Tag Archives: sexism

When Celebrities Get Too Sensitive: Did Mindy Kaling & Michael Fassbender Overreact?

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I recently read an interview with Mindy Kaling in Parade magazine. It was then made into a meme in Upworthy, which I then saw on Facebook (got that?) Well, let me get back to the point. I think Mindy Kaling is amazing. She has achieved so much and is funny and talented. Not for an Asian woman, nor one who is not supermodel thin, just as a woman.

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This is what she said, ‘“I always get asked, ‘Where do you get your confidence?’” she says. “I think people are well meaning, but it’s pretty insulting. Because what it means to me is, ‘You, Mindy Kaling, have all the trappings of a very marginalized person. You’re not skinny, you’re not white, you’re a woman. Why on earth would you feel like you’re worth anything?’”

I think Kaling is being super sensitive here. I am white, I am (relatively) skinny, a UK size 8/10 and you know what? People ask me where I get my confidence all the time. Because that is the thing about confidence, when people have the courage to go for their dreams and work hard, everyone else wants to know how to do it too. I get asked where I get my confidence in interviews, at parties, by friends and family, and as a writer, I also ask other people where they get their confidence, not because they are an ethnic minority or different in any way, but because it is a question people want to know the answer to. Hell, I always want to know the answer because even though I come across as confident, I have my off days.

So Mindy, I love you, I really do. You are gorgeous, funny, witty and super successful, but sometimes a question is just a question or like Freud said: A spade is just a spade.

Now for Michael Fassbender. Fassbender has been complaining about people talking about his penis. Apparently this would never happen to a woman. Really Michael? Are you kidding? People have been talking about Sharon Stone’s Basic Instinct vagina for decades. ‘It wouldn’t be acceptable it would be seen as sexual harassment, people saying [to an actress], “Your vagina …” You know?’ he complained.

I don’t know if you have seen Shame but I have. If you don’t want people to discuss your penis maybe don’t get it out in such graphic detail. And as for this not happening to woman; it happens to woman all the time. Screenshots are taken and put on porn sites, Seth MacFarlane’s ‘Boob Song’ happens at the Oscars (which didn’t upset me even if it upset many others, you can’t do nudity in a film and then get offended when people mention it) and in films such as Knocked Up, nudity by women is talked about openly. Even the Daily Mail and celebrity magazines take screenshots from both sexes and publicise it out of context. Which is why nudity in a film is never just of that film, it is now you, naked, all over the internet and media for the rest of time. It is not fortunate, or even moral, it just is.

 

Should You Change Your Name After You Marry? | The Wedding Diary

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We live in modern times and tradition is something ever-changing. Some traditional things last, and some just don’t. Others, like a woman taking her husbands name after they marry, actually become controversial. My favourite motto to live by in life is, ‘live and let live’. But, yet, it seems we can’t.

Some woman see submission or sexism when a woman changes her name. But where did that woman get her name? And where did her mother get hers?, and her grandmother? To stop it now feels like closing the stable after the horse has long bolted.

All of this does make me sound pro changing my name, I know. I am in a bit of a muddle with it to be honest. Part of my thinks it is something to do if you have children, so you can be a family ushould you change your name after you marry? wedding, weddings, name change, marriage, wedding diarynit, the stories of woman being stopped at airports because they have a different surname from their children are common. If I have children I certainly don’t want to have a different surname than them. It would just be too weird. This means I have to take my fiancee’s name, he has to take mine or we have to double-barrel our names. That is if we have children. If we don’t, does it really matter? Part of me thinks not.

There is a part in The Crucible when John Proctor has two choices: change his name or die. He chooses to die, “It is my name”, he says; “I cannot have any other”. This is a pretty extreme example but I remember watching TV with a friend. There was a woman with a very long double-barreled surname. My friend commented on the ridiculousness of her name; “Oh, just lose your ego woman!” But it is not just ego is it? It’s your identity. My name is me. Well, actually, my name is a stage name, albeit one that I use for everything now. It belonged to my grandmother, a Lithuanian who died when she was only 40 of kidney failure. Not surprisingly, I would like this to live on. I am only a handful of people in the world with the surname ‘Balavage’. An Anglo take on ‘Bullovich’. You see? Surnames, they change. As does identity. I even pronounce my surname differently than she would have: Ba Lav age, with a quiet ‘V’. At my friends Nick Cohen’s book launch, the amazing writer Francis Wheen complimented my on my surname, ‘Like a glamorous French actress’. I have pronounced it the way he said it ever since.

