping the list was the desire – or not – to have children, cited by 78 per cent of those quizzed as an essential discussion point.

Where to live (56 per cent), career plans (41 per cent), health issues (40 per cent) and joint bank accounts (38 per cent) were also significant, while almost a third (30 per cent) said ironing out any issues around pets was important too.

Reflecting the changing face of marriage, an overwhelming majority said the most important preparation for getting hitched was living together first.

Almost half of those asked (46 per cent) said a couple needed to co-habit before they tied the knot, followed by enjoying a loved-up ‘honeymoon period’ (46 per cent) and winning over the in-laws (41 per cent).

At the same time people had strong reasons for not marrying – one in five wouldn’t walk down the aisle with someone their family hated and one in eight wouldn’t tie the knot with someone their mates didn’t like.

Speaking about the Lambrini Romance Report findings, brand manager, Lorna Tweed, said: “As we get ready to embrace Valentine’s Day it seems that romance is very much alive and well in the UK.

“At the same time it’s clear that British women know what they want when it comes to relationships, proposals and marriage.

“They want love, surprises and a wedding – and they want it sooner rather than later.

“Women are looking for commitment and loyalty, partnerships that can stand the trials and tribulations of modern life; if a man can provide those then he’s in with a chance.”

Win World Without End DVD or Blu Ray

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Frost have copies of World Without End to giveaway on DVD or Blu-Ray. The excellent sequel to The Pillars Of The Earth is out on Monday. To win follow @Frostmag on Twitter or Frost’s editor, @Balavage. Alternatively, sign up to our newsletter.

 

From Tandem Communications & Scott Free, Creators of The Pillars of the Earth,
Comes the 8-Hour, Mini-Series Adaptation of Ken Follett’s Global Bestseller

WORLD WITHOUT END

Conspiracies Will Be Exposed, Secrets Will Be Revealed

On Blu-ray™ and DVD February 18

Includes In-Depth Featurette: The Making of Ken Follett’s World Without End

Ken Follett takes viewers back to his fictitious town of Kingsbridge, but 200 years later and with all new characters for fans to fall in love with. Experience the romance, tragedy and victory in the $46 million, eight-hour epic miniseries WORLD WITHOUT END, which will air on Channel 4 January 2013 and debuts on Blu-ray™ and DVD on February 18 from Sony Pictures Home Entertainment. Best-selling Welsh author Ken Follett has sold more than 130 million copies of his books worldwide. Eye of the Needle, Key To Rebecca, On Wings of Eagles and The Pillars of the Earth are among his numerous, critically acclaimed suspense and historical novels that have been adapted into films and TV mini-series, capturing top ratings, as well as Emmy Awards® and Golden Globe® nominations.

 

The hit miniseries from Tandem Communications and Ridley & Tony Scott’s Scott Free Films stars an internationally acclaimed cast including two-time Emmy Award® winner Cynthia Nixon (Outstanding Guest Actress in a Comedy Series, “Sex in the City,” 2004; Outstanding Guest Actress in a Drama Series, “Law & Order: Special Victims Unit,” 2008), two-time Academy Award® nominee Miranda Richardson  (Best Supporting Actress, Damage, 1992; Best Actress, Tom & Viv, 1994), Ben Chaplin (The Thin Red Line, Murder by Numbers), Oliver Jackson-Cohen (Faster, Going the Distance), Academy Award® nominee          Peter Firth (Best Supporting Actor, Equus, 1977), Charlotte Riley (Easy Virtue), Rupert Evans (Hellboy),  and Sarah Gadon (Cosmopolis).

 

In WORLD WITHOUT END, times are tougher than ever in England as the country is on the brink of war with France and the citizens are facing The Plague that will eventually decimate one-third of its population.  A feisty young woman (Riley) inspires her medieval town to confront the most powerful forces of her time — namely the Church and the Crown — as they fight to save their town from ruin, and ultimately usher in a new era of freedom, innovation and enlightenment.

 

The DVD also includes a behind-the-scenes featurette, “The Making of Ken Follett’s World Without End,” providing a look at the making of the film.

 

© 2012 Tandem Productions GmbH, World Without End (T5) Productions Inc. and World Without End (Quebec) Productions Inc. All Rights Reserved.

