MumsThread On Traveling In London With a Baby & Pram

Posted on September 13, 2016 by Catherine Balavage

I already wrote about traveling in London while pregnant so I thought I would follow up with what it is like to traveling in London when you have a child. If traveling in London while pregnant is awful, when you have a child it is hell. Most tube stations don’t have a lift or step-free access. When Boris Johnson was Mayor of London he promised half of London stations would have step-free access by 2018. I hope the current Mayor Sadiq Khan carries on this promise. It is important for disabled people and those with children. Traveling on buses is stressful and takes a long time. There is also limited space for prams. The bus can only take two prams and I have had to wait ages for a bus which is free. The place for prams is also the wheelchair space. Wheelchair users have priority and rightly so, but I had got abuse in the past for having the pram in there when it is empty. In fact I even saw a Facebook post once written by someone who has no children complaining that there was a pram in the wheelchair space on a bus she was on. Did they get in the way of the wheelchair user?, I asked. No, there was no wheelchair user. This woman just thought this mother should not be on public transport with her baby, taking up space with a pram. Other woman joined in and the split was obvious. The woman who did not have children were talking about how terrible this woman was for just wanting to get somewhere with her baby. I gave my opinion, as calmly as I could, but quite a few of them were abusive. Other woman, mothers and not, eventually joined in to support me, but the entire thing left me feeling sad. My own mother is in a wheelchair and she was angry at those woman. It is easy to say a mother with a pram should not be using a wheelchair space, but that is the only place on the bus they can go! Folding a pram up is not easy (we have the iCandy Strawberry 2, it is a good pram but can be too big for London living and the back wheels take up too much room). You have to hold the child and this is not safe. The pram also usually has something under it. It is incredibly isolating being a mother and they have appointments just like everyone else. I very rarely see a wheelchair user on a bus so it doesn’t make sense that mothers just stay at home. What is the alternatives? Walking? Not always possible. Taxis? Too expensive. It makes me angry that people can be so callous.

Then there is the dirty looks you get and the sighs for your baby not being a robot. If your baby has the nerve to cry on public transport people tend to take it personally. Like your baby is crying just to annoy them. Well, get over yourself. When babies cry it means they are talking. They have as much right as you. And if you are finding it hard for that short burst, imagine how the parents feel. Babies talk to their parent a lot. Sometimes all night.

I live in Southfields and the only place I can get to on the tube to central London is Green Park. I have only been into Central London without my husband once. It was hell. Usually I would go to Earl’s Court and change. This time I had to go to Earlsfield (where the lift was not working!) rely on the kindness of strangers to go up and down stairs and on and off trains. I even had to push a pram up an escalator. You are not meant to do this but if TFL have a problem with it they can build more bloody lifts. By the time I got to my destination my nerves were frazzled. The entire experience was horrendous. We have never bought a car because you don’t need one when you live in London. It would be silly as we would probably only use it once a year, but I hope that London gets the transport system it deserves soon. An inclusive one for all Londoners.

For more information on traveling in London for pregnant women and buggy users go here.

MumsThread On The Motherhood Penalty: Can Only Men Have it All?

Posted on September 6, 2016 by Catherine Balavage

There has been a lot in the media about the Motherhood Penalty so I felt I had to give my opinion on it. The truth is, it exists. As for the next question in the title: can only men have it all? Mostly. Yes, I know. It isn’t fair and it certainly is sexist, but having a child affects a women’s career much more than a man’s. Now there are exceptions to the rule, and the number of stay-at-home dads is growing, but childcare is still widely seen as a women’s issue. And that’s wrong. Women get the motherhood penalty but men get the daddy bonus.

It is not that women can’t have it all. You can, but it’s really hard. Mostly it is just that they can’t have it all at the same time. Parenthood requires sacrifice. The sacrifice comes from both genders, but weighs heavier on the female. Since my husband and I had our son his career has gone from strength-to-strength, he gets to go out occasionally and even gets invited to award ceremonies because he has a permanent unpaid babysitter at home. In contrast, my life now resembles almost nothing of its predecessor because I don’t. I have given up numerous opportunities because I could not juggle them with my child. Somedays I get no work done at all. Other days I just stare at my son while he plays thinking about how the hell I can be a good mother to him, run a business and be an author and freelance writer. Because, and it pains me to say this, sometimes I can’t. Something has got to give, and usually it is my hobbies, social life, and career. My husband still has the bones of his old life. Only his evenings and weekends are different, my old life on the other hand was obliterated. My son is worth it of course, but that doesn’t mean I don’t sometimes miss the person I used to be and the life I used to have. I wrote about this subject before I had my son and while I still think women can do whatever they want with their lives, it is harder for them.