So when I marry I have a few choices: change my real name and keep my stage name, change my name completely and just keep Balavage for acting, or double-barrel my name. I have until next year to decide, but I am already in a pickle. What to do?

It is not about feminism or inequality. If a woman wants to take her new husbands name, she should be able to, if a man wants to change his, he should and if a woman wants to keep or double-barrel her name, she should be able to without rudeness: it’s her identity after all: Live and let live.

 What do you think? Will you change your name?

 

Innovative Films Raising Funds: Three Days

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Three Days is a film that is close to my heart. Not just because I share an acting agent with the two leads and have worked with Vanessa, but also because in a world where older women are so often overlooked, this film is about a 40 something women and a younger man. It is a love story with a heart.

The Hollywood Reporter recently had a female executive guest post for them. This is what she said:

I have sat through development meetings in which actresses over the age of 34 are cast aside as “too old”, those who have had babies or families come with “baggage,” and whether or not they are willing to get nude on film plays into their chances of getting an offer, when these same traits are not deal-breakers in their male counterparts, or even mentioned for that matter.

Well, Vanessa is over 34, is married and has children. She is also making a kick ass movie. Proving all of this wrong. They are raising money as we speak so to contribute go here. It is a movie that should be made.

Three Days is a short film, to be shot in London and Cardiff, UK.

In turns poignant, sensual, warm and funny Three Days is a short film about the decision to surrender. Or not. It stars Vanessa Bailey & Richard Perryman. We asked them some questions about the film. Answers are below.

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What have you enjoyed about the process so far?

Seeing how everything has developed from when I first came on board has
been very exciting. Also it’s been great being able to work with an
incredibly talented and passionate group of people.

What do you think will appeal to people about the film?

There’s a whole lot to fall in love with. Great characters which the
audience can really invest in, an original love story and a brilliant crew
to make it all happen!

What is it like working with Vanessa?

It’s great working with Vanessa. She’s incredibly passionate about Three
Days and has invested a huge amount of time and effort to push the film
as much as she can. Our only problem is we’re both terrible at keeping a
straight face whenever we need to be serious.

What are you most looking forward to on the shoot – favourite scene?

I just can’t wait to get on set and start shooting the whole thing.

What would you say to people thinking about donating to the crowdfund?

That we really cannot make the film without the help of everyone else out
there! Any contribution helps and it’s a great chance to get involved in a
new and exciting film.

3Days final poster imageVanessa.

What have you enjoyed about the process so far?

I’ve been genuinely amazed at the people who’ve been happy to come on board
with the film. And seeing how the team have been putting their heart and
soul into getting this crowdfund up and running. Everyone has really gone
the extra mile with it, even Jason’s PR Alistair was working his socks off
on the poster shoot! The poster shoot was a small taste of what will be
like to work with the whole team on the shoot. We were all freezing cold,
but the buzz was palpable.

What do you think will appeal to people about the film?

Well, with the talent we have working on the project the film promises to
be visually gorgeous, with a beautiful, original score. We’ve got team with
Batfa Cymru’s and Emmy’s to their names. The characters are, hopefully,
appealing and people will want to travel on their journey with them and
root for them! It’s got humour and passion and warmth and struggle – we
wrote what rings our own bell, basically! Hopefully it will connect with
others, too.

What is it like working with Richard?

Richard has been brilliant, he’s really got stuck in and invested his
time and talent in lots of ways. Like he says, we’re not great at keeping
straight faces! But that makes it fun.

What are you most looking forward to on the shoot – favourite scene?

I just want to see how the whole thing fits together. The scenes have
quite a range of dynamics from light-hearted through to passionate and I’m
looking forward to shooting all of them. We’re really excited to be doing
scenes with Lynn Hunter, I think they’re going to be a highlight!

What would you say to people thinking about donating to the crowdfund?

Please come on board! It’s a great film to get involved with and we’re
incredibly grateful for support. Check out our perks and see if anything
appeals – we’ve got everything from a corporate product placement perk
(product/premises placed in the film plus logo on all our visible material
and in the credits and more!)to getting your hair done by Jason and then on
to the screening to being an extra in the film! Let’s get this story off
the page and onto the screen!

