Well the snow didn’t hang around thank goodness. But it’ll probably blast back in March! Right now I’m trying to avoid the Mayoral election nonsense. It’s very simple really. All of them are pointless to a large degree. Ken and Boris are arguing about high tube fares who’ll put them down or up – the fact of the matter is that whatever they are far too high and the service is lousy and continues to be lousy. And the fringe candidates are basically invisible. The mad Green woman who looks like a bush was spouting off about punishing car drivers again to save the planet. The failed ex-cop was going on about more police. Er that’s about it. So we’ll get stuck with a fight between two fools who are all about self-promotion and self-advancement. I’ll never forgive Ken for many things but his most offensive crime was building that hideous City Hall building opposite the tower of London.

Desecration. They should lock him up in the Tower Of London and force him to watch Londoners blowing it up as he’s pelted with rotten fruit! And Boris’s ludicrous billion pound buses will arrive soon. Why don’t the pair of just set up a permanent photograph of themselves being laser beamed onto the clouds above London. We get it guys. You love yourselves and couldn’t care about Londoners. Under both of you everything went up, life got harder, travel got worse, more taxes appeared and ultimately you have bugger all power. Remember folks your vote is essentially worthless. Nothing ever gets better or cheaper. Remember that. They could make one of the Muppets Mayor at least it would be entertaining and cheaper.

Travel in London really is getting to be a soul destroying experience. This Friday I had the horrible experience of arriving back at Victoria by train at around 6.30pm. Trying to get to the underground across the station was like swimming in a tide of bodies. Angry depressed bodies who were rooted to the spot necessitating a weird ducking and diving route – it was like a giant desperate game of pacman. And when I finally got to the tube the platforms were pleasantly six deep. Apparently two other tube lines had gone down (the usual reasons – aliens at baker street – a wave of indifference at St Johns Wood – badgers with guns at Charing Cross) and now Victoria was reduced to holding back groups of commuters behind gates a completely common occurrence the miserable and clearly suicidal guard guy told me (I think they’d taken away his laces and belt before they stuck him on the platform with his little microphone). It certainly wasn’t for the faint hearted. London’s underground system seems to just swallow tons of public money now and I honestly can’t see much difference. It’s over-priced and over-crowded (I’m sure that will improve during the Olympics with the expected six million extra journeys they’ve predicted – oh joy)

Talking of our much anticipated London Olympics we now learn that this money sponge for the amusement and enrichment of corporate sponsors and construction companies is into another revelatory moment again. Turns out that the ticket fiasco continues with an American ticket printing company getting the contract to print the tickets instead of a British company, the second revelation that most of the merchandise and goods are produced in China by Chinese companies and just when they couldn’t break anymore promises and commitments we now find out that they’ve let an American company sell tickets to Americans that we Londoners can’t get hold of! I notice that we grabbed back Mr Fred Goodwin’s title what about Lord Coe. If the guy told me it was the morning I’d check with five other people plus look out the window. For a London event paid for in the main by Londoners the guy has simply lied to us time after time. Virtually everything he has promised Londoners hasn’t materialised. And don’t get me started on the LOCOG bunch. Slightly darker in the way they operate than the Syrian regime they have been quietly flogging off the buildings and land to foreign property developers and foreign corporations. The London Olympics? I don’t think so. It’s the International Greed Olympics with all the gold going out the country to everyone except Londoners and Great Britain. But it’s a done deal. Nothing can be done. That’s total corruption with complete government backing for you.

But to finish on a positive point I’ll return to my usual trend spotting game. It really is the new Korean revolution alongside the sushi invasion. Loads of places called Bim Bam Bong and Noodle Beng Bim Bom Bang (Okay I am making these up) seem to be popping up. Udon Noodles are now the order of the day. Just an FYI Udon noodles are those fat disgusting long ones with the consistency of rotting slugs and a similar discomforting sensation when swallowed ( not that I’ve swallowed rotting slugs but go with me on this one) They have also copied that clever Japanese canteen style of making you sit on a cold and cement hard plank like wooden bench. This of course causes people’s buttocks to go numb at the same time that their stomachs are being paralysed with tasteless horror food. All together more of a punishment than a dining experience. But hey it’s fashionable. And in London we like our variety. And when I asked some people I was jammed next to recently in a Korean restaurant what they thought of the food they all told me it was challenging! Very London. And despite the pointless mayoral elections and Olympic fiasco do any of us truly care. No. We just get on with our lives. Why? It’s a London thing.