 

Astounding Gig World Records Revealed by StubHub UK

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These are record-breaking times for live music, with the world’s biggest artists regularly selling more tickets faster than ever for their smash global tours and concerts. Here at StubHub, we love nothing more than a record-breaker – which is why we’ve compiled the ten most impressive records ever set in the live music industry on one handy infographic. Ever wondered whose tours sell out the fastest? Or who pulls in the biggest crowds? What about the deepest ever concert – or highest in the sky? It’s all in here, along with a clutch of facts guarantee you’ll never have heard before, all courtesy of the good people at Guinness World Records.

Many of the artists you know and love are featured on this ingenious infographic, from pop legends like Robbie Williams to rock goliaths the Stone Roses and 30 Seconds to Mars. With 2013 set to be a huge year for live music, we’re looking forward to seeing these records and more broken by today’s top artists – be sure to share, like and retweet our infographic with your fellow gig-going friends!

Don’t forget to keep checking StubHub UK for all the latest concert listings and tickets for your favourite artists. As all tickets bought and sold with us are covered by our FanProtect Guarantee, you can always be sure that your ticket purchases are fully protected.

Tuppence Middleton interview for Black Mirror

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You’re in the new series of Black Mirror and you’re in an episode called ‘White Bear’ which is shrouded in secrecy. What can you reveal about it?

It mainly focuses on a young woman who wakes and she doesn’t remember who she is, in a world that she doesn’t recognise anymore. Everyone she meets is either incredibly hostile towards her, or they just film her. My character bumps into her helps her. I’ve been living in this world and I’m very used to it, and I become her guide.

 

Your character is called Jem. What’s her story, what do you know about her?

In the story you know that she’s become hardened by this world and she knows the ins and outs of. She is very independent and initially would rather travel on her own, but she just happens to come by Victoria and is forced to take her under her wing. Her main goal is to stay alive. When we were talking about the character we almost wanted her to come across as a bit like a computer game character, like a bit of a Tank Girl – she’s very tough.

 

Presumably there’s not an awful lot of back story or detail about her. Does that make it difficult to play a role like that? Or does it give you a blank canvas which is quite fun to fill out?

Yeah I liked the fact she was quite mysterious, she doesn’t give away too much. She gives away enough about the world for Victoria to understand but she doesn’t give away too much about herself and I think she’s quite a guarded and lone figure. I think the more mysterious she is to Victoria the better.

 

Lenora Crichlow [who plays Victoria] said the shoot was pretty intense in terms of it being very long days and not quite knowing what was going to be around the next corner. Did you find that as well?

Yes I mean it was kind of tough in a great way. I don’t think I’ve ever run so much in my life. I was doing ADR [voiceover work] for it today and it was, I’d say, 90% doing breaths for running. We were very active and it’s kind of fun doing things like that because I’m not like that at all – I hate even going to the gym, so being an active action girl is quite fun for me. I mean it was tough, it was long days and we were filming mostly outside for two weeks and almost every day it would pour down with rain. We were usually quite cold and wet and running for hours but it was quite fun.

 

Presumably with the plot being what it is, it quite added to the atmosphere it being rainy and dark?

Yes it really helped. I’ve just watched a little bit of it back and there’s that really weird sky when it’s like winter and it’s raining and it’s so cold, it’s almost like a completely white-grey sky. It really looks like the end of the world has come.

 

What was it that attracted you to the part?

A million things. I am a huge fan of Charlie Brooker and I thought the last series of Black Mirror was one of the best things I’d seen on TV for ages. As soon as the audition came up I was like ‘oh god I have to get that.’ I just love Black Mirror, and Carl the director. I was just really confident he could do a good job and he seemed to have a really good vision. And like I said it’s a part totally unlike myself, apart from being tall, which I think is why I mostly get cast as these sort of parts, I’m not at all like that. I’m not this kind of action girl. It was something really different for me.

 

When you’re going up for an audition like that, something that you really want to get, does that make you a lot more nervous, and how do you deal with that?

