MAKE THIS THE LAST MOTHER’S DAY THAT YOU ARE SINGLE

Five tips for single parents looking to escape the parent trap

As a single parent you’re certainly not alone – in the UK there are more than 1.7million single parents. The majority would love to find someone new to support them and their children, but with childcare issues eating into time and energy resources, it can at times feel like it’s at the bottom of a never-ending to do list.

Single mum, TV actress and eHarmony.co.uk’s guest blogger, Donna Air voices the challenges she faces over finding a new partner when her child is naturally her number one priority:

“It’s simply too stressful a job when teamed with kids’ bath, dinner, homework, and bedtime stories into the hour allocation that most busy mums have for the multiple of tasks”.

But it needn’t be the hurdle it can at first seem. In Donna’s accounts of dating, she makes a point of dating when her child is at her ex partner’s house, or when she has some spare time to herself. For those with childcare and time constraints, dating online is the perfect way to ‘get back out there’ again and find someone new, and the best bit is that the initial, online stages of ‘dating’ can all be done when children are tucked up in bed. Make sure you research the top 10 dating sites to find the one that is right for you.

“Looking for someone who will love and respect you and your children can feel challenging but in reality it’s just about finding the person for you”, says Dr Gian Gonzaga, Senior Relationship Scientist at eHarmony.co.uk, the relationship success site. Dr Gonzaga continues, “in a recent poll of eHarmony.co.uk members, 85% said they were sensitive to a single parent’s position, so there’s no reason for not taking that first step.’ Here are five top tips from Fr. Gonzaga that every single and dating parent should follow:

1. Be honest from the beginning

It isn’t always easy to bring up the fact that you have children when considering going out with someone new. But your date deserves to know what to expect — perhaps you’ll only be available every other weekend or you can never be out past midnight due to your babysitter. Be upfront and you’ll avoid any surprises later on.

2. Only date someone who is sensitive to your situation

A potential partner who respects the fact that you’re a parent should understand and be sensitive to the responsibilities that you have to your children. Do they realize that even on a date you need to be accessible to your children? Does he or she understand that only you will know the right time to introduce them to your children? If the answer is no to any of these questions, they are probably not the right partner for you in the long-term.

3. Go slow

Unless you and your date are both certain you want to take the relationship in a more serious direction, don’t rush to introduce him or her to your kids. Having a new adult in their lives is a big deal. When you feel the time is right, keep the meeting low-key and brief, and do all you can to remove pressure from everyone. Your kids need as much time as you did to get to know someone new.

4. Be realistic

After introductions, be careful not to expect too much from your new relationship too soon. Someone who has never had kids will need plenty of time to develop their own relationship with your children. Equally if your partner has children or their own, it will take time for both sets of children to get used to being a part of a single family.

5. Practice being more than a parent

Yes, you are responsible for your children, and you must take that seriously. But being a parent is not solely all you are. You’re a single person looking for someone to share your life with. Get a babysitter, relax, and enjoy dating!

Dr Gonzaga concludes: “Don’t let being a parent stop you trying to find happiness. Just learn from your past relationship, have clear boundaries and be confident and you will find a true partner.”

Donna Air’s dating blog can be found at: http://moourl.com/donnadating.

Jemima Khan and Alistair McGowan lead the UK's first ever voicemail protest against Legal Aid cuts

‘Sound Off For Justice’ Launches First-Ever Voicemail Protest

Campaign against Legal Aid cuts offers British public the chance to ‘sound off’ to Ken Clarke’s voicemail, as voiced by impressionist Alistair McGowan
©Sound Off For Justice
Alistair McGowan has recorded an impression of Ken Clarke for Sound Off For Justice’s voicemail protest

Sound Off For Justice will launch the UK’s first-ever voicemail protest on Thursday 31st March. Members of the public will be able to voice their discontent with the Government’s proposed cuts to Legal Aid by leaving a rant on Ken Clarke’s voicemail, voiced by impressionist Alistair McGowan.

All messages left will be sent to the caller’s local MP and Ken Clarke himself, so that he can hear the public’s disdain first-hand. If the Secretary of State for Justice’s plans go ahead, many of Britain’s most vulnerable citizens will effectively be silenced in court.

Sound Off For Justice is focused on getting the public to put pressure on the Government to reconsider proposed cuts to Legal Aid, which are ill-conceived and unfair. As it stands, several key areas, including clinical negligence and family issues, are due to be totally culled, meaning there will be no support – regardless of the strength or worthiness of the case. This could affect whole segments of society, from the divorcing father who might lose all access to his kids to the elderly lady who won’t be able to do anything about her botched leg operation. The campaign is proposing alternative reforms that, whilst making the required savings, will protect Legal Aid funding for millions of Britons.

