Tag Archives: Advice

How To Dress For Your Body Shape

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The gorgeous and entrepreneurial Amy Childs has launched a Shape-Wear Finder – helping all girls find a dress suitable for their figure. Whether you’re Apple or Pear, Busty or Boyish.

A nipped waist can slim belly bulges, an A-line skirt can lengthen legs – there is so much fashion advice out there so Amy Childs is here offering her exclusive tips for finding that perfect dress for every figure.

PEAR?

Lacking a fuller chest? Seeking to minimise your lower body?

DO’S – Add volume to your upper body with detail.

Amy picks Lisa as the perfect number for a pear figure which, with its’ embellished chest/waist detail, creates curves whilst the skater skirt slims down the hips.

DON’T – Patterns at the bottom

howtodressforappleshape

APPLE?

Lacking a defined waist? But boast a womanly chest and derriere?

DO’S – Wear dainty shoes/heals to elongate your legs

Apple figures shouldn’t be constantly covered. Amy’s choice of ELOISE is ideal with a nipped-in waist detail and a panel of colour to help create that ever-desired slimmer frame illusion.

DON’T – Items of all one colour and halter necks

appledressshape

HOUR GLASS?

Chest and hips equal? An enviable waist?

DO’S – Semi-Fitted blouses, waist belts to help widen your waist.

Too much detail or pattern on an hourglass figure, can lose the shape completely. One of Amy’s favourite dresses is Samantha, as its’ beautiful lace detail is the focus of the dress, whilst the black skirt is sexy and slimming.

DON’T – Oversized, boxy clothing and turtle necks.

hourglassshape

10 tips on fighting the festive flab in the New Year

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getfit lose weight10 tips on fighting the festive flab in the New Year By Garry Kerr, Head of Training and Operations at British Military Fitness

Nom, nom, nom…extra eating: During the winter and especially over the festive

season we typically eat more than we would normally and exercising is a great way

to burn those extra calories and keep yourself in shape so when spring finally arrives

you’re in tip top shape! Here are some tips to help you beat the Christmas flab!

 

1. Keep a fitness journal

 

A workout log can help keep your exercise routine on track when you’re

struggling to stay motivated because it will show you how far you’ve come

since you started, and therefore how worthwhile it is to keep going.

 

2. Commit yourself.

 

Get moving! Just do it! There is no time like the start of a New Year. You’ve

got the indulgences of Christmas behind but it’s important you commit. Why

not write all the classes you can attend in your diary so they are viewed as

actual appointments and you’re less likely to cancel.

 

3. Set short-term goals

 

Having something specific to aim for, such as losing a certain amount

of weight or entering a race / marathon for example the Major Series

in the Spring will help you stick to your training

plan. But make sure your goals are achievable. Setting and failing to reach

outlandish targets will put you off.

 

4. Find the fun in it

 

Exercise should not feel like torture. After all, you have made a conscious

decision to do it. You can take great pleasure from overcoming challenges

and progressing with your fitness alongside other people.

 

Does that mean that it will be easy? No. In order to change your body, you

need to experience ‘overload’. This means that you need to keep challenging

your body in order to increase your fitness levels. You will however improve

your fitness levels if you rest and recover properly after each workout.

 

5. Reward yourself

 

Once you’ve hit one of your targets reward yourself. By training and

committing to your training you’ve earned the right to spoil yourself. Whether

it’s a new item of clothing or fitness-related gadgets or clothing – enjoy your

achievements.

 

6. Use visualisation

 

If you don’t believe that you can do that final burpee or make it through

those final reps, you certainly won’t be able to but by picturing yourself doing

it before you try it, you’ll create a mental template that can translate into

success.

 

7. Eating right

 

Food is 90% of the health and fitness battle. You can make great changes

just through making small adjustments to your eating habits alone. While

changing any habits may seem like a daunting task, there is a wealth of

resources available to guide you. By eating a regular mix of proteins, fats and

carbohydrates you will reap the benefits of your physical training routine. You

will have both the energy to perform and the nutritional foundations needed

for recovery. This exercise and nutrition relationship will help you to achieve

your goals

 

8. Be realistic

 

Rome wasn’t built in a day. Unfortunately, while over-used, there is some truth

in that saying.