Yeah it makes you more nervous, but then you turn that into determination. You can’t let it get the better of you. Ultimately when you’ve got something you really want, it’s more about showing how passionate you really are about it and when you get to actually meet the director and meet the producers and stuff and talk about the role and talk about the script then it’s great because you can input your ideas in the initial audition. So you get carried away with how enthusiastic you are about it as opposed to how nervous, and you come back and think ‘I have no idea how that just went’. I’m terrible at judging it, and then you get the call and it’s amazing, so I was really pleased, it’s a brilliant job.

 

In your relatively short career so far you’ve worked with some amazing names – just picking a few David Tenant, James McAvoy, Emma Thompson, Timothy Spall, Danny Boyle, Sean Bean. How have you managed to squeeze that all in into such a short time?

I have no idea, to be honest, because when I first started, there would often be periods where I wasn’t working for a few months. I think the gaps just gradually get smaller and the roles you do become bigger, either in the sense that you’re taking more of the lead role or it’s a small role in a more prominent thing, a kind of step up in terms of who you’re working with. The more people I work with like that the more I learn from them. Emma Thompson, I was working with her for a day or two, but you learn so much even in that short amount of time. It’s great, I mean it’s kind of strange because you think about all those names after you’ve done it but when you’re doing it, they’re just people who are also doing a job. You just have to think like that and, yes, it’s such an amazing learning opportunity and I think I’ve been lucky to work at all since I left drama school because so many people don’t. I am thankful that it’s been with some amazing talent.

 

There’s been a huge variety in your work – you’ve done everything from comedy to horror to more arthouse stuff. Is that an intentional thing to keep moving genres, to stretch yourself like that?

Yes completely. I mean I’ve been sort of lucky with the genres actually but I guess it’s more for me about finding parts that interest me and scripts that interest me. I think I always want to do something different to the thing I’ve just done and I always want to play a part different to one I’ve played before. It’s just about finding variety and I get an instinct very quickly about a script whether I like it or not. Over the four-and-a-half years I’ve been working, although it’s not long, I think you start to build up your own taste. I think it’s just constantly about keeping me on my toes and having a challenge rather than playing something which is second nature to me.

 

Who are the people working in your industry who you most admire?

That’s such a hard question. I was really lucky working with Danny Boyle because he was definitely on the list. There are definitely lots of directors I’d love to work with, I mean in a crazy world I’d love to work with Tarantino. Obviously there’s too many actors to mention that I’d want to work with but I think you really get drawn towards certain directors as well and I say there’s definitely certain directors I’d want to work with. David Fincher I think is great, David Lynch.

 

Most people when they leave drama school maybe do an apprenticeship in theatre but you’ve slightly bypassed that. Do you want to do theatre as well?

Funnily enough I’m starting to rehearse for a play on Monday. It’s just a short run – it’s on throughout March at the Jermyn Street Theatre, a Graham Greene. You spend most of the time at drama school training for theatre and then I just happened to come out and do film and TV because my first job was a film and it paved the way for the rest of my work. I absolutely can’t wait for rehearsals to start for the play. I think it is going to be a really different discipline and a different experience for me. Yes I’d definitely like to do more of it but I think you tend to get more work in one area and maybe that will change in a few years’ time when I’m a bit older. At the moment I’m happy with the way it’s going and I’m looking forward to trying my hand at a play.

 

What ambitions do you have left? What do you really want to do with your career?

I guess primarily it’s always about making work that I like, being in films from scripts that I love and not compromising on that, and just to make it into a career and not working for three years and then I stop working. I want to be working into my eighties. If I live that long!

 

Black Mirror: Whiter Bear is on Channel 4 at 10pm on Monday 18th February. Interview thanks to Channel 4.

Hitchcock Film Review

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‘The Master Of Suspense’, Alfred Hitchcock, hangs over cinema like an all seeing spectre. His work and technical flourishes are so viscerally imprinted on cultural psyche that even someone who has never seen one of his films would still recognise his touch at a glance. Any biopic of such a looming figure (both metaphorical and literal) has huge boots to fill and it’s a task that Sacha Gervasi of Anvil! The Story Of Anvil fame has attempted with a dramatization of behind the scenes of  one of The Master’s most celebrated works.