The public can leave a voicemail message for Ken Clarke by visiting the campaign’s website at www.soundoffforjustice.org and entering their full name, postcode and contact number. Ken Clarke, voiced by McGowan will then call back and ask the caller to leave a ‘sound off’ voicemail message detailing why they are upset by the proposed cuts. Brits can also text ‘soundoff’ to 60777* to show their support and be prompted to leave a voicemail. All the public need to do is rant for up to 30 seconds and press the hash (#) key to finish their message. Once completed, messages will be streamed live via the Sound Off For Justice website.

Jemima Khan, Joanna Lumley, Shadow Lord Chancellor and Justice Secretary Sadiq Khan MP, Harriet Harman MP, Tracey Ullman, The Gurkhas, Thomasina Miers, Alistair McGowan, Jenny Éclair and Michael Mansfield QC back Sound Off For Justice. Many of which can be heard saying their piece on the campaign website.

“How can people be empowered to enforce their rights if they don’t have access to the courts for employment, housing benefit and so on. There’ll be no service once these cuts come in. People should join Sound Off For Justice’s campaign for alternative reforms, that will mean savings can be made but without jeopardising access to justice.”

Michael Mansfield QC, Legal Aid Barrister of 42 years

Sound Off For Justice is asking members of the public, organisations that will be affected, and politicians opposed to the Legal Aid cuts in their current guise, to ‘sound off’ if they believe in the right to be heard.

Visit www.soundoffforjustice.org for more information.
*Texts will be charged at a standard message rate

Sound Off For Justice is a public campaign promoting alternative reforms to Legal Aid. Visit www.soundoffforjustice.co.uk for more details.

POSTNATAL DEPRESSION CAN BEGIN DURING PREGNANCY

Pregnancy-related depression is not just confined to after the baby’s birth, but can begin during pregnancy, according to the Mother and Baby Unit at the South London and Maudsley NHS Foundation Trust (SLaM).

A study recently published in the British Journal of Psychiatry found that women who have suffered a miscarriage or stillbirth are more likely to suffer from depression during and after subsequent pregnancies.

SLaM’s Mother and Baby Unit regularly sees women who have developed depression during pregnancy or a relapse of a serious mental illness triggered by becoming pregnancy.

Dr Trudi Seneviratne, consultant psychiatrist in SLaM’s Mother and Baby Unit, said that while depression usually followed the birth of a child, this was not always the case.

“Postnatal depression is understood to be, as the name suggests, depression that is triggered by the birth of a child,” she said.

”While depression following birth is the most common form of pregnancy-related depression, it can also begin during pregnancy, or months after giving birth. Pregnancy can also trigger other mental health conditions or cause women with a previous history of mental illness to relapse.”

The Mother and Baby Unit at the South London and Maudsley NHS Foundation Trust (SLaM), treats both expectant and new mothers suffering from severe depression. Part of SLaM’s Perinatal Service, the unit offers specialised care and treatment for women from across the UK, who develop a mental illness or have a relapse of serious mental illness during pregnancy and the postnatal period.

Despite the prevalence and awareness of postnatal depression, the reality is that women who are actually experiencing it, feel very, very alone. It is estimated that postnatal depression (PND) affects around one in 10 mothers in the UK, and also a small number of fathers who are struggling to cope with a new baby or supporting their partner.

PND usually develops in the first four to six weeks after childbirth, although in some cases it can develop some months later. It may also start in pregnancy and continue into the postnatal period. If untreated, the mother’s depression can have significant effects not only on her own mental health, but on the relationship with the baby, the baby’s development, as well as affecting her partner and wider family.

Dr Seneviratne said it is important to differentiate PND from the ‘baby blues’ or postnatal ‘blues’, which is common , affecting 60-70% of women and usually occurs in days following birth and usually resolves after a few days.

“It is very important for new mothers struggling with depression to understand that having PND does not mean they do not love or care for their baby,” Dr Seneviratne stressed.

“Most women aren’t aware when they are experiencing PND, which means it is extremely important for partners, family and friends, along with healthcare professionals, to recognise the signs of PND as early as possible, and recommend treatment. Women often feel guilty about expressing their feelings as having a new child should be a ‘happy’ time,” she said.

Most women experiencing PND following the birth of a child are treated at home through a combination of therapy and medication. Only the most extreme cases of PND require inpatient hospitalization, and such cases, a specialist service like the one at SLaM is able to provide more intensive care.

“PND can be a lonely and scary experience for new mothers, but it is not a permanent condition. With time and treatment, you will recover,” Dr Seneviratne said.