Thank you Vanessa.

Special mention to Red Boutique in Beckenham for supplying accessories and clothes.

Glass Ceiling “Is a Myth”, Age is the biggest hurdle

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The glass ceiling is dead as a concept for today’s modern career apparently. But women are still being held behind in the workplace. Here are the depressing facts why….

Ernst & Young poll of 1,000 UK working women says there are multiple barriers to career progression

The concept of a single glass ceiling is an outdated model and no longer reflects the realities of modern working life for women, according to the results of a poll released today by Ernst & Young.

The survey of 1,000 UK working women between the ages of 18 – 60, revealed that two thirds believe they faced multiple barriers throughout their careers, rather than just a single ceiling on entry to the boardroom.

Four key careers barriers throughout a woman’s career

Based on the results, Ernst & Young has identified four key barriers to career progression for today’s working women. These barriers are: age, lack of role models, motherhood, and qualifications and experience.

The professional services firm says that the barriers aren’t chronological and can be experienced at anytime; often several at once. And while they aren’t exclusive to women, it believes it is clear from the research that employers need to provide better support to help women overcome them.

British business losing best and brightest female talent

Liz Bingham, Ernst & Young’s managing partner for people, says, “The focus around gender diversity has increasingly been on representation in the boardroom and this is still very important – as members of the 30% Club we are committed to this.

“But the notion that there is a single glass-ceiling for women, as a working concept for today’s modern career, is dead. Professional working women have told us they face multiple barriers on their rise to the top. As a result, British business is losing its best and brightest female talent from the pipeline before they have even had a chance to smash the glass ceiling. We recognise that in our own business, and in others, and professional women clearly experience it – that’s what they have told us.”

Ernst & Young’s head of advisory, Harry Gaskell, agrees. He says that the barriers identified in the survey reinforce Ernst & Young’s belief that encouraging and supporting women into senior positions is a talent pipeline issue. As a result he believes that organisations need to ensure they are supporting women at every stage of their career lifecycle, not just as they are about to enter the boardroom.

Age is the biggest hurdle

Delving into the findings behind the barriers, the survey identified age – perceived as either too young or too old – as being the biggest obstacle that women face during their careers. 32% of women questioned said it had impacted on their career progression to date, with an additional 27% saying that they thought it would inhibit their progression in the future.

Most markedly it was women in the early stages of their career that seemed to be most acutely impacted – with half of all respondents between 18 and 23 saying age had been a barrier they’d already encountered in their career.

“Age is a very complex issue, especially when it’s linked to perception. It’s concerning to see that women seem to be most vulnerable during the formative stages of their careers, when they are working their way through the ranks,” says Liz.

She argues that businesses need to be aware of pervasive attitudes towards age as a barrier within organisational culture, and suggests that one way of managing this is to encourage diverse role models within an organisation, who can visibly demonstrate that age is not an inhibitor to opportunity and progression.

Exploring the experience and qualifications barrier

Barriers related to a lack of experience or qualifications also featured strongly in the survey. It was the second highest factor that had inhibited women’s careers to date (according to 22% of respondents), and the third highest factor cited as a future inhibitor (19%).

Reflecting on the results, Harry says, “Women, and men, often need to give themselves more credit for the experiences and expertise that they have, while businesses need to look past the piece of paper.

“There is acknowledgement that high academic performance is still part of selection criteria in some organisations, especially at graduate level – and there is a wider issue here about fostering social mobility. But much greater value is being placed today on non-academic achievement and on diversity of experience and perspectives.”

The impact the experience of motherhood can have…

The impact of becoming a mother on a career is well rehearsed and therefore it was unsurprising, if disappointing, that this was identified as a key barrier. Nearly one in five (19%) of those questioned said it had impacted on their career to date. While a further 25% said they thought it was the second biggest inhibitor to their future careers, after age.

Liz says, “I think the only way that organisations can really tackle this is through positive intervention. This includes the provision of supportive programmes that help women to transition back into work after maternity leave and empowers them to take control of their careers and make informed choices.”