 

1960: Worried that age is catching up with him and his talent slipping away, Alfred Hitchcock (Anthony Hopkins) boldly settles on the controversial pulp novel Psycho as his next project. It’s lurid subject matter sees him meet refusal from Paramount Picture executives so he takes the unorthodox move to finance the film himself putting at risk his reputation and house together with his wife and longtime collaborator Alma Reville (Helen Mirren). The drama follows them and their efforts to make the picture whilst confronting their own marital stresses.

 

Whilst it may be unfair to immediately compare Hitchcock with another film of similar subject matter, it cannot help but be cursed to have been released in the wake of television movie The Girl starring Toby Jones as the titular director. Whilst not without its flaws, that film presented a darker, more complex view of the man in regards to his supposed infatuation and harassment of Tippi Hedren whilst making the follow up to Psycho, The Birds. Whether or not you agree with the account, it added  layers of credible complexion to a figure whose dry comedic wit and physical appearance dominate public perception of him. Here Anthony Hopkins dons the fat suit and the make up and makes a good stab at the hangdog expression and the constantly  bemused vocal tones. However whilst Hopkins provides the surface for Hitch, what’s beneath amounts to little more than a running checklist of all the well known tics and traits. He liked his food and drink, had the fondness for blondes, was something of a bully on set and so forth. This unfortunately leans more towards mimicry than performance. The supporting cast fare little better. Whilst you can argue that psychical likelihood is not the cornerstone of a biopic performance, neither Scarlett Johansson and Jessica Biel convince as Janet Leigh and Vera Miles respectively. James D’Arcy is surprisingly uncanny as Anthony Perkins yet is given very little to do whilst fine character actors Michael Stuhlbarg and Kurtwood Smith are given practically walk on roles.

 

Of all the principal performances Helen Mirren as Alma easily steals the show. Nobody quite corners the market as strong willed supporting roles quite like she does and she provides Hitchcock with a passionate line that it needs badly. The marriage interludes hinting at Alma’s resentment of her husband’s success and lack of her own adulation do drift towards soap opera material yet Mirren turns it around and manages to convey a fiery will that sees her husband and his projects through. Another intriguing, if brief performance comes from Michael Wincott as Ed Gein, the serial killer whose bizarre and horrific crimes influenced the novel of Psycho (they also served to be the inspiration for another landmark American horror title; The Texas Chain Saw Massacre). Hitchcock imagines Gein in a number of scenarios, taunting him with references to the darker, sadistic sides of the director’s personality. The darkly amusing opening shot of the film sees Gein beating his brother to death with a shovel only for the camera to pan and reveal Hitch who breaks the fourth wall in his Alfred Hitchcock Presents persona. Eye catching as these scenes are they mark a conflict of tone of the film. We get hints of Hitchcock’s psychological impulses and dark desires yet Gervasi never acts on them or brings them fully to the fore. Rather the more potentially questionable sides of his personality are cast aside in favour of playful admiration and constant name dropping of stars and films of the period. It tries to be edgy yet comes off as surprisingly toothless.

 

All in all Hitchcock feels like its treading water when a terrific, meaty subject matter lies just  beneath it. Hopkins and Mirren do their best but the playful idolization becomes too much of a distraction. You could argue that the movie would more benefit those who are unfamiliar with Psycho and Hitchcock. That may be true but then why would you watch this over Psycho or any of the great man’s work?

Inspiring Culture in Edinburgh

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Walking through the streets of Edinburgh it’s clear to see why the city has been accredited as a UNESCO World Heritage Site. As Scotland’s famously bonny capital, it blends modern and historic culture, and is renowned the world over for its annual festivals, from the highbrow performances of the International Festival to the giddy melting pot of indie theatre and music at the Fringe – all topped off with the world’s most famous street Hogmanay party, where revellers dance in the new year under a firework-lit castle. If you’re lucky enough to pay a visit, here’s our guide to getting the most bang for your cultural buck.

A perennial fixture on World’s Best Cities lists, Edinburgh is lauded as one of the most culturally significant places to visit and as well as being named a World Heritage Site, it’s also the very  first City of Literature. This title is hugely significant for Edinburgh as it credits the city for its contribution to international literature. And it’s easy to see why – the city is simply bursting with beautiful libraries, independent bookshops and literary events, including the sellout International Book Festival that sets up shop against the backdrop of stunning Georgian architecture in the city centre’s Charlotte Square. It’s also home to a whole host of renowned authors who work out of and take inspiration from the city: Irvine Welsh, JK Rowling, Iain Banks and Ian Rankin are all celebrated contemporary authors local to Edinburgh.

