Tag Archives: Catherine Balavage

St Giles Trust: SOS Project. Creating Positive Futures by rehabilitating young offenders.

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‘Young Person (18) stabbed’ ‘16 year old girl robbed at gun point’ ‘Knives have become a fashion accessory among teenagers’ ‘Young person killed in cross fire’

It seems we can’t escape shocking headlines that are becoming standard fare for society’s media. If the headlines are to be believed then we are dealing with an issue that is out of control and one where there is no help or way out for young people involved.
According to recent Police reports there are around 200 gangs in London alone and according to a recent news report as many as 4 in ten young people have admitted to carrying a knife for protection.

Whilst this might be a gloomy picture there are projects out there that make a difference.
I spent the morning with Junior Smart; Team Leader for the ground breaking SOS Gangs Project under London Charity St Giles Trust to find out why his project is successful and what can be done to turn the tide concerning young people, gangs and violence.

Junior Smart is softly spoken thirty something male. An ex-gang member, his offence led to a ten year sentence inside prison and a meeting with St Giles which operate in a number of prisons around the country. Thanks to St Giles and initial funding by Southwark Council, The SOS Gangs project was born; the first complete ex-offender led project in the country. That was back in 2006, since then the project has been seen as best practice four years running and received critical acclaim. Even more importantly thanks to the project he set up around 300 young people involved in or at risk of gang involvement have seen their lives transformed as a result. This has earned him the nickname ‘the million dollar man’ by his contemporaries for the millions his project has potentially saved society.

He sits opposite me smiling – “Some people think that the best idea is to just lock these young people up, but they either forget or don’t know how much it actually costs. It costs around £40,000 to keep just one offender in custody for a year, multiply that by the current prison population (which is 86,000 and rising) and we literally are talking billions of pounds of tax payers money. When you think that 75% of young people who leave prison go on to re-offend within 2 years its just jaw dropping to think just how much money is wasted.

He chuckles – it actually costs more money to send a young person to prison than it does to send them to Eton college, can you believe it?”

I nod my head in absolute amazement; it is true that we are living in times where we are reminded consistently that there are cutbacks because every penny counts. But I am interested to know what the project is and how it works.

“SOS Gangs project is a tailor-made, holistic support scheme which is proactive in prisons and the communities” he explains, “Our core goal is to reduce re-offending by creating opportunities for change. We engage young people with the aim of helping them build realistic goals for the future and assist them to get back into education, training and employment. It needs to be tailor made because when you think about it, every individual has their own unique reasons for offending. It might be financial, it might be peer pressure, it might be grounded in their lack of self identity or embedded in where they live. The problem with common punitive punishments is that it adopts a blanket approach to all and never addresses any underlying issues, whereas with the project we take the offence as just a small part of a bigger picture.”

It is this core goal that has been the SOS Project’s prime area of achievement. In the four years that the project has been running over 300 young people have been reached with just 12% being recalled for further offences against the national average of 75%.

“Where there are underlying issues we address them, working with other agencies as necessary. So for example we might assist with helping them find accommodation or to move to a different area to get away from old associates, we might assist them in breaking free of their drug habits or in being violent to their partner.”

I am curious to know why the SOS project has succeeded
.
“I think our success has been down to a number of reasons, firstly we are completely ex-offender led, which always seems to be a bit taboo, but when you think about it, it makes absolute sense, who better to assist ex-offenders and young people than someone who has actually been there and done it, we are infinitely more credible because we know the challenges, and the pressures on young people; we know the terrain and its pitfalls. Secondly all the workers are passionate about what they do; they really care about making a difference. Finally we offer complete on-going support so our cases aren’t time bound. We are there until the needs are met.”

I ask about youth violence and gangs. Junior is quick to enlighten me. “I dislike the term ‘gang’ because of the way the media have blown it up out of proportion. Although the truth is quite serious, in reality it is not as bleak as the media would have us believe” he explains “for example it is not against the law to be in a gang, and in fact quite a few of the young people we work with don’t think that they are in anything more than a group of friends until things get out of hand. It’s then that they think they have no choice but to make a stand. So when we are working with young people what we are actually targeting their behaviour because it is that which creates the fear and the need to defend or protect. It is also that what creates the impression to the public that every group of young people on an estate or on the street is in a gang. The sad thing is just by fear alone a young person will carry a knife and then either end up arrested, with a criminal record or a worse still a victim.”

