Category Archives: Relationships & Love

Chore-dodgers given anonymity: Bring harmony to the home with new ‘covert cleaner’ service

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cleaner
If you and your other half argue about cleaning then Frost magazine has come across something we think is quite cool: covert cleaning.
A recent survey found that 46% of couples that live together argue about cleaning; with nearly 2/3 of all individuals surveyed saying their partner’s cleaning abilities were below average – something start-up service Teddle has turned into a marketing opportunity by creating a new ‘secret service’ that disguises the fact a cleaner has been paid to complete household chores. You can even personalise the clean by adding in your bad habits for them to echo, such as to ‘leave the toilet seat up’ or ‘forget to remove the hairs from the sink’.
Those with an aversion to household chores have today been given a fresh escape from nagging partners by pioneering web service Teddle, which has launched the first ever ‘covert cleaner’ service to clean up conflict over housework. The award-winning start-up, which helps people search for, compare and book trusted cleaners in seconds, is testing the ‘cheeky’ service to prevent arguments in the home by allowing customers to dupe their partners into thinking they have completed the chores personally.

Alex Depledge, co-founder of Teddle commented:

“We have seen a big demand to ‘cover up’ our service and allow users to secretly book a cleaner without detection from partners, housemates and even mothers. We’re here to make life easier, so we thought why not make it easy for people to remove hassle from their lives without any consequences?”

“You always design the clean you want during booking, but now you can make the job seem more authentic by using the Teddle platform to request the cleaner misses out certain elements that make it more believable you completed the work.  The feedback we’ve had is that you can’t have it too perfect, or no one would believe it was you.”

Write Your Own Dating Rules by Jenni Trent-Hughes, the relationship expert

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relationshipsJenni Trent-Hughes, the relationship expert from eHarmony tells Frost Magazine readers to rip up the rule book.

Eighteen years ago the dating world was introduced to a book called ‘The Rules’ that we were meant to follow in order to guarantee a perfect love life. In those days, before online dating there were rules like: Don’t ask a man on a date! Don’t ask him to dance first! Don’t call him first! Don’t accept a date for Saturday if he asks you after Wednesday!

If you’ve found that ‘’not accepting a date for Saturday if they asked you after Wednesday’ worked for you, then I’m not going to tell you any different.  However as you’re here reading this in 2013, I suspect that you have realised that there is no magic secret; but I’m glad to say there is one tip that will help to bring you success or at the very least, remove some of the obstacles you may have stumbled over in the past.

Rules are like walls and sometimes walls need to be demolished to let the light in. Step outside your comfort zone and see what happens – be the dater you want to be not the one you’ve been told to be.

My one tip is this: Write your own rules! No one knows you better than you know yourself. You know what you’re capable of. You know what your parameters are. What you will be brave enough to do and what is going to be totally against your character, and you know what feels right.

I’m not going to tell you what not to do! You can figure that out yourself. I’ll just remind you of some things to do to help increase your chances of success when dating online.

1.    Reach out: If you see a profile that you like the look or sound of then make contact. There is no point spending weeks peeking at each other through cyberspace – say hello.

2.    Step outside your regular boundaries: Online dating is a golden opportunity to interact with people you might not originally have considered. Remember the first time against your better judgement you chose coconut ice cream and now it’s your favourite? That person who is a little older, a bit younger, that you’re attracted to but doesn’t match up to your usual ‘type’. That might just be The One.

3.    If you want to ask them out – just do it: Man or woman, we are in the 21st Century and we can do things that are new without the roof caving in. Traditionally men might have been the first to initiate a date, however things have evolved and it’s flattering to be asked out whatever your sex.

4. Be honest: Be yourself. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Forget mind games, just be yourself and eventually you will find someone who is exactly the person you are looking for and you to them.

5. Learn to let go: We all have baggage, but when it comes to dating try and leave any hang ups at the door. Negative experiences in the past can affect the way you approach a new relationship, and although it’s good to be cautious, it’s also good to go in with a fresh new slate. Have fun and let your true self be at the forefront.