Beyond literature Edinburgh has many other avenues of culture to explore. Art is another area that is bursting with activity in the city and with over 50 galleries peppered across Edinburgh’s historic cobbles, you’re truly spoiled for choice. See the Guardian’s online guide 10 of the best contemporary art galleries in Edinburgh for the pick of the bunch, although our favourite has to be The Fruitmarket Gallery. Nestled in the centre of the city just moments walk from the Castle, his gallery boasts a well-stocked calendar of exhibitions from both Scottish and international artists and art groups. The Scotsman Steps commission by Martin Creed has been the most popular exhibition in the galleries’ history and successfully brought contemporary art into the public eye, from the gallery to the steps of Edinburgh. The Stills Gallery on Cockburn Street and the Edinburgh College of Art exhibitions are also a fantastic place to see new upcoming artists in Scotland. For thought-provoking pieces on a grander scale, check out the weird and wonderful installation art at summer outside exhibition extravaganza Jupiter Artland.

Then of course there’s the Festival Fringe itself – the biggest and best performing arts festival in the world. It spans an entire month each August and welcomes more than 2,500 shows from countries all around the world. Over the past few years, theatre, dance and musicals have been fighting hard to compete with the overpowering presence of comedy at the festival, and is happily succeeding with diverse and ever-increasing menu of acts to whet any cultural appetite. But even outside the heady festival period, the performing arts thrive in the city (despite the recessions) with the Traverse, the Lyceum and the Festival Theatre all playing host to an eclectic variety of local and internationally-acclaimed theatre, dance and opera.

Modern culture is also happily evident in Edinburgh with a dynamic shopping and food scene bursting with independent boutiques, cafes, delicatessens on every corner. Try the upmarket shopping district of Thistle Street for the best gems, such as shoe emporium Pam Jenkins and Vogue-celebrated designer clothing boutique must-visit Jane Davidson , which offers a carefully-curated collection of international collections as well as exclusive Scottish luxury designers. Alternatively head down to “village within a city” Stockbridge for interior design and gift boutiques galore.

If you’re looking for cultural things to do in Edinburgh it’s a promise that you won’t struggle for choice, whether you’re interested in art, dance, literature or fashion, the city has something to offer in every direction – it truly is a city inspired by culture.

 

By Jane Sommerville

 

 

Make the most of your relationship –top ten tips by Sarah Rozenthuler,

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Make the most of your relationship –top ten tips

by Sarah Rozenthuler, author of Life-Changing Conversations

 

Sarah Rozenthuler author of Life-Changing Conversations, 7 strategies for Talking about What Matters Most draws together tools from the field of dialogue, insights from the discipline of psychology and wisdom from a contemporary articulation of spirituality. This potent mix can transform how we talk together and how we act in the world and our lives.

 

As Valentine’s Day approaches, love is in the air. It’s easy to be swept away by the romance—the candlelit dinner, the bunch of fresh blooms, the softly playing music—the “pinkness” of it all. But love has many colours, including some deep and dark hues, so it can also be timely to ask: What does it take to make a relationship work?

 

Our intimate interactions with our beloved can be a source of great joy—and immense stress—in our lives. Whether you want to rekindle some of the magic, heal some hurt or deepen your joy, here are ten top tips for a happy and harmonious relationship.

 

1.    Put that phone away

 

Give your partner some quality time by having a “media break”. Switch off the TV, put down your phone and turn off your tablet. Make your beloved the object of your attention rather than checking your emails. Even if it’s only for 10 minutes, take time to listen to what your partner has to say and then reflect back what you’ve heard.

 

Resist the temptation to interrupt. Let them finish their sentence. Listening receptively is a powerful aphrodisiac that can soften the hardest of hearts.

 

2.    Create a shared vision

 

A long-lasting relationship is all about standing shoulder-to-shoulder, facing the same direction. When a relationship ends, the most painful part is often the loss of shared dreams.