 

A healthy approach is to aim to improve on yesterday. By repeating this

process you will start to feel like you have made great improvements over a

course of weeks, months and years. It is also important to consider where you

want to be.

 

9. There is gain without pain!

 

While exercise should be challenging in order to encourage the body to adapt

and therefore improve, it should not lead to any injuries.

 

Many people, particularly those new to exercise can become over enthusiastic

because of the physical changes that they experience. Our bodies can only

truly complete exercises at 100% intensity for a number of seconds. Exercises

completed over the course of an hour-long session are performed below

maximum intensity. You should therefore focus more on your technique and

try to work as hard as possible but not push yourself to the point of nausea.

 

10. Abandon an all-or-nothing attitude

 

Don’t think of exercise with an all-or-nothing approach. If you unexpectedly

miss a session, don’t beat yourself up. Just get back on track tomorrow.

Remember; exercise and fitness is a way of life, it’s not a destination.

 

This Book Will Make You Calm, Confident, Happy, Sleep Book Reviews

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January is all about becoming a better person. Hope is high and a feeling of renewal is in the air. So this series of This Book Will Make You…books came at the right time to be reviewed. Let’s find out if they can make you Calm, Confident, Happy and Sleep.

This Book Will Make You Calm, happy, confident, sleep

This Book Will Make You Calm

We got sent a lot of books on becoming calm at Christmas time and I think we all know why! We are all becoming more stressed in life and becoming calm will improve your health and life in general. The book helps you tackle anxiety and stress, it has great relaxation techniques, helps you handle panic and maintain a work-life balance. I love the techniques, graphs and strategies. I learned a lot reading this book. It is easy to lose perspective in life and forget about looking after yourself: this book reminds you what to do, and gives you lots of great, new, information too.

This Book Will Make You Happy

Being happy. One of the greatest pursuits of human beings. We seem obsessed with happiness and trying to achieve it. Following on from the format of the other book- and all of the books- the book has strategies, tests and graphs. It focuses on CBT (Cognitive behavioral therapy) which has become trendy and mainstream, which is not to put it down in any way, I have heard amazing things about it and it works for a lot of people. The book helps you challenge negative thoughts, combat anxiety, manage your emotions and stop procrastinating.

There are positive mind maps and the three biggest crimes against happiness. A great book to bring you closer to happiness.

This Book Will Make You Confident

Everyone wants more confidence and everyone goes through wobbly periods This book promises the tools to build your self-belief and realise your full potential with practical exercises and the latest CBT research. Each book lets you know how it all works and what CBT is. They have great mind maps and techniques which I find very useful. This is a helpful book which helps you deal with insecurity, nature self-belief, challenge your inner critic and play to your strengths. Good book.

This Book Will Make You Sleep

I have been having trouble sleeping so was happy to review this book. Especially after finding myself cleaning the oven at 2am. That is when you know you have a problem. CBT, tips and exercises fill the book, sleep myths are dispersed, sleep facts are given and the book gives great advice. I find myself sleeping better after reading it. Recommended.

This Book Will Make You Calm, Confident, Happy, Sleep by Dr Jessamy Hibberd & Jo Usmar

Released 6 January 2014

This new series for busy, creative people will give you the tools to deal with common problems from anxiety and lack of confidence to sleeplessness and general wellbeing.

Psychologist Dr Jessamy Hibberd and lifestyle journalist Jo Usmar draw on the latest cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) to show how to develop coping strategies and learn practical techniques to tackle a range of problems quickly and effectively. From reducing worry and boosting energy levels to breathing and mindfulness techniques, these accessible, handy-size books will make your life more serene, stress-free and fulfilled.

About the authors:

Dr Jessamy Hibberd is a clinical psychologist who worked for the NHS before setting up her own private practice. She is a chartered member of the British Psychological Society (BPS) and accredited with the British Association for Behavioural and Cognitive Psychotherapies (BABCP).

Jo Usmar is a freelance journalist and editor. She has contributed to a variety of national media, as well as writing a regular relationship column for Cosmopolitan. She has appeared on TV and radio commenting on lifestyle and relationship issues.