There is no single cause for PND, and it can be triggered by a number of factors such as social factors including relationship worries, money problems or having limited support from family and friends. Indeed, having a baby itself is a life-changing event that can be extremely exhausting and stressful.

“Some women feel unable to look after their baby, or maintain their relationship with their partner. They may feel anxious about leaving the house, or that they simply cannot cope,” Dr Seneviratne said.

The most common symptoms of postnatal depression include low mood, overwhelming guilt, feeling unable to cope and difficulty sleeping. While most mothers will experience some form of exhaustion and possibly mild depression,–prolonged low moods are an indication of a more serious problem.

Dr Seneviratne said it was important for new mothers who are struggling to cope with their new baby, and the changes to their life, to seek help from their GP.

If a new mother has been feeling down, depressed and hopeless, and is unable to take interest in normal interests and pleasures, they are most likely suffering from PND. They may not enjoy their baby and struggle with maintaining societal cultural pressures such as maintain breast feeding. A GP should ask questions and look for common symptoms of PND, then offer the most appropriate form of treatment.

Psychological interventions or therapy are often recommended, although the most important step is simply recognising the problem and talking it through with family and friends and helpful professionals. Medication, such as antidepressants, can be used to treat PND. It is important that the mother is adequately supported and that any treatment plan is tailored to her wishes

Dr Seneviratne said in more serious cases, women may experience frightening thoughts about harming themselves or their baby.

“Thinking about hurting yourself or your new child can be extremely alarming for new mothers, although it is surprisingly common. Again, women experiencing these thoughts must talk to their GP who can recommend treatment,” she explained.

Part of SLaM’s Perinatal Service, the unit offers specialised care and treatment for women from across the UK, who develop a mental illness or have a relapse of serious mental illness during pregnancy and the postnatal period.

The service helps mothers struggling with depression to develop a relationship with her child, and reduce the impact of the mother’s illness on the child. Fathers and partners are encouraged to be involved in the treatment. Babies are accepted on to the ward with their mothers. Other times it is more appropriate to admit the mother without their baby and begin a programme of gradual reintroduction of the baby to the mother while on the ward.

In addition to PND, SLaM’s Perinatal Service also treats less common forms of mental illness among new mothers, such as postnatal psychosis or pre-existing mental health conditions. Postnatal psychosis is rarer, and can include symptoms such mood changes (irritability, elation, depression) delusions (false beliefs), hallucinations and irrational or suicidal thoughts.

www.national.slam.nhs.uk/services/adult-services/perinatal

Symptoms of postnatal depression:

The symptoms of postnatal depression usually include one or more of the following:

· Low mood for long periods of time (a week or more)

· Feeling irritable for a lot of the time

· Tearfulness

· Panic attacks or feeling trapped in your life

· Difficulty concentrating

· Lack of motivation

· Lack of interest in yourself and your new baby

· Feeling lonely

· Felling guilty, rejected or inadequate

· Feeling overwhelmed

· Feeling unable to cope

· Difficulty sleeping and feeling constantly tired

· Physical tension, such as headaches, stomach pains or blurred vision

· Lack of appetite

· Reduced sex drive

Myths surrounding postnatal depression

PND is commonly misunderstood. Some of the most common myths around the conditions include:

· PND is less severe than other types of depression

– in fact PND is just as serious as other depressions.

· PND is entirely caused by hormonal changes

– there is no one factor, PND it is triggered by a number of factors.

· PND will go away by itself – usually, treatment is needed for PND.

London Fashion Week 2011.

This February I went to my first hard core fashion week, okay I went to a few things last year, but this year I went to so many things I was so exhausted I didn’t know if I could get up the next day! I went to Caroline Charles’s show – beautiful cloths but the models were too young and the juxtaposition was jarring- Pam Hogg; Disorganised, How to walk in high heels at the Mayfair hotel (Amazing, my favourite) I drank too much cola, ended up in a making off and found out how many calories are in a big mac and french fries (820!) I had fun and there is a video below. Hope you like it. It has Paloma Faith, Boy George, Matt Smith, Karen Gillan, Jaime Winston, Jodie Harsh, Daisy Lowe and Charlotte Dellal in it.

Stacey Soloman Named Mum Of The Year.

STACEY ADDS ANOTHER CROWN TO THE CABINET

Stacey Solomon is named Foxy Bingo Celebrity Mum of the Year 2011

After an outstanding few weeks in the media spotlight, the nation’s favourite single mum, Stacey Solomon, has today been awarded the coveted crown of Foxy Bingo Celebrity Mum of the Year by the British public.