Ernst & Young has trail blazed a number of initiatives for working mothers aimed at increasing retention levels and ensuring that women feel supported through-out their career life-cycles. This includes a maternity coaching scheme providing one-to-one counsel with a consultant before, during and after maternity leave.

“Coaching schemes are very valuable,” says Harry. “But I also think there’s an important part that can be played by women role modelling their success and demonstrating by example how they balance the demands of home and work life.”


The value of role models

Three out of four (75%) of those questioned said that they have few or no female role models within their organisations. With some respondents (8%) going as far to say that a lack of role models had had a detrimental impact on their career to date. And therefore role models were identified as one of the four barriers.

Liz says that a lack of role models was a consistent theme across all the age groups polled. “I was really surprised and concerned by these findings. From my own experience I have seen how good role models can have a transformational impact on an individual or team.

“I think one of the big problems is the misconception that you have to be perfect in order to be a role model. Whereas in reality we all have skills, attributes or experiences that would be valuable to share with others.”

But it’s not just down to business…

Ernst & Young says that managing these four barriers is about personal responsibility, appropriate and targeted support from business and positive government intervention.

When respondents were asked to identify what three things their organisations could do to remove these barriers, or better support women’s career progression, the top answers were:

* More support after returning to work from having children (32%)
* More support at every stage of my career lifecycle (24%)
* More visible female role models (19%)

When asked the same question in relation to what government could do, they said:

* Enforcing companies to reveal the ‘pay gap’ between men and women (45%)
* Affordable child-care/ tax relief for childcare (43%)
* Policy guidance on flexible working for UK businesses (28%)

Harry concludes, “Gender diversity transcends the responsibility of government, business and individuals. There is no quick fix or magic bullet; it will take a combined effort, but the focus has to be on the talent pipeline rather than just on the boardroom.

“Positive interventions can work. But we think one of the most fundamental aspects of managing barriers is role models – for people to actively demonstrate that barriers can be over-come. If we can get this right, then perhaps the other barriers will become more manageable and less marked over time.”

Traditional Roles Changing For Men.

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Father’s day has been and gone but one thing is becoming clear: the times there are a changin’.
Online marketplace notonthehighstreet.com reveals the evolution of ‘Dad’ with nationwide survey.

A survey of over 1,000 respondents has found that modern day fathers are more likely to be seen in the kitchen preparing the evening meal, or with a duster and hoover sprucing up the house, in comparison to the ‘traditional’ idea of fathers whose primary role was seen to be working and other stereotypical male roles. The nationwide survey showing that while 77% of respondents recall the traditional primary role of the father from their own childhoods to be concerned with earning the keep, 70% now view the modern day father’s primary role to be cooking.

Further results from the survey showed the following:

* When growing up, respondents remember their father’s taking on roles such as working, painting and decorating, DIY, gardening and taking the bins out.
* When asked which roles the modern day father is known for, the top three primary roles were cooking (70%), shopping (61%) and cleaning (58%)
* Results showed that modern day fathers are 48% less likely to discipline their children in comparison to the generation of fathers before them.
* Results also found that the modern day father is much more likely to take an active, fun parental role with their children. It was found that fathers are now 49% more likely to spend time playing with their children and 48% more likely to take their children to school.

Is The Film Industry Sexist?

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Is the film industry sexist? It is a broad question, and unfair to label everyone with the same tag. I think the answer is; less so. I think, more specifically, some people in the industry are sexist.

I recently had lunch with a director that had cast a female friend in something. My female friend has three children. The director offered me her part, and all the future work he was going to give her as ‘she could not be totally committed to her work’ as she had children. I was appalled and turned him down. What if I have children soon? I couldn’t work with him after that. The irony is that the director has FIVE children. But no one ever asks a man how he juggles work and kids.

Most of the castings I see are for men, the rest are for women, usually between 18-35, size 8-12 and the part usually requires nudity. I don’t do nudity. The most depressing thing about the movies I see are the amount of naked females in them. Rarely any naked men. What kind of message is this? That women are sexual objects?

Some castings require you to wear a bikini or ask that actresses are a specific weight. Age discrimination is rife, so much so that an actress who was the same age as me when we started out is now four years younger. I won’t lie about my age although I have been told to. It’s a stance against idiocy. I am still young, but I am cast younger. This is a problem. They can cast someone who looks like a teenager, or an actual teenager.