 

Managing MIL: You And Your Mother-in-Law – For Better, Or For Worse? Book Review

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mother-in-law- advice-bookThis book starts off with a joke: “My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well. I was amazed; I never knew they worked.” Les Dawson, this joke highlights that, traditionally, it is men that have problems with their mother-in-law. However there has been a rise in women clashing with theirs, and a number of my friends like to have a moan about their husbands mother. Marriage is hard, but even harder when there are three people in it.

Some of the real-life stories in this book are horrendous and shocking, and a few are nice. In fact the real-life stories are what I like most about the book. Learning about other peoples experience always make you feel less alone and helps to get through a rough spot. The best way to learn is from other people.

The book has rules and even suggests you start your own DIL (daughter-in-law) Club to unlock the secrets of a good mother-in-law/daughter-in-law relationship. Where you get a group of like-minded women together and all vent anger, or share experiences: good and bad.

This is a good book. A lot of the advice is common sense: be polite, decorum goes a long way, see things her way. The book is also intelligent enough to see things from the mother-in-laws view; sometimes she cannot do anything right. All in all I thought the book was great. There is also top advice from leading relationship experts.

The top tips for managing your mother-in-law are good and this is a helpful book. It takes the view of both the daughter-in-law and the mother-in-law to make it fair. Full of good advice and highly recommended.

Managing MIL: You and your Mother-in-Law – for better, or for worse? will be released by Peridot Press. You can buy it in e-book form or as a proper book.

Does your mother-in-law drive you to distraction? Are you a desperate daughter-in-law? Who is to blame? It’s hard to know when you’re stuck on the inside.

Journalist Katy Rink looks at the best and worst of this frequently tricky relationship and provides smart advice for keeping your cool, your sanity and your family intact.

How do you survive a weekend with the in-laws? Should you ever go on holiday together? How do you manage a new baby and MIL? What are the dangers of accepting that friend request on Facebook? These are just some of the tricky topics tackled.

The author calls upon the experiences of fellow daughters-in-law in her home town – at secretive get-togethers that came to be known as DIL Club – to illustrate the highs and lows of dealing with his mother.

There are plenty of anecdotes to amuse and entertain, including the DILs who received engine oil, chin hair removal cream and paper knickers as Christmas presents from their MILs; the MIL who provided itemised receipts for ice creams and charged for petrol; and the MIL who greeted news of a pregnancy with “I can’t believe you haven’t had her sterilised yet”.

You can also try and recognise your MIL from a cast of hilarious caricatures including The Apologist, The Snob, The Manipulator and The Social Climber.

But amid the horror stories there are heart-warming tales of when (and how) it all goes right, and when peace breaks out.

 

Why I Wrote Emotional Support Through Breast Cancer By Cordelia Galgut

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cgalgutMy new book Emotional Support Through Breast Cancer, the alternative handbook, is a culmination of a process that started almost 10 years ago, when I was twice diagnosed with breast cancer. Before being diagnosed, as a psychologist, I sometimes supported women with breast cancer and considered I had a pretty good take on what they were going through and my clients were too polite to disabuse me of this. Little did I know!! Life on the other side of the fence turned out to be completely different and much harder than I could ever have imagined, both emotionally and physically. Indeed, I was so struck by the differences and fed up with the general lack of awareness I experienced amongst most of the people treating me and around me that I decided to set about writing about these issues from my new dual perspective, in order to raise awareness.

I started with a series of articles that were published in both the popular press and professional journals, which provoked many responses from women saying things like, ‘Thank goodness I’m normal, I thought it was just me who was still lying awake at night worrying about recurrence several years after diagnosis, until you said you did.’ Or the women who told me how sick they were of trite judgements from others such as: ‘It’s time you got on with your life!’; ‘You should be over breast cancer by now.’ or ‘You’re over-anxious.’ Strong themes that also emerged from their feedback were their fear of speaking out about how they felt about breast cancer, for fear of being judged and/or their treatment being adversely affected, and the ignorance of the health professionals treating them. However, they wanted me to speak out for them.When I did so, I was often met with skeptical responses from health professionals, saying things like,‘Oh it’s just the minority who feel bad ongoingly ,’ or ‘you’re overstating how traumatic the experience is.’

This chasm of a mismatch between the views of the health professionals and the women themselves, plus my new found awareness, spurred me on to write my first book, The Psychological impact of Breast Cancer: a psychologist’s insights as a patient, written for health professionals, the aim of which was to highlight both good and bad practice and what seems to help and what doesn’t.