I could put my child into a nursery of course. But let’s not kid ourselves, that is not having it all either. There is nothing wrong with it. I have female friends who ended their maternity leave early because they said they could not take being at home with a baby all day. Being at home with a baby all day is hard and I don’t judge. Good for her, not for me. There is also the cost of childcare, which is extortionate. The nursery next to us cost £93 a day. A DAY! Who can afford that?

I read in the Metro that 2 out of every 3 women with pre-school children are locked out of work. I was fired twice when I was pregnant, and many other promises amounted to nothing when my pregnancy became public knowledge. It upset me then and it upsets me now. There are generations of women who had so much to offer the world, but maternity discrimination put paid to that. It is no surprise that the “mumpreneur” industry is so huge. And you only have to look at what mumpreneurs are doing to know that there are not the ones missing out, the people who forced them out of work are. I recently saw the amazing Diane Keaton film Baby Boom. It was made in 1987 but is just as relevant today. It is on netflix.com so do watch it. In the beginning Diane Keaton’s boss tells her that only men get to have it all, but in the end she starts her own business and becomes a mother. She really does get to have it all.

I know many of friends who aren’t even thinking of having children but are married and “of an age” so are discriminated against. I think maternity leave should apply to both sexes. Then women cannot be the only ones discriminated against. It is a thought. I might not work, but something has to be done. Whether by women who start their own business, by making sure that men are not discriminated against for wanting to stay at home, or by a change in the law, we need to keep doing whatever we can. Not just for ourselves, but for our daughters and sons too.

Top 20 most Stressful Things about Parenthood

Posted on September 1, 2016 by Frostie

The answer to this could be everything. No, we jest. A recent poll of 2,000 parents has revealed the Top 20 most stressful things about parenting. The nightly teeth-cleaning battle, the bedtime routine and the dreaded school run are among the most stressful things about parenthood, a study has found.

The average mum and dad spend almost two hours a day feeling stressed, with trying to keep the house tidy the most common cause.

Others feel the strain at bath time, while trying to get children to behave in public and shopping for new clothes with the youngsters in tow.

Mornings – complete with getting the children out of the door for the school run, persuading them to finish their breakfast and clean their teeth – are the most stressful time of the day, claiming five of the 10 top stresses.

Dr Linda Papadopoulos, who has been working with belVita Breakfast to help relieve parents, particularly in the mornings, said: “The stress and challenges of parenting can feel overwhelming – especially when we feel under pressure to get a lot done in a short space of time.

“Morning can be especially challenging and it’s key to develop a positive, convenient routine in the morning as it sets the rhythm for the day.

“When it’s ‘back to school time’, trying to get everything done and leaving the house on time is at its most pressurised so developing strategies that you give you and your family a sense of control is really important.”

The study by belVita Breakfast of 2,000 parents of school-age children, found that staying on top of the house chores is the biggest cause of stress for mums and dads, while getting the children to do their homework and the bedtime routine are also big triggers.

Researchers also found the average parent spends one hour and 48 minutes of each day feeling stressed, with 63 per cent going as far as to say the majority of their stress is parenting related.

Mornings are the worst time of day for parents with the average mum and dad having at least one day a week where they struggle to get out of the front door on time for school and work.

The children taking too long to do things is usually to blame for the family’s lateness, followed by youngsters not doing as they are asked and not getting out of bed.

But as a result of the frantic mornings, one in five parents has dropped the kids off at school after the bell and the same percentage have ended up late for work as a result.

Others have given the children lunch money instead of a lunch box, sent them to school in dirty or un-ironed uniform or with wet hair.

As families prepare for the dreaded ‘back to school’ week, it’s not just kids who bear the brunt of the ‘morning madness’, with over a third of parents forgetting breakfast and 38 per cent having a fight with their partner over who takes on the most in the morning.

Eighty-seven per cent even said they look forward to the weekends when they don’t have to worry about the school run and leaving the house on time.

It also emerged that 66 per cent of parents believe mums bear the brunt of the morning and back to school stress, with half admitting they often argue with their partner about who gets the raw deal.