I ask if it possible that a perpetrator could also be a victim, Junior agrees “A lot of young people aren’t aware that around 60% of those that carry a knife end up stabbed with their own weapon. So when we work with clients, and in schools and communities we impart tools for young people to use on a daily basis for example around managing conflict so they are empowered to make better informed decisions.”

I ask about the recent headlines in the press. The room goes quiet, junior responds.
“It is the victims I feel really sorry for, it might be easy for cynics to think that because we are ex-offenders we are more on the side of the offender than anything else but that is simply not true. We do what we do to prevent victims. My first experience of crime was when I was just four years old and our home was burgled. I saw my mother go from being a top nurse to being a recluse in her own home. Part of me is infuriated at the way the system treats victims, it is almost as if they have an unspoken voice once an offender is arrested and, equally from an offenders perspective they never truly have to take into account the impact that their behaviour has had not just on people but on their community.” He looks at me seriously “it’s an understatement that not enough is being done, that’s why I am a big fan of alternatives such restorative justice and whenever possible we try to mediate on behalf of the client with the families and communities involved.”

So in this time of cuts does Junior think will there be any reduction with regard to the project I ask. Junior shrugs “You know, we are dealing with uncertain times and whilst we have been really fortunate that Southwark council and T2A have kept us going we are a charity and depend on the support of the people, charitable trusts and funds to stay where we are. It is really strange, because in times like this people always try and re-invent the wheel and instead of going with what works, they go with what does’nt. For me I am more concerned about the clients because if we are not here where do they go.”

Junior takes a strong look at the headlines and makes an acute point – “The problem is with the headlines is that it tends to make it very easy to forget that these are actually just young people. Someone’s son someone’s brother, uncle, sister or even father. Every time I hear or see a news report I am reminded of why I do what I do. These are young people with needs, with aspirations, just with the wrong motivation and they need our help.”

Case studies

Southwark case study

Client A – aged 22, this client is the eldest in a single parent family of two younger brothers.

Not typical of a criminal background this client did well at school and had ambitions of going to the army. He entered into pre-entry training in the armed forces at the age of 16. However during an exercise the client was caught in a fire and received serious burns to his hands and face. This had an emotional and psychological effect resulting in the client being medically discharged. The client became emotionally despondent and was diagnosed with depression. This became a catalyst for negative thinking and behaviour and subsequent drug use. Client A began to drift into negative circles and became involved in petty crime escalating to a street robbery, for which he received an 8 month prison sentence. He was released with no support, and then he committed another offence; burglary for which he received an 18 month prison sentence for which he was released January earlier this year. He came across the SOS Project through probation who had heard about our work. They who referred him to us because – like the last time he was released – he had no support networks and would yet again be homeless. They were also concerned that he would once more become involved in criminal activity and this time the seriousness would escalate. We began working with him in April; a credible mentor from SOS Project meeting him for the first time at his home. Since that time we have stabilised his living conditions by finding him permanent private rented accommodation. By working holistically and by networking with other agencies we engaged him with NACRO education and employment team to increase his employability skills. Client A has identified that he would like to go to college in September to study plumbing or computing. We are providing ongoing support to assist him in achieving this. Our SOS Project caseworker speaks to the Client 2-3 times a week, seeing him in person at least once a week. Our work with Client A continues and our focus with him is on self-empowerment and independent living. Client A attributes his turn around down to the caseworker he has working with him in his own words “if I didn’t have his support there is no way I would be where I am now”

Ashfield Case study – Client B

I met Client B on my first visit to Ashfield where he was serving his 2nd custodial sentence.

Prior to B’s first custodial sentence he was living with his step mother in south east London. Due to the nature of his first offence he was unable to return to the family home. Having never met his birth mother and an extremely troubled relationship with his father he was released with minimal support from social services. Post release Client B was homeless in an area where he knew no one and had very little support. As a consequence he re-offended and was given a custodial sentence. He was just 16 years of age at this time.