 

To strengthen your bond, create a “vision board” together. Recycle your old magazines by cutting out inspiring images and use these to create a collage. Place it where you can both see it every day so that you consciously “call in” what you want as a couple.

 

3.    Spice up your sex life

 

If the physical side of your relationship has become routine, take a risk and do something different. Go to a sex shop together, do a tantra workshop or join the mile high club.

 

If you’re stuck for ideas, ask your partner for a memory of some great sex they had (with you!) and see what you can learn to re-create some of that excitement. It might be making love in front of an open fire, having sex in the kitchen or taking time to massage each other. Savour the specialness of this side of your relationship.

 

4.    Monitor your mood

 

Be aware that partners are susceptible to absorbing each other’s moods. This can be great when one of you has had a good day but it can be a real downer when one person’s bad day at the office contaminates you both. 

 

To combat the contagious effects of negativity, develop some strategies for shifting state when you’re down in the dumps. Take a five minute walk round the block, sit and watch the sun go down or enjoy taking in the scent of some fresh flowers. Each  of you needs to take responsibility for your own state of being so that your moods become mutually enriching.

 

5.    Have some fun

 

A relationship can be hard work as you each try to find ways to accommodate the other’s needs, wants and desires. Differences of opinion can cause tension and unresolved conflicts can lead to contempt.

 

To counterbalance the heavy lifting, make a mutual commitment to spend time together doing things that you enjoy. Go to the cinema, take a dance class or plan your next holiday. Find things that bring a smile—or even better, some belly laughs—and agree to do these things regularly. Remember that when you fell in love, your inner child felt alive and well. Nurture that part of you and your relationship will reap the rewards.

 

6.    Keep the romance

 

Cherish your partner by doing things that make them feel special. Treat them to something you know they’ll love whether it’s cooking their favourite meal, running a hot bath or playing their favourite track of music.

 

As you go about your day, bookmark memorable moments in your mind to share with your partner when you next see them. It’s the kind of thing you probably did when your love was freshly minted, so bring some of that attentive energy into your relationship now. 

 

7.    Invest in your relationship skills

 

If your relationship has become riddled with tension, get some help. Identify what the core issue is and search out ways to deal with it. If, for example, you have a temper that is toxic to the relationship, book yourself onto an anger management workshop or at the very least read a book such as Beating Anger by Mike Fisher.

 

Expand your communication skills by practising the tools contained in Creating the Love you Want by Harville Hendrix or in my own book, Life-Changing Conversations.  Keeping the air clear and free of past resentments will do wonders for you both.

 

8.    Have some “me” time

 

Although it may sound somewhat paradoxical, it’s important to spend time apart when you’re in coupleland. It’s a tragedy that many people lose themselves in a relationship and feel “less than” they were before—less attractive, less interesting, less fulfilled.

 

To minimise the risk of this, take regular doses of your own company. Do whatever it takes to stay grounded in your own experience whether this is through going for a walk, writing your journal or listening to music. Some breathing space will invigorate your relationship, not least because you’ll have things to share with your partner.

 

9.    Decide how you decide

 

Many a relationship has suffered as a result of one individual making decisions without consulting their partner. It can leave the other person reeling, feeling that their opinion doesn’t matter. Any couple will benefit from having a conversation about how they make decisions together, for example, agreeing up front the sum of money above which a decision must be joint.

 

For significant decisions, agree that you’ll both take time separately to consider the different options and then share your thoughts. Moving from “me” to “we” in this way maximises the likelihood that you’ll reach decisions that take into account each person’s perspective. Finding practical ways of integrating both individual’s needs is a key relationship skill.

 

10.  See the bigger picture

 

Drop your expectations that your partner is there to make you happy. If you’re expecting them to provide you with something you haven’t brought into the relationship yourself, you may be making the biggest mistake of your life. Ask yourself how you can evolve into a bigger version of yourself without demanding anything of your partner.

 

Place what is happening in your relationship into the larger context of how you are growing as an individual. Are you becoming more sensitive, more selfless or more savvy? Staying in touch with the bigger picture will stop you from retreating to your corner and enable you to create a life-enhancing relationship.

 

Sarah Rozenthuler

 

Author of Life-Changing Conversations

 

www.sarahrozenthuler.com