Financial matters upon divorce or dissolution of civil partnerships

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Hill Dickinson gives Frost Readers the low down on separating.

When the majority of married couples divorce it is likely that there will also be financial matters to deal with. This may include the family home, businesses, pensions or maintenance. The same circumstances will also apply to the dissolution of civil partnerships.

 

It is important that financial matters following a divorce or dissolution are finalised to ensure that you are protected against any future claims from your former husband or wife or civil partner.

 

Financial matters will be resolved when the parties receive a final order from the court. This does not mean that the parties will need to attend court; but legal advice should be sought to ensure that you are protected for the future.

 

If a final financial order is not received then there is a risk that your former husband, wife or civil partner could make a claim in the future.

 

It is important to note that the court will consider financial circumstances at the time they are resolved. Although in some cases the parties’ circumstances at the time of separation may be relevant.

 

The outcome of any court hearing or negotiation will depend massively upon the circumstances of the case. The court in England and Wales has very wide discretion to deal with matrimonial matters as they see fit.

 

There are circumstances where assets acquired during a marriage or civil partnership could be excluded from financial matters upon divorce. So it is imperative to seek advice upon separation.

 

In 2011 the High Court heard a case where they were asked to resolve financial matters following a divorce. The wife had won the lottery during the marriage. Part of the lottery winnings had been used to purchase the matrimonial home.

 

The court found that there is a sharp distinction between “matrimonial” and “non-matrimonial” property. As the lottery ticket had been purchased following separation, with the wife’s sole earnings and without her husband’s knowledge the court found that the lottery winnings were “non-matrimonial”.

 

However, the wife had used some of the lottery winnings to purchase the matrimonial home. The court held that the money spent on the house was converted into “matrimonial” property. The High Court ruled that matrimonial property is more likely to be shared, and consequently the husband was entitled to receive a proportion of the matrimonial home.
These sorts of cases are fact specific and it is for that reason that it is essential that separated couples seek advice as to the legal consequences of their separation.

 

If financial matters are resolved at the time of divorce, the majority of orders will include a clean break. This means that the agreement is in full and final settlement of any claims either party will have against the other in the future. A clean break may not be appropriate for example if monthly maintenance is being paid to a former spouse.

 

Weddings – do and don’t: Creating magical weddings

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Julia Dowling of Snapdragon Parties, the leading luxury wedding and event planners, shares some trade secrets on creating an amazing wedding.

The idea of planning your own wedding sounds like fun to the uninitiated.  But unless you feel confidently creative, are commercially savvy and know how to find the best suppliers out there, it can be daunting.   As professional wedding planners we are most often asked for our top wedding planning tips.

Wedding bride and groom

  1. Do set a realistic budget and stick to it

Even a modest wedding costs a great deal.  Build a budget based on some Internet research and your judgement of how much you are prepared to spend.  As a guide, your budget should be split about forty per cent to catering, ten per cent each to venue or marquee hire, clothes, entertainment, photography and flowers with everything else coming from the remainder.  Don’t assume that hosting your wedding at home will be cheaper, because the entire infrastructure needs to be brought in.  Have honest conversations with all concerned about who will contribute and how much, and do get wedding insurance. Use your budget to guide your choices.  We always start wedding planning with a budget and then help to choose a venue and style of wedding.  Once you have set a budget, stick to it by negotiating hard with suppliers, especially if they were recommended by your venue; they will often be paying commission on your booking.

  1. Don’t pick a venue until you have a clear idea of the type of wedding you want

Many historic buildings impose restrictions on their use; a grade 1 listed castle full of ancient treasures is likely to prohibit use of candles, so if your vision is a candlelit wedding ceremony pick an appropriate venue.  Depending on when you plan to marry think about the likely weather (always have a wet weather plan) and the availability of local accommodation.