Top 20 most stressful things about parenthood

1. Keeping the house tidy and the chores up to date

2. Getting the children ready and out of the door in time for school

3. Getting back into a school/morning routine after the school holidays

4. Getting children to do their homework/reading

5. The bedtime routine

6. Getting children to eat certain foods

7. Getting children to clean their teeth

8. Making sure my children are well behaved in public

9. Getting back into a school/morning routine after the school holidays

10. Getting children out of bed in the mornings

11. Meal times

12. The school run

13. Entertaining children on a rainy day

14. Remembering everything they need for school

15. Shopping for new clothes

16. The back to school period

17. Getting children to sleep through the night

18. Getting children to eat their breakfast

19. Juggling your children’s different after school/weekend clubs schedule

20. Getting children dressed in the mornings

In Search of the Past – A visit to the Somme Part 5 by Penny Gerrard

Posted on August 26, 2016 by Margaret Graham

Lieutenant Colonel Harry Vivian Robert Hodson

The Gerrards and the Hodsons had completed a moving but successful first day travelling round the Somme and as our schedule only allowed us two days in the battlefield area we were up and about early on our second day, ready to find another one of Richard’s family members – this time his grandfather Harry Vivian Robert Hodson – Lieutenant Colonel of the North Staffordshire Regiment. He was second in command of the 15 Royal Welsh Fusiliers which landed in France in January 2016 and, after a period of training, deployed in trenches in the area of Laventie.

Mametz Wood across the field of Oil Seed Rape

Our first destination of the morning was the infamous Mametz Wood which stands much as it always did in the middle of open rolling countryside. What made it very different from how it would have looked on the day of the attack was the sea of yellow oil seed rape in which the wood now sat. Then it would probably have been a sea of mud. We walked up to the amazing red dragon memorial to the 15 Royal Welsh Fusiliers which sits on the small hill over which the battalion climbed before descending into the narrow flat area leading across to the wood.

The Red Dragon Memorial to the 15 Royal Welsh Fusiliers

The battalion took part in the attack on the wood as part of the Somme offensive, in the face of fire from both sides of the valley and from the heavily fortified wood. Even walking across the field towards the wood through the golden yellow flowers on a sunny early summer morning with birds singing all around us, I could still feel the atmosphere of that place. Standing where I was one hundred years before would have meant almost certain death. The battalion lost 12 officers and 252 other ranks killed or wounded in that offensive. A dreadful day.

“ Taken from the field the battalion crossed to reach Mametz Wood looking back at the memorial”

Lieutenant Frederick William Watkins

We had more of Harry’s Somme history to investigate later, but we had one more family member to track down first – Richard’s great uncle and the elder brother of his maternal grandmother. Frederick William Watkins was a Lieutenant of 36 Jacobs Horse, Indian Army. He was one of the survivors of the Great War so we were glad not to be searching for a grave or memorial. He fought at the battle of Cambrai from 20 November to 4 December 1917 and later in 1918 with the Egyptian Expeditionary Force against the Turks in Mesopotamia (modern day Iraq). He remained in the Indian Army after the war and was later discharged from the army in 1942 on medical grounds. He died aged 86.

“The Canal d’Escaut as it is today”

Richard was keen to visit the site of an operation which did not work out as planned in which his great uncle was involved and we soon found ourselves at a bridge across the Canal de L’Escaut at Masnieres. The canal was still and peaceful and we enjoyed a gentle walk along its banks before returning to the sturdy bridge near the Masnieres War Memorial to find a place to eat the baguettes we had thought to bring with us this time.

“No one does baguettes like the French!”

Richard described to us how, on 20 November 2017, Frederick’s first action as second in command of a cavalry squadron was to follow up the tanks and infantry on foot and bridge the Hindenburg Line where a breach was made to allow the Cavalry Divisions to exploit any break through. The task was completed by 11 am, under spasmodic shell fire, but the leading Cavalry Brigade appeared two hours late and the opportunity for a real breakthrough across the canal was lost. An information board by the modern bridge shows the embarrassing image of the first of the British 28 ton Flying Fox tanks proving too much for the bridge and sinking on the broken bridge towards the water below.

“The destruction of the bridge over the Canal d’Escaut”

From 29 November onwards Frederick was involved in dismounted operations to halt the German counter attack between Gouzeaucourt and Epehy in the area of Vaucellette Farm.

Mindful Mama: Happy Baby, by Maja Pitamic and Susannah Marriott Book Review

Posted on August 25, 2016 by Catherine Balavage

I have to confess, I haven’t read a lot of parenting books. I keep meaning to, but find it hard to find the time. I managed to find some time for Mindful Mama: Happy Baby as it looked interesting. It has a number of things going for it: it is easy to read, fun and full of ideas. I am not into mediation or mindfulness, but I found the activities interesting and will use some of them with my son. The book has games, songs, dances and outdoor activities. The book breaks the activities down by age and has a development chart too. The book is well-illustrated and has clear instructions. funnily enough, I recognise some of these activities from my own childhood so there are a few classics.