This book was read by women with breast cancer, too, although it wasn’t really meant for breast cancer sufferers. The fact they were reading it, and the feedback they were giving me, highlighted more than ever the need for a support manual that didn’t downplay breast cancer’s emotional effects and that validated women’s deep and enduring emotions about the gamut of effects the disease has. There was also a need to directly challenge the whole notion, so prevalent in society at large, that you’re abnormal if you can’t ‘move on’ or ‘get over’ an extreme life trauma such as breast cancer. In fact, I challenge the whole assumption that you can get over breast cancer, especially given that scars remain, both emotional and physical, and fear of recurrence is ever-present. How can we ‘get over it’?

Our review of the book is here.

Hints And Tips On Choosing The Perfect Wedding Wines

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hattie wineThere’s so much to think about when organising a wedding, but planning (and most importantly tasting) your wedding wines should be fun. So we’ve worked with Hattie’s Wines to bring you the top 10 tips for anyone thinking about wine for a wedding day.

1. Before you do anything else, work out what your venue will allow. Can you bring your own wines? Will they charge ‘corkage’ (a fee per bottle to let you bring your own)? Or do you have to choose from their wine list?

2. If you have to select from their list, make sure you ask to taste the wines that you’re thinking of choosing, ideally with the food you’re having, to check that you like them. If you’re struggling with the venue’s wine list, you can upload it to Hattie’s Wines for some free help, if you’d like.

3. If you can bring your own wines (yay!), the next step is to be clear on your budget, bearing in mind any corkage you might have to pay on top. On balance, while it’s great to splash out on some fabulous wines for such a special occasion, it’s also really important to make sure you don’t run out halfway through the meal, so if your budget is limited then consider some of the great value for money wines we’ve suggested below.

4. Next up, think about the food you’re having but also think about the people coming (younger crowd, trendy crowd, boozy crowd?!), the weather (if you can predict it!) and the time of day. Red wines can get quite heavy after a while, especially on a summer afternoon.

5. Most of us know the broad rule of thumb is to pair white wine with white meats and fish and red wine with red meat dishes. But like everything else you’re organising, this is your day, so do it your way. You might prefer to have a white wine with the starter and a red with the main, or both on the table at once for people to pour for themselves. In this instance, think about the weight of the wines and the foods – lighter wines with lighter foods and bigger wines with richer foods.

6. When you look for a wine supplier, make sure you’re able to get some good advice on what you’re buying – whoever you buy from should be happy to have a look at what you’re trying to achieve and help by advising you on the best wines for your needs and budget.

7. Don’t forget to consider the delivery options. It will probably be much easier for you if the wines are delivered direct a day or so in advance, then it’s one thing off your to-do list.

8. Get tough with your supplier, especially if you’re buying lots! Look into wine companies that can give you some kind of offer for a bulk purchase, e.g. free delivery or money off when you spend over a certain amount.

9. Don’t forget the bubbles! There are lots of times you may need to serve something sparkly, perhaps while guests are waiting for you to have your photos done and of course during the toasts. Splash out on Champagne if you can but if not don’t worry, there are some fantastic Proseccos and Cavas out there which will suit just as well.

10. And our final tip? Don’t worry about over-ordering – whatever you don’t drink can be taken home for you and your beloved to enjoy whilst perusing your wedding photos.

Some wedding wine suggestions from the Hattie’s wine list:

Aperitif / during photos:

Bach Extrisimo Semi-Seco Cava, £8.99. For those of you who don’t like their sparkling wines really, really dry, this will be music to your ears. It won’t make you suck your cheeks in (think lemon sherbets, or Victoria Beckham). Made in the Cava region, this is all apples, citrus and almonds in liquid form. A great alternative to Pimms.

White wines:

Clique Viognier, £8.99. This is a wine stuffed with gallons of juicy exotic fruits, from pineapple to grapefruit, but is still dry and highly drinkable. This is not the moment for British reserve – it’s time to kick off your shoes and dance like nobody’s watching. This is punchy, unabashed, unembarrassed joy. Oh and the label looks fab on the table!

Or splash out on Coulaudin Bussy Chablis Premier Cru, £14.99. A wonderfully fresh, lemony wine, but with real backbone. It’s ‘Premier Cru’ (more Marc Jacobs than Mark Owen) which means it’s even better quality than the average Chablis. This is the Chanel handbag of wine – a classic that accessorizes anything, and oozes style and sophistication – just like your big day.