During his second custodial sentence he was granted his early release but with no accommodation he was unable to be released.

A second referral was made to children’s services which was returned. The case was finally accepted and Client B was found to be ‘a child in need’ by social services, which means that they were obliged to provide suitable Temporary Accommodation (T/A). So Client B was released without prior notification and told to report to his YOT where he was accommodated for the weekend.

Once his T/A had run out he was told to go to the Homeless Persons Unit to be housed as a homeless person. He was later found intentionally homeless and was offered no other help. He was provided with accommodation for one night by St Giles Trust.

Our SOS Ashfield worker consulted his solicitor and after which high court proceedings were started against the Local authority for them to find him as a child in need under sec.17 of the children’s act. The case was finally heard at the High Court and the local authority were found to be neglecting their duty of care and were order to provide Client B with suitable accommodation and support.

Client B has been working with the SOS project for nearly 9 months and is now attending college full time with aspirations of owning his own business one day.

www.stgilestrust.org.uk

Become a fan of StGT on Facebook by following this link…

http://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/St-Giles-Trust/108464042506076?ref=mf

…or if you prefer to tweet then you can follow them on Twitter here:-


http://twitter.com/stgilestrust

David Beckham World Cup interview. Exclusive to Yahoo! and Frost.

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Frost Magazine, in association with Yahoo! gets the inside scoop from David Beckham on England’s disappointing World Cup campaign and tells us which players have impressed him in South Africa.

What was your assessment of England at the World Cup?

We didn’t play at the level we knew that we were capable of. Over the four matches we weren’t good enough and regardless of the goal that never was, Germany played better than we did over the 90 minutes and deserved to go through. Having seen the lads in training, the spirit was good, everyone trained at a really high level, it was just disappointing we couldn’t transfer that onto the pitch. As a team, we have to learn from everything that’s happened, come back stronger and play to our potential.

What was the experience of watching from the bench like?

It was different and at times I wanted to get out onto the pitch and play! It was frustrating at times, but purely because I know what the players out on the pitch are capable of. I have to say the fans were unbelievable, like they always are. It must have been really tough, having spent the time and money they did and the team were so desperate to give them the success their support deserved.

Have your experiences in South Africa and the success of Diego Maradona given you the urge to take up coaching?

While I am flattered to be talked about as a coach and am always available for my country, whenever I am needed, I still see myself as a player and remain supportive of the manager. Diego has done a great job so far though and I wish him well.

Who do you think is in with a shout of winning the World Cup?

It’s a tough one, there are a few teams who are very closely matched and will be there or thereabouts. Argentina looked strong in qualifying from their group with three wins from three and are a potent attacking force with the likes of Messi, Tevez and Higuain. The Germans have such pedigree at World Cups and seem to get better as each tournament progresses. Brazil are Brazil, so you’d expect them to do well and maybe go on to the final. I love watching them play football, all the players are so relaxed and comfortable on the ball. I was lucky enough to play with a few in my career and they are without doubt some of the most skillful athletes.

My other two picks would be Netherlands and Spain. The Dutch have pace throughout their side and with Van Persie, Sneijder and Robben, they have potential match-winners. Spain, despite their shock defeat at the hands of Switzerland, are unbelievably strong all over the pitch. Villa is on red-hot form at the moment and if Torres starts scoring, they are going to be a handful for anyone. That’s before you consider Xavi, Iniesta, Silva, Alonso, Fabregas, need I go on?

Which players have impressed you at the tournament so far?

With all the pressure on Messi, prior to the tournament, he’s been a star-performer so far for me. He’s been brilliant on the ball and an important link man for Argentina and instrumental in their four wins so far. Sneijder has been in fine form for the Dutch and scored some vital goals. I’ve also been impressed with Chile as a team and Sanchez, bags of pace and trickery. Diego Forlan for Uruguay has scored goals but also worked hard for the team, the same can be said for Ozil for Germany. I’d heard a bit about him before the tournament and he hasn’t disappointed, at the centre of many German attacks. David Villa has been Spain’s standout performer. He has scored goals, created chances and worked his socks off for his team and looks a good bet to be the top scorer at the World Cup.