I liked this book and will be doing some of the activities with my little one. This book is fun and educational.

Mindful Mama: Happy Baby is an accessible guide for new parents using mindfulness techniques and Montessori activities to bring calm and confidence to the early parenting years. Susannah Marriott has published a number of successful parenting titles, while Maja Pitamic is a Montessori teacher and author of the best-selling I Can Do It, also published by Modern Books.

Over 60 mindful activities and play ideas for bonding with your child

Sensory games, songs, dances and outdoor activities to share

Advice on nurturing, feeding, bathing, sleeping and carrying

Meditative techniques to relax your mind and keep you calm

Mindful Mama: Happy Baby is a practical and accessible guide for new parents, designed to give you the skills to calmly navigate the early years of child rearing, from birth to three years of age. Mindful parenting makes time for meaningful interactions with your child, which have a profound effect on bonding during the crucial developmental stages.

Emphasis is put on the well-being of both parent and child, as well as the importance of bringing peace and perspective to the emotional whirlwind of having a new baby. As your baby grows into a toddler, the exercises change, allowing this age group to fully explore the world around them and engage their senses in a fun and playful way.

Playing with a child with awareness daily is the most mindful thing we can do as parents. It shows children we are available and passes on the self-acceptance that comes with engaging fully with an activity. As children reveal their personalities and unique ways of doing things so we learn from them, our relationships with them become richer

Both practical and inspiring, Mindful Mama: Happy Baby gives you and your child the building blocks for an enjoyable and mindful first few years.

Maja Pitamic is the author of I Can Do It, the successful Montessori activity book for ages three to five, as well as the co-author of I Can Make Music, Modern Art Adventures and 3D Art Adventures. She has over fifteen years’ experience teaching young children and holds degrees in Art History and Montessori Teacher Training. She currently lives in London.

Susannah Marriott is a freelance author and mother of three. Her books include Green Babycare, Natural Pregnancy, Pregnancy Herbaland The Pregnancy and Baby Book. Her writing has appeared in Weekend Guardian, The Times, The Telegraph, Marie Claire, Zest, Shape, Top Sante, Healthy and Junior. She currently lives in Devon.

Also available in this series:

I Can Do It (Sept 2015) and I Can Make Music (Sept 2015)

Mindful Mama: Happy Baby

0ver 60 calming techniques and creative activities for babies and toddlers

by Maja Pitamic and Susannah Marriott

Published by Modern Books – 25^th August 2016. @modernbooks.

RRP: £12.99

La Maison Rémy Martin are the Hosts with The Most

Posted on August 24, 2016 by Kesh

To celebrate the buildup of hotly anticipated private members’ club La Maison Rémy Martin, we were invited to The Rumpus Room at Mondrian London for “A Night of Olympic Talent”. The evening is one of many to be hosted by La Maison Rémy Martin where the element of surprise and exploration of craftsmanship is very much at the forefront, much like the mystère of the brand itself.

We had the privilege of meeting Olympians Jade Johnson, Dalton Grant and Peter Wilson MBE to hear their unique and insightful stories on their Olympic journeys and current lives whilst enjoying a selection of specially curated Rémy Martin cocktails including Rémy Grand Tonic, 1738 Royal Side Car and XO Old Fashion. All cocktails were a Rémy take on old classics and were a welcome change to the old favourites. Created with the iconic Rémy Martin we were immersed in the brands allure of luxury and surprise. Whilst kicking back on the plush leather sofas of the Rumpus Room, it was a joy to hear the Olympians’ highs and lows as well as hearing Peter Wilson MBE answer our burning question of how much partying he did after winning, needless to say, he couldn’t recall much from the week after. The evening was a relaxed affair and incredibly inspirational to hear such wise words from these winning athletes. If this is how La Maison Rémy Martin do all their events this is certainly a club I would love to be a part of. We finished our evening perfectly with Rémy Martin neat providing a gold finish to an already winning evening.

For more info and for upcoming events visit;

http://www.remymartin.com/uk/

MumsThread: On The Importance of Work When You Become a Mother

Posted on August 23, 2016 by Catherine Balavage

Out of all of the truisms, few are more true as when you choose a job, you choose a lifestyle. This was never more true when I first became an actor many moons ago (at one point I had three survival jobs. A day one, an evening one and a weekend one), or when I had a corporate job that paid absurdly well, but made me unhappy because it felt like my creative soul was dying.