Red wines:

Domaine d’Aumieres Merlot, £7.99. This little gem of a wine comes from a family that started making wine in this region over a century ago. So, they really know what they are doing. The beauty of this Merlot is in its simplicity – ripe, juicy and soft with baked plum fruit flavours. A definite crowd-pleaser!

Or splash out on Le Blason du Prince Chateauneuf du Pape, £14.99. It’s time for a celebration. A big classy celebration. Even the scantest French skills will pick out ‘prince’ and ‘chateau’ here, and should tell you that you’re dealing with something pretty regal. The flavours manage to be both restrained and powerful at the same time: a sophisticated glass of dark brambly fruit. The quintessential posh red wine – a princely bottle for the day’s princess!

Toast:

A toast to the happy couple deserves Champagne, and why not go pink with the Louis Massing Champagne Premier Cru, £19.99. Light and delicately done, but with lush redcurrant fruit flavours, and a twinkle in its eye.

Find The Perfect Watch For Your Loved One This Christmas

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Marc by Marc Jacobs watch., marc jacobs, watch, Christmas,A watch is a great Christmas present but getting it right can be hard. We have a guide from Watchshop.com to make it easier.

Terry Markham, Buyer & Online Merchandiser of WatchShop.com says: “It’s important to try and find a watch that not only looks great, but suits the personality and lifestyle of the person you are buying it for. Luckily, today’s watches offer an incredible range of styles and themes to suit everyone. There are several things you should keep in mind when it comes to choosing the perfect watch for someone”

The Overall Look – Think about the watch recipient’s particular style and start from there. Tailor the choices to distinctive clothing they wear, there will be a watch to match it. The selection of watch designs available is incredible, from elegant silhouettes, through more contemporary and fashion led pieces, all the way to striking urban inspired designs or purpose built functional utility watches, there will be one that suits their style and lifestyle all at once.

Function over form over function – The most important thing to remember when choosing is the person’s lifestyle, and where and when they will wear the watch. If it is going to be worn on special formal occasions, features such as an alarm or GPS are probably not the most vital. Water resistance is a consideration at this point, it will start changing the options available. Think about the features which would be most useful for the person. Will they need a watch that has a temperature gauge or helps them train for marathons, or does it need to look good with a suit? Figure out the “must-have” features of their ideal watch, and then zero in on brands that are known to excel at them.

The Fine Details – Sometimes, it’s the smallest details that really make the watch special for the recipient. Today’s watches offer more exquisite and exciting embellishments than ever. From Swarovski crystals, and precious stones, to exotic materials and finishes, you can take your pick from a bevy of stylish touches. If you think the person you are buying for would appreciate some glitz and glamour, it’s easy to track down an affordable timepiece that offers a hint of luxury and a healthy dose of glitzy appeal. If they are more reserved, a brushed finish will give the subtlety they will appreciate.

Colours – Finally, nearly every imaginable shade and hue can be found amid today’s selection of watches, from a single detail picked out subtly to a complete watch. From lurid contrasting colours or vibrant solid-coloured pieces that pop out in exciting and eye-catching ways, to more subtle and understated looks that exude sophistication and glamour to any ensemble, it’s a snap to find watches that feature everyone’s favourite colour, or match their pallete and wardrobe.

Use this as a rough guide of what people need, from the way they would identify their ideal watch:

Strictly Fashion – If you think they will value looks over functionality then you may wish to opt for a fashion brand and skip the high-tech gadgetry. In this case, you should can select from a variety of budgets and select a watch that appeals in a purely visual way to their style.

All Business – Business people tend to be very demanding about the watches they wear, especially if they travel a lot. If you’re buying a watch for them to wear to the office on a regular basis, you’re probably going to want to select one with a more conservative style. Choose colours and finishes that will blend in and go along well with the majority of their wardrobe. It should be comfortable and durable, a dependable companion wherever the work day leads them.

Urban Lifestyles – City dwellers, and those who just prefer having a more urban edge, are going to want watches that offer a combination of style, excitement and technology. Life is fast-paced in the city, so it helps selecting a watch that will never be caught wanting. They will appreciate their watch being fun, cutting edge and very stylish to match their own lives.