  1. Do find ways to weave in your own personality and style

There is much more to styling a wedding than copying an idea from a glossy magazine or adhering to conventional traditions. I often start by asking couples what impression they want to leave their guests with and how we can incorporate elements of their personality into the design scheme.  Other considerations include the season, the exact location, the size of the guest list, favourite colours, the level of formality which is desired and the budget.

In terms of dressing a venue, think macro and micro.  Macro styling means lighting the outside of a building, transforming the interior space and fusing the venue’s character with the nature of your event.  Micro styling means the way you dress the tables, the folding of napkins and your choice of china, glassware, place cards and favours.

Really talented florists will happily interpret your concepts with flowers, candles, feathers, wood, glass or foliage.

  1. Don’t settle for the same old wedding fare

Most caterers’ and venues’ standard menus are pretty boring.  Britain exports some of the finest food all over the world.  While no one goes to a wedding primarily for a gourmet experience, serve your guests some food that they will really appreciate.

  1. Do plan the day from a guest’s perspective

On your wedding day you may be the centre of attention but you are also the host, and so you need to think about the whole day from your guests’ perspective.  This means making sure that it flows naturally, that people aren’t left standing around without a drink while you have pictures taken and that everyone gets to spend at least a little time with you both.

  1. Don’t be afraid to save money where guests won’t notice

Wine needs to be good, but not necessarily a First Growth Bordeaux and you would be amazed at how good a wedding cake from M&S can be (yes, I’m being serious).  Once your florist has constructed something colourful between the tiers, your guests will think you spent a fortune on it!

  1. Do make your wedding stationery stand out

The invitation offers the first indication your guests receive about the character of the event.  While the skilfully engraved traditional invitation undoubtedly retains its timeless appeal, an intricate laser cut creation can be equally impressive.  When picking a stationery style and colour, remember that you have to carry it through for orders of service and table stationery.  Anything too outlandish may make it hard for guests to read the hymns or placecards.

  1. Don’t cut corners on photography

Apart from the marriage, the photographs are the only part of your wedding that will last a lifetime.   There are four basic styles of wedding photography and the best photographers can generally achieve a seamless mix of them all.  The traditional style is ideal for the posed family portraits, contemporary photography tends to be more informal and capture the spirit of the occasion.  Reportage is the fly-on-the-wall approach that captures the detail and flow of your day and the artistic approach, as the name suggests, aims to create the poster shots.    Even if you aren’t particularly traditional you should be cautious about too contemporary a style as you won’t want the photographs to look out of date in a few years.

  1. Do hire a professional to coordinate things on the day

Appoint someone as the coordinator on the day.  This could be a friend, or ideally, a professional.  Without a coordinator, you will spend the whole day worrying about the details yourself, which will significantly reduce your enjoyment.   They need to reconfirm all the details with suppliers, create a detailed running order and oversee the day.  Many wedding venues will offer you an event coordinator but remember that they won’t coordinate anything other than at the wedding venue itself.

  1. Don’t forget why you are doing this!

If you haven’t employed a wedding planner, there will be times during the planning process when you will wonder why you’re doing all this; it will inevitably get pretty stressful at times.  When the bills are flying in and you are worrying about all sorts of seemingly inconsequential details, remember that it will all be worth it in the end – and, after all, you will remember your wedding day forever!

www.snapdragonparties.com

It’s not just men! Unfaithful women close the infidelity gap

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  • Every 80 seconds a British woman joins AshleyMadison.com, the married dating site with 774,00 UK members and 18 million worldwide
  • 73.1% of unfaithful women feel neglected by their husbands
  • An affair makes it easier to stay in marriage say 57%
  • Better sex with husbands since having an affair for 32%

Infidelity has traditionally been male territory, but according to new statistics from Ashley Madison.com, women are currently signing up to UK site at a rate of one every 80 seconds.

The site’s founder, ‘King of Infidelity’ and ex-sports attorney Noel Biderman, says: ‘Given that a new AshleyMadison.com member of either sex joins the site every 45 seconds in Britian and that globally only a third of our members are women, this figure is far higher than we would expect. The only other country where we are seeing this pattern is Australia.’