I am making a film, Prose & Cons. I am buying equipment and have been asking for a lot of advice. The most annoying thing about making the film so far is how condescending some of the men are in their answers. If I ask a general question on where to buy a microphone I get a lecture on what a boom is. I have worked in the film industry for eleven years. I know what a boom is, thanks mate.

But this is what happens when a ‘girl’ makes a film, or wants to be taken seriously. When she gets sick of the girlfriend roles, which become the mother roles and go on to be the hag roles. And the constant requests for nudity.

She says I have had enough and I am not taking it anymore, then she goes off and makes her own films while finding other amazing people who make films she wants to be in.

Where goes the Sisterhood?

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Every Wednesday, for a few weeks now, I have been in pain. Not through an exercise class, but through watching those awful, bitchyl ‘women’ on the Apprentice. It’s excruciating TV at it’s most excruciating. The embarrassment, the disappointment I have in them; it’s actually almost too much to bear. The women I know do not act like this. The vast majority of them anyway.

Which leads me into the million dollar question: Where goes the sisterhood? I am an actor (They don’t like it when you use actress, I really don’t care), I am also a business women, a writer, a daughter, a friend. I do not have an actual sister. I am over expecting women to give me a hand up in my acting career. In business, maybe. In writing, very probably. I have had advice from other female writers. But the acting? No, there is far too few roles. They put so much pressure on us to be young and thin that it feels like we end up hating each other. The patriarchal society wins again – but only because we let it.

Which is a shame, as I think one of the reasons that I have the luck to be a working actor is because of how I relate to other people. I have given advice to a lot of women wanting to be actors. Both younger and older. Some of them do not even know what Spotlight is. For the non theatrical amongst you, Spotlight is an online directory of actors. Most castings come through it. If you are an actor who is not on Spotlight, success is about nil.

I can’t say I have felt the same back. I mostly feel that the more successful I become, the more other women hate me. Not just jealousy, I hate jealousy but it’s forgivable- No, actual hate. They hate me for being younger than them, thinner or for having a better agent. I did a bit part in a very popular show recently and one of the main actors, a female, incredibly famous, some might say an institution, was so horrendous to me I questioned my life choices. Why spend your life on a film set with assholes? I could be travelling around America, doing aid work, writing a book. But, no, I am having lunch when a millionaire, far more powerful than me, who is trying to get me to move from the seat I am on because she wants to sit there, and then huffs off with her cronies when I refuse. It’s Mean Girls – with middle aged women.

Then there is the younger women, or the ones my age. I went an audition only to see a (now ex) friend. It was the third or fourth time I had seen her at an audition in a few months. She looked horrified as I walked in the door. Loudly exclaimed: ‘Oh, YOU’RE here. You’re at EVERYTHING. ‘ and then stalked off. She then preceded to bitch about me to every other women there. I had no idea what she was saying, but none of them would talk to me. There is a bitter sweet end: I got the part.

All of this reminded of me of a quote that I recently read: ‘With men it’s their enemies that tear them apart, with women it’s their friends.’ It’s depressing because it is largely true. I have a young playing age. I still get cast as teenagers. And nothing is more cruel than a teenage girl. Except maybe an ageing actress.

I was recently told on a film set that: ‘You will not be beautiful forever, you will lose your beauty, everything will leave you, you will have nothing left. You will become just like me.’ by a mad foreign actor. I doubt I will end up like you love, as I am not bitter and full of hate. Thanks anyway.

This is not to bring all women down. I got my start in writing through females. I have had advice and friendship. I have an amazing circle of female friends. But it took until my 20’s for that to happen. And sometimes I learn the worst of them. I grow up amongst men. The women I tend to not get along with are sensitive. The male ego is more fragile, but sometimes it seems that you can’t say anything to a women without her taking it the wrong way. All my female friends are laid back, down to earth, genuine people. I love them dearly. My life would be grey without them. I am aware of my luck.

So what do the women of The Apprentice have to learn? That they are holding themselves back. Melissa Cohen blamed the two men on the boardroom who were ‘picking on her’ for her swift exit. Her lack of self awareness was astounding. She was fired because she deserved to be. Unless women stop fighting with each other, stop being competitive and bringing each other down, this will always be a man’s world. Because, after all, should we really be fighting against sexism and each other?

Catherine Balavage