Active Lifestyles – Even if the person you’re buying for is into extreme sports, you should be able to find a watch that’s more than up to the task. Almost every watchmaker these days offers water resistant timepieces, and there are many models that boast chronograph models to measure the time of their life. If they spend a lot of time doing outdoor activities, you’ll also want a watch that’s tough and durable, with a high water resistance.

There are so many different options when it comes down to buying a watch as a gift for somebody else. Don’t get overwhelmed, and just use what you know about them to buy a watch they will use and cherish for years to come.

The 12 Pitfalls of Christmas And How To Avoid Them

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vivienne_imgWhen a relationship is already struggling , Christmas can intensify that struggle. Instead of being a happy celebratory time, Christmas completely drains the joy. If you are already feeling a little under the strain and under supported, this article is for you.

The 12 pitfalls of Christmas and how to avoid them

 1 Too High An Expectation

We all have the wish for the perfect, romantic moment with the perfect gift when all our Christmas fantasies come true. There is an enormous sense of expectation on the big day and a lot of people aiming for perfection. This quest for perfection and the best Christmas ever can drain us and render both our Christmas and our partner’s efforts a disappointment. We all deserve to be happy and sometimes happiness is best reached when we stop the pressure. High expectations usually only lead to …..

2 Disappointment

The disappointment can be crushing because it feels so symbolic, as though if we are unhappy even at Christmas then we must be fundamentally miserable together. We can feel that “we” as a couple don’t want the same things in life just because “we” don’t want the same things at Christmas.

Perhaps we need to compromise our expectations, agree on how we will spend our time and efforts. “Good enough” can be very happy indeed. Decide to do something lovely for each other, so you both experience your special moment, so that potential disappointments can be curbed this Christmas.

 3 Negative Mindset

If we feel we’ve over-compromised or that we’re taken for granted before we start, then we enter into any conversation with a negative attitude which sets us up to have an argument or to fail in general.

If we look for the negatives and only notice events or things that are less than perfect this can lead to……

4 Over reaction

We all have the ability to massively over react. If we are tense to begin with, then the seemingly small stuff can push us over the edge from calm and composed to tantrum and distress. The number of people that argue over the practicalities of Christmas is probably close to 100%.

One particularly stressful practicality is packing the car. Let’s face it, this is basically an argument in a boot!  Mindset is key when it comes to the arduous errands around Christmas. If you find yourself thinking “what a nightmare all this stuff is” and “no way is it all going to fit into the car” …. Think about this before the day of travel and also turn that around to think “how great that we can give so many presents” and “This is going to be so much fun”.

After all, why spend all this time and energy and money buying the presents if you’re going to complain about packing them and the subsequent journey?

Some people have better spatial awareness than others …. be honest with yourself … how good are you at filling every crevice efficiently?  If the other person insists on doing it, let them get stuck before you wade in with your suggestions.

 5 Who’s rule is it anyway?

Christmas can seem as though it comes with an invisible but very real rule book. This rule book to be based on absolutes about the fundamental questions such as, ‘Who to spend Christmas Day with?’   Often families feel they must spend Christmas together.  Christmas Day seems to be symbolic of family and therefore if you don’t spend it with your family, you feel judged that you aren’t behaving in an accepted way. These emotionally laden rules lead to …..

6 Stress in various relationships

Many couples argue over whose parents’ turn it is to visit, and whose tradition to follow.  It may seem uncharitable and selfish to spend time with people whose company you actually enjoy.
Just because you’ve spent it with one set of people for the past 5 years, doesn’t mean you would be insulting anyone to have a change.  Handling that situation need not be as difficult as you may fear it is.

Family dynamics go into over drive. Various family members can battle over status and following certain traditions can equate to personal victories or be perceived as slights. Siblings can start to regress into squabbles befitting adolescence not middle age!

Everything can feel as though there is a hidden agenda and negative communication; even gift giving can be perceived as point scoring.  Christmas day can be reduced into a competitive battle ground with everyone trying to assert their status, for example, who’s in charge, who carves, whose pudding is better, who wouldn’t have bought the pudding but made it from scratch, whose present is more expensive, better thought out?  Competitiveness creeps in to cause many underlying feelings of guilt and undermining. Christmas is reduced to a series of unpleasant negotiations.