How will the performance of Team USA affect the development of football in the US?

It can only be positive. I thought USA played well in the tournament and it will stand them in good stead for future tournaments. I know TV viewing figures were considerably more in the US compared to the World Cup four years ago. The MLS is getting stronger all the time and the increase in the number of youth leagues will all help in the development of football in the US.

Got something you’d like to ask David Beckham? Then head over to Yahoo! Answers. The football legend and global superstar will be answering the best of your questions in a unique video interview on Wednesday 14 July, with live video link-ups to 18 countries – shown exclusively on Yahoo!. So get thinking and submit a question today.

Alexandra Aitkens on Yoga and finding peace.

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I interviewed Alexandra Aitkens and found a young women who has found her calling teaching yoga. I think we can all benefit from the answers below.

1) You have had many, mostly creative careers. Which one do you find most satisfying?

By far teaching kundalini yoga and sharing these miraculous tools and techniques.  The pectice of Kundallini yoga will awaken your potential and give you the power to actually complete your dream heaven on earth.

2) You teach yoga now. What advice can you give to people who want peace in their lives?

Meditate every day it will clear the rubbish out of your mind!
Start by trying one of these meditations for 3 minutes everyday and experience all the benefits for yourself.

http://www.yogamint.com/videos/yogamint_videos

3) What is your favourite yoga move?

My favourite yoga move is the one minute breath. Your life is counted in breaths not years. This breath will make you eternal. The average breath is 20 – 25 times a minute. In good health you breath 10-12 times a minute. If you practice the one minute breath you will have control of your mind.

Inhale 20 seconds
Suspend 20 seconds
Exhale 20 seconds

Or perhaps listening to or singing to  the mul mantra which leads you do you true purpose or destiny.
http://www.amazon.com/Mul-Mantra/dp/B000QQGF8Y

4) Tell me about Blue Light Yoga.

Blue Light Yoga is a  501c non- profit organization… bringing the healing power of yoga to underfunded schools, hospitals, prisons, & shelters, and to people whose lives and lifestyles could be transformed by yoga and meditation worldwide.

Blue light yoga has a new exciting project. We are planning our school in Amritsar India.

Blue Light School in Amritsar India
Blue Light realises the fact that helping is not simply a matter of dispersing money but of making a deep, long-term commitment to educate and train people to be the best they can be.

Childhood is the time when a young person needs nurturing, schooling, time to play and be given the opportunity to be excel in life.

India is home to the largest population of working children in the world. But child labour like child trafficking, infant mortality, child beggary and child marriage are just symptoms. The root cause lies somewhere else. Educating these children is the only way to care for them and protect their welfare. An Education that empowers them to earn a livelihood and an education can teach them to lead better lives.  Blue Light works as a catalyst to change the lives of numerous such underprivileged children and youth for the better with great empowering success.
Our curriculum will also include traditional Indian Subjects like Maths and Numerology, Gurmukhi, Philosophy, Ayurvedic medicine, Kirtan and Yoga.

These classes and special courses are open to Global visitors by donation.

www.bluelightyoga.net

5) What was your favourite acting job?

Facing rudeness and crudeness with compassionate sweetness.

6) What is next for you?

Continuously deepening my understanding of kundallini yoga and sharing all the discoveries, love and wisdom on how to be happy , healthy and peacefully relaxed.

7) What makes you happy?

Realising everything that happens is a blessing to help you grow to experience how miraculous your lovely life is.

Thank you Alexandra.

Review: Plantzilla {TV Review}

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UK PREMIERE & HD SIMULCAST / MONDAY 21ST JUNE AT 9PM   National Geographic Channel

I am a life-long fan of National Geographic so I apologise if the review seems biased in any way. Based on a film by Volker Artz and Immanuel Birmelin, Plantzilla is a fascinating and stimulating documentary on the life of Plants. It’s hard to watch a National Geographic documentary and not marvel at the wonders of nature. From the White collared pitcher plant in Borneo which can eat 6,000 insects in an hour ( would like it in my house frankly, no more insect problems!) to the Tobacco plants that attract Hawk moth caterpillars,that then devour their own body weight in tobacco, before the plant calls in the cavalry and it’s eaten by a Big eyed bug.