The down-to-earth Dagenham girl seems to have hit the right note with the public as she fought of stiff competition from a host of famous mums including her 2009 X Factor mentor Dannii Minogue and last year’s winner Holly Willoughby. Aussie based Dannii was hot on Stacey’s heels in the voting until the final few days when Brits plumped for home grown talent and loveable Stacey stole the number one spot.

Despite a well publicised comeback Kerry Katona, who has won the award twice previously, seems yet to win the public support she craves, finishing 8th. The blow comes just days after Stacey was announced as the new face of frozen food chain Iceland – a role Kerry previously fulfilled until 2009.

Stacey, who juggles her career with being a mum to three year old Zachery, stole the nation’s heart when she was crowned Queen of the Jungle on ITV’s popular reality show, I’m a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here, earlier this year. The star whose support from the public appears to be going from strength to strength has also been signed alongside Vernon Kay to star in her own quiz show.

Noel Rowse, Managing Director, Foxy Bingo said: “We are delighted to announce Stacey as the winner of the Foxy Bingo Celebrity Mum Award for 2011. She is a down to earth person who is in the spotlight for the right reasons. Her attitude towards work, spending quality time with Zachary, and her likeability factor has clearly struck a chord with the voters. She is a wonderful role model for mothers faced with the difficulties of juggling work/life pressures and we at Foxy Bingo congratulate her on her fantastic achievements”

The top ten celebrity mums are as follows:

1. Stacey Solomon

2. Dannii Minogue

3. Holly Willoughby

4. Amanda Holden

5. Katie Price

6. Coleen Nolan

7. Victoria Beckham

8. Kerry Katona

9. Kym Marsh

10. Billie Piper

Why are we entangled with the idea of a fairytale romance?

eHarmony.co.uk’s relationship scientist Dr Gian Gonzaga says romance is a wonderful thing, but perhaps it’s time to forget fairytales and take destiny into our own hands.

Even the most cynical and ‘grown-up’ among us love a fairytale. Whether it’s Disney’s Tangled or Cinderella and her glass slipper, who hasn’t at some time dreamt of being whisked away on a white horse to a life of never-ending romance with an impossibly handsome prince or princess?

Dr Gian Gonzaga, world leading relationship scientist and Senior Research Director for eHarmony.co.uk believes a little imagination is healthy but finding the right partner also needs a dose of reality. He says: “Anyone who believes that finding or keeping a great relationship is a matter of luck or chance may be disappointed. Relationships can absolutely be filled with fairytale romance, but amazingly, a lot of people expect their Prince Charming to magically appear on their doorstep and rescue them. The reality is that taking a positive and active approach to finding love is the best way to find your own happy ending.”

Dr Gonzaga, author of new book ‘Dating the second time around, Finding love that lasts’, says people can fall into the trap of waiting for a new relationship to find them or believe that finding a compatible partner is outside of their control or ability. In his book, Dr Gonzaga touches on four tips that those of us who are looking for a fairytale romance should bear in mind.

Find your own version of the Handsome Prince

You may have a vision of the handsome prince or princess you want to meet, what they do for a living, where they live, and how old they are—but it’s time to put away the tired old checklist you’ve created over the years and approach finding a life-long partner with fresh eyes. Of course you have to feel chemistry with your partner, but perfection comes in all guises. It’s worth keeping in mind what’s going to make you happy not just now but in twenty years’ time. (Tip – it’s probably not a washboard stomach).

Control your own destiny

To find a relationship and make it work, you need to take control over the process by searching for the right type of partner, and acting to ensure the quality of this relationship. Lots of people expect Prince Charming to appear from nowhere, and they think that whether it works out or not will be down to fate or the cosmos or astrological compatibility rather than anything they might do or not do. Those who believe they can control whether a relationship works or not will ultimately be happier. Psychologists call this “locus of control.” Some people have an external locus of control, which means they don’t think they have the power to change things.

Others have an internal locus of control, which means that they believe they can change their situation with some effort. Those who have an internal locus of control more often try to make things better rather than passively accepting their fate, and that alone makes a big difference.

Don’t hurry love

We’ve all grown up on Hollywood’s romantic movies with speedy courtships and happy endings and it’s easy to think that real-life romance should happen quickly and easily.

As the old saying goes, only fools rush in. Too much too soon can scare a very suitable partner or cause problems in the longer term. Allow time for authentic feelings to develop before you say ‘I love you’, and consider that everyone has his or her own emotional clock.

Inject some romance into daily life

When you’re in a relationship with your own Prince Charming it’s important to keep the fires burning, even years down the line when romance can sometimes take a backseat. But how do you keep that exciting ‘butterflies’ feeling? The simple answer is by making time for your partner and making them feel special.