Focusing on how you and your partner really want to spend Christmas in a fashion that will make you truly happy is the key to sidestepping the unpleasantness. Thinking about happiness as the goal of the day and not point proving or following arduous tradition keeps you on the right track.

7  Quest for perfection

Women can often feel that how well they “do” Christmas is symbolic of how much they love and how good a wife and homemaker they are.  Women can end up putting so much pressure on themselves to get it all perfect that they set themselves up to fail, because they become stressed and grumpy therefore less fun to be around. This stress can lead to ….

8  Feeling Overwhelmed

FUN is the point of Christmas for most of us.  So, if the process of preparation drains the joy of the day, then your priorities are misconstrued however well intentioned.

Children and even partners only notice the stress – they don’t know the difference between good enough and perfection. So halve your “to do” list and go without some of the food and events but do what you are doing with a smile and you will enjoy it to and so will they!

9  Feeling Lonely  

Generally, husbands/male partners tend to care and plan somewhat less and the other partner feels “slighted”  or dismissed … that what they want to talk about is irrelevant … and this feeling of being ignored leads to ….

10  A sense of isolation

We can all feel lonely in a crowded room and never more so than at Christmas. This sense of isolation and being on your own with everything can cause stress. You can feel as though you need to take responsibility for Christmas and the emotional wellbeing of everyone and this becomes overwhelming.

Christmas and its scripts can put emotions and relationships into intense mode …. you’re supposed to feel joy and it can work to the contrary by making you feel more lonely, less connected, less valued, more miserable.

Communication is key to avoiding this pitfall. Talk to your partner about what you need to. However, you also need to talk to yourself. Strategize your efforts so that they will pay off and not completely frazzle you. If you don’t get the help you need, do less. Be fair on yourself too so that you don’t feel alone with it all this Christmas.

11  Working too hard

One partner feels taken for granted.  One partner isn’t pulling the same weight in effort as the other.  It feels symbolic that “if my partner doesn’t care as much about Xmas as I do, that means he/she doesn’t love me”. This sense of disproportion within the relationship can lead to….

12  Arguments and Disappointment

Overall, there are high expectations and the whole feeling of pressure to make this the “absolutely perfect family day” … and then add some alcohol to that and emotions quickly rise to the surface causing tension.

So logistic planning is helpful eg who’s going to contribute foodwise/drinkswise/presents …. all of this needs careful discussion beforehand.

Financially, parents tend to spend lots of money on their kids and then that sometimes leaves less for your partner’s present eg combining a Christmas present with a birthday present … it becomes a financial transaction rather than a giving or romantic one.  This is not a positive attitude to present-giving unless fully agreed with the receiver.

It is a very extended time together from eg 10 am – 9pm or even longer when visiting relatives far away which means an overnight stay is included.  So if it’s someone you don’t see regularly because you don’t want to, that too brings huge pressure of interaction to spend 36-48 hours with those people.

If you feel your relationship is coming to an end, then buying presents for the maybe “last Xmas” feels like a death looming.
How to step over these pitfalls

Whatever you decide, make that a positive decision.  Go into the situation with a positive mindset …. set it up to succeed.

Think about it – any time you meet a person who is complaining, down on themselves, or generally miserable, then your heart sinks and you don’t feel so good.

When you are greeted by someone who is smiling, open and interested, you feel their energy and the joy begins.
Prepare as best you can regarding travel logistics, presents without going into huge debt and agreeing who makes the gravy.  Have all the necessary conversations so that everyone’s expectations are met.

If there are still some issues, this is where you have to decide whether you are going to spend time with these people or not.  And if you decide that you are going to be with them, then this is when you decide how you are going to feel and behave.  If you go in with a smile on your face, you will feel happier and your experience will be happier.

We can all survive and even enjoy Christmas 2013!

Mindset is the key to a happy and fun Christmas Day.

Wishing you a happy Christmas Day.

From: Vivienne Goldstein (Relationship Coach) and
Dr Lucy Atcheson (Psychologist)

We hope this article is helpful. If you would like some bespoke therapeutic support for your relationship at one of our workshops supporting women to enhance their relationships please contact us at

Lucy@counsellingpsychologistlondon.com or Viv@viviennegoldstein.com