Although you learn so much watching this documentary it is never boring. Although slightly icky.
The camera work is amazing. The work that is put in, astounding. I now know all about the parenting skills of certain plants. Dandy Lions pack their kids off using the wind. The Squirting cucumber squirts them out at a fast intensity – it looks like an explosion. Then there is the wine grower that plays his plants classical music. This documentary has change the way I look at plants. They think, feel and smell. And if the scientists at New York University have anything to do with it, they will soon be talking too.

Voice Over Bill Paterson, a regular, is as good as ever. A great way to spend an evening in.

Wouldn’t it be great if houseplants could tell us when they needed feeding? Well students in New York have come a step closer, by putting sensors in potted plants so that they can literally phone home to ask for a drink! Such a system could be used in vineyards around the world to help with crop yields and is just one of the secrets revealed by scientists and experts in this absorbing film. Plants have thrived on Earth for millions of years and their remarkable sensory capabilities have helped them prosper – both as self-defence experts and resourceful predators. From the amazing acacia, which mobilises armies of ants to protect itself, to the carnivorous plants which use a range of sneaky tactics to ensnare their unsuspecting prey, find out how plants battle against the odds to continue their journey through life. Also featuring a look at the rise of human intervention and the potential impact of new technology on the future of farming, this captivating programme offers an insight into the unknown side of flora.

Lyn Burgess interview. How to be your best self.

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I came across Lyn Burgess and her coaching a few years ago through Creative Edge Audio. I was very happy when she said yes to being interviewed for Frost. I find Lyn incredibly inspirational. I hope you do as well.

1) How did you get into personal and business coaching?

I worked for many years in operational roles in the financial services sector and was made redundant from an H R Director’s job. I had outplacement consulting and looked at my skills and my values and out of that came ‘coaching’. I think I always had a coaching philosophy though when I was managing teams of people, I always found I could get them to do what was needed without yielding a big stick – and they’d be quite happy to do it as well. Setting up my own coaching business in 2002 seemed like such an obvious progression, I’m not sure why I hadn’t done it before!

2) Best tip for confidence?

“Fake it till you make it!” It’s good to model someone else who is a confident person – give yourself a ‘confident outfit’ or a lucky pair of knickers. Start off by just ‘pretending’ to be confident for 30 mins each day and experience how it feels. Make sure you have some interaction with other people and see how differently they react to you. Also, create a visualisation of you being/feeling confident. Practice this every day. Also think back to a time when you felt confident so you remember that you can do it and notice what happens in your body. Start little and often and your mind will become the confident person you want to be

3) What do you love about your job?

Pretty much all of it. You won’t ever meet a coach that doesn’t enjoy what they do – they always want to do more, help more people. I love marketing my business, I love networking, I love finding new places to advertise, I love working out how to reach more people, how else I can coach them. I love other people’s success and knowing that because I helped them set some goals and asked them a bunch of questions it really made a difference to their lives and their career. I also love doing presentation and workshops to groups of people. You get some great energy back and participants always learn from other people.

4) Advice for actors?

Be tenacious, get clearly focused on exactly what you want ie. a part in a period drama at the Globe starting in October 2010 paying me £X, rather than “I want a job”. The latter kind of statement is useless, if that’s your idea of a goal then go work in Tesco – there, you have a job. Never give up and be proactive. Just because you have an agent, doesn’t mean you can sit at home and wait for the phone to ring. You can switch on the TV and see that being an actor is not necessarily about being talented. You need to be in the right place at the right time, knowing the right people and not having any hang-ups, or moaning about the industry and telling yourself how tough it is. Network your butt off. It’s much easier to make connections face to face, rather than sitting in a pile of CV’s. Make it easy for casting directors and agents – put yourself in a box to start off with. Once you get well known, then you can diversify, but if you look like a thug and sound like a thug, play thugs.