In a new AshleyMadison.com survey of actively unfaithful women in Britain, 57% said that having an affair makes it easier for them to stay in their marriage and 32% reported better sex lives with their husbands since their affair.

Cheating women comparison . what a cheater looks like. Feeling neglected by their husbands and not having their emotional needs met was the most common motivation for women being unfaithful (73.1%).

‘This is no surprise,’ says Noel Biderman. ‘Many women lack attention and affection and it’s miserable to feel lonely within your own marriage. The reality is that many people can’t leave their partners for financial reasons and women in particular are usually reluctant to sacrifice their family life. So they are taking care of their needs outside marriage in the same way that men always have. They’re stepping into the male arena when it comes to infidelity.’

For 67.2%, an unfulfilled sex life was the reason for cheating. ‘Men typically reach their sexual peak in their 20s, for women it’s later, in their 30s or 40s when they feel more comfortable with their bodies. This discrepancy is one reason for the lack of sex that these women are feeling. Everyone wants to be desired, who can blame these women for looking elsewhere?’

64% of the women were educated to degree level with the majority working in admin (PAs and receptionists) or the health sector, including nurses.

 

Call Off The Search by Anna and Andrew Wallas Book Review

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ProductImage-7554068The Modern Day Wizard. Call Off The Search is part self-help book, part relationship confessional. Written by real life couple Anna (formerly Pasternak) and Andrew Wallas. Andrew is a spiritual psychotherapist and Anna is a renowned journalist.

First of all let me say that I enjoyed reading the book. I am not a big fan of self-help books, although there are a few that I think are good, but I do like to read about other people’s relationships. Although I am not single I found that some of the stuff Andrew said made sense in an I-should-have-thought-about-it-way. I do think that most self-help books are just common sense written down. Life gets busy and you forget what you should know. I like how the book has been written, they respond to each other and then their is a checklist at the end.

Anna is known for being controversial but must be given credit for being so honest and open. You do get the feeling that she likes pushing buttons and creating debate, but it takes courage to write down your thoughts honestly and truthfully. Most people would never do this, nor be able to deal with the criticism. Indeed, the book has been marketed as the ‘most controversial book of the year’. While I am not sure if it is the most controversial, it may be the most honest.

Anna says: “I truly believe that behind every hardened feminist there is a women who is looking to be loved and saved by a man”. To be honest, who does not want love? Anna and Andrew have been together since 2010, which is when I met my boyfriend. They do seem very much in love. If I were single I would find this book helpful, but even as someone who is in a relationship I still found it interesting. I am not keen on the yurt stuff and have never been a fan of ‘new age’ things. I don’t have to find myself because I know who I am (or where I am), but this book is enjoyable and a good read. With lovely snippets of knowledge along the way. The book says that you should be honest with your partner and feel your emotions instead of denying them. This is good advice. There is also a chapter on ‘core wounding’, finding out what affects you and makes you angry.

Anna Pasternak shocked the British public by exposing the Princess Diana and James Hewitt affair, and subsequently startled readers with her Daily Mail article entitled Sorry, But My Baby Bores Me. Now, along with her New Age therapist-husband, Andrew Wallas (aka. The Modern Day Wizard) she has written an explosive, game-changing account about their struggle to find true love and intimacy.

Anna hated her life as a single mother until her friends suggested that she meet spiritual psychotherapist Andrew. What followed was an intense spiritual awakening as Andrew uncovered her inner loneliness and showed her that she was going to find true love. That this true love was to be with Andrew himself, then married to his wife of twenty-five years, was a huge surprise to them both. They have now written about their relationship, confronting taboos such as sexual jealousy, revenge, hatred and power struggle, to convey their experiences from the front line of true love.

Call Off The Search is a brave examination of the nature of all modern relationships – the messy, bonkers and painful alongside the inspiring and enlightening – unlike any other self-help, spiritual or relationship book.