The Obama’s famously have their ‘date night’ but how about setting up a monthly ‘romantic surprise’ – put aside say £50 to take each other out for a romantic dinner or to a concert. And don’t forget to praise your partner’s achievements and compliment them as often as you can, in a genuine way. The couples that look out for each other stay happy together. You can have your ‘happy ever after’ but like Cinderella you’ll have to put some work in.

To read more about how to find realistic and lasting love read Dr Gian Gonzaga’s new book – Dating the second time around, Finding love that lasts. (Octopus, £6.99), available from all good bookshops.

Short Accommodation Website For London Helps Find Somewhere to Lay Your Head.

Head2Pillow launched its short stay accommodation website for the London area in Autumn 2010, enabling homeowners with a spare room to rent it out and make tax-free money and for visitors to the capital to find an affordable room for a short stay.

The site has been developed over a considerable length of time, with the focus being on ease of use for both homeowners and guests.

For Guests looking for a room, the site has an innovative Quick Search facility, enabling users to look for a room by *either
*town
*postcode
*venue, which now also includes the main Olympic venues.

In addition, the Advanced Search allows users to carry out a more detailed search based on a selection of criteria, including cost, distance and availability dates.

Many online accommodation sites only allow users to find out limited information online and the actual booking process is dealt with by email. Head2Pillow enables users to search for a room in real time, book and pay securely via Barclaycard all online. In addition, there is no sign up fee for Guests, no minimum stay required and no booking fees.

Homeowners with a spare room can advertise their room straight away with no sign up fee, knowing that they have complete control over the room price and availability and can rent it out as often or as little as they like. In addition, they can select to receive an SMS alert every time a booking is made for their room.

With the Government’s cuts really hitting households across the country now, there has never been a better time for homeowners to make some much needed extra cash or for Guests to book an affordable room with Head2Pillow.

Leoni Kibbey Finishes Short Film Bird Brain.

In an highly competitive industry Leoni Kibbey is flying high indeed. She has a successful career as an actress, casting director and now, producer. Leoni just finished her short film Bird Brain.

Leoni Kibbey, age 35 from St Albans is a Casting Director and actress who is now producing her own movies. She has plans to make feature films but must first prove her talent with short movies. The first short she produced ‘Chasing’ was screened at the East End Film Festival and 2Days Laughter short film festival. Leoni’s work as Casting Director is flourishing… she is currently working on five feature films including Shakespeare’s Daughter a $25million feature for which she has interest from Renee Zellweger.

Bird Brain will be a steppingstone to producing her own feature films. Leoni knows it is all about the ability to pull together the best team around you and she has a fantastic crew attached and is now raising the funds to produce her movie to the best standard possible. The Director is Giles Greenwood whose last two short films were qualified for the Academy Awards and who is about to shoot his first feature – a thriller in Sri Lanka. Ilan Eshkeri is the composer on the film – he worked on the films Kick-Ass, Centurion, Layer-Cake & Stardust and the post production is being done by Ridley Scott’s Post Production House. A team which bring high hopes for the film winning awards at prestigious festivals!!

Leoni says: “I have always been in awe of the process of filmmaking. Over the last few years I’ve learned so much about the process with my casting & acting work and I feel ready and able to tell my own unique stories..our feathered friends have always held a special place in my life – I was lucky enough to be brought up around some beautiful wildlife in the lake district which is why, when I saw the first draft of the script Bird Brain written by co-writer Colin Moody, I saw a gem that could be developed into something quite special. It is no easy task to produce a film while bringing up two young daughters and continuing my casting work but this is one challenge I am very excited about. In the film world there are a lot of delays and I figured the best way to get ahead in this tough industry is to do it yourself!”

So what is the film about?
Bird Brain is a 20minute short film about a famous birdlife TV presenter and his wife. It is a thriller/film noir. It will be shot on the RED Camera to achieve a beautiful look. The script has received great praise. You can see the full synopsis and more info the film website. www.birdbrainmovie.com .

Would you like to invest?
Everyone can be involved. There are levels of investment from £6 to £10,000 and no matter how much you donate you will be a part of the film and get something in return.

Producer Leoni Kibbey is offering a part in the film or to be a crew member on the film for anyone who comes on board at associate or exec producer level as well as the opportunity to be involved in deciding which birds we feature in the movie. Other ways you can help are to share this article and campaign with anyone who you think may be able to help.

For more information and to find out how to donate email birdbrainmovie@gmail.com

Frosts interview with Leoni is here.