5) Who is your inspiration?

3 people. One: An old boss of time who saw potential in me and would always say “Lyn, I want you to go and do such and such a job now” and I’d think, ‘I’m not sure I can do that’ – then I went and found that I could do it. Every two years he gave me a different job role to do and it just made me realise that you can do things that you are unsure about. He believed in me and that enabled me to believe in myself. Two: Fiona Harrold – A UK life coach. When I first started my accreditation to become a coach I read her book “Be your own life coach” and I felt so inspired and knew I was on the right path. Three: Tony Robbins – a US life coach. He does the fire walk which I have done – which is actually really easy to do. Check him out on YouTube or read his books, he’s awesome.

6) What’s next?

I feel like this question should be at the end. One of the things that I’ve always wanted to do is to work more with people on a project and within a team of people ie. on a TV programme or on a film. So work with the writers, the producers, the directors and the actors and be part of the production team for whoever needs me. Help with issues of time management, working to budgets, stress management, team dynamics etc. I want people to say in years to come “God, we never make a film/tv programme without a life coach!” It always helps to have someone disassociated from the project to look at it in an impartial way to give those in it another perspective. I also have an idea for a book called “Life, Camera, Action” which uses well known Film quotes to illustrate coaching themes – but I need a writer to write it – then I can develop it into a workshop to take around cinemas in the UK.

7) Tell me about your workshops?

The workshops I run on a monthly basis and they cover 3 main themes. They were born out of doing some advertising when I first started out on Shooting People where I wanted to get into the minds of people in the industry and offered some free coaching in return for completion of a short questionnaire. I had about 90 responses and realised that was a lot of free coaching! So I set up the workshops so that I could coach a whole bunch of people at the same time, rather than one to one. The workshop topics are : Focus, we work around goal setting, looking at what holds you back and create an action plan. Self Belief – on this one we look at limiting beliefs from your past, blast them out of the way and look at confidence building. Networking: where to go, what to say, how to follow up etc etc.

8 ) What is your background?

Financial Services – and by that I mean processing mortgages and secured loans. I also worked in 2 Building Societies. I started as a secretary and then held Managerial roles for years. I have done acting and theatre directing, so I know what it’s like to stand on a stage – which I loved. I always found that I could relate to most people (even if I didn’t like them) so it was always a career that involved interacting with others. Financial services was great because it was fast moving and you had to constantly change and be flexible and I think life is like that too. Every few years you have to reinvent yourself because the landscape keeps changing. I love that, I love taking risks. Too many people try to be a perfectionist and there’s no such thing as perfection, you are striving for something you will never attain. Do something, get a result, tweak it and then do it again!

9) What does your average day consist of?

Variety! Coaching clients which can be via email or telephone. I don’t do much face to face work apart from the workshops. Marketing, twittering, advertising and promoting. Pulling together some ideas for joint workshops. Following up on contacts that I’ve met networking, or recently at Cannes. I never seem to have time to blog frequently enough. But I do promote an 8 Week Makeover Programme that is a very cost effective way of coaching. I also run the events committee for Women in Film and TV, so that usually forms part of my day, checking in with the event producers or organising an event of my own. I email the WFTV office several times a day.

10) What is the hardest part of the job?

Wanting to do everything right now and being impatient. Want to help more people, answer emails, twitter, write newsletters, do my accounts. The hardest part when you first start out is getting to know the difference between empathy and sympathy with a client. I’m good at it now and have developed quite a good sense of emotional detachment. Coaching is always forward focused so it’s my job to keep people ‘in action’ – the hardest part for me is understanding that people move at their own pace – not mine. I sometimes come away from a call thinking “was I any use there? That person is not doing enough” and then two hours later I’ll get a text or an email from the client saying “thanks so much for the sessions, they are always really useful!” So it’s all about perception, and as one of my Magic Quips said: “it might look like I’m doing nothing, but at a cellular level I’m really quite busy”

For more on Lyn go here:

The inept girl's guide to cooking.

