Tag Archives: sex

An Introduction to BDSM – a beginner’s guide by Tiffany Reisz

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Here is an excellent guide to BDSM (Bondage, Discipline, Sadism, Masochism) from erotic writer Tiffany Reisz. Perfect for turning up the heat in winter, and beyond.

  1. Think about why you want to try. A healthy sexual relationship should be about having fun and enjoying each other. There are many different ways to inject a touch spice into your sex life and BDSM although scary sounding can be a fun way of adding a touch of ooh lah lah as well as bonding you and your partner. In more ways than one, perhaps!

 

  1. Think first – Before you approach the topic of introducing BDSM into your sex lives, make sure you are doing it for the right reasons: to get closer and deeper into the relationship, enjoy and celebrate each other as well as to spice up your sex life.

 

  1. Talk about it – How else will you know what you want to explore? Talk about what type fantasies you may have – it’s part of the fun discussing and planning what you think you want to try out. BDSM needs a lot of communication.

 

  1. First steps – Try out some fantasies in ‘non-threatening areas’ such as during phone sex. It’s a fun way of easing into roleplay and can be done throughout the day at unexpected times.  It may help to suggest days and times when it’s best to call – the last thing you want is to have someone else answer the it!

 

  1. Light bondage is always fun, sensual and sexy. For example, my favorite scene in The Prince involves nothing more than light bondage. Søren has his lover Kingsley tied to a bed so Kingsley can’t move his hands. The only thing Søren does is touch and kiss Kingsley every where except where Kingsley wants to be touched and kissed. Orgasm denial mixed with light bondage is a delightful way to sensually torture your partner. Tease him or her until they’re begging for release and only when they’ve begged enough do you give them what they want.

 

  1. BDSM doesn’t require expensive equipment or a dungeon all your own. Household objects can be used for light pain-play. Do you own a leather belt. It’s great for light-whipping on the bottom or back of the thighs. Søren and Kingsley don’t have access to BDSM equipment when they first become lovers at school That doesn’t stop them from doing pain-play. Everything from a belt to a thin but sturdy tree branch can be used. If it was good enough for our grandparents to punish our parents with, it’s good enough for us to use during S&M play.

 

  1. Mistress Nora loves sensual BDSM. She loves mixing pain with pleasure. In The Siren, she ties a young man spread-eagle to a bed on his back, mounts him in women superior position, and drips candle wax on his chest during the sex. Pleasure + Pain = Magic.

 

 

  1. Keep communicating – BDSM is always about communication. After sex or while you are feeling especially close to your partner, it’s good to share things and let each other know how it felt, what parts you may want to do again.  It is critical to know when one of you wants to stop. Agree on a ‘stop’ word or signal – remember some areas of BDSM may mean difficulty in speaking (mouth lightly gagged, for example).

 

 

  1. Take Turns – As with everything, it is give and take. Agree to try out something new and take turns. As time goes on, you will both learn who is the ‘dominant’ and who is the ‘submissive’. Kingsley had no idea he had a submissive/masochistic side until the first time Søren held him down by his wrists on a bed. It’s something as simple as enjoying or loathing being held down that can tell you what your sexual persuasion is.

 

  1. Keep it coming As you continue to play these games, your relationship will reach levels of trust, communication, and intimacy that you’ve never experienced before so introduce it as regularly as you see fit.

 

By Tiffany Reisz who’s book ,The Prince is out now

 

 

Sex Toys For Older People and Disabled

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Desire and Pleasure, the online sex toy website from charity FPA’, is launching a revolutionary inclusive selection of sex toys.

The range was created after research found that older people and the disabled are poorly catered for when it comes to sex toys, products and information on how to use them.

Selected For You aims to provide ergonomically designed products that are easy to grip, can be controlled remotely and are easier to use by those with limited mobility, dexterity issues or suffer from fatigue.

The products have been selected by experts and sex toy reviewers to ensure that the most suitable products have been chosen. Their feedback has been compiled and today the range goes on sale.

Terry Hawkins, Business Development Manager at FPA says: “Our research shows that there is demand from older and disabled people, but it is not often clear which products are most appropriate for them or how they should be used.  We are aiming to solve this conundrum. Selected For You will eventually become the world’s most inclusive range.