Now I have a child lifestyle is important. I have been self employed and freelance for about six years now. And it is wonderful and awful, easy and hard. The truth is: I have worked harder and had tougher work conditions as my own boss than in any other. Frequently not allowing myself breaks, chaining myself to my desk as I just churn the work out. But having my son last year resulted in changes. Mostly because I fell head over heels in love with him, and I will never be the same again. It has required sacrifices, and sometimes those sacrifices are that I get barely any work done at all. Those days are the toughest. I have turned down a lot of great opportunities and my acting career is on the back burner, but I know that the privilege of seeing my son grow up is bigger than anything else. It was always important to me that my son was raised by at least one of his parents. It’s not a judgment call, all power to nannies and nurseries. In fact, I wish I could afford a live-in nanny, or a night nanny. Oh what heaven that would be.

But what I didn’t bargain on was how much I love working. Even the worst job I had brought something good with it: money, a reason to get out of bed, meeting people, a sense of worth. I am not saying I want to go back to those awful jobs, but work gives you identity and freedom. It means you are contributing to society. All of these are things that are very important. Even more so when you have a child and otherwise you just feel like someone’s mother and someone’s wife. I am not slamming being a housewife. It is as valid a choice as any. But I know myself, I need to work, and times where I can’t fit my work in due to childcare/a sick child/ a problem with the flat leaves me with a void. I also believe that a woman needs something for herself, even if it is just a hobby. Women tend to sacrifice themselves and it is unhealthy. Not just for the mother, but all the family. I would love to share childcare 50/50 with my husband, but he works in finance and that is just not possible. So some days I will write an article on my iPhone in the playpen with the baby, I will work on my book as much as possible when the baby finally naps. It has taught me to work smarter, not harder. To be quicker. But the thing having a child has most taught me is quality of life. I no longer chain myself to my desk. I say no to things. Because I have something which gives me more joy than anything else: my son’s face. Even on my hardest day he gives me joy. He has taught me that life is more important than work. I would constantly burn myself out before he came along, now I know that I just have to do what I can and that I am enough. I should be proud of my achievements. On the flip side, I got irritated when a lot of people asked if I would still work after I had a baby, and when I see an article on “selfish” mothers going out to work. I mean, God forbid a women wants to have a career and professional fulfilment. Y’now, like men get to do. No one ever asked a man how he juggles work with having children. The other thing is money: how many households can really survive on one income?

Many women do not get to see their babies grow up. They have to go out and work. I can earn a living as a freelancer and that is a huge achievement. I know I have the best of both worlds, even if I have to bribe the baby with Disney cartoons while I work. It was Sheryl Sandberg who said there is no such thing as work/life balance. There is just life and work and there is no balance. She is a wise woman. As long as I am kind to myself and get everything done eventually I feel like the luckiest woman in the world.

THE RIGHT DRIED FRUIT SNACKS CAN FILL NUTRITION GAPS, REPORT REVEALS.

Posted on August 17, 2016 by Margaret Graham

Sadly, it appears that the five-a-day health message is failing and we are falling short of the latest guidance on fibre, according to a new report.

So maybe it’s time to rethink healthy-eating messages and look for fresh strategies to ensure children, in particular, eat their five-a-day and hit the fibre targets^.

A review just published in the journal of Complete Nutrition suggests one simple step would be to swap a sugary snack for dried fruit or a fruit-based snack, which doesn’t seem like rocket science .

Dr Emma Derbyshire, a public health nutritionist, mum and one of the report authors agrees: “Putting the new UK fibre guidance into practice will not be easy. This is why brands like Fruit Bowl have looked at how children in particular can increase their fibre and indeed their fruit and vegetable needs.

They have just introduced the new Picked and Pressed range which provides a natural source of fibre and counts as one of our five-a-day. So, simple changes such as replacing one item of confectionary with a fruit-based snack such as Picked and Pressed will provide an immediate benefit in terms in increased fibre consumption.”

It seems to Frost Magazine, and one of the high points of the Fruit Bowl snack is that it has no added sugar, which seems to be a bugbear in many lunchboxes.

As well as fruit in the snacks, there is milled flaxseed which is rich in fibre, and doesn’t overlay the flavour of the fruit.

The Picked and Pressed Bars are available in three flavours, strawberry, orange and apple and pear. And for the grown up, only 60 calories per bar. Can’t be bad.

Fruit Bowl® Fruit Bites (RRP £2.00 for a pack of 4 individually wrapped 19g packs of Bites)

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