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The next recipe is an old favourite of mine. I love prawn cocktail. When I was growing up my parents made it for me all the time. It is quick, simple and delicious.

You need: prawns, Heinz tomato ketchup, Heinz salad cream, Lemons, tomatoes, cucumber, lettuce, and Worcester sauce.

To make the Marie Rose sauce mix equal parts tomatoes sauce with salad cream. It’s optional but you can add Worcester sauce as well. Just a few drops.

Wash and cut up the tomatoes, cucumber and lettuce. Place in a serving dish. Add the prawns and the sauce you have made. It’s that easy.

I will leave you with the excellent food recipe and not tell you about nearly burning down my kitchen….

How to tell if your boyfriend loves you.

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I have something controversial to say. I don’t think men lie to women. I think men tell the truth and women lie to themselves. I know because I spent most of my dating life doing it. I have dated men I knew didn’t love me, who just saw it as a bit of fun, but I ignored all the signs because I was in love.relationships

Unfortunately, as a women. We have to work faster than men. We can’t dilly dally in a bad relationship. There is that tick tock of our biological clock. So, with that in mind. Please read the following and if he does not love you. Find someone who does. You deserve it.

Have you met his family and friends? If you haven’t, he is not integrating you into his life. This means he sees you as temporary. Prove him right, and get a better boyfriend.

Does he refer to you as his girlfriend? What does his Facebook status say? If it says nothing, that is fine. He might just be private. If it says ‘single’. He is – so are you.

Does he tell you he doesn’t want to settle down? He isn’t lying and he won’t change his mind. Men tell the truth all the time. Listen. If you are happy for him to be Mr Right-now. That is fine. If you want to get married and settle down asap. Cut and run.

Does he always want space? It is not a good sign if he always wants space. If he wants ‘space’, give it to him. Preferably about, oh, 10 miles between you.

Body language. This is so under-rated. Most communication is not verbal at all. Learn to read your boyfriend. If he is asking cold towards you, ask yourself: ‘ Is he just having a bad time.’ If nothing is going on he may have already emotionally left the relationship. Read Joe Navarro’s book Louder Than Words: Take Your Career from Average to Exceptional with the Hidden Power of Nonverbal Intelligence Joe is an ex- FBI agent. It will save you a lot of time and pain. Not just in your relationship.

Does he look at other women? This is disrespectful. It means he does not care about you, or your feelings. He is also shopping around for other women.

Does he say ‘we’? If not, there is no ‘we’. Harsh but true.

I leave the closing words to Jennifer Garner:’I never had a problem resisting a guy I knew was going to break my heart.’

Anything to add? Comment below or send to frostmagazine@gmail.com

 

 

Sex and the City 2

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The run up to Sex and the City 2 was like Christmas for me. I counted down the days. As someone who has seen every episode and the first film it was not hard for me to be pleased. I watched the TV series when I was far too young to be affected by the issues. I guess I still am. This never mattered. They were like older sisters who lived an impossibly, grown up life. Sure they were designer obsessed and flawed. All sisters are. I loved them anyway. So, did it let me down

No. Liza Minnelli doing Beyonce was worth the price of the ticket alone. The cloths are just as amazing, the dialogue as sharp ( Carrie’s retort to the point that leaving your husband with a hot nanny should be against the law; the Jude Law ) the characters are as flawed and interesting as ever.

While Mr Big comes across as a a bit of a jerk, Aidan making a welcome return to the scene, giving you plenty of eye candy. Along with Jerrod Smith and a host of other men. For all of the critics that say it is shallow some of the scenes are truly emotionally beautiful and real. Charlotte locking herself in the cupboard to get a break from her children and crying, The look Aidan gives Carrie that tells you that he still loves her – that she broke his heart. Carrie looking back at her single days; telling Charlotte that she was a headless chicken, running around, just trying to get the man she loved to love her back. Who can’t relate to that?

The film has been accused of racism. I believe that was never the intention. It can come across as slightly dis-respectable. But I wasn’t disappointed. The film is what it is. Go see it. It’s still fun, fabulous and relevant.