It is set to be one of the most controversial reads this year.

‘She’s prepared for the backlash, but with her 20-year search for true love now at an end, Anna Pasternak is ready to share her secret. “I truly believe that behind every hardened feminist there is a women who is looking to be loved and saved by a man”.’ Scotland on Sunday

‘I get emails from women who admire my honesty. Like when I wrote about motherhood. Of course I love my daughter. But that doesn’t mean I can’t acknowledge being at home with a new-born is boring. I got hate mail for that. One woman said I should have my child taken away. But I find it difficult not to speak the truth and that doesn’t always make me very popular.’ Daily Mail

‘I honestly didn’t think I was going to find an interesting and solvent man over 40, ever. Now I’m the poster girl for hope.’ Daily Telegraph

Buy Call Off the Search: The Modern Day Wizard here

Endearing Eccentricity or Annoying Habit: The best bits and worst bits about our other halves

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jennifer garner and ben affleck 

Wouldn’t it be nice if your partner was an ideal package with every bit about them just perfect? Nice yes, but it wouldn’t be much fun, because life isn’t perfect and sometimes it’s the quirks and idiosyncrasies that make us who we are. So eHarmony.co.uk has set about finding out what are couples’ niggling little habits and endearing special quirks by asking over 2000 married Brits to disclose the best and worst bits about living with their other half. Here’s what they say:

Results from men

Loves   Annoyances  
They put up with my moods 42% They take too long getting ready 28%
They are affectionate when we are alone and in public 21% They are a back seat driver 21%
They’re always interested in my day 17% They worry too much about money 16%

 

Results from women

Loves   Annoyances  
They make me laugh 38% They can never find anything 30%
They’re happy to do household chores 29% They are messy 20%
They listen to me when I rant 21% They control the TV remote 18%

 

So women take too long to get ready and men can never find anything, but women put up with their husband’s moods and men make women laugh. Men are messy and women are back seat drivers, men are happy to do household chores and women take interest in their partner’s day. And maybe men do control the TV remote and women do worry too much about money but hey, men listen to their ranting wives and women are just plain affectionate.

Relationship advice expert for eHarmony Jenni Trent Hughes comments on the survey and says:

“It is really interesting to see the difference between genders when it comes to the things they love and what annoys them about their partner. The little niggles tend to come out further into the relationship, however it’s when a couple is truly compatibly that they find a balance between the good and the bad habits. It is really important to communicate with one another when a niggle becomes more testing, to try and find a common ground and agree, this will help eliminate future arguments over the little things and leave more time for the things they love about one another .”

The Kitchen Baby | Book Review

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The Kitchen Baby is about the author delivering his fifth child on the kitchen floor of the family’s Kent farmhouse without medical assistance. It also tells the story of how the author became a father. Five times! Through infertility, going broke and all of the problems that holding a relationship together brings. It is a story of triumph over adversity.

The Kitchen Baby is a well written and thoughtful book. Men really do not have much of a voice when it comes to pregnancy and childbirth. True, they are not the ones that carry the baby for nine months and give birth, but they are still a large part of raising a child. That said, I do not think this book is just for men, women will enjoy it too.

More men should write books about pregnancy and fatherhood. It is an untapped market. Quite often men are just left to fend for themselves. Or course women are the ones that go through pregnancy and childbirth, but it takes both parents to raise a child. Men go through all of those sleepless nights too. No one should have to suffer on their own and fathers never get enough credit.

The Kitchen Baby is not just a book about the author delivering his fifth child in the kitchen of the family home, it is also about a man who didn’t want children becoming a father of five, even through fertility problems and the other obstacles that life throws.

The book flows very well and Kennedy is obviously a talented writer. He has a very natural and entertaining style. Angus does have a tendency to go off subject occasionally, but it does not harm the book and he is a good writer and the book works. It is entertaining and informative. I really enjoyed it and I recommend it for both sexes, whether they are parents or not.

The Kitchen Baby is available here.