“One of the most neglected audiences  has been older people. We are finding that a lot of older people are either still sexually active or back on the dating circuit again. Many older people are still very physically and mentally active and don’t need special products.  Rather than specially designed products, what they need is information on how to use the products, what they are and how to do so safely.”

FPA welcome feedback from customers who visit the site about our product range and the information we provide. By listening to their comments FPA  is continually finding out more about how we can help sectors of the marketplace who have up until now been unable to find products to suit their individual needs.

The website www.desireandpleasure.co.uk was launched by FPA in September as a social enterprise to help fund the sexual health charity which runs telephone helplines, and campaigns on major issues.

Your Relationship After Children?

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YOUR RELATIONSHIP AFTER CHILDREN?

· Research lifts the lid (and duvet) on the effect having kids has on British couples

Research released by parenting website, yano.co.uk reveals what goes on with British couples’ lives ‘after children’. The survey asked questions about the changing relationships, rows, sex and attraction between couples and provided insights into a subject that mums and dads normally ‘keep mum’ about.

When it comes to spending time together, one in ten parents make room for a weekly ‘Date Night’ but nearly half (46%) only get to spend one kid-free night a month together, with 3% only able to get alone time once a YEAR.

Perhaps as a result, 63% of parents say their sex life has deteriorated since having children. 41% had sex every other day before kids – this goes down to just 10% having sex every other day after having children. 28% have sex only once a month post-children, 5% once a year and 7% revealed they now NEVER have sex! This is perhaps unsurprising when you hear 37% of parents questioned admitted that they are less attracted to their partner after having children – a feeling that is more common for women (42%).

More than a third of parents questioned say they argue more with their partner since having children, with 6% having separated from their partner before their child was born. The most common rows for all parents revolve around parenting style (61%), financial pressures (53%) and who should be doing the chores (41%).

There are also some clear differences between men and women’s viewpoints. Women feel, more so than men, that their partner needs to take more responsibility helping with their child or children. Women are also more likely to complain to their spouse about chores and sex, whilst men are more likely to argue with their partners about parenting styles.

Patrick Wanis PhD, Celebrity Life Coach and Relationship Therapist says that much of the tension between modern parents stems from one major problem; we are effectively sacrificing the relationship for the sake of the children, doing the wrong thing for the right reasons. Wanis says that, although it sounds counter-intuitive, the best thing parents can do for their children are to put their marriage first. ‘That means regular date nights, still sharing hopes and dreams, still wanting the best for each other, still taking time to enjoy each other’s company as adults and friends. Children thrive in a household of open love and affection between the parents. But when parents neglect each other, the children eventually suffer as the marriage falls apart.’

TV psychologist Jo Hemmings says ‘When you make that transition from lover to mother or father, everything changes. The way society views you to your priorities to the amount of freedom you have. Many new parents report that while they have gained a huge amount in terms of love and fulfilment, a part of them still feels lost, and is wondering where the ‘real’ them is buried underneath the bustle and juggling of parenthood.’

The survey also revealed some regional stats from across the UK. Northern Irish are more keen under the covers after the birth of a child, with over half of them confessing to having sex once a week, compared to just a quarter of couples in London. Scots are also keen to rekindle their love lives after having children, with almost a quarter of couples (22%) admitting they have sex every other day. Geordies top the poll when confessing they feel less attraction to their partners after the birth of a child, with over three-quarters of couples admitting they felt this way. But love is blind in Scotland, with only 25% of Scots feeling less attracted to their partners after a child’s birth.

Ann-Marie McKimm, founder of Yano and mother of two, says, “It was great to get such honest views from our respondents as these issues are not often discussed. Following the sad news about the split of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes this week, it is interesting to note that tension over how to raise a child comes out as the top reason for arguments in relationships and is clearly an issue that affects many couples. Given this result and the differences revealed in men and women’s views, I feel that it is important to open up discussions on these problems”.

Yano encourages fresh thinking on parenting, incorporating enlightening food for thought; informative discussions; regular news stories; a digest of interesting parenting stories from across the globe; Q and A discussion panels and advice and comment from leading experts in their chosen fields.

Visit Yano for further information and a full article on ‘Will Your Relationship Survive Children.’

Temptation Island by Victoria Fox | Book Review

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This book is the first ever ‘bonkbuster’ I have ever read. I am more of a serious sort when it comes to books. So what did the bonkbuster virgin (ahem) think of her first foray into the genre? I enjoyed it.

I read a lot of magazines and the more I read the more I though that Victoria Fox knew something I didn’t. The book is entertaining, glamorous and on the right side of believability. I still believed in the plausibility of the story within the context. The book follows the lives of three female superstars as they get caught up in the scandal of the century, with plenty of murder, celebrity backstabbing and salacious affairs, it epitomises pure escapism.

In the middle of the Indian Ocean, a secret island exists for the elite. Exclusive to the rich and famous and owned by one of the richest men on earth, it provides a sanctuary from the glare of the media spotlight to a lucky few. Three of the world’s most famous women, drawn by the luxury and glamour of its shores, are about to unearth a series of shocking secrets that will change them forever.

Aurora Nash is LA’s wildest teen tearaway. Riotous, hedonistic, self-seeking, she’s totally out of control. After rehab, therapy and a jail sentence achieve nothing, her desperate parents, America’s best-loved country and western stars, decide that a strict British boarding school is their last resort. They pray for change: the world can never know the truth behind their only daughter’s birth. But Aurora is set to learn the earth-shattering facts for herself, as soon as she sets foot on the Island.

British actress Stevie Speller is one half of Hollywood’s golden couple, who famously got her big-break by accident, whilst helping her flat-mate Bibi at a New York audition. Now Stevie’s the toast of Tinseltown and Bibi’s married to the film industry’s most sleazy and sordid magnate, Linus Posen. When Linus is found dead in Bibi’s bed, the press screams murder and Bibi is hounded out of town. Escaping with Bibi to the Island, Stevie will do whatever it takes to protect her friend, guilty or otherwise.

Lori Garcia is a world-famous supermodel, picked from obscurity by the darling of the fashion industry and married man Jean-Baptiste Moreau. After a devastating encounter between the two, Lori will stop at nothing in pursuit of his affections. But it’s not until she reaches the Island that Lori learns who Jean-Baptist truly is. Lori discovers he’s involved in a scandal more desperate than she could imagine – one that is spreading through Hollywood like wildfire.

Another thing the book did was trigger my memory about certain celebrity and stories. When I interviewed Victoria she mentioned the controversial theme and said she wanted to know what people thought. I don’t want to give too much away here but I definitely recommend this book. Although it is over 600 pages it is a fun and entertaining read. I found the book hard to put down and it also made me think.

The book is a bit of an eye-opener, true or not. Temptation Island is a worthy successor to Jilly Cooper and Jackie Collins: a bonkbusting fantastic read: pure escapism.

Temptation Island

Traditional Roles Changing For Men.

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Father’s day has been and gone but one thing is becoming clear: the times there are a changin’.
Online marketplace notonthehighstreet.com reveals the evolution of ‘Dad’ with nationwide survey.

A survey of over 1,000 respondents has found that modern day fathers are more likely to be seen in the kitchen preparing the evening meal, or with a duster and hoover sprucing up the house, in comparison to the ‘traditional’ idea of fathers whose primary role was seen to be working and other stereotypical male roles. The nationwide survey showing that while 77% of respondents recall the traditional primary role of the father from their own childhoods to be concerned with earning the keep, 70% now view the modern day father’s primary role to be cooking.

Further results from the survey showed the following:

* When growing up, respondents remember their father’s taking on roles such as working, painting and decorating, DIY, gardening and taking the bins out.
* When asked which roles the modern day father is known for, the top three primary roles were cooking (70%), shopping (61%) and cleaning (58%)
* Results showed that modern day fathers are 48% less likely to discipline their children in comparison to the generation of fathers before them.
* Results also found that the modern day father is much more likely to take an active, fun parental role with their children. It was found that fathers are now 49% more likely to spend time playing with their children and 48% more likely to take their children to school.

Desiree Holt – the world’s most prolific author of erotic romance

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~ Meet 76-year-old grandmother Desiree Holt: the world’s oldest author of erotic romance, with over 100 steamy novels and ebooks to her name and counting. .

Silver-haired Desiree Holt qualified for a free bus pass in 1996, but has spent her retirement writing over 100 “scorching-hot” sexually explicit novels and e-novels to the delight of fans around the world.

Until now, many readers believed the bestselling author of such steamy works as “On the Prowl” and “Carnal Caresses” was a buxom heroine like the ones featured in her books — released by British erotic romance specialist Total-E-Bound Publishing.

But Holt — whose ‘behind-the-bedroom-door’ stories often involve kinky sex play such as bondage, dominance and threesomes — has decided to come clean about her age.

Holt, who cites the runaway success of British author EL James’s number one bestseller Fifty Shades of Grey as helping the genre gain mainstream acceptance, said: “When I first started writing, erotic romance was still looked down on by many people as nothing more than a form of porn.

“But the incredible popularity of Fifty Shades of Grey
has really opened readers’ minds to the genre, to the point where it’s fine to admit that I am a pensioner in my mid-seventies who just so happens to write about passionate, erotic relationships.

“I’m one of Total-E-Bound’s best-selling authors of this genre and the demand for my books is growing all the time. I think that’s because erotic romance is a powerful form of fantasy — women, and men too, can read it and imagine themselves in place of the characters, doing and feeling things they might be too shy about in their everyday existence.

“Many readers have told me that my stories give them confidence to spice up their sex lives, experiment and express their sexuality. I guess in that respect I’m a bit like an agony aunt, only more graphic.”

Claire Siemaszkiewicz, founder of digital publishing company Total-E-Bound, said: “Desiree has been with us for four years now and in that time has become a firm favourite with readers.

“We believe she is the oldest writer of erotic romance in the world, but I’m sure none of her fans will be concerned with her age. The quality of the stories and characters is the important thing to them, not how many candles the writer blows out each birthday.

“If anything, Desiree should be seen as an empowering figure in the fight against age discrimination. There’s no reason why sex should be taboo for older people.”

Born in 1936, mother-of-three Holt carved out a successful career for herself in journalism, PR and music management — looking after a number of small-time rock bands — before retiring in 2000 at the age of 64.

At first she planned to spend her golden years fulfilling a life-long ambition to write mystery novels — but became “hooked” on erotic romance after buying a “racy” novel to see what it was like.

With the full support of late husband David, Holt “threw” herself into the underground sex scene to research what would be her first erotic romance novel, 2007’s Candy Caresses, joining online forums for the BDSM (Bondage, Dominance, Sadomasochism) and LGBT (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender) communities.

Since then she’s published 105 novels, novellas and short story collections, building up a network of regular contacts ranging from mistresses, swingers, and fetishists to Army soldiers — for her latest book, Unconditional Surrender.

Last year, she even visited a bondage club at the age of 75 to gain a better understanding of the worlds she writes about — though, she insists, as “an observer only”.

She is now believed to be the world’s oldest author of erotic romance.

She said: “The inspiration for the stories comes from every place and research is always ongoing. I based the hero of one book on my doctor — simply because he’s so sexy.

“Another book, my novella All Jacked Up, I wrote for my son, because I wanted him to settle down. It’s about a man reaching forty who’s still waiting for the woman of his dreams only to have the most unexpected female walk into his life. I think he appreciated my motherly concern.

“Though I’ve not tried all the things I write about, I do find them all fascinating — far more so than traditional granny pursuits such as knitting. I’m treated well because I respect everyone as individuals, regardless of whether they express their love through kisses and cuddles or whips and chains.”

Holt, who lives in Texas, US, says that though her family refuse to read her books, they approve of her writing and affectionately call her the “Queen of Hill Country Erotica”.

But, she adds, there will always be some people who find her choice of career “distasteful”.

“I was nervous in the beginning because, while my kids are all adults, I am still ‘Mom’ to them and therefore shouldn’t know this kind of stuff. But they are my biggest supporters and brag about me a lot. Even my 20-year-old granddaughter thinks it’s exciting.

“But I do live in a very conservative community and occasionally someone will look at me as if I have a contagious disease when I reveal what I do.

“I always tell them that maybe they should read one novella and see that it’s really not what they think. At its heart, erotic romance is still about exploring characters’ relationships and emotions — the sex just helps reveal the intensity of their feelings.”

Desiree Holt’s latest novel, Unconditional Surrender, is available now from Total E-Bound Publishing. Visit www.total-e-bound.com

90% of Brits saying being "Friends with Benefits" ruined Friendship.

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90% OF BRITONS IN THEIR EARLY TWENTIES WHO’VE HAD A ‘FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS’ RELATIONSHIP SAID IT RUINED THEIR FRIENDSHIP

The results of a recent survey, asking single people about their views on ‘friends with benefits’ relationships, have revealed that 90% of Britons in their early twenties who have had a relationship with a friend said it ended up ruining their friendship.

The poll of over 15,000 men and women was carried out by mysinglefriend in association with the DVD release of FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS (out now on Blu-ray and DVD).

Overall results show that of those UK singletons who had embarked on a relationship with a friend, 58% now think it was never a good idea as it always ends in tears. Only 1 in 20 of those surveyed think a ‘friends with benefits’ arrangement can work for men but not for women.

“It’s fascinating to find that so many people have at some point dated a friend, and in the vast majority of cases this hasn’t worked out. I’d say we’ve found that it’s best to avoid practising on your friends – most friendships won’t survive!” Said Sarah Beeney, founder of mysinglefriend.

75% of 31-40 year olds won’t admit to ever having had a relationship with a friend
Of the 38% of over 40’s who have had a ‘friends with benefits’ relationship, 73% managed to remain friends after the relationship fizzled out

Despite 90% of those in their early twenties admitting they ruined their friendships, 60% still believe the arrangement can still work in some circumstances

Only 7% of resilient 20-30 year olds ended up getting hurt by having a relationship with a friend

In FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS, Justin Timberlake and Mila Kunis star as two friends who decide to add the simple act of sex to their friendship, soon discovering that getting physical really does always lead to complications…

Directed by Will Gluck and starring Justin Timberlake and Mila Kunis, FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS, out now on Blu-ray and DVD, also boasts hilarious performances by Woody Harrelson and Emma Stone.

Shame Review

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When talking about a film like Shame, I guess you have to address the controversy head on. This film has a lot of sex in it. And so it should. It’s a film about sex addicts – how else would you film it. To have the sex off screen would go against main intention of this film – to bring this addiction to the public. To stop it from being seen as shameful.

And so the film does. While the sex scenes are many and explicit, they are undercut by a sadness, which stops them ever feeling sexy or exploitative.

The film centre on Michael Fassebender’s sex addict, Brandon, who gets a surprise visit from his sister, Sissy (Carey Mulligan). Something has happened to the both of them in the past (there are suggestions of incest) that has sent them down very different, but equal damaged, paths.

Carey’s Sissy is also suffering, but she’s ‘regular crazy’ – crying on the phone to her boyfriend, self harming, needy, unreliable. She’s the kind of person who comes seeking help, because she has socially acceptable issues. And so she turns to big brother Brandon, hoping he’ll help, because, from the outside he seems like a dependable sort of guy. He’s well dressed, successful, charming and very likeable.

However, this is only the surface. Beneath lies someone in need of help as much as his sister. Yet, while his addiction is just as harmful to his life, almost costing him his job, damaging his relationships with women, and getting him a good beating, he cannot seek help because sex addiction is not something people can comfortably talk about.

In fact, I’m sure there’s many of you reading this now saying, ‘So what, he like’s sex – who doesn’t?’ But what Fassebender’s excellent portrayal shows is that he doesn’t like sex. He enjoys himself while in the act, but as soon as he’s finished, he’s thinking about the next, bigger, more exciting hit.

Shame is not necessarily a film many will want to watch again. It’s not harrowing in the way many drug dramas are, or hard hitting, but it is undeniably sad. Not miserable, more melancholy. It’s almost like Brandon agrees with the public – that his problem shouldn’t be an issue. That he should just deal with it.

But instead, he just hides it. While his boss cheats on his wife, sleeps with Brandon’s sister, and is in general a bit of a sleaze bag, Brandon, to all intents and purposes, is a good guy.

This is the beauty of Fassbender’s performance. You believe the switch from nice guy on a date, to tortured addict during a threesome. But it’s no Jekyll and Hyde. These aren’t too sides to a personality, they are one man. Everything he does in his life is based around sex. Every look on the tube, every time he gets home to his flat, every toilet break at work.

While the subject matter might not be to everyone’s taste, this film should be seen. In a genius piece of marketing, the poster for Shame is a mirror. For we all have our secrets – and this film shows that we need to confront those demons